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I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 3:06:47 AM
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mississippi_girl71
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/20/2008
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This may be a bit long, but please bear with me. I married my husband before I dedicated my life to God. When we met I was married to someone else and left that marriage to be with my current husband. When I gave my life to the Lord, I believed that it would be His will for me to begin living a Christian life from that point on. In other words, staying married to my current husband. I have stumbled along the way, but have been putting all my energy into having a Christian marriage.
One problem is that my husband frequently wants to do things that I don't think are right. He draws SSI and lies about his finances to keep it. He is disabled, and I also have severe health problems. He recently had the idea for us to divorce and for me to apply for SSI also. I can draw more money if I am not married. Though we are still living together, he wants me to claim to be living alone. Let me add that because of our health problems we are not sexually active and have separate bedrooms.
I know a lot of people would tell me to refuse to do it based on my Christian beliefs, but my husband is a very dominating, and commanding person. I have already signed the divorce papers because I he became so angy when I protested. I am in poor health and have no money or place to go if he threw me out. Which he is capable of doing. So I have been going along with it to keep peace. Now I am sick with worry that I am commiting terrible sins against God.
Also, his 10 year old son lives with us and looks at me as a mother. A lot of non-Christian people would tell me to get out of this abusive situation, but I want to do God's will.
There is one more wrinkle to this tale. A year ago my husband's daughter was killed in a car accident. He is about to receive $60,000 from the insurance company. He has found a way to "launder" the money so that he can hide it from social security and still keep the money. I am disturbed by this but if I say anything, he will go nuts. Not physically, but he is very mentally abusive and to tell you the truth, I am afraid of him. He has a good deal of hidden money already, but he will not even pay for my basic needs even though he refuses to allow me to work. I know I should be in counseling, but I don't have any money to pay a counselor. I don't attend church, because I am just so ashamed and I don't know what to say to people about some of the odd things in my family. My husband won't allow me to have company, and he has done a lot of odd or mean things in the community and I feel like people are looking at me funny. Now that I've laid out the details here is a list of my concerns and questions.
1. Should I stay in the relationship, even though we are not now legally married? Am I sinning to be living here with him even
though we are not sexually active?
2. Am I sinning by not speaking out about the deception with the money? I am afraid of angering him. He could throw me out with
nothing. He did it once when he got very angry with me.
3. Am I interperting scripture accurately in believing that I should humble myself and accept the unfair treatment and mental
abuse. It is painful to be treated more like a servant than a wife.
4. If I was supposed to leave this relationship, I don't know where to go or what to do. What about the child that loves me as a
mother. I can't just leave him.
5. I am having a very hard time maintaining love for him. He is cold and distant and he never hugs me or touches me. I have
grown very lonely. What should I do? I can't go to him, I have tried this before and it always goes very badly.
6. Even though he wants me to apply for the SSI, I suspect that he really wanted the divorce to keep me from having any claim
to the money that he was receiving. I am so hurt by his deception and greed.
7. All of these secrets are tearing at me as I try to live a holy life. I feel dirty and condemed to a sinful life because of my
previous adultery. How do I combat this? I know that I am reaping the consquences of my previous sins, but I am so
entangled in this situation that I don't know where to turn. I know that I can be forgiven of any sin if I repent, but what if the
life that I am in constantly put me in sinful situations that I feel I can't get out of?
I know this is long and confusing, but any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much.
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 6:42:22 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 3031
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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This is a terribly difficult place to be. If a partner is doing something illegal, you could get hit with the consequences even though you disagree. Someone with sound legal advice needs to give you the next step.
It is not doing the child any good to see his father trying to bend the law, even though I am sure he really isn't truly aware of everything you have mentioned.
I have not idea what the best answer for you is, but there will be an answer coming. Sometimes God pulls us out of situations in ways we cannot imagine. One thing for sure, be careful of thinking about finding security in the arms of another. That is a mistake that happens way too often.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 12:03:57 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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Oh, wow, Mississippi_girl71. You are in a tough place. Because of your fear of your husband, I recommend you call the police and get some transportation to a women's shelter. The location's a secret so battering husbands can't find them, but the police know where one is. You are in fear of grave physical injury and I think that qualifies you to go. Take the kid with you. At least call the police and have them put you in touch with a shelter; those people can advise you from there.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Start the ball moving and dig yourself out. Let the police/shelter people help you, and call a pastor of a church and let him help you, too. It's their job, and they've heard it all before: church is a hospital for sinners, not a place of perfect people. Swallow your pride and ask for his help.
quote:
1. Should I stay in the relationship, even though we are not now legally married? Am I sinning to be living here with him even
though we are not sexually active?
