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Girlfriend part of "the guys"? - 9/25/2008 4:41:37 PM
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rachsquelch
Posts: 35
Joined: 8/9/2008
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This is probably a silly thing to ask about but here goes. Ok you have a gf who you love, and you both now live on the uni campus but in different parts of the building. You share a flat with your best guy friends. Would you want your gf to try to 'fit in' with your guy friend group, or be separate from the group so you can have manly guy friend time?
Only asking because we don't get to spend a lot of time together anymore since he's 2nd year and has a night job and I'm a first year. But when I'm at his flat, I feel like I'm intruding on his time with his guy friends and don't know if I should just stay away until he comes to see me, or become better friends with the guys so we can all hang out.
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RE: Girlfriend part of "the guys"? - 9/25/2008 4:59:08 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
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I think you should ask him which he'd prefer. To some guys, guy time is very important. To others guy tim eis insignificant compared to girl time. Only he can tell you what he wants.
(He is a Christian right?)
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Girlfriend part of "the guys"? - 9/25/2008 6:00:41 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1512
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rachsquelch
This is probably a silly thing to ask about but here goes. Ok you have a gf who you love, and you both now live on the uni campus but in different parts of the building. You share a flat with your best guy friends. Would you want your gf to try to 'fit in' with your guy friend group, or be separate from the group so you can have manly guy friend time?
Only asking because we don't get to spend a lot of time together anymore since he's 2nd year and has a night job and I'm a first year. But when I'm at his flat, I feel like I'm intruding on his time with his guy friends and don't know if I should just stay away until he comes to see me, or become better friends with the guys so we can all hang out.
I'll second John_O's reply, and even add to it. Let's say the roles are flipped. He wants to spend more time with you, and is considering becoming better friends with your best girls, so that when you come back from classes and get ready to work a night shift, you all can do the sister thing plus one. Pretty extreme there, I know. Either way, if all you are thinking about is more time with your significant other, what about the 'privacy' of everyone else on the flat, and how they would be more expected to behave?
That communication, and even more that willingness to spend LESS time with your Interest (on a mutual basis) and MORE time with general friends, is there anything to lose there? I've known folks that have done that through college. Now that is one telling way to learn about someone- if it isn't more time, more time! But an ongoing who am I, what am I learning about myself, how does my Interest continue to compare to all these other people? When the Interests do get together, isnt' that a lot more telling and special time? And a time for a lot more focused growth and learning about each other if there's fights, or disagreements, or just not all there 'should' be? Sometimes everyone tries to be so wonderful to each other all the time, though its just a mask the other doesn't see. Or it's always a great time, and happens so regularly that there's real heartbreak and loneliness all of a sudden if the routine is broken up.
Definitely talk to him, but not in the manner of I'll hop in this box and be there exclusively for you, and every time the box is opened. I'd coach it more like I've got more free time than you, and so when do you see us getting to do things together, and when should we not try to seek each other out?
OneJohn410
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For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Girlfriend part of "the guys"? - 9/25/2008 8:05:27 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
I think you should ask him which he'd prefer. /quote]
ditto
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