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Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/20/2008 5:13:23 PM
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1206
Posts: 4
Joined: 8/20/2008
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We have been Married for almost 5 years and I ask my husband to talk to me and he won't. It started right after we got married, I seen the changes within him and not saying that I haven't change either, but we have been together for 18years and married for 4 1/2 years. I love him but, but we haven't told each other that we love one another in a long time. I know that he does not feel the same about me or in love with me. He says that he loves me, bit not in love with me. We would text each other I love You, and I still do but he doesn't. If I dont send him a text he would not send me one. I still try and do things with him as a family but he does not want to. He does not want to live together anymore he wants us to separate to see if that would bring us closer. If we are not talking now about our problems I dont see it in the future. It will be only me tring and I am getting tired. Right now when we come home all we do is say Hi, how was your day? or How are you doing? I tried to get him to go to counseling but he refuse. Im so confused. Please help with any solutions.
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/20/2008 8:26:48 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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You8 say you've been together 18 yrs but only married for 4? Was he like this when you were living together? Or did he clam up after marriage? If he was like this before, why did you marry? Out of obligation? Or cause you were together so long?
Are there kids involved? Communication is vital to a relationship. Without it the relationship will die. If he won't go to counseling, then you should. Can you clarify a few of the above so we have a better picture?
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/20/2008 8:59:43 PM
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BRKNCAMEL
Posts: 6
Joined: 8/1/2008
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As a husband that has clamed up in the past how are you finances? good? are you sure? how is his job? when I was flat broke and work was slim I had no good news so why bring home bad news or the same old news. Do you have a bad habit that causes him stress spending on creditcards? not keeping house? some little something that drives him crazy but doesn't want to say anything. I never wanted to leave but just wanted to be alone. hope this helps
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/21/2008 10:41:55 AM
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1206
Posts: 4
Joined: 8/20/2008
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Before we got married everything was fine. We never argue, we might disagree on things but that was it. We have 2 children together. I start seeing changes right after we married. Maybe he did clam up but he should be able to communicate with me. He does not go to church regular, but he reads his Bible everyday. As far as our finances we dont have money problems. I come home everyday and cook. On the weekends I am cleaning my house, washing, and cooking becuase he might come home early from work on Saturday. He has a very good job and when my mother pass away in 2005 he had me to stop working to take care of her, but I notice the changes once my mother pass away. In 2006 he wanted to go out more, never wanted to do anything with me or the kids. Every Sunday we would get up and take the kids anywhere and would be gone for just about half the day, (not anymore) that all change. I will go and have couseling for me, because I don't have no one to talk to about this.
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/22/2008 9:55:26 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1864
Joined: 9/26/2007
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The counseling is a good idea; it brings a trained person's eye into the situation and they can probably help you. I am praying for you today, dear heart. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/23/2008 9:51:41 AM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
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Some of those signs (not talking, not wanting to be with wife/family, going out alone, moving out) sounds like an affair to me. Classic signs. Not saying he is, but it points to that direction.
You may want to do a little investigating instead of just wondering what is happening.
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/23/2008 10:54:27 AM
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dianetavegia
Posts: 2034
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Southern Baptist, Non Calvinist, Pro Life Ga. girl
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quote:
Please don't insist hubby talk to you. Men are not talkers short of sports and whatever hobby they might have. Also, don't talk AT hubby a lot.
I suggest you ASK hubby things.
We women have a tendancy to verbalize everything that runs through our heads and it puts men in overload. We should consider that and say what is important and not a recitation of everything we did during the 10 hours hubby was at work. His head is full of HIS 10 hours!
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/24/2008 8:05:10 AM
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dianetavegia
Posts: 2034
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Southern Baptist, Non Calvinist, Pro Life Ga. girl
Status: offline
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The OP didn't give their ages or explain the 18 years.
Were they living together for 18 years or boy friend/ girl friend since the age of 8 and only lived together since marriage?
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/24/2008 12:06:03 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1635
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1206
It started right after we got married, I seen the changes within him and not saying that I haven't change either, but we have been together for 18years and married for 4 1/2 years.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
You8 say you've been together 18 yrs but only married for 4? Was he like this when you were living together? Or did he clam up after marriage? If he was like this before, why did you marry? Out of obligation? Or cause you were together so long?
Are there kids involved? Communication is vital to a relationship. Without it the relationship will die. If he won't go to counseling, then you should. Can you clarify a few of the above so we have a better picture?
quote:
ORIGINAL: 1206
Before we got married everything was fine. We never argue, we might disagree on things but that was it. We have 2 children together. I start seeing changes right after we married. Maybe he did clam up but he should be able to communicate with me. He does not go to church regular, but he reads his Bible everyday. As far as our finances we dont have money problems. I come home everyday and cook. On the weekends I am cleaning my house, washing, and cooking becuase he might come home early from work on Saturday. He has a very good job and when my mother pass away in 2005 he had me to stop working to take care of her, but I notice the changes once my mother pass away. In 2006 he wanted to go out more, never wanted to do anything with me or the kids. Every Sunday we would get up and take the kids anywhere and would be gone for just about half the day, (not anymore) that all change. I will go and have couseling for me, because I don't have no one to talk to about this.
I am getting from the above that they lived together at least some portion of the fourteen years they were together before they got married.
The husband did things with the kids prior to 2006, so I think the kids came along before the marriage?
I do hope the OP will seek the Lord daily in prayer, and find a church home. I do not think the Lord has ever been a big part of this family, but they sure need His love and wisdom!
I think the passing of the mother was significant in this situation somehow. It is unclear if the OP is working again now, but it seems like she may be since she makes a point to "come home everyday and cook".
It is all unclear except this part: while they may be Christians and the husband reads the Bible everday, there seems to be missing the key ingredient of putting into practice the sayings of Jesus.
I do hope that changes soon for the OP, so that she may experience the joy the Lord pours out into the hearts of the obedient regardless of our changing circumstances...
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/26/2008 11:24:25 AM
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1206
Posts: 4
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I have read everyone message and I thank each and every one of you. Just to answer some questions.
I am 40years old he is 42 years old and yes we were living together as boy friend and girl friend and that were the best years before we got married. We watch sports together big football and basketball fans.
The only thing that he says it hello! Not how was your day? or How you have been doing today? and yes, all the signs are right there that he is cheating. The reason why I ask him to talk is to see what's going on with him. I miss not talking with him, I miss my Husband and I don't know if I will ever would get him back. I want to leave but i think about the kids and how they would feel "would that be right for me to walk out on my marriage" and we stood before GOD "until death do us apart" I don't want to be punish, and I beleave that when I have had enough GOD will tell me or show me.
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 8/29/2008 10:45:43 PM
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monk-monk
Posts: 29
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Have you ever just listened to him, when he was talking? Sometimes people just want to be heard.
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RE: Husabnd does not talk to Wife - 9/5/2008 11:43:38 AM
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1206
Posts: 4
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I HAVE ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY HUSBAND BUT HE HAS ALWAYS LIKE TO KEEP THINGS TO HIM SELF. I REALLY BELIEVE THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO GET MARRIED AND WHEN REALITY HIT HIM HE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO DO WHAT HE WANTED, WHICH HE DID ANYWAY BUT WITH RESPECT.
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