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How long after meeting someone do you "go steady?&... - 4/1/2008 7:21:37 AM
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scottiezsister
Posts: 51
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Okay, you met the person, you like the person, you go out several times...how long do you wait to "go steady) I can't think of a modern term. You don't want to come off needy or possessive, but how long do you date before you ask for a title (without appearing crazy). A month? Two months? Three months?
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/1/2008 7:57:51 AM
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Osano
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It will depend on whether the feeling is mutual in degree. Since each relationship or individual is unique, I would seek God's guidance on this. He will let you know the timing. God will answer in his time and blessings on your relationships regardless on the outcome:)
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/1/2008 9:52:53 AM
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preserved
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This is a question that you are going to have to seek God'w guidance on..There is no precise answer because each person is different. To determine going steady would mean do the two of you share common grounds...are you both seeking the same...are you both willing and ready for committment...Seek God on this and allow Him to lead you and guide the relationship...
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/1/2008 10:49:49 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
but how long do you date before you ask for a title
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......... you wait for him to ask you.
In my experience.... it works best NOT to be aggressive but to let him pursue you.
..... hard lesson learned! :o(
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/2/2008 12:35:08 PM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
Okay, you met the person, you like the person, you go out several times...how long do you wait to "go steady) I can't think of a modern term. You don't want to come off needy or possessive, but how long do you date before you ask for a title (without appearing crazy). A month? Two months? Three months?
I'd like to throw a bigger question in here: the Bible talks about single people and married people and briefly mentions a few people who go from single to married (but gives no instructions), so how does God want us to conduct ourselves with other singles who are potential mates? Dating isn't mentioned in Scripture because it's a phenomena only of the last century, and so "going steady" isn't there, either.
The Hebrew example that has centuries of use was the kid was sent to Hebrew school (are you singing the song from "Fiddler on the Roof," too?  ) at 3, at 10 they learned a trade. When the young person was educated and capable of earning a living as an adult then a suitable match was found for marriage. So first you have an education, then a career, and then you found a mate.
American dating is often great preparation for divorce (give your heart away, get it broken, repeat) and our culture encourages temptation to become sexually intimate before marriage, violating Scripture that says to guard your heart and don't fornicate (sex before marriage). It even says "it's not good for a man to touch a woman" to avoid sexual temptation. (1 Cor. 7:1,2) If this is important to God, then shouldn't it be important to us as people serious about their walk with God?
I'd like to encourage you to keep the opposite sex at arm's distance, get on with your preparation for life (education or training, whatever you're doing), and keep your socializing in mixed groups so you can have fun without pressure to pair off before you're ready to marry. Then when you're prepared to face life, be looking and praying for the right person to marry (or hunt down the one you already had your eye on). When you find them and you're both ready, make it a quick engagement and marry the love of your life in honor and great joy! Yay!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/6/2008 10:58:38 AM
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fist.sensei
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
So first you have an education, then a career, and then you found a mate.
That is an awfully close-minded approach.
While I agree with getting oneself together mentally before looking for love... that has little to do with your education or career.
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/6/2008 2:35:05 PM
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Godsone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fist.sensei
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
So first you have an education, then a career, and then you found a mate.
That is an awfully close-minded approach.
While I agree with getting oneself together mentally before looking for love... that has little to do with your education or career.
I agree that a person should get themselves together mentally and at least be stable emotionally and spiritually. Concerning education and careers, I think a person should at the least have goals set and working steadfast towards those goals. I don't think they necessarily have to have graduated or anything.
I also agree with AlwaysR8chelquote:
......... you wait for him to ask you.
I pray the Lord's will is done in your life. 
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/6/2008 3:11:22 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1678
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fist.sensei
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
So first you have an education, then a career, and then you found a mate.
That is an awfully close-minded approach.
While I agree with getting oneself together mentally before looking for love... that has little to do with your education or career.
I was talking about Jewish culture that worked for centuries if not millennia.
How many people have I seen (lots, as I'm a former teacher) fall in love, get married, have rent and medical bills to pay (babies cost in the thousands and you need good insurance from a well-paying job) and suddenly they discover they've painted themselves into a corner? They'll have to work twice as hard to pull themselves out of it, and it may take 20-30 years. If a person is trying to go to school while holding down a job because they are married and don't have roommates, all the bills fall on one or two people while the homework doesn't get any easier. Grades fall, money is impossibly tight, they have to live at some cheap place that isn't particularly safe or nice looking, and they can't keep their marriage fresh because they're both horribly busy and might not hardly see each other. No money for dates or nice things.
Marriage + minimum wage job + unfinished education usually = years of hardship and often poverty.