If you married this guy, then you are legally married. That's a civil issue. Not being sexually active doesn't invalidate a marriage, and your health problems probably qualify the inactivity. Old people aren't considered unmarried when they're too old or sick to be sexually active.
Personally, I lean towards leaving the marriage because you are in danger, not being provided for, and are being made a partner in illegal activity. But you have to be convinced that it's God's will in your own mind. Read 1 Corinthians 7 and pray like crazy.
quote:
2. Am I sinning by not speaking out about the deception with the money? I am afraid of angering him. He could throw me out with
nothing. He did it once when he got very angry with me.
You're asking two separate questions here, so don't mistake the answer of one for the other. Are you sinning by not speaking out? I think so - Scripture tells us to expose sin (see verse at the bottom). Are you afraid of your husband? Yes. But that doesn't change the first question. If he's going to throw you out for doing the right thing, then you can stay and live with the sin or do the right thing and the marriage is over. You need a lawyer.
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3. Am I interperting scripture accurately in believing that I should humble myself and accept the unfair treatment and mental
abuse. It is painful to be treated more like a servant than a wife.
That's the worse of the "for better or worse" vow you probably took. The problem is that this man is under God's condemnation:
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.1 Timothy 5:8
A pastor could probably tell you if in God's eyes you are married to a nonbeliever, based on this passage. If a nonbelieving spouse wants to leave, we are allowed to let them go without blame to ourselves.
Being treated like a servant is not the main issue, it's just miserable for you.
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4. If I was supposed to leave this relationship, I don't know where to go or what to do. What about the child that loves me as a
mother. I can't just leave him.
You are so right. This poor kids needs a sane person to love and be committed to him. I would fight tooth and claw to get sole custody of this child. If your husband winds up in prison (and it sounds probable) then you have it. This story is more about the kid than you - do not let this kid fall through the cracks! It's an emergency of his life - keep him, love him, do for him, be devoted to him. It's your #1 priority (put yourself in his place and image what it's like to have a felon dad who is a lying, cheating thief and a home that's breaking up around him. Awful awful awful).
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5. I am having a very hard time maintaining love for him. He is cold and distant and he never hugs me or touches me. I have
grown very lonely. What should I do? I can't go to him, I have tried this before and it always goes very badly.
You have a lousy marriage. If God doesn't change this guy (are you praying) then this aspect of your marriage is grief-making but not the main issue. There are bigger issues for you to deal with, and when they are dealt with, this smaller one may disappear one way or another.
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6. Even though he wants me to apply for the SSI, I suspect that he really wanted the divorce to keep me from having any claim
to the money that he was receiving. I am so hurt by his deception and greed.
Get a lawyer. I think your husband will divorce you and you can let him. Getting the police in on this will let them dig out his records perhaps and a divorce lawyer can get you part of this guys income, even if they can't find all of it. It will provide something to live on so you can keep this kid and give him a real home, modest as it might be. Love is more important than wealth - don't let him down. He's just a tender little guy who needs a parent and a home.
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7. All of these secrets are tearing at me as I try to live a holy life. I feel dirty and condemed to a sinful life because of my
previous adultery. How do I combat this?
Confess it once (God says it's sin and you say it's sin). Repent (I won't do this again; I'll live God's way now). Look at 1 John 1 (not the book of John but 1 John towards the back of the Bible). God forgave your sin 2000 years ago, so don't keep carrying the guilt - it's gone in God's eyes. Let it be gone in yours. We all are sinners. That's why Jesus died, because we were all lost in our sin and He wanted us back. Read this and let the relief wash over you:
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Cor. 6: 9-11
quote:
I know that I am reaping the consquences of my previous sins, but I am so
entangled in this situation that I don't know where to turn. I know that I can be forgiven of any sin if I repent, but what if the
life that I am in constantly put me in sinful situations that I feel I can't get out of?
You can get out of it, it's just expensive. Do it anyway. Call the police, get a taxi and take yourself and the kid and some clothes to a woman's shelter. Get a lawyer. Get a pastor to counsel you (I recommend one from a PCA church, Presbyterian, because these guys eat the Bible for breakfast, lunch and dinner and know what it says. Others do, too, but I don't know how to find them). Prepare for a battle that's coming no matter what, so do it on your terms, not your husband's. Be strong for the kid if not yourself. The guy is probably looking at prison so don't get pulled down with him.
