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Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/18/2008 10:19:40 PM
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SkillfullGourmet
Posts: 81
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Hi Everyone,
I'm looking for Christian parenting books to read in order to start getting ready for this little one (I'm pregnant with #1 now). We won't be spanking, so don't use this thread to try and talk to me into it. I'm looking for resources that are already not spanking focused but teach good discipline techniques and parenting strategies for young children. Thanks!
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/18/2008 11:01:14 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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Oh, Honey! You have a tall order. I am far beyond the parenting years, well into my grandparenting years, so I haven't read a parenting book in aeons.
Talk you into spanking your children? Me? I don't think so! I quit spanking mine when my oldest was 5 and youngest was 2. Was I perfect parent? No! There are many things I wish I had done differently, but spanking isn't one of them. However, they both grew into beautiful, productive, hard-working adults who love and serve the L-rd with their families.
If you or anyone else finds such a book, I would like to know about it. There were no such books when I was parenting. However, my children were easy to rear. When my first grandchild came along, it was a different story. I was his caregiver while his parents worked, and I had to turn to some lovely and gracious people on an Internet forum, who helped me through some extremely rough days with my grandson. But that grandson graduated from high school this week, so that was also a long time ago.
At this point, you might do a search on the internet for help and advice, but I just tried it. Most of the information out there says that you must spank, that the reason for unruly children is parents who won't spank, that it goes against the Bible to not spank, etc. I would suggest you are doing an uphill walk! 
But if you wish, we can talk anytime you wish right here. I will support the conscientious, energetic, non-spanking parents who know that what they propose to do is very time-consuming and must be done with a total lack of selfishness.
Bless you as you seek information, but seek His face through your process first and foremost!
Non-spanking parenting is not for the faint-hearted!
< Message edited by Covaan_Meshuga -- 6/18/2008 11:08:21 PM >
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/18/2008 11:02:14 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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The Discipline Book by William and Martha Sears is non-spanking and deals with young children.
Most books, though, are not spanking focused. Even when an author believes in spanking, the book is not generally going to be about spanking. So you would be 'safe' to read most of them and simply take what you find helpful and leave what you don't. That is what we all do with what we read anyway.
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Matthew 18:1-6...anyone causes one of these little ones...to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/18/2008 11:55:42 PM
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crankius
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I like Parenting With Scripture by Kara Durbin. It's a "topical guide for teachable moments".
She has listed the scriptures under topics like anger, love, kindness, choices, etc., and she has helpful discussion questions and ways to apply the scriptures.
I've used it over and over again when in the heat of a parenting moment, or even as a daily devotional with the kids. While it isn't a "how you should parent" book, it definitely is a tool that will help you apply God's Word in your parenting.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/18/2008 11:59:03 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
Posts: 1614
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Definitely check out Dr. Kevin Lehman.
_____________________________
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 10:19:33 AM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1127
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"Grace Based Parenting" by Tim Kimmel is a good Christian perspective, but takes some thinking to apply it to babies/toddlers. I think it is very important as a focus and direction for a Christian family.
A very sensible but non-Christian book is "Parents in Charge" by Dana Chidekel. This one is worth reading early, because it helps shape a parenting process that works best when it is foundational, rather than applied after other things have been tried.
I always recommend these two books together, because as a pair, they cover all your bases extraordinarily well. (As always, some sections of the non-Christian one should be taken with a grain of salt.)
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 10:31:02 AM
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thorkraki
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I don't know about books about spanking, but we have three sons, 11, 14, and 17. They have never been spanked because it's just not done where we lived when they were growing up (mostly Copenhagen, Denmark). We used other discipline: time out, denial of permission to go to events, etc.
I pride myself in saying that my sons are very friendly, outgoing, but very respectful and polite young men. My wife and I are frequently complimented on their behavior! We taught them sort of old-fashioned politeness, addressing all adults as sir and ma'am and Mr. and Mrs. and Miss until given permission by that person to call them something else, and things like that.
Thor
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 12:01:08 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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quote:
ORIGINAL: thorkraki
...We taught them sort of old-fashioned politeness, addressing all adults as sir and ma'am and Mr. and Mrs. and Miss until given permission by that person to call them something else, and things like that.
Thor
Oh, bless you for allowing other adults to make the choice to be called by their own choice of names! I have had the unhappy experience of having the parents of children insist that I am to be called Mrs. ___, a name I allow no one to call me. I am a first-name-basis person, and I strongly dislike titles and last names. Bless you, bless you, bless you!