I'm an older person and have seen this many times; I'm not trying to club you into my way of thinking, but give advice so that some might escape this. My feelings won't be hurt if you don't listen, and I'm not saying that in a mean way. I just want to help.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/7/2008 12:55:03 PM
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jaimestarcross
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scottiezsister: go steady when both of you are ready for such a commitment.
deermousie: reminded me of something important when mentioning the Hebrew culture --- I've seen far too many people my age and younger marry while working a minimum wage job - live in a run down place and end up going their separate ways ... usually after the girl is pregnant.
My mom drilled into us the importance of being able to support yourself before getting married and she always encouraged us to continue learning and have more than one job skill.
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/7/2008 5:58:32 PM
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Osano
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I have always been the old fashion type. I agree personally, in the long run I want someone that pursues me like God pursues me. I guess I find a man more attractive when he's courageous.
Waiting for the man to ask has saved me from the wrong kind of man for me. Let's face it women that are more agressive get the guys. I'm always curious to find out if they are really satisfied with the relationship. Maybe that is a good thread to start.
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/7/2008 6:56:01 PM
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preserved
Posts: 923
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Osano
I have always been the old fashion type. I agree personally, in the long run I want someone that pursues me like God pursues me. I guess I find a man more attractive when he's courageous.
Waiting for the man to ask has saved me from the wrong kind of man for me. Let's face it women that are more agressive get the guys. I'm always curious to find out if they are really satisfied with the relationship. Maybe that is a good thread to start.
I know quite a few females that chased their man. I noticed that not many are really happy...Sad note...most of the females that I am referring to are in church...their husbands are not!!
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 4/8/2008 6:30:24 AM
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ael84
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While I do agree with you for the most part, I don't think that everyone would completely follow these guidelines because it won't work for everyone. You say finish school-- does this include grad school? Some people aren't completely done with grad school until their late 20's or even early 30's. Suppose they meet someone during that time? Are they supposed to have a 5 years+ relationship before they can get married? Or suppose you have a 22 year old who meets someone still as an undergraduate, falls in love and the couple want to get married before they are done with school? Unfortunately, life doesn't always work along with the clock of "education, career, marriage". You say that it's worked for Jewish culture for thousands of years, but that's when an "education" involved apprenticeship with a trade that took a few months or even over a year. So there was at most, maybe just a 2 year span between their education and getting married. Most people today start college at 18 and on average, finish when they are 22 or 23. Some people don't finish until later.
My old bf's parents got married when they were 19 and 20, and his dad actually quit college to pursue owning his own business. Neither one of them "painted" themselves into a corner because they had a plan. A good friend of mine who married years ago was still in college when she wed, and her husband didn't finish his certification until months after they were married. I could continue naming all the people I've met or known who got married before having a finalized degree or career and they aren't painted in a corner. It's all about having plans, discussing "what if?" situations, delegating roles/tasks, and working towards your goals together. A lot of the people you've seen or met I'm sure didn't have plans, or if they did, had scrapped them and didn't adjust properly. Regardless if you're single or married, you should always have plan A, B, and even C.
Sorry to come down on you like this, but I've grown up a bit from the view that careers should come first before marriage. I've known a lot of people who would never have the careers they do without the support of their spouses, or even their degrees and finishing college.
Getting back to the OP: "going steady" or having a serious relationship isn't something that you really place a timeframe on. It has to do more so with the attitudes and the seriousness of the two people involved. If you're both seeing each other because you really like each other and view relationships within the realm of wanting to get married, then sit down and have a talk about your expectations. Once those have been let out into the open and become clear, then you can make a good decision regarding whether or not a serious romantic relationship is a good thing to pursue.
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RE: How long after meeting someone do you "go stea... - 7/6/2008 5:45:30 PM
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coinpurse
Posts: 97
Joined: 5/10/2008
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Deermousie, I agree...
When I think "education" I used to think BA/BS or anything higher...Ive since met many who make a great living with a certificate of some sort...(better than I do with that expensive 4 year private education) I believe in being marketable out there...you need a trade...you have to go to school and come out with the paper that proves a skill (you'll need to show it to somebody)...education is also ongoing...gotta touch up the skills.
If you want a title to feel secure, not sure you are ready to commit...if you are thinking that asking for a tilte might seem needy, not sure you you are ready to commit...
If you make minimum wage, youll need 2-3 jobs and so will your wife...
Then again, I live in Los Angeles...city life is not cheap!
quote:
Marriage + minimum wage job + unfinished education usually = years of hardship and often poverty.
I'm an older person and have seen this many times; I'm not trying to club you into my way of thinking, but give advice so that some might escape this. My feelings won't be hurt if you don't listen, and I'm not saying that in a mean way. I just want to help.
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