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Comming out of homosexuality - 3/24/2008 11:47:05 AM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
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For many years I have struggled to come out of homosexuality. With the help of my associate pastor, my wife and several friends I have been able to defeat it. My hope is that men with the same problem will talk to me. Let me share with you what I have learned and how the Lord can and will help you as He has me.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 3/31/2008 8:33:40 PM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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I have noticed that a lot of men have seen this post, however no one has contacted me. Is it because of the fear of being found out? No one will know who you are if you talk to me. I am very serious about helping. I know that many men struggle with porn and don't know what to do to get out of it. Please let me help, at least talk to me and get it off your chest. I am here to just listen if that is all you need. Bill
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 4/1/2008 7:49:40 AM
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geed
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I would like help/advice for how to get out of homosexuality.
I had these feelings since I can remember.
I haven't really acted on it. But I am living with it every day.
I feel like I'm bound to it.
Do I have to have the feelings for the rest of my life, because I do
not want to act on it. I love God too much.
Please help.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 4/1/2008 7:47:41 PM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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geed,
No, you don't have to live with those feelings the rest of your life. I had the same feeling. There were times I would get angry with the Lord because He wouldn't take them away from me. What I had to do was ask the Lord to help me deal with those feelings.
Memorizing scripture helps. When you get those feelings and thoughts in your mind, change your thoughts. Think about the Lord, sing, read the Bible, talk to someone, get busy in other words. When we dwell on these feelings and thoughts, they become sin. As soon as we realize our thoughts are headed in that direction, think about something else. The sin against God begins when we dwell on those thougts and start fantasizing in those thoughts and feelings. When we begin to undress those men and think about sex with them that is when the sin in present. This is what Satan want's you to do. He knows he can't defeat you when your mind is on God. Look at James 4:7, "Submit yoursleves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." That word "resist" is an action word, it means resist, resist, resist, and continue to resist and eventually you will begin to see the victory over your thoughts and feelings. But remember these thoughts and feelings didn't start over-night, and you may not get rid of them over-night. Be patient with the Lord and He will help you. Please believe me, I had the very same feelings you do, and God delivered me, He will deliver you.
Bill
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 4/24/2008 11:07:28 PM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Here is something I heard on the Internet this morning from "Man In The Mirror" web site I go to every morning.
The topic was titled "Why Sex is so Dangerous!" Here is what I discovered.
In First Corinthians 6:12-20 it says, "Everything is permissible for me-but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me-but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 Food for the stomach and the stomach for food-but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "the two will become one flesh." 17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
I know that is a lot of scripture, but I think it makes the point all of us need despiritely to get in our think skulls. Our bodies do not belong to us, they belong to the Lord. We have no rite to use this body to satisfy our lust. Look again at verse 19, we are filled with the Holy Spirit upon salvation and everything we go through, we take Him with us. Think about that for awhile. That is sobering! Here is an acronime to help you with your struggle as I am allowing it to help me as well.
A Avoid temptation , keep yourself away from the things that tempt you the most. Don't put yourself in a position where you know you are weak. This will allow the Spirit within you to help you.
C Consider the consequenses of your sin! Sin is fun, if it were not, then no one would sin. But think ahead of yourself and remember how you feel after you have willingly sined against God. Misery loves company, and Satan would love to acompany you.
T Turn to Christ. Heb. 12:2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Men, we really must stand up and allow the Lord to continue to fight this war we are in. We cannot do it ourselves. If we could, we wouldn't need Jesus and everything He did for us was for nothing. Let the Lord help you as He has me. I know it isn't easy, but it is worth it!
I would really like to hear what you have to say. Thanks for reading this, and I hope someone will benefit from it.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 4/25/2008 9:34:16 AM
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redeemedsaint
Posts: 424
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Bill, I have come out of this as well and I have been involved here with Truth Ministry based in Spartanburg, SC for the past three years. Like you, I have had some Godly men involved with me in my journey which has been helpful. It hasn't been easy, but the road ahead is worth it. Thanks for having the courage to post.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 4/26/2008 12:34:07 AM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Redeemedsaint,
Thanks for the encouragment. I would like it if some men would talk to me. I need the relationships. I know the Internet isn't personal but It can still help to talk to someone even if you don't have that same issue, we can still relate.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/3/2008 5:46:59 AM
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StephenJ
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Well I've never been a homosexual but I think it's very brave what you're doing Bill. It's never easy to be that introspective, and I know that there's still plenty stand offishness in the Church about the LGBT community, even to people who have left the homosexual lifestyle. It's unacceptable in my opinion.
I was curious about Ex-gay ministries though. Were you involved with Exodus or Love in action or a similar group? If so what was your experience like? Some of the things I've heard about some Ex-gays groups seem rather cultish and to controling (for example denying people access to computers, phones etc.)
