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How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/28/2008 4:10:58 PM
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all4aremine
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Let me give you the scenario so that you understand our thinking. We have our 5 year old son, 9 year old son and 10 year old daughter in Tae Kwon Do to teach them discipline towards other people (ie yes sir, no ma'am things). My 10 year old daughter was doing her sparring which led to a little to hard hitting. The master got onto her. She said Yes sir or No sir but didn't say it loud enough to him so he continued to berate her in front of the whole crowd several times to the point that she was in tears. Now mind you she is 10 and is learning to be a teenager with a somewhat attitude. Don't get me wrong we have corrected her for her attitude and do not accept it at home, but this man continue to yell at her in front of everyone and finally decided to fail her in her testing.
Now my husband is talking about making her re-do the class for the next 8 weeks to learn her form, but is very upset with this man for the way he talked to our daughter. Would you say something to this man or just try to teach your child to deal with this kind of thing?
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/28/2008 4:14:26 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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Our Sensei would never do such a thing. I think I would pay attention and see if this is a pattern of behavior, and if so, find another dojo.
As far as what to tell your daughter, I would help her draw a clear line between anything she could have done differently, and the understanding that his behavior was not her fault.
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/28/2008 4:55:23 PM
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pbaribeault
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If this is the usual method of 'discipline' in that environment, I'm not someone who would continue sending a girl there who clearly does not respond well to it. Surely you can teach her to say sir & ma'am, if that's the part that's important to you. Children are different, and what is positive for one can be character-twisting for another.
I wouldn't say that drill-seargent-ish-ness is either appropriate or inappropriate. If you want it, keep up with the activity. (It is what many parents do want, and it does do something for some kids.) But if you find it over the top for your daughter's temperament, then that's the deciding factor.
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/28/2008 11:39:37 PM
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buckifn
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10 is a longggggg ways from being a teenager and I would think most 10 yr. old girls would prob. cry if berated for a long period of time, esp. in front of their peers.
I don't understand why you would think she needs to have Tae Kwon Do to "teach her things like yes sir, no sir, etc" Is there a reason why you as parent's cannot teach your child basic good manners? Those things were taught in my home daily.
I think it may be helpful to help your daughter see Tae Kwon Do as a sport, extra hobby, and not a form of basic "discipline" It should also be voluntary and not forced imo.
As in many sports, sometimes the coach is going to talk to your child roughly. You and your spouse will have to weigh the pros and cons of that to know what level is acceptable and what isn't. If you have ever read anything about Bobby Knight and his days as a coach in Indiana, then you know exactly what I mean. Some player's and parent's hated him, and some admired him.
In your situation it sounds like the Dad could possibly help the daughter a great deal by going over the routines with her and helping her learn to accept correction.
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/29/2008 3:29:33 AM
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locomom
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My daughter took karate for a few years starting at age 13. Never did any of the teachers speak this way to her. Since respect and confidence are two things they are trying to teach the children, then I you could approach this man from this point of view. Berating a child in front of a class is intimidating and humiliating to many. It certainly is disrespectful of her as a person, whether she is a child or not. He is her example. While he certainly may correct or discipline, berating a person publicly is neither of these.
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/29/2008 10:01:50 AM
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IonMoon
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From: The Unted State of Confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: all4aremine
attitude and do not accept it at home, but this man continue to yell at her in front of everyone and finally decided to fail her in her testing.
Now my husband is talking about making her re-do the class for the next 8 weeks to learn her form, but is very upset with this man for the way he talked to our daughter. Would you say something to this man or just try to teach your child to deal with this kind of thing?
I would say something to this man and very likley (almost undoubtedly) find somewhere else to take my child for lessons.
What is more important your child's form or your child's heart?
You do not teach a child to be respectful by treating them disrespectfully. You do not teach a child to have self-control if you can't exercise self-control yourself.
I would not want this man teaching my child anything.
Tara P
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/29/2008 10:58:20 AM
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TexasMoma
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I don't think under any circumstances it is acceptable for an instructor to berate a child to the point of tears. Discipline is important but this master apparently has no self discipline himself so how can he teach it to others? I think your child's spirit is much more important than a Tae Kwon Do class or teaching her to just deal with it. I would be looking for another instructor.
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RE: How to deal with unChristian Behavior towards a child - 7/31/2008 4:55:51 PM
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deedeeowens
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I've been studying karate for 7 years. I've seen several other styles and observed the way that some senseis talk to their students. There are many styles where this "military type" attitude is displayed. Some parents want that. My sensei doesn't need to come off like that in order to gain the respect of his students. I'm sure you could find another dojo where children are taught to be respectful without being humiliated. Any child can be forced into giving lip service, but showing respect from the heart is what really matters.
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