In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship as I go into ministry
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In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship as I ... - 7/2/2008 2:11:17 AM
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swtonscrappn
Posts: 10
Joined: 7/2/2008
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Just as a quick introduction, I am a 31 yr old stay at home mom who last year felt led by the Lord to further my biblical education. It was a suprising life change to say the least. I hadn't been looking for a job, or wanting to further my previous education (which had been a mixture of business and creative writing). Yet I had a tug on my heart that after many weeks of praying, I decided to follow through. I know this was the correct choice, as God has abundantly blessed my family since I made this commitment.
I started classes last fall to obtain a degree in Biblical counseling. I have learned so much, and I have appreciated the knowledge immensly. I wish I had known the bible this well years ago. I have a background in women and children ministries to begin with as well as a background in speech. I truly believe that God is going to put me in an amazing ministry someday, thou at this point I dont know what or how. I have no dreams of becoming a counselor or a pastor or even have my sights set on any particular job.
But my problem is a complete lack of support. Soon after I applied for school, my pastor chose to leave the church. She was gone before the semester started. We had a interium pastor for a few weeks, and then the churche's current pastor came. I had made it a point to share with him about my schooling so he was aware, yet it never seemed to be anything but a blip to him. At no time did he desire to mentor me, or even see what I was learning, or how it could help our church. I know he was settling in himself and there is a lot going on in that, but our church is REALLY small (25-30 people tops), and I had some hope that in the future I could be of help in the church. I got the idea that he did not feel that women should be pastors (even thou this denomination allows women pastors) and therefore was avoiding the topic with me. Let me restate that it has not been my goal to become a pastor. Anyways, after a year it became obvious that I would not be getting that type of support from my church.
We recently left our church. It was not only for the above reason, but also because all the family activities and church child care was removed from services. We were the only family with very small children, and they didnt feel that was enough to be bothered with. We have since then decided to find a church that is child friendly. We were very close with 3 remaining members of the church before the change in pastors. I have tried to contact them since we've left, but there hasnt been any response. This nearly breaks my heart.
Since this has been all going on, I have felt at very much at a loss. Because of my increasing awareness of God's word, I have lost a connection with many of my non-believing friends. As I hear much of their decision making and reasoning, my heart grieves and I find it hard to continue to listen to what I dont believe is biblical or right in their lives. I dont have a church, so I dont have like minded people around me (Im attending churches, but the connection is not there yet). I dont have someone to discuss these issues with. I dont know how to approach new pastors regarding mentoring needs without sounding pushy. I do have Christian friends, but they cannot fullfill my need to have another ministry leader understand what Im facing.
Im sorry this is so long, but honestly, I have never done anything so hard or so important (and I dont mean that in a self serving way, but as the fact that working directly for the big JC has a lot of responsibilty with it) before. Ive always been good in school, but my classes have been very trying for me...thou I am successfully learning. I just dont want to be burned out before I even start and Im afraid thats where Im headed. I appreciate if anyone made it to the end here :)
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/2/2008 3:32:34 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1618
Joined: 1/22/2008
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I'm sorry you feel this lack of support. I think it is the path many within the church walk. It is not the way Christ intended it but it is the reality we experience today. Just want you to know I understand.
I don't know the 'why' of your pastor's lack of support. There are many reasons and to conjecture accomplishes nothing. But again, I'm sorry this was your experience.
However, I am concerned that you are breaking off relationships with your old church and old friends. It sounds like you have been hurt and are hurting and turning your back on many. God's word tells us to regard others as more important than ourselves---that means thinking of their needs. And that is what love does---seeks the highest good for the other.
If your studies and career path have turned you inward and away from loving relationships with others, is that the path God has set you on? I would seriously seek to understand why this change. It seems your studies should have grown you closer to Him which also increases your love for all men. So my question, what has taken place?
I know these questions may sound hard. I know you are hurting and I truly am wanting to help. But I think you need to look at where you are and why so that you can evaluate what the real problem is. So, I'm willing to dialogue with you about this. Bless you!  LL
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/2/2008 7:23:59 AM
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slushie
Posts: 2067
Joined: 4/30/2006
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I have no idea why you had that lack of support. It's strange that what you're doing has separated you from a lot of people. I'm so sorry to hear about your old church, and it does look like you're approaching spiritual burnout. Have you found a church yet?
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/2/2008 9:56:57 AM
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lhull
Posts: 15
Joined: 3/15/2007
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Hello!
I am so proud of you for responding to God's call! You know we all have been instructed to "study to show ourselves approved unto God" (2 Timothy 2:15). This is a good chapter because it reminds us how to be a "good soldier" in Christ. Verse 24 says, "and the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, ..." Good wisdom when dealing with others.