I've also heard about some really angry backlash from people who have come out of these ministries and say they're angrier and more messed up than before. The blog Ex-gay watch for instance.
Thanks in advance for answering.
God bless.
_____________________________
Rock on!
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/5/2008 8:06:22 PM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Hay Stephen,
No, I didn't go through any of the programs you were talking about. I read many books about comming out of homosexuality and they seemed to help. The real success was one on one with my associate pastor at my church. I had a lot of support from my staff.
The first thing you have to do is realize that homosexuality is rong in the eyes of the Lord. No one is born homosexual. We are that way because somewhere in our life we inatvertantly chose to be the way we are. A lot of men are homosexual because of someone having sex with them when they were yong or even raped by a male that they know. I was raped when I was about 13 years old. It was by a man living down the street from us. He invited my into his home when no one was there but him. If you want to know more I would be delited to tell you, now that it is in the past.
We need to know that we can change. The programs you spoke of can come off a little pushy but they do have the right ideas. We need a real close friend who will come along side of us and help us to get through the rough times, which I must say were very ruff for me. I lived the homosexual life style for over 30 years, and it was hard getting my mind to change. Only God can change a man into what he should be. No one can do it for him.
I have heard many groups say that they cannot change. Bologna!!
You and everyone can change only and I mean ONLY if you want to change. God will not change you if you don't want Him to. That goes with any sin in our lives. We change when we really want to, there is no other way. It must be by God's help and my His mercy.
Thanks for your note. I hope the Lord blesses you real good.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/7/2008 5:07:54 PM
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lostinthe50s
Posts: 4
Joined: 5/6/2008
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Bill, you are fortunate to have a pastor that's willing to help.... I'm not sure how involved he was in day-to-day things, but unfortunately I don't have anyone I can trust with my "other-side" at this point - I tried talking to my wife about it, and she just doesn't understand it - she's very black and white about things - see's no grey......not justifying, but I mean the struggle portion.....I've had periods of sobriety for up to 6 months, and then things happen (life you know) - I get frustrated when no one to talk to - and there ya go, off the wagon for a bit.....you get back to your senses and go on again..... Thanks for your post though - you're a blessed man to have such a support team.
Jim
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/9/2008 3:01:55 AM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Lost in The Fifties,
I know what you're saying first hand. There were many months I could go without having sex with a man. What I had to do was come to the conclusion that there wasn't going to be any help from anybody except the Lord. Yes, I had many people to help me get to where I am today however the real help came from the Lord. My friends weren't there when I wanted to sneak to one of the places where I know I would be around other people like me. You see that is on of the downfalls.
I had to realize , God wasn't going to help me untill I wanted to stop being and doing what I was. God will help us only when we are serious about the change we desperitly want.
You do believe that God loves us so much that He wouldn't want us to stay in that lifestyle. He wants us to be just like His Son, Jesus Christ. Remember that a Christian means "Christ Like. Jesus did not participate in homosexuality !
You have to ask yourself " Who do I love most, myself and my out of control sexual feelings', or do you love the Lord and your wife. Every time you engage in sexual activity, you are commiting adultry against the Lord and your wife. I know this may seem harsh but it is the truth!
Here is a scripture to help you understand what God belives in our type of sin. 1 Corinthians 5:9-11. When you read this remember that He is saying that all who practice these sins will not get to go to heaven. When a person is Saved, they become a new creation, the old things have passes away and all has become new!!!! Read 2nd Corinthians 5:17. Also read Ephesians 2:8-10. I believe they will help you.
I hope this has helped you some, keep in touch.
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/9/2008 9:57:06 PM
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StephenJ
Posts: 95
Joined: 12/3/2007
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Sure I'd be interested in hearing more about your story Bill, provided your comfortable with telling it. What books did you read that were helpful, I might want to read them one day.
But I was curious to hear your opinion about the Ex-ex gay movement that some people are apart of.
_____________________________
Rock on!
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/11/2008 12:13:39 AM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Hay Stephen,
Glad to hear from you again. One of the books that I read was written by Joe Dallas "Comming Out of Homosexuality." His personal story and advise was very helpful. I also get regular news letters from "Exodus" international. They do help people who want to get out of the lifestyle. There are some other books, I will have to go back to the church to get the titles for you. Probably Monday evening would be the fastes time.
I hope you didn't get the wrong idea that I thought the programs weren't good. I did read their material and thought it was quite good. James Dobson also has a book out I believe it is titles "Bringing Up Boys". I know he is very outspoken about the homosexual lifestyle.
As I said in the last posting, I was raped when I was about 12 years old. The man who did it was the father of two boys just a little younger then me. He lived about two houses from where I was living with my grandmother in West Virginia. This was a real hilbilly town.
