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How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 4:04:08 PM
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Itooamcalled
Posts: 16
Joined: 5/11/2008
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OK. I should be able to take care of this after all, people come to me for advice all the time and I always know what to do. God is so good at giving me direction for others but this time.............not so.
I need to explain to my husband and I need him to understand that I am lonely. I need conversation, and romance, and fun. What he thinks is fun (camping, hunting, fishing, rock climbing and all out door activities), I can't stand. I would like to talk, snuggle, hold hands, and just be together doing things that don't at track bugs. I know this sounds like I'm a "miss priss" but I'm not. We have been married for 26 years and I have don't my fair share of all that.
A year ago, my husband went through a very difficult time in his life and every since, life is about HIM and no one else. I miss "OUR" times like in the past.
Anyone have any suggestions for me?
Help me please........I feel as if I am married to someone I don't know and he doesn't want to know me.
< Message edited by Itooamcalled -- 6/13/2008 4:10:10 PM >
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 4:12:20 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 196
Joined: 5/29/2008
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How about making a day for him where its all about him and then another day where its all about you. Trade off! On his day you do (without complaining) all the things he wants to do. And on your day, help him to put all the focus on doing what you want to do since its your turn.
Kind of a "King for a Day" and Queen for a Day"
Try it once a month. Each month you and he both get a day devoted to things you and he like. Make sure you plan yours out and do everything you want to do. Make him romance you again like when you were first dating. and help him to understand that your day is all about YOU! And that he needs to learn to enjoy it.
Blessings!
_____________________________
Allison's World My Blog
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 9:44:32 PM
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futuremartyr
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/4/2008
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Plan date nights. Guys will go out on a date, but prefer the woman to plan it. They aren't detail oriented. Camping can be romantic. Plan a romantic picnic with a sleep over.
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http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 10:03:34 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1843
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If it were me, I'd just talk with my spouse and explain my needs. Can you?
Tell him what you are needing, missing, and ways in which the two of you can fix it. Give him specific, concrete ideas that will please you.
Hope it helps and that he understands and is willing. 
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 11:27:20 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1026
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: online
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Just plan something. Something good, and tell him what it is. After, tell him how much you appreciate those specific things and you are so happy to have a husband that doesn't mind doing silly things to make his wife happy. Ending with intimacy is not a bad plan. Tell him (with a smile) that you will plan another one soon, even if it makes him miserable, and that you expect his full co-operation not less than once every 3 months - can he handle that?
He doesn't have to understand. As long as one of you knows what you need and why, you'll do just fine.
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/13/2008 11:52:39 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 787
Joined: 11/28/2005
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I think it'd be good to make a copy of your post and give it to him... then sit down and plan an evening of romance.
Or maybe combining something he likes to do with something romantic(that you like)
such as going hiking but ending up by the lake for a romantic picnic (bring along the necessities for a romantic setting.)
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RE: How do I make him understand? - 6/14/2008 3:40:40 PM
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4IMPersuaded
Posts: 422
Joined: 11/17/2007
From: Florence, KY
Status: offline
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Bless your heart... We do get conditioned to behaviors over time. Once you get used to something in a relationship, it is difficult to change it-- like worrying about dh's feelings, etc all the time.
Your best bet is to sit him down and explain your feelings in terms that do not blame him. Use the "I" statements that include how you feel-- and think of examples in the past when he has made you feel special and loved. Once already today I have recommended the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman-- a very good book that allows couples to understand how each partner expresses and receives love. It was epiphanal to me.
You should not resign yourself to a lonely marriage. This is not what God intended for you. It is not healthy for dh to be the center of your collective universe and it is not in your best interest, either. You cannot, however, expect him to change his behavior by guessing what you are feeling. That never works.
Peace.
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