I went back to college 4 years ago and got my degree at age 50-51. It was not easy because I was still homeschooling. Like every wife and mother, there are also chores, church responsibilities, plus I also have an online ministry. It is definitely do-able. To keep from being burned out, organize, schedule, and enlist your husband's help in watching the kids, etc. You will need to exercise good habits with sleep, eating, and exercise to keep up your strength. While you will feel the need for "me" time, keep in mind that your family needs "mommy and wife" time too. Your "me" time is school. Trust in the Lord to supply your needs and to enable you to complete the task He has called you to do.
I encourage you to keep on the path that our Lord has called you. It really doesn't matter if you have a mentor or the approval of others. Man cannot supply your needs, but our Lord can. Let Him be your mentor. Look to your husband for support as well. Remember too that when you leave a congregation it is not unusual to move in different directions. They may also feel guilty for removing the children's programs, but they know your need; they understand. Keep in touch, maybe a note, or a quick call just to see how they are doing. Make it about them, not about you.
Your non-believing friends haven't changed; you did. There will come a natural separation simply because you are embracing the standard of God's Word and they are not. As you grow spiritually you will naturally be grieved for their spiritual condition. This is why it is difficult if not impossible to have non-believers as confidantes. Be a friend to them. Love them and as our Lord opens doors where you can speak wisdom, do so.
I hope this helps...
Linda
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Words of Encouragement
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/2/2008 10:07:53 AM
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youthrev
Posts: 82
Joined: 9/18/2007
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You are on a hard path, as that is path of ministry and preparation for it. I have a saying: "There are only two types of people who don't understand ministry: Those who have never been called to it, and those who have been called but have never surrendered to it. Everyone else understands."
Your lack of support is not necessarily unusual, but your response to it needs to be reconsidered and prayed through. In ministry you will face many things in which you cannot confide in another. Some other ministers will have shields up, some fellow believers will perceive that you have automatically been taken to a different level and they cannot relate the same way with you that they could before. Some unbelievers will automatically change their expectations of you or will distance themselves from you.
So the question becomes, what are you doing to either foster those feelings or to alleviate them? I cannot tell you whether you should stay in that church or not. But is God calling you somewhere else? Or do you just think your family should be viewed as important enough to provide for your needs regardless of what the church leadership decides? When you spoke with the new pastor did you give him the sense that you would do anything he needed done, no strings attached and no bucking for a post? Was that made abundantly clear?
Because you left. When your family's childcare was taken away and the pastor didn't get excited about your call, you left. It is possible you negated their perception of your passion for "whatever God calls me to" if it didn't include a little, hurting church with a new pastor who took away childcare. If God calls you somewhere else, go. If not, have a seat in your little church and taste the call.
Next, foster the friendships you used to have in that church and minister to their needs. God may be preparing you for a ministry you don't expect. Regarding your lost friends, why did you withdraw? Because their decisions grieved you, did you say? They should. Stand beside them and hold their hands, guiding them to the cross. Earn the right to be heard. Pray for God to change their hearts to hear from Him and to begin making wise choices. Pray that He would train you to be a mouthpiece. Your lost friends sound like the people of Jerusalem upon Jesus' arrival and you need to have the same response as Jesus. The Scripture says that as He entered Jerusalem on the back of a colt, "He had compassion on the people because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." There's your call. And you seem to be trying to get out of the harvest field. Stay put.
As for support: Did God call you? Does your husband support you? Well, there you go. Get to work.
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/2/2008 1:50:14 PM
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swtonscrappn
Posts: 10
Joined: 7/2/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
I am concerned that you are breaking off relationships with your old church and old friends.
Just to make it clear, Im not avoiding my friends. I still see them and talk to them regularly, it just has awkward on both our sides. And for my church friends, I have called to chat and invited them to functions in my home recently, and no one is returning my calls.
quote:
While you will feel the need for "me" time, keep in mind that your family needs "mommy and wife" time too. Your "me" time is school.
Actually I feel this way, and Ive loved doing my schooling. Its just been extra challenging. I've always been very family oriented, and I have no desire to escape from them for me time...well...most the time ;D
quote:
But is God calling you somewhere else? Or do you just think your family should be viewed as important enough to provide for your needs regardless of what the church leadership decides? When you spoke with the new pastor did you give him the sense that you would do anything he needed done, no strings attached and no bucking for a post? Was that made abundantly clear?
I dont know that God is calling me to any specific church currently, just to schooling. Our previous church determined that any childcare was taking up too many resources (member-wise). My husband and I decided that it is their priority to have the church set up as they desire, however we personally needed a church that could include us as a family. Our pastor had repeatedly approached us about why we didnt participate in the two bible studies they did have going, yet when we said that we couldnt pay for outside childcare, they repeated that it wasnt a priority for the church. My husband and I are involved in a ministry outside our church, and frequently have joined those people for fellowship, activities, and bible studies. My pastor wanted us to be in fellowship with the church more, WHICH I TOTALLY AGREE WITH. But because we had children, we were prevented from participating. We finally approached the pastor and told him that the reason we were able to do this other ministry was because it was with other families and it was a priority to have childcare for them to fully participate. Therefore, it was in the best interest of all involved if we went to a more family friendly congregation. We have been visiting two churches that we are fairly familiar with, but have not made a decision yet.
