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Building Up Your Wife - 5/8/2008 8:38:19 PM
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beauregarde
Posts: 391
Joined: 1/10/2006
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I struggle with the "building her up" in the verbal department. I am in touch with anger, frustration, disapointment - negative things.
What do you guys do to build her up? Singles men, feel free to comment on how you build up a girlfriend.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/9/2008 8:41:47 AM
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beauregarde
Posts: 391
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Been there - affirmation, gifts. It has been some time since I brought a gift (of any type or size). I struggle with words - they never seem to be there. I see love as a verb, an action, a steadfast unwavering commitment. I do not see it as a "state of being," - in love. This is the current area of challenge.
Appreciation is something that I can express much easier than love.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/9/2008 9:33:49 AM
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Konstantinos
Posts: 8138
Joined: 4/14/2005
From: Greece Thessaloniki
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im kinda like you too. i never know what to get for a gift to almost anyone. either ill know for sure and get it or i wont know and whatever comes to mind will seem really cheesy(for a girl). and i dont see something 'cheesy' as a show of love.. more like a show of lame. haha.
its the same with words. i personally dont like to have to try and come up with something to tell girls. if it comes fine. if it doesnt fine too. im just honest with them just like im with anyone. thats IMO a far better compliment when its honest and its not even intended to make the girl get over her insecurities but just simply what you believe.(i know i do this cause sometimes im not even trying to compliment someone but they start saying how sweet something was that i just said and i dont even notice haha)
and yes. a steadfast unwavering commitment. thats how i see it too.
to be honest i think your wife is insecure put simply. if she needs affirmation all the time then if it was my wife i'd be upset cause to me thats like not trusting that i love her.
idk, maybe im just lame and think that there are girls that can be secure?
_____________________________
I'm best friends with the boogie man.
I'm a beast.
I'm a HH.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/9/2008 1:33:20 PM
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rayofson
Posts: 8795
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Words don't always come easy for me either...especially not impromptu. What helps is to sit down in front of a keyboard and choose my words wisely, taking time to express myself well. Also it gives the opportunity to edit, something that not possible live and in person.
Sometimes I'll even write poetry.
Once it's finished, then I can either print it out and give it to her or in a card. Another thing I do is to email it. That may sound impersonal, but it gets delivered to her inbox and she can be reminded of me during the day. It's refreshing for her.
If you can't come up with anything, another idea is to quote song lyrics. I'll have a love song on my mind or will search for one on the internet...copy/paste. She swoons.
And don't forget the flowers. 
They don't even have to be expensive. quote:
Frequency is more important that size. Small frequent things work much better than a large thing done only a few times per year.
Go down to the local grocery and get an inexpensive small bouquet often instead of spending huge bucks for one really nice bouquet once a year. Surprise her. Give her flowers for no reason at random times.
< Message edited by rayofson -- 5/9/2008 1:39:42 PM >
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/9/2008 2:40:35 PM
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D3DO
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/6/2008
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Most guys don't feel they are gifted with words/communication- the problem is women LOVE them!
I try to say simple things and simple ovservations-
examples-
You look nice tonight
thanks for cleaning/doing dishes, the house looks great
thanks for workings so hard (work or home)
you are a great mom
-the the options are endless-
the key is not to assume they know you appreciate their work or assume they know you love them-
hanging out with your pals- you don't need Joe to say "your garage looks great" or "those wranglers really fit your shape"- you and joe both know that you love/care about each other w/o much being said- Women don't communicate that way- they need you saying positive things. It doesn't have to be rehearsed, just sincere (and frequent)
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/10/2008 10:21:41 AM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 213
Joined: 4/20/2005
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Hello beauregarde
Since you said that you are in touch with negative feelings, you need to get before the Lord and ask Him to purge the junk from your heart. Consider what David asked the Lord to do in the last verses of Psalm 139.
I've got nothing against single guys but they don't have a clue about building women up if they've never been married. One has to be in the firing line of a woman's moods and the intticasies of the feminine mind that no man has every understood.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/11/2008 8:58:12 AM
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wrenchman
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Philadelphia
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The best way I've learn to deal with my wife is to put her in God hands. The lord know what is better for her than we do we can read all the books in the world and never come close. but when you invole the lord watch out things do change.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/11/2008 6:25:44 PM
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Amped88
Posts: 36
Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rayofson
And don't forget the flowers.
They don't even have to be expensive. quote:
Frequency is more important that size. Small frequent things work much better than a large thing done only a few times per year.
Go down to the local grocery and get an inexpensive small bouquet often instead of spending huge bucks for one really nice bouquet once a year. Surprise her. Give her flowers for no reason at random times.
I often do the same thing. It really works!
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/13/2008 1:24:24 PM
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YZGUY
Posts: 125
Joined: 3/9/2008
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I've found that the best words given are often words of understanding. Listening to her, w/o interruption (In other words, not saying "Can't you wait to talk til commercial!), and repeating back what she said using your own words to show her that you were listening. This lets her know that she is important to you (even more important than TV!). This builds her up b/c it lets her know that she is important to you enough to pay close attention to her words, thoughts, & feelings.
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RE: Building Up Your Wife - 5/13/2008 1:41:26 PM
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notmycity
Posts: 1213
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: beauregarde
I struggle with the "building her up" in the verbal department. I am in touch with anger, frustration, disapointment - negative things.
What do you guys do to build her up? Singles men, feel free to comment on how you build up a girlfriend.
1 Cor 13:4-7
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
In addition to the above, showing genuine thanks and gratitude is always edifying.
_____________________________
<><Topher
"I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts." Psalm 119:63
and..
"For here have we no continuing city, but we seek one to come." Heb 13:14 = "notmycity"
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