The man called our house and wanted me to come over because he had something to show me. Because I knew him I had no reason to distrust him. I walked in the back door and he called me from upstairs. When I got there much to my suprise he was laying on the bed nude with only a section of the sheet covering himself. He then motioned for me to sit on the side of the bed, again naive of what was going to happen, I sat down on the bed. He proceded to take out a book, he showed the pictures of men and women having sex. It did stimulate me, but at the same time I wasn't ready for what was to come next. He preceded to fondel me, yes it felt good, however I was petrified and at the same time stimulated. We had sex and I ran as fast as I could when he was finished with me.
All of that happened fourty years ago and I can still see it in my mind. About six years ago an aunt of mine from West Virginia called my and told me that this same man had been hand-cuffed and led out of the elementary school where he was teaching. He was tried and convicted for 79 boys he had molested. One boy was his own son. I felt good about what had happened unfortunately. Knowing what I know now it had to forgive him for what he did to me.
The day he was taken to jail for his internment, he died of a heart attack. I felt cheeted then, but I realized that I am not God and only God will deternine his reward.
Men who do any thing to young boys have no idea what will hapen to them long tern. I know and want to help as many people as I can.
I hope this can help someone to understand men like me and what we went through because some man wanted to relieve himself on any one who was available at the time. Petefiles really need help badley. (Please excuse my spelling)
Hope to hear from you again. Please pray for all the men who have been to this forum. I am!
Until later, Bill
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/11/2008 4:48:39 PM
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StephenJ
Posts: 95
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline
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I'm sorry to hear that. It's a truly ugly thing that kind of abuse. I wish more people in the church saw people in the LGB community as people who are hurting, possibly victioms of awful abuse and not just the "other." People who have to be beaten in some partisan political crusade.
So what was your experience like coming out to your loved ones? Were you raised in a Christian family? How long were you living as a gay man?
_____________________________
Rock on!
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/12/2008 11:26:05 PM
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Bill521
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2008
From: Lawton, Oklahoma
Status: offline
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Stephen,
My comming out party was anything except good. When I told my father and mother, my father was shoked to say the least. My mother was a little more open to me. My father is retired Army, so you can guess his response. I felt belittled. My father just wanted to know why I didn't fight this guy that raped me. All I could say was that I just froze up. I was stunned and didn't know what to do. He didn't really except that answer. So you might say that we don't have much of a relationship. We never really have had one to speak of. His being gone so much while I was growing up didn't help. He spent 26 years in the Army, much of the time over seas.
As my being raised in chruch, no. My family consistes of two brothers and one sister. All are married and have their own families. None of them know about my experiences as a homosexual. I don't really feel the need to tell them at this time. My parents have made two professions of faith in the last ten years, but have not shown any proof of that decision. They don't go to church at all, and don't even want to talk about the Lord. Pray for them please, Bud and Betty.
I remember when I was just about ten years old when I really thought something was different about me. My teacher at the time, sent a note home saying that I only played with the girls at school. That added to the thoughts that I was different. Later as I grew up, the feeling were still there. My attention was more for girls than boys for some reason that I did not understand. When men say that they were born gay, the only think that because they can remember being that way very early in their lives. This is what happened to me. I truly believe that a man who has no real relationship with his father can turn out the was I did. The relationship with men is how a boy become a man and understands what it means to be one. I did not have that upbringing.
When I lived with my grandmother in West Virginia, the feelings really came out. Remember I said I was raped, there is where it happened. After it happened, I really felt betraid by my parents. I asked why weren't they there to protect me? I blamed them for what happened. So you see why I don't have much of a relationship with them. I have forgiven them since. I have to make sure I don't keep anything in my heart against them because of Jesus forgiving me, I have no right not to forgive them. Does that make sense to you?
So you see, I lived the gay life for over 40 years. I am now fifty-five years old. I have so much to tell people who are struggling, and I really have a heart to help. If only they would see how important it is to come to grips with the idea that they are not a hopeless case. If a man or a women want's to change, God will help them the way He helped me. The key is that you must want to before God can do anything.
I hope this have given you more to think about even with you own sins, we must WANT to give them up before He will help. We all have sined and come short of the glory of God. Let Him help.
I hope again to hear from you.
Bill
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/15/2008 6:22:17 PM
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lostinthe50s
Posts: 4
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Hi Bill - have you received any of the PM's I sent? Just wondering -
Thanks for telling your story
Jim
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RE: Comming out of homosexuality - 5/16/2008 2:33:58 AM
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StephenJ
Posts: 95
Joined: 12/3/2007
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Wow, I'm sorry to hear so much of that. Sounds like you've lived a tough life.
If you don't mind me asking what are your opinions on Gay adoptions, Don't ask don't tell, and Gay Marriage? I just today found out that my state (California) legalized gay marriage.
_____________________________
Rock on!
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