Bless your heart, dear one; what a rough place to find yourself. Go do the right thing and get safe with the kid; the rest will follow. The police will help you, a pastor will help you, a shelter will help you, a lawyer will help you, God certainly will help you. You desire to do the right thing, and that is God working in you. Surely He will bring it to pass in His way, inspite of sin. Nothing can stop God (even death couldn't). Bless you for wanting to do it right; it's never to late to live a holy life and you already want that. May God be merciful and lead you every step of the way. And I'm proud of you for wanting to do it God's way. He who leads you in righteousness won't abandon you to unrighteousness. I am praying for you, dear Christian. Step out in victory, because sin is conquered already.
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 1:11:00 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 705
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
1. Should I stay in the relationship, even though we are not now legally married? Am I sinning to be living here with him even
though we are not sexually active?
If I am understanding correctly, you have signed divorce papers, you are not married legally to this man. Biblically you are not bound if the unbeliever leaves--and he has done that (even if not physically). Yes you can leave and should. Living in the same house as roommates is not sinning, but there is a lot more going on here--and YOU can go to jail along with with him if he is caught.
quote:
2. Am I sinning by not speaking out about the deception with the money? I am afraid of angering him. He could throw me out with
nothing. He did it once when he got very angry with me.
This is harder to answer. You may not be sinning by failing to speak, but by continuing to stay in the home you are benefiting from the deception, which I would equate to being guilty of the crime--since you know about it and are doing nothing to stop it.
quote:
3. Am I interperting scripture accurately in believing that I should humble myself and accept the unfair treatment and mental
abuse. It is painful to be treated more like a servant than a wife.
Absolutely NOT. Submission as used by Paul in Ephesians is better translated "be respectful and accountable to". Recall the word submission used in the context of wives to their husbands is the same word used in the context of people to the government--and this is from a guy who is in prison for civil disobedience.
quote:
4. If I was supposed to leave this relationship, I don't know where to go or what to do. What about the child that loves me as a
mother. I can't just leave him.
Again, this is a tough question. Since the child is not yours--I'm presuming you did not adopt the child when you married--you cannot take him if/when you leave without permission of the father or you could be charged with kidnapping. If you feel the child is in danger, you could contact social services and try to get him removed from the home. You could also apply to be his foster parent or guardian in the event that his father is jailed for his fraud. Depending on how long you have been his "mother" and the level of involvement of his bio-mother, you may also be able to try to get custody--this needs to go through a lawyer.
quote:
5. I am having a very hard time maintaining love for him. He is cold and distant and he never hugs me or touches me. I have
grown very lonely. What should I do? I can't go to him, I have tried this before and it always goes very badly.
Perfectly understandable
quote:
6. Even though he wants me to apply for the SSI, I suspect that he really wanted the divorce to keep me from having any claim
to the money that he was receiving. I am so hurt by his deception and greed.
Again understandable. I've been in a similar position.
quote:
7. All of these secrets are tearing at me as I try to live a holy life. I feel dirty and condemed to a sinful life because of my
previous adultery. How do I combat this? I know that I am reaping the consquences of my previous sins, but I am so
entangled in this situation that I don't know where to turn. I know that I can be forgiven of any sin if I repent, but what if the
life that I am in constantly put me in sinful situations that I feel I can't get out of?
You have been forgiven for any and all sins prior to your accepting/rededicating your life to Christ. He accepted you as you are. He knows every sin you have committed and will commit. He isn't surprised by anything that happens. You are not condemned...though the enemy of your soul wants you to believe that you are. Yes, you are reaping the consequences of past actions...we all do. Being forgiven does not remove consequences.
You do have the power to get out of the situation that you are in. You just have to ask God for the courage to do it. It maybe won't be easy or comfortable, but will that truly be worse than where you are now?
Go to a shelter for abused women ASAP. They may be able to give you legal advice about the child and money.
As far as reporting the fraud...only you can decide on that. Pray and ask God to tell you what to do. I think that you probably already know in your heart what God would have you do...ask for courage to do what he has commanded
God tells you "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. For I, your God, am with you and will be with you where ever you go" (Paraphrase from Joshua)
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 6:23:46 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 630
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline
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You've been given some great advice here so I don't have much to say. This relationship is abusive. It's time to leave. No matter how hard leaving will be it's better than staying in the same dwelling as such an evil man. You are no longer bound to him Biblically since he is an unbeliever who wanted a divorce.