At no point did I ask or imply that I wanted a position in the church. In fact, thats not even the truth. I am not doing my schooling in hopes to acquire a job, but I do pray that my education can be a blessing to my congregation. But I believe that a church should also be responsible for guiding those in leadership in the church (because we were so small, most of us had some sort of leadership position...it all kind of fell apart with the change of pastors)
We did do other work in the church and were available for whatever they needed...providing that it was something the children could accompany me on.
quote:
When your family's childcare was taken away and the pastor didn't get excited about your call, you left. It is possible you negated their perception of your passion for "whatever God calls me to" if it didn't include a little, hurting church with a new pastor who took away childcare. If God calls you somewhere else, go. If not, have a seat in your little church and taste the call
Please do not think I left my church lightly , or in a huff. By the time we left, there were only 6 others remaining memebers of the original church. We perservered because we know that change is difficult, and churches frequently falter in the change over. There was a lot of prayer, grief, and guilt in the decision to leave. We needed to be where we could grow spiritually, and there was very little of that going on in the church for any of us. We want to serve and be served fully as Christ dictates, being in fellowship with our church, giving of our time and money, bringing up our children in the way of the Lord, and participate in learning more of Him. Because we the only ones with small children, we were the ones that were losing out on those relationships. We did not expect them to change just for one family, so it was necessary for us to make the change. It was NOT done lightly.
This has been a very big change in my life in the last year. And its not a small thing. It was my hope that I would find others that understood this unique calling in life and had a bit of encouragement to offer for the future.
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/3/2008 10:08:59 AM
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youthrev
Posts: 82
Joined: 9/18/2007
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Excellent reply! I in no way wanted to imply that what I said is what happened. I wanted you to investigate your own heart and motives for the decisions you have made, as well as to give another minister the benefit of the doubt. Both of those are vital in ministry.
I applaud your process of decision making, including doing the hard thing of searching for another church. It always comes back to the call, but God calls us in different ways, including a lot of external circumstances that lead us somewhere else.
Consider yourself encouraged and supported by this veteran minister. Your desire to do whatever is necessary to pursue God's call is excellent. Your sacrifices to make it happen are applauded. I know that the Lord will do great things with you and through you beyond your imagination.
Now, as for not really knowing what God is leading you to after school, your willingness to follow now is a rare treat. I am reminded of a young man I was in seminary with. In one of our classes, the professor started each class with one of the students giving his testimony about how he got where he is. Each of us was able to tell when we were saved, how we were led to seminary and what we were planning on doing afterward.
All except one. Honestly, I don't remember his name. I remember his face and I remember his words. After telling us about growing up and his salvation experience, he kind of paused and said, "But I don't know what I'm doing the rest of my life. As I was finishing college, God told me, 'I want you to go to seminary.' So here I am. I don't know what I'm going to do with my degree; I'm not even sure which degree to get, but I'm sure the Lord will let me know. I'm just taking it one semester at a time."
That's the only time I ever saw any of my professors get teary-eyed. The class was dead silent. WHAT FAITH!!
That's you today. No idea for direction or vision, just that God wants you here in school, so that's what you're doing. GO FOR IT!! And don't let anyone talk you down! And thank your family for supporting you and walking with you through it!
YOU GO!!
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RE: In desperate need of encouragement and fellowship a... - 7/3/2008 10:14:33 PM
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free-to-worship
Posts: 84
Joined: 6/29/2008
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I can relate to just about everything you said. I also desire to have a degree in counseling, I feel it is what God is calling me to, and it is part of the ministry He is putting me in. I've experienced most of what you have gone through, and I'm sympathetic, but I will not say that I am sorry that you had to go through it, because it is just preparation for your destination. God is doing somethings in your life, and He has great plans as to what He is going to do through your life, and sometimes the molding of who you are to become does not feel good. You were at that church for a specific time to learn specific things, and notw that you have, it is time to move on. God will use people, places, and things to push you into your destiny. My advice to you is to forgive and move on. You are hurt, I understand, but you are still intact, let God tend to your wounds and you attend to what He has given you.
I remember when God called me into ministry, He told me that it would be three things that some individuals would use as a weapon against me. Those three things were my age (I'm 36 now, but I was 17 when I got the call, so I was really young starting out.), my gender (I'm female. Some people do not agree with female ministers.), and my color (I'm African-American). I've been snubbed, ignored, insulted, people tried to make me feel insecure in my gifts and callings, and just a whole lot of things, but...NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US WILL PROSPER! AND WE MAY HAVE SOME SCARS, BUT WERE STILL HERE! God bless you sister, and you keep the faith. I encourage you to keep going in Jesus name! He has brought you thus far, and He has never left you. God deals with those who tresspass against us! I'm here if you ever need to talk.
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