I'm struggling with a few things and searching for answers.
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I'm struggling with a few things and searching for answ... - 11/14/2008 7:26:58 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
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Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've joined because I'm going through a hard time. I'm a Christian and have recently gone through a divorce. I need to know, is forgiveness a feeling or a choice? When we say we forgive that person, are we suppose to feel that we have? Or is that a choice that we are making? I say I have forgiven my ex, but I'm questioning if I really have?
Thank you for any information or advice you can give me.
Abby
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 7:35:02 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3631
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've joined because I'm going through a hard time. I'm a Christian and have recently gone through a divorce. I need to know, is forgiveness a feeling or a choice? When we say we forgive that person, are we suppose to feel that we have? Or is that a choice that we are making? I say I have forgiven my ex, but I'm questioning if I really have?
Thank you for any information or advice you can give me.
Abby
It is all of the above and more. We choose to forgive in obedience, and often that is a choice we must continually make each and every day. In choosing to forgive, we also choose to love our ex-spouse as a child of God whom God also loves, choosing to do good (sometimes in response to some very evil actions) for them. Eventually the feelings of forgiveness do come, but almost always these feelings follow the choice we have made to forgive rather than preceding them.
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 7:39:41 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've joined because I'm going through a hard time. I'm a Christian and have recently gone through a divorce. I need to know, is forgiveness a feeling or a choice? When we say we forgive that person, are we suppose to feel that we have? Or is that a choice that we are making? I say I have forgiven my ex, but I'm questioning if I really have?
Thank you for any information or advice you can give me.
Abby
It is all of the above and more. We choose to forgive in obedience, and often that is a choice we must continually make each and every day. In choosing to forgive, we also choose to love our ex-spouse as a child of God whom God also loves, choosing to do good (sometimes in response to some very evil actions) for them. Eventually the feelings of forgiveness do come, but almost always these feelings follow the choice we have made to forgive rather than preceding them.
I really question if I have forgiven him. Especailly when he continues to hurt me. Is there inyway that I can be certain that I have forgiven him?
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 8:14:13 PM
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delete123
Posts: 991
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
I really question if I have forgiven him. Especailly when he continues to hurt me. Is there inyway that I can be certain that I have forgiven him?
Forgiveness takes time and also if you do not feel reassured then Ask God to forgive Him like Jesus did.
Jesus didn't say: I forgive them He said: Father forgive them.
Also since your divorce sounds like it is new and that your ex is giving you a dificult time which only adds to the fire, because it appears maybe he is rekindling your anger towards him.
You also have to realize divorce is like a death. Your marriage died and you need to process this grief.
If you don't have children, do not allow him to interfere with your present life. If their are children, maybe you can somehow minimize the contact.
An example would be say he gets them children this week-end. Instead of him coming to your home, arrange it that you drop them off at the police station and he can pick them up from there. (I know someone who did this)
But just think of ways so he will stop hurting you and help you in stop allowing it.
Place to find on forgiveness:
Genesis 37:1-36 Genesis 42:1-24, Matthew 9:9-13, Matthew 6:14,15, Luke 11:2-4, Matthew 18:21-35, Ephesians 4:30-32, Matthew 5:7 & James 2:13,IPeter2:21-23,.
there are also several other scriptures to show how we and others should forgive God's way.
Hope you have a great week end
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 8:21:09 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: delete123
quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
I really question if I have forgiven him. Especailly when he continues to hurt me. Is there inyway that I can be certain that I have forgiven him?
Forgiveness takes time and also if you do not feel reassured then Ask God to forgive Him like Jesus did.
Jesus didn't say: I forgive them He said: Father forgive them.
Also since your divorce sounds like it is new and that your ex is giving you a dificult time which only adds to the fire, because it appears maybe he is rekindling your anger towards him.
You also have to realize divorce is like a death. Your marriage died and you need to process this grief.
If you don't have children, do not allow him to interfere with your present life. If their are children, maybe you can somehow minimize the contact.
An example would be say he gets them children this week-end. Instead of him coming to your home, arrange it that you drop them off at the police station and he can pick them up from there. (I know someone who did this)
But just think of ways so he will stop hurting you and help you in stop allowing it.