Just as Creationtalk cautioned, I'd warn you to be careful about taking the son with you because it could be construed as kidnapping unless you have already legally adopted him.
quote:
Though we are still living together, he wants me to claim to be living alone.
If you continue on in this way you will more than likely get caught and be held legally responsible just as much as him. What you are doing is fraudulent. It's lying and stealing. It's wrong. I know that you feel forced into it but the reality is that you can leave. It will be hard but it can be done. As others have suggested, contact a women's shelter. They are there to help women in situations such as yours. They'll help you figure all of this out.
Sometimes we don't realize just how strong we really are until we are faced with trials such as these.
Your first step should be to meet with a lawyer (or a shelter....not sure which should come first). Many lawyers do free consultations. He/she may be able to help you figure out how to pay for his/her services. Many lawyers will take on a certain number of free cases per year.
Your situation is incredibly difficult and painful. I am praying for you. ((((missippi_girl))))
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/20/2008 7:22:13 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline
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The first step is to simply pray for His guidance. He will calm your storm but it doesn’t always work the way we want the calm to happen and it will be in His time frame.
Right now just ask God to allow you to move on with your life. The past is the past. He knows our mistakes. Acknowledge yours and look forward to His blessings.
It sounds like your life is like a major structure fire but you will be surprised at what things survive. As you look through the rubble after the fire is over I will bet you will get a smile sometimes and maybe even laugh at what you find. Many things that had no meaning then but bring joy to you now.
You can not change anyone even your husband. Only prayer and God are for changes.
You are going to have to seek outside help for yourself. You need to call WRAP. They are experts in these areas. Listen to them. “They aren’t a get the males and hurrah for the female organization.” I have dealt with them for years. If you have problems finding the number; call your hospital. Almost every ER Nurse can tell you. They are very confidential. In fact I once knew a young lady I referred them to and I wanted to check on her. They know my voice and name but they said, Dave, sorry I can’t even tell you her name”
I came to this site for the same reason as you; seeking help and I have found lots of it. I read a lot more than I write. I have found strength in here. I am neophyte so I am not much real help but read the others and look at their posts. There is a lot of strong Christian wisdom here. In addition to the bible and prayer; this is a special place.
I am also going through a period of marital discourse. Your case does sound worse but it’s like “freefalling”. Whether you are at 90 MPH or 120 MPH. if your chute doesn’t open; you are going to need more than the minor med clinic when you hit the ground.
God bless you. He loves you
_____________________________
if you want the mission accomlished overnight..dont call Fed-Ex call a Navy Seal Team
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/21/2008 6:42:27 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 769
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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1. No, you should leave immediately and report his criminal activities and abuse.
2. The longer you stay the more things appear you are participating
and enjoying the benefits of those "scams".
3. The Bible speaks of avoiding even the appearance of evil and not to
participate in evil doings. You can get into emergency shelter or shelter for abused women.
4. You have a right to protect the child - report his father's fraud!
it maybe possible to get guardianship -
that would be up to the courts and it depends a lot on the status of his mom(where is she at in all this?)
5. Separate from him - this man is only wanting money.
6. You will have to speak to the Judge or lawyer about this divorce you were forced into signing. You don't mention whether this divorce has been legally ended only that you signed papers under duress- was there a lawyer or notary present or some witness? Some how this divorce sounds "fishy" to me. You should seek legal advice ASAP!
7. You should have left when you first became aware of your husband's fraudulent acts. You can apply for help at the Department of Social services(Welfare) for help in finding resources that are suited/available to you.
If you have truly repented to God of your sins then there's no condemnation from God. Don't live under self imposed guilt!
Christ has set you free - don't pick up those things that are past.
It would be beneficial for you to be actively attending church and learning
more about God and his Word(Bible.) Renew your mind upon the Word daily.... hold to truth! Cast down thoughts that tell you that you aren't good enough - what Christ did makes you clean!
What you did when unsaved is what unsaved people do - you acted according to your worldly nature.
You can get out of your situation - you have to take the steps to do
that... report your husband's abuse(and his fraud) and find another place to live.
Where are your family members/ friends?