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 12:06:28 PM
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thorkraki
Posts: 100
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Everyone should be called by the name that they are comfortable with! I have an employee, an older gentleman who has worked for my wife's family for 60 years, whom I call Signore X, but the boys call him Zio X (uncle) because that's how he wants it!
I personally like for everyone to call me Thor, because I like the name (he was the Thunderer!), but I agree, children and everyone else should call a person by whatever they are most comfortable with.
Another thing about disciplining without spanking, or disciplining older children: just stop paying the bill on their cell phones! My sons very rarely need to be disciplined, but I have found that this is an excellent corrective!
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 1:40:10 PM
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PatricksPeaches
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From: Michigan
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I don't know of any books but if you happen to catch Super Nanny on TV, she has some good techniques! Time out works but not with all children. When they are older taking away privileges works. Doing chores is something they should be doing anyway so that shouldn't be used as punishment. Rewarding for good behavior needs to go along with punishment. If they only get attention for bad behavior they might act out more often just for the attention. I hope you find what you are looking for!! I am not much help, sorry!!
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*Robin*
I am not claiming to have all the answers but I'm holding on to the one who does!
-quoted from a song by 33Miles called Come With Me
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/19/2008 2:24:29 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3035
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PatricksPeaches
I am not much help, sorry!!
Not much help?!?!?!?! I disagree! You brought up the most important factor of discipline that exists:
quote:
ORIGINAL: PatricksPeaches
...Rewarding for good behavior....
This is the greatest disciplinary tool, and it is too often over looked.
_____________________________
Abiyah
Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/20/2008 11:25:26 AM
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Row1
Posts: 200
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super nanny: yes, watch her. you can buy the dvds - or maybe borrow thru netflix or something.
i have worked in child treatment centers. with kids who were behavior problems etc. ages potty-trained up to 17. we never spanked or hit any child. we achieved results through other 'parenting' strategies.
so, i and all other people who have been successful parenting/disciplining 'bad' kids in a treatment setting know that you don't need to hit or spank.
we had kids change their behavior to: speak respectfully; get their schoolwork done; address emotional issues; 'play well with others;' quit cursing; quit skipping school; quit fighting; focus longer; sit still in chair during class; don't interrupt; help clean up; etc.
of course, the 'head' of all of these treatment centers was always some kind of professional who gave everyone a 'label' like adhd, so we all acted as if we were 'treating adhd.'
these kids weren't 'cured' of 'adhd' etc.
they went home, and the parents and school usually saw the same problems emerge again. why? because it is not the kid who needs to change as much as it is the parents that need to change.
if a kid does have adhd, or whatever, meds might be appropriate. but top-notch parenting is also required. a pill won't make a kid speak respectfully, or follow through on homework or cleaning their room. you watching over them and accepting nothing less than a complete job, each and every time, will teach them those things.
also, when these kids were on 'meds', everyone thought the improvement was due to finding the right pill. but, alack and alas, the 'meds' always seemed to 'lose their effectiveness,' and so the parent and doc would go try another med.
for some reason, the parents did not listen when staff would say: have consistent rules, have high expecations, be a role model, spend quality time with the child, know what is going on in school, don't ever miss a chance to discipline, reward good behavior, be consistent, don't do drugs yourself, don't fight with your spouse, etc.
and the parents never came to us front-line staff and said: how do you make my kid obey you, when my kid won't obey me at home? can you tell me your secret?
that is why i like super nanny. she works with the kids just enough to model for the parents. her main effectiveness is getting the parents to parent differently through her coaching and education.
keep reading these recommended books, and other parenting books, and keep it in your mind that you can totally raise a child without ever having to hit or spank. you can if you want, and do it in the right way, but you don't have to.
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RE: Christian Parenting Books without Spanking - 6/20/2008 6:10:32 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2951
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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I had never seen Super Nanny until recently, but the shows I've seen have had some great advice.
It's also been my experience that most parenting books do not talk about spanking.
I thought Boundaries with Kids was a good book. I think reading Boundaries before reading it is also helpful.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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We would get in trouble if we did, because there is already a one stop thread on spanking and we aren't allowed to discuss it elsewhere (although since I don't have kids, I prefer not to discuss spanking on the boards at all). 
