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Help with a bad marriage - 10/29/2008 4:13:44 PM
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alex2001
Posts: 1
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I got married when i was 16.Not by choice but because my parents and my husbands parents made us because we were living together.Neither of our parents were very good people.So needless to say they had no idea what they were doing making two sixteen year olds get married.I had no clue what i was doing either.I was hopelessly in love with my high school sweetheart who was very mentally abusive.He didn't want to marry me but our parents said if we didn't get married that we could no longer live together.So we were married.And i was a Christian so even though i was sixteen i meant every word that came out of my mouth when i said my vows.The abuse got allot worse after we got married cause my husband hated that he was forced to marry me.I had no self asteem and i bowed down to him like a dog.I hated myself because he hated me.I just wanted him to love me.I couldn't figure out why he hated me so much.when i was 18 i got pregnant.He didn't want me to be pregnant.He left me and i was alone for most of my pregnancy while he partied and did who knows what else.Then he came back when i was six months pregnant and forced me to have sex with him every night.I let it happen because i had nothing else.I thought i had to do it because he was my husband.It scarred me horribly.After i had my daughter i would cringe at the thought of him touching me.The abuse got even worse and he had nothing to do with our daughter.He wouldnt speak to me and only put me down more.Its still like that today.I'm 21,i have a three year old,and I'm still in this relationship because i dont know where to go.He loves our daughter now but he still says he doesnt know why but he cant love me.God is my only light in this darkness.some days i am so depressed i feel like i cant go on.I am so angry that my parents did this to me.Is it wrong to leave him?I was only sixteen and didn't know what i was getting into.But i know that god says not to divorce.I need advice.
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RE: Help with a bad marriage - 10/29/2008 4:38:48 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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((((((Alex))))))
I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, Alex. A good first step would be to go to a pastor (if you aren't in a church, look through the phone book and pick one - I prefer a Presbyterian PCA not PCUSA but there are other good churches out there) and call and ask to talk to the pastor. Find out if he'll counsel you, and if not, call another church. Get someone to give you wise counsel.
If your husband is being unfaithful to you then he has biblically destroyed his marriage and the blame and guilt are his. It sounds like he abandoned you - is he living with you now? I'm pretty sure rape in marriage is punishable by law; a pastor would know or you could call a lawyer (they often do consultations for free). If he ever hits you, call the police, and they can take you to a battered women's shelter with your child. If you are isolated where you are, start working on plans to get some help and counsel (any counselor will know of resources because there are hurting women in horrible marriages everywhere and these guys have lots of experience in helping them), and churches are often a good source of help. If one can't help, call another one.
You aren't alone, Alex. People are reading your post and caring about you and praying for you. Go find someone who can advise you face to face, too. I am grieving and praying for you. God bless you, dear one.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Help with a bad marriage - 10/29/2008 6:42:24 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1106
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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You need to find a safe place and get out. As soon as you can.
Every city and almost every town has a shelter for abused women. They are safe places where he can never terrorize you, treat you hatefully, threaten or rape you again. Call the national hotline and they will be able to tell you the address of a shelter near you: 1-800-799-7233.
He has broken his vows by choosing to be abusive. Men who choose to abuse their wives loose the right to live with their wives. This is right an Biblical - to separate from him while he is choosing to sin against you. You may or may not ever choose divorce, but now (right now!) you need to choose separation.
This is your choice, and you need to make it for yourself.
You also need to understand that none of the people in your history "made you" do anything. They chose to pressure you -- perhaps quite harshly, but you chose to give in to the pressure and follow the plan they were pushing. Tomorrow, it is your choice to put up with this some more, to mock the beauty that God intended for marriage and to fail in your covenant to protect your daughter from bad influences -- or you can choose to get out. Nobody makes you stay. Each day you either choose to stay or choose to go.
You've tried the "stay" option for a long time. It's time to get out.
God does not want his beloved children to live with abuse.
< Message edited by pbaribeault -- 10/29/2008 6:50:30 PM >
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