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/23/2008 1:47:50 AM
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mississippi_girl71
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
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First I just want to thank everyone who responded. All of your answers were so kind and helpful. I wanted to add a few more details and ask a few more questions.
My husband, (I guess I should say ex, now) professes to be a believer. He actually claims that he is one of the few people who lives right. Truly though, he just put on a facade in front of others. He does not attend church, he rarely reads his Bible or prays. He sometimes goes to bars and drinks. And then of course there is the illegal activity with SSI. So, I guess what I am wondering is if he IS a believer just because he says he is, or does his lifestyle mean that he is not a true believer. I am asking this because several of you made a good argument about him being a non-believer and leaving me by wanting the divorce. I knew about that part of scripture but never really thought of him as a non-believer.
The thing about my step-son is rather complicated also. He knows nothing of his father's behavior but I feel that as he gets older he will find out. The bio-mother is actually as bad if not worse. The child was taken from her in an emergency hearing and given to us a few years ago. She was neglecting him and leaving him alone in an apartment in a bad part of a mojor city. She is now involved in drugs and alcohol and runs the bars with a group of bikers from around here. She and my husband have been embroiled in bitter court battles since they divorced about 9 years ago.
It would be difficult for me to do anything in court. He is friendly with a lot of powerful people. I know there is no way that I could take the child or get custody of him. If I leave, I'll have to walk away and never see him again.
Someone asked where my friends and family were. To answer, he has never allowed me to have any friends. He won't even allow anyone to visit me in our home. Not even my children. I do have some family, but they are all unable or unwilling to help. I am praying that I can make some friends at church. Church is the one activity that he does not mind me doing.
Does anyone know how much help shelters typically give? I won't have a job or a vehicle or any money. I am a hard worker, but I have not worked in eight years. Do they assist in finding a job? Or transportation? I do have office experience but as I said, it has been eight years since I worked.
I have made several decisions to help the situation. I have decided that no matter what, I will refuse to apply for disability myself. I will not perjur myself by lying about my living situation. I've started discreetly looking into shelters. I've decided to find a good church and pray that God will send me someone that I can trust as a friend and mentor. Maybe an older lady in the church with the time and desire to give advice. I am also working hard on trying to get my health better, so I will be able to work.
Thank you all again, and please be in prayer for me. God bless and good night.
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/23/2008 2:01:18 AM
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mississippi_girl71
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
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Oh, I also wanted to mention that though I do not think I should file for diability, I do have some serious health problems. I have Crohn's disease, fibromyalgia, Interstisal Cystitis, and endometriosis. On top of all that, I suffer from major depressive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. So, that is all a pretty heavy load on my plate, but I know that with God's help and determination on my part, I can overcome theses issues. I do not think I need disability, I just need health care. That is one of the things that hurts me so much about my husband. He refuses to pay any of my medical bills and I can't get the treatment that I need. His response to my medical needs is that I should file for disability and medicaid. In my opinion, if given the medical attention that I need, I would be able to work and then pay for my own care. But, he won't let me work. So, it's all a big catch 22.
When I met him I had a really good job as an office manager. My company shut down and I got layed off and he did not want me to go back to work. Well, at the time, I was "in love", did not realize that he was like this, and I was not living for the Lord's will at that time, so I did not put a lot of thought into the "wrongs and rights" of what he was doing.
Lest anyone think I have been laying around for all these years, I want to let everybody know that I have worked very hard. The property that we live on is his mother's but we are responsible for it's upkeep. In the years I've lived here, I have done yard work, driven a tractor, built fence, done mechanic work and lots of other farm type work. Not trying to toot my own horn, I just didn't want anyone to this I was lazy.
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/25/2008 11:52:44 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 769
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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Do you find these fruits being displayed by your husband:
{But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
*Found in Galatians Chapter 5}
*Shelters can provide for your needs and get you connected with the resources you need so you can live on your own/be self supporting.
Remember battered women go there with basically nothing but the clothes on their backs.
It's good you don't want to be on welfare but when you are pushed against the wall you may need to use it for a period of time. It'd be worth it to be free of that prison of a home that you live in.
You can't have friends, your children(no one) can't visit you there - I would definitely be seeking freedom!
So how do you get to church? if you have no transportation? And no one
can come visit you at your home?
You stated he doesn't attend church - so does he take you there and come back for you?