Place to find on forgiveness:
Genesis 37:1-36 Genesis 42:1-24, Matthew 9:9-13, Matthew 6:14,15, Luke 11:2-4, Matthew 18:21-35, Ephesians 4:30-32, Matthew 5:7 & James 2:13,IPeter2:21-23,.
there are also several other scriptures to show how we and others should forgive God's way.
Hope you have a great week end
Thank you Delete
We dont have children, and yes this has just recently happened. He divorced me, and there wasn't anything I could do. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I talking to anyone, I'm just simply trying to go on with my life. But he has continued to call me names by texting me, and saying His dad hates me and has even told me to go to hell. This just happened yesterday, and that's what led me here to the thread, just needing answers, and wondering if I have truly forgiven him.
Your post leads me to another question. Can I ask God to forgive him for what he is doing to me? I have never heard that before. I thought my ex husband was a Christian, but I'm no longer sure.
Abby
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 8:28:31 PM
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delete123
Posts: 991
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
We dont have children, and yes this has just recently happened. He divorced me, and there wasn't anything I could do. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I talking to anyone, I'm just simply trying to go on with my life. But he has continued to call me names by texting me, and saying His dad hates me and has even told me to go to hell.
It may cost a few pennies and then again it may not depending on your cell phone provider, change your number, so he can not text you. Also when you receive a mssg from him, delete it and do not even read it.
quote:
Your post leads me to another question. Can I ask God to forgive him for what he is doing to me? I have never heard that before. I thought my ex husband was a Christian, but I'm no longer sure.Abby
We are to pray for our enemies and to pray for those who despitely curse and use you.
Also I would suggest you find some folks to speak with on this, do not go through this alone. As the bible also states we are to carry one anothers burdens.
Blessing to you
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 8:32:38 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: delete123
quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
We dont have children, and yes this has just recently happened. He divorced me, and there wasn't anything I could do. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I talking to anyone, I'm just simply trying to go on with my life. But he has continued to call me names by texting me, and saying His dad hates me and has even told me to go to hell.
It may cost a few pennies and then again it may not depending on your cell phone provider, change your number, so he can not text you. Also when you receive a mssg from him, delete it and do not even read it.
quote:
Your post leads me to another question. Can I ask God to forgive him for what he is doing to me? I have never heard that before. I thought my ex husband was a Christian, but I'm no longer sure.Abby
We are to pray for our enemies and to pray for those who despitely curse and use you.
Also I would suggest you find some folks to speak with on this, do not go through this alone. As the bible also states we are to carry one anothers burdens.
Blessing to you
Thank you. You are very kind. I'm hoping to make friends here. I just need some involvement with other Christians.
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 8:34:15 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3631
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
Thank you Delete
We dont have children, and yes this has just recently happened. He divorced me, and there wasn't anything I could do. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I talking to anyone, I'm just simply trying to go on with my life. But he has continued to call me names by texting me, and saying His dad hates me and has even told me to go to hell. This just happened yesterday, and that's what led me here to the thread, just needing answers, and wondering if I have truly forgiven him.
Your post leads me to another question. Can I ask God to forgive him for what he is doing to me? I have never heard that before. I thought my ex husband was a Christian, but I'm no longer sure.
Abby
Just like God has already forgiven you, he has already forgiven your ex-husband. However, he will not force your husband to have a relationship with him; it is up to your husband to repent and accept God's free gift of grace through his son Jesus Christ. While you can't really pray for God to forgive your ex-husband, you can pray for your husband to choose repentance, and to seek the forgiveness that God freely gives. Doing so can help you also forgive your ex-husband for the hurtful things he is continuing to do to you.
I think one of the best ways to understand how to forgive your ex-husband, is to first understand how great the forgiveness is that God offers you. When we realize how truly hurtful our sin is before God who loves us so much, and how great his forgiveness towards us truly is, it is far easier I think to follow his example and forgive those who have sinned against us.
