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How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 12:51:01 PM
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stampinlady
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From: Northern IL
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Help, I have a 14 yr. old who was asked to the Homecoming dance and I'm not ready for this yet!!!!!!!!!
I'm exceited for her and at the same time I'm flipping out.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 1:13:02 PM
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manda59
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I don't even know what it is, so I can't answer! lol
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 1:16:21 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
I don't even know what it is, so I can't answer! lol
Homecoming is a traditional time when alumni of a school come back to visit with each other and see their old school. Most will stay and watch the American Football game held. There's also a lot of school spirit activities with the different grades competing against each other in various events.
The end of the week is a dance for Secondary Schools (Universities just have a lot of parties), but at High School there's a big dance with a Homecoming King and Queen who were voted on by the school.
My first year at University was a memorable homecoming. Not only was the homecoming football game held, but the Atlanta Braves (baseball) won the World Series that exact night. I went to bed around 4 or 5am, but still made it to church by 10am! A very heady time for an 18 year old who was not given much freedom at home.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 1:26:53 PM
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manda59
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Thanks for explaining! We don't really have anything like that here in the UK, only a Leaver's Ball (which is I think like your Prom)
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 1:33:13 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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Homecoming is basically a fall Prom, Manda. Same dresses, same plan, etc.
Personally I wouldn't let a 14 yo date, and that's a date, but as to how to handle it...well, what can you do? Set a curfew, I guess. It isn't like you can go with them or put a GPS ankle bracelet on the girl, lol. I might be inclined to see if the kids are locked in or if they are allowed to leave shortly after arriving.
Here, where I grew up, it's a very Mormon area, and NO Mormon girls are allowed to date until they are 16. So once when a 15 yo girl was elected as homecoming Queen her dad took her to the dance. It was very sweet, even in the eyes of us worldly teenagers.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 3:30:47 PM
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kohls356
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At our high school they have two homecomings. On Friday night it is for freshman and sophomore, Saturday is for juniors and seniors. The main reason is there are just too many kids to have it on one night for everyone. I like it because there aren't freshman with seniors.
I think it is easier when they are younger. Most of the kids in our school just go as a group and don't have dates. They say they have more doing it that way. The kids that age aren't usually driving yet so the parents take and pick up. Our homecoming is from 7-10 so they aren't out late.
There are plenty of chaperones and they watch them pretty closely on the kind of dancing they do.
I have always had fun with my daughters at this time, shopping for the dress and shoes, taking pictures. It hasn't been a problem for us.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 3:49:55 PM
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cynthia
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My fourteen year old daughter was asked to Homecoming also. Dh and I said no based on several factors. One is that we do not allow her to date. We would probably let her go with an approved date at sixteen, but not at fourteen. The boy that asked our daughter would not be an approved date anyway, but since she cannot date yet, that was really not a factor in our initial answer of no.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 4:14:30 PM
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10SNE1?
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WARNING: TOE-STEPPIN' AHEAD! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!! 
Ok, wisdom from a mother of four...youngest is now a high school senior. Please do NOT make this something it is not!
None of our four kids were allowed to "date" before age 16, however, all four of them attended the Homecoming Dance as freshman and sophomores: sometime with "dates" and sometime not.
At age 14, I assume, your daughter is not going with a boy who is old enough to drive so here is what this can ( and imo should) look like:
Boy's parents drive him over to your house. Mom ( maybe dad but is always mom  ) comes in and both moms proceed to take a bzillion pictures while saying over and over...just yesterday they were starting Kindergarten. 
There is the sweet/funny fumbling with the flowers until the dads/moms step in the help.
One set of parents drive the couple to the dance ( or to dinner if that is the way it is down there), they probably spend more of the time either a) in a awkward silence or b) pretty much ignore each other and talk to their friends ( esp. girls)
The other set of parents pick them up and drive them home.
Come Sunday morning they are still 14 and they are still not allowed to "date"
However, they have just experience their first major social event of high school and have made a memory.
There are only four Homecoming Dances in a high school career. It is a special occasion and special rules can apply without any harm. My kids might have had an 8 o'clock bedtime when they were 10 but they didn't have to leave their cousin's wedding reception at 7:00 to go home and get in bed. It was a Special Occasion.
I would use this as a great time to talk to my daughter about boys...why does she want to go with this boy? Is he a nice boy? And certainly afterward: Was he a gentleman? Did he treat your well? If you could do it over again, would you go with him? Why or Why not?
Relationships over rules folks, from this side of the parenting-teens years I'd have to say that is pretty much the answer to all the big questions.
Talk to your daughter about your standards, expectations, values ( and I'm pretty sure you have been doing that already) but please don't deny her a slice of harmless fun that is just a part of being a high school kid in America!
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 4:18:49 PM
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cynthia
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With my daughter, the boy who asked her is sixteen.
My daughter doesn't go to school, so there isn't that school culture and all the excitement about "the dance" coming up. My daughter has been to a dance put on by our homeschool group, but I don't think anyone took a date. It was a barn dance put on as a youth event. The kids loved it. My daughter is thinking about helping to plan another dance.
I do consider Homecoming, Prom, etc. to be a date no matter who is driving, unless the girls go with their girlfriends, rather than with a date.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 4:27:37 PM
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10SNE1?
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
With my daughter, the boy who asked her is sixteen.
My daughter doesn't go to school, so there isn't that school culture and all the excitement about "the dance" coming up. My daughter has been to a dance put on by our homeschool group, but I don't think anyone took a date. It was a barn dance put on as a youth event. The kids loved it. My daughter is thinking about helping to plan another dance.
I do consider Homecoming, Prom, etc. to be a date no matter who is driving, unless the girls go with their girlfriends, rather than with a date.
My kids went to public schools but there are many private schools in the area plus we go to church in the neighboring school district. On a couple occasions, my "too young to date" kids were asked to attend a school dance at another school and we did say no.
Like you said, it wasn't their school culture and they would not be missing anything by not going.
Plus, we always had a "one year rule" at our house. You were not allowed to date anyone more than a school grade older or younger than you while you were in high school. So just the age difference there would have made it a no-no.
In this case, I would have done just as you did 
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/24/2008 6:35:08 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7995
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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I also agree that it doesn't have to be a date. If one of my children was in school and wanted to go to Homecoming or Prom, when a freshman or sophmore, I would allow them to go with a group of friends, just not on a date with a particular person. I expect this will not be the last time one of my daughters is asked to attend a dance with a young man who attends school and think it would be nice for them to be able to attend with a nice young man, once they are sixteen.
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My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: How do you handle Homecoming at 14???? - 9/26/2008 3:07:49 PM
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Rayoh
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Homecoming isn't typical at my kids school. First of all the school they go to is a small rural school. It goes from prek-12th all in the same building. However on one side is elementary. On the other side is 7th-12th grade.
Our school doesn't have a football team because there isn't enough kids to make up a team. Our homecoming is during basketball. The only people that dress up for that are the girls that are selected for the homecoming queen/court. They have a dance but it's not a big deal like what you think of for homecoming. It's right after the game and all the kids 7th-12th are allowed to go. It's right there at the school in a smaller activity room other than the gym. They go as they were at the game. That means face paint and all from cheering on the team. LOL They don't do pictures or any of that stuff. Only time we have anything formal at our school is the Junior and Senior prom.
Anyway the mixing of the ages has never presented any problem. They tend to stick with their age group and friends. I'd say the older kids that have a boyfriend/girlfriend naturally go with them. For the most part it's just a big fun thing after the game for all of them and they just like hanging out with each other.
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