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/26/2008 9:04:55 AM
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creationtalk
Posts: 705
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
My husband, (I guess I should say ex, now) professes to be a believer. So, I guess what I am wondering is if he IS a believer just because he says he is, or does his lifestyle mean that he is not a true believer. I am asking this because several of you made a good argument about him being a non-believer and leaving me by wanting the divorce. I knew about that part of scripture but never really thought of him as a non-believer.
I can profess to being a bird, and maybe even truly believe I am a bird, but if I do not exhibit the characteristics of a bird, I am not a bird. jaimestarcross listed the characteristics of a Christian. Now it is possible for someone to have accepted Christ at one time and be saved, yet no longer be living as Christ would have them. In that case, at some point, they will experience correction from God (usually administered through earthly means).
quote:
The thing about my step-son is rather complicated also. He knows nothing of his father's behavior but I feel that as he gets older he will find out.
Are you sure he doesn't already know? He may not have a name for it, but if he is in the home, he will see/hear a lot more than you might think. And even if he does not know about the illegal behavior, he DOES know and see the treatment that you are experiencing...and he will grow up to believe that this is the way that it should be and may very well treat his own spouse this way as well.
quote:
It would be difficult for me to do anything in court. He is friendly with a lot of powerful people. I know there is no way that I could take the child or get custody of him. If I leave, I'll have to walk away and never see him again.
1) Nothing is impossible with God. This is not a guarantee of getting what you want, but God can turn things around.
2) What sacrifices are you willing to make to do the right thing? Jesus said that if you believe in him, you have to be willing to leave your life behind--everyone and everything in it--to follow him if that is what it takes.
3) If your xh is in jail for fraud, do you truly believe that those "powerful" people will want to be seen siding with him?
quote:
To answer, he has never allowed me to have any friends. He won't even allow anyone to visit me in our home. Not even my children.
You have CHILDREN that this man has taken from you??? and you are still there????!!!!
quote:
Does anyone know how much help shelters typically give? Do they assist in finding a job? Or transportation? I do have office experience but as I said, it has been eight years since I worked.
jaimestarcross answered this one and I agree.
quote:
I have made several decisions to help the situation. I have decided that no matter what, I will refuse to apply for disability myself. I will not perjur myself by lying about my living situation. I've started discreetly looking into shelters. I've decided to find a good church and pray that God will send me someone that I can trust as a friend and mentor. Maybe an older lady in the church with the time and desire to give advice. I am also working hard on trying to get my health better, so I will be able to work.
If you remain in the home, you will be guilty as an accessory of fraud, even if you admit it as soon as you are asked.
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 10/31/2008 1:06:03 PM
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Sphyr
Posts: 19
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
1. Should I stay in the relationship, even though we are not now legally married? Am I sinning to be living here with him even
though we are not sexually active?
Well, frankly, you're no longer in the relationship if he's divorced you. I believe 1 Corinthians 7:10-15 will convince you that you are free. If you choose to stay because you believe God still perceives you as married, then your goal is to live a holy and sanctified wife for the purpose of making your (ex)husband holy. On the other hand, he's already divorced you.
The sin, I think, depends on your heart that God sees. Do you believe you are married? It is not a sin to stay with your husband. Do you believe you are divorced? If there is no sexual immorality, there may be no sin; if others believe you are sinning and it affects your witness to them, then there may be sin. You'll need to pray about that and seek God's word and ask your pastor.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
2. Am I sinning by not speaking out about the deception with the money? I am afraid of angering him. He could throw me out with
nothing. He did it once when he got very angry with me.
If you wish to be free of guilt, you can call the insurance company and then let it be. It is then up to the insurance company to address wrongdoing. Being submissive to your husband does not mean you have to participate in illegal activities, and in fact may make you partially liable.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
3. Am I interperting scripture accurately in believing that I should humble myself and accept the unfair treatment and mental
abuse. It is painful to be treated more like a servant than a wife.
Revisit question #1. Do you believe you are still married? I don't.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
4. If I was supposed to leave this relationship, I don't know where to go or what to do. What about the child that loves me as a
mother. I can't just leave him.
Do what's right first, and in the right order. If you are no longer married and you are mistreated, leave. Offer from a distance to help with the child. It's the father's responsibility to care for the child; bless you for offering to help with the child of another. But if correcting the first problem - living together - means you cannot help with the second, then you still have prayer to help the child.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
5. I am having a very hard time maintaining love for him. He is cold and distant and he never hugs me or touches me. I have
grown very lonely. What should I do? I can't go to him, I have tried this before and it always goes very badly.
