quote:

ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
Your friend's brother is making a choice. You not his family can choose a sober life for him. You can't make him quit using drugs. You can allow him to suffer the consequences of his choices.

quote:

ORIGINAL: solomonsprayer

I have a question about a situation that my friend is in. He attends church, but is not actively living a Christian life and may not be saved (I believe he attends church more for social reasons than religious). I mention this part as a preface, because it may limit the spiritual types of counsel and help that he can give to his brother (who is a drug user), in addition to his own perspective on the situation.

The basic situation at hand is that my friend's younger brother (late 20's) is a heavy drug user, who is in complete denial (even after being caught). After family discussions on how to help the drug-using younger brother, my friend and his parents are frustrated that the younger brother has not admitted to the problem and is seemingly not willing to get help. The younger brother lives with the parents, has no job, borrows money to live and buy drugs, and stays in his room close to 24 hours a day (only leaves to eat food). This person is a marijuana user, who appears to have severe long-term user side-effects like premature aging, loss of mental acuity, disorientation, and possible schizophrenia.

In seeking my advice and help with the situation, my friend asked whether he should turn his younger brother into the police, in order to force him to go through rehabilitation? His reasoning is that the brother will not cooperate with the family in seeking treatment on his own, so they feel the only possible solution might be to turn him into the authorities, even if it means possible jail time or a criminal record, in order to get him to detox his mind and body. It has apparently gotten to the point where the brother no longer speaks intelligibly and will often make things up that are offensive and/or odd. His mind is seemingly no longer functioning properly.

I am, unfortunately, not a counselor or expert in any way on these matters and simply wanted to offer whatever sound advice I could to a hurting friend and family. I am curious as to how others might handle this situation? Would you turn in your own sibling to authorities to get them to stop using drugs? Are there other options and approaches?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Angie_K

I'm responding to encourage hope. I think every situation is different but drug users are all the same regardless of whether they know it or not. They are using to cover their pain.

I'm a mother of a recovering drug addict. He was 14 when my ex ~ his own dad ~ introduced him to meth. He left my home when he was 15. I refused to enable his drug use or put up with his antics ~ that were very much like your friends brother. I did not kick him out. I'd say that if he was in his twenties though, I might have consider that as an option. It just wasn't for me. Like I said - every situation is different.

I didn't hear from him for 6 years after that. But I prayed. I prayed everyday for my boy. Finally he was arrested and sent to jail then to rehab. He spent the next few years going in and out of either jail or rehab or both. It was a revolving door. He was not living in my home. I told him that if he wanted to live in my home then he had to be clean. No drugs, no drinking. (and by this time, he was 21 years old ~ not a child)

I have to agree with CD, they have to desire the change for themselves. They have to want it more than they want the drugs. They don't admit they have a problem because they don't think they have a problem. They won't stop until they hit bottom. They have to hit bottom. I prayed that God would cause him to hit bottom. I knew that was the only thing that would save him.

My son finally did hit bottom and it was a day that I will never forget. He called me about four in the afternoon. He was high, having severe chest pains, lost in the woods and his cell phone battery was almost dead. He got to the place ~ literally ~ where no one could help him.

I think the situation scared him sober - if you can understand that. He had to turn off his phone to preserve the battery while trying to find a road or some form of civilization so that I could pick him up. I knew that one of his drug friends lived out in the woods so I headed to that area. I drove around looking for him but I knew it was a lost cause.

I simply began to pray out of desperation more than anything else. About an hour later he called and said he was on a church step with no idea how he got there. He couldn't even read the name of the church but I thought I knew the closest one.

I went there and there he was laying on the steps of the small church in the middle of nowhere. He had practically drugged himself to death. He was skin and bones and I mean literally. I took him back to my house where he slept for four days. When he woke up ~ he was done ~ finally.

My prayers had been answered.

He's been clean since that day - two years ago. It hasn't been an easy road, but I never gave up hope. All I had was hope. Hope that God would grant him and his family mercy.

It sounds to me like the brother or the family of the drug user should first stop enabling his drug use. I never NEVER gave my son money. And someone needs to take control of the household. Don't let him sleep all day. Don't let him shut himself up it the room. Simply ignoring the problem won't make it go away. Tell them not to give up hope because it will get worse before it gets better. Especially if they start taking away his liberties for using and his control.

I was a single mom with two other small children in the house ~ I'm 5'2" and weighed @100 lbs and I had to stand up to my son, who was over 6', many many times ~ even though I was very afraid of him. I still stood up to him. You cannot let them have control or let them do whatever they want. But you still have to love them.

My son still remembers how tough I was on him but he says that he always knew that I loved him. I did. The drugs changed him into someone I didn't recognize but he was still my son.

Today AA and NA have programs that not only help the abuser but the families as well.

May God's mercy and grace be with this family. It is a long hard road to recovery ~ but it's do-able ~ it really is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: deliveredarling

Yes, I would and I did. However, it did not help him. Your friend's brother is making a choice. You not his family can choose a sober life for him. You can't make him quit using drugs. You can allow him to suffere the consequences of his choices.

Do not give him money. If he needs money, he can get a job.

If he wants to eat, let him fix it himself, do not serve. Slothfulness is a sin.
Gluttony is too, for that matter. If he's smoking pot, well, that goes hand in hand....

Your friends family would greatly benefit from attending al-anon meetings.

Question about the side effects that you mentioned. Is he high when you've seen these effects? How old is this person. I have never seen a marijuana user who had side effects like the ones you have mentioned, unless they were higher than a kite.

I'm not saying it can't happen, but surely you must be talking about a long term abuser. Long term meaning 10 or more years.

If it's a teen, marijuana is usually a gateway drug. It leads to harder core drugs because the high gets boring and they want more excitement. Watch him closely, what you have described is more than an experimental phase. If he is a minor, the parents can put him in treatment without his consent.

The key thing is, he has to have the desire to be sober. If he doesn't have that, it's all a waste of time and a whole lot of money. Treatment isn't cheap.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Angie_K

I'm responding to encourage hope. I think every situation is different but drug users are all the same regardless of whether they know it or not. They are using to cover their pain.

I'm a mother of a recovering drug addict. He was 14 when my ex ~ his own dad ~ introduced him to meth. He left my home when he was 15. I refused to enable his drug use or put up with his antics ~ that were very much like your friends brother. I did not kick him out. I'd say that if he was in his twenties though, I might have consider that as an option. It just wasn't for me. Like I ..............................................