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 9:01:20 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
Thank you Delete
We dont have children, and yes this has just recently happened. He divorced me, and there wasn't anything I could do. I'm not seeing anyone nor am I talking to anyone, I'm just simply trying to go on with my life. But he has continued to call me names by texting me, and saying His dad hates me and has even told me to go to hell. This just happened yesterday, and that's what led me here to the thread, just needing answers, and wondering if I have truly forgiven him.
Your post leads me to another question. Can I ask God to forgive him for what he is doing to me? I have never heard that before. I thought my ex husband was a Christian, but I'm no longer sure.
Abby
Just like God has already forgiven you, he has already forgiven your ex-husband. However, he will not force your husband to have a relationship with him; it is up to your husband to repent and accept God's free gift of grace through his son Jesus Christ. While you can't really pray for God to forgive your ex-husband, you can pray for your husband to choose repentance, and to seek the forgiveness that God freely gives. Doing so can help you also forgive your ex-husband for the hurtful things he is continuing to do to you.
I think one of the best ways to understand how to forgive your ex-husband, is to first understand how great the forgiveness is that God offers you. When we realize how truly hurtful our sin is before God who loves us so much, and how great his forgiveness towards us truly is, it is far easier I think to follow his example and forgive those who have sinned against us.
Yes, I think you are right. I know when I mess up, and sin, when I ask for forgiveness, when I repent, God doesnt think twice about it, I know He forgives me, and I know I have to forgive my ex as well.
I was certain 2 weeks ago, that I had forgiven him for everything, but when he did those horrible things yesterday. I questioned myself. When I received a few of the text, I will admit, I fired right back at him, but then it was like I felt the Lord say, "Abby, this is not right, I expect more from you." I DID NOT like the feeling at all! So, I texted my ex back and said, "I have to apologize to you, this is not right in the eyes of God, so I'm sorry." He didn't text back and he hasn't today either. I immediately ask forgiveness, and I had total peace come over me.
_____________________________
Hebrews 12:14 "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." 
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 9:07:44 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3631
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
I texted my ex back and said, "I have to apologize to you, this is not right in the eyes of God, so I'm sorry." He didn't text back and he hasn't today either. I immediately ask forgiveness, and I had total peace come over me.
That is completely awesome, you are definitely handling this well (even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment).
What you are going through is one of the most painful experiences anyone ever encounters, but God will bring you through it. The peace you described is one of the ways God has of reminding us that he is really right their with us.
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 9:14:24 PM
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AbbyGrace
Posts: 660
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
I texted my ex back and said, "I have to apologize to you, this is not right in the eyes of God, so I'm sorry." He didn't text back and he hasn't today either. I immediately ask forgiveness, and I had total peace come over me.
That is completely awesome, you are definitely handling this well (even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment).
What you are going through is one of the most painful experiences anyone ever encounters, but God will bring you through it. The peace you described is one of the ways God has of reminding us that he is really right their with us.
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that. Yea, I know without a doubt when the Lord is correcting me, and I don't like it, lol, but I'm thankful, because without Him correcting me, I'm afraid of where I might be. I think by His correcting us, that is just one way that He shows us that He truly loves us. The funny thing was, I didn't want to text him saying that I was sorry, but for some reason, that heaviness on my heart that I felt, was a feeling that I didn't like.
_____________________________
Hebrews 12:14 "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord."
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RE: I'm struggling with a few things and searching for ... - 11/14/2008 9:17:37 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3631
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AbbyGrace
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
I texted my ex back and said, "I have to apologize to you, this is not right in the eyes of God, so I'm sorry." He didn't text back and he hasn't today either. I immediately ask forgiveness, and I had total peace come over me.
That is completely awesome, you are definitely handling this well (even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment).
What you are going through is one of the most painful experiences anyone ever encounters, but God will bring you through it. The peace you described is one of the ways God has of reminding us that he is really right their with us.
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that. Yea, I know without a doubt when the Lord is correcting me, and I don't like it, lol, but I'm thankful, because without Him correcting me, I'm afraid of where I might be. I think by His correcting us, that is just one way that He shows us that He truly loves us. The funny thing was, I didn't want to text him saying that I was sorry, but for some reason, that heaviness on my heart that I felt, was a feeling that I didn't like.
God has a good way of reminding us that he is present, both when we are following him and when we are straying.
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