This depends on your answer to #1. If you're divorced, leave. If you believe you're married, then live as a godly wife. 1 Corinthians 13 will help you understand the longsuffering nature of love.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
6. Even though he wants me to apply for the SSI, I suspect that he really wanted the divorce to keep me from having any claim
to the money that he was receiving. I am so hurt by his deception and greed.
That's not a question. :P
quote:
ORIGINAL: mississippi_girl71
7. All of these secrets are tearing at me as I try to live a holy life. I feel dirty and condemed to a sinful life because of my
previous adultery. How do I combat this? I know that I am reaping the consquences of my previous sins, but I am so
entangled in this situation that I don't know where to turn. I know that I can be forgiven of any sin if I repent, but what if the
life that I am in constantly put me in sinful situations that I feel I can't get out of?
Don't remain in the bondage of the sinful life. Do what is right today in the eyes of the Lord. Yes, you are suffering from a sinful past - we all are - but that doesn't mean you should continue to stay in the bondage created by man. quote:
1. Should I stay in the relationship, even though we are not now legally married? Am I sinning to be living here with him even
though we are not sexually active?
2. Am I sinning by not speaking out about the deception with the money? I am afraid of angering him. He could throw me out with
nothing. He did it once when he got very angry with me.
3. Am I interperting scripture accurately in believing that I should humble myself and accept the unfair treatment and mental
abuse. It is painful to be treated more like a servant than a wife.
4. If I was supposed to leave this relationship, I don't know where to go or what to do. What about the child that loves me as a
mother. I can't just leave him.
5. I am having a very hard time maintaining love for him. He is cold and distant and he never hugs me or touches me. I have
grown very lonely. What should I do? I can't go to him, I have tried this before and it always goes very badly.
6. Even though he wants me to apply for the SSI, I suspect that he really wanted the divorce to keep me from having any claim
to the money that he was receiving. I am so hurt by his deception and greed.
7. All of these secrets are tearing at me as I try to live a holy life. I feel dirty and condemed to a sinful life because of my
previous adultery. How do I combat this? I know that I am reaping the consquences of my previous sins, but I am so
entangled in this situation that I don't know where to turn. I know that I can be forgiven of any sin if I repent, but what if the
life that I am in constantly put me in sinful situations that I feel I can't get out of?
_____________________________
Michael @ Chasing the Wind
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 11/1/2008 9:48:20 PM
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lionofzion56
Posts: 47
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline
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Mississippi girl.... I feel for you.
I wish I could come get you... and just hug you for like ever....
I know that you feel all alone...and like there is no one that can help you.
You have got to see that God does not want you to be with your ex husband. In my perspective, I see God leading you right out of that horrible life... and into a better one. You are going to have to really trust God. And believe in Him.
I wouldn't wait another second if I were you! I would leave as soon as I could!
I would rather live on the streets in God's mercy, than in a horribly abusive decietful place. I realize that you have some health issues, and I am not saying for you to live on the streets. What I mean by that is the value of the freedom and incredible love that is available to you in Jesus Christ is worth soooo much more than to try not to make your ex husband mad. what is more important God's opinion or this man's?? i do not think God would want anyone to subject themself into this kind of way of life or relationship at all. not at all. God loves us, he doesn't hate us. He desires to give us freedom, not oppress us. does this make sense?
If you really are afraid and feel threatened by him at all, that is all the more reason to get out and get away from him as soon as you can. There really are places that can help you in times like this. They understand your situation, and will work with you, that is what they are there for!
Like I wrote up ^there, you are really going to have to put all of your trust in God.
Don't waste another day of your life in this situation!
God has better plans for you that this!
There are 800 numbers you can call , I'm sure there is some place in your area you can go.
And for your step-son, too. I will lift you up in prayer.
_____________________________
Embrace Yourself!
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 11/2/2008 6:38:05 AM
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MisterTR
Posts: 65
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline
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I've been amazed at some of the godly counsel available in this online community. I can feel God's hand on it.
When I was in France I felt a spiritual deadness that shocked me. This is not a perfect community, but it is caring and spiritually alive.
_____________________________
"And we know that all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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RE: I really need Godly advice on a difficult subject. - 11/2/2008 6:39:35 AM
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MisterTR
Posts: 65
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline
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I should add that I've interacted in other online communities that were caring in many ways, but they were not Christian based and definitely lacked something that you can find here.
_____________________________
"And we know that all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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