Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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| Yes. |
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Total Votes : 79
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(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult s... - 4/14/2008 9:27:00 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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Hello Forumers,
My name is Zedd Stubblefield, I'm 19 years old, I am a college student,
and I moved to live with my mother and step-father in Kirtland, Ohio
last year.
My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the
parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult
sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity
or goto church?
My personal opinion is; its not. They're forcing me to make a decision
I would rather not confront at this point in my life. They seem to be
(I'm no expert) using unchristian means (threatening to take away the
life I've made here) to achieve the ends of me going to church.
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to goto church. This is something
new they both decided FOR me.
Thank you for your time!
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:01:32 PM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3665
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
Status: offline
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When you are dependant on people, its their rules or the highway.
Don't want to go to church? Get your own place.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:09:57 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8915
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: offline
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I agree with both of the other posters here.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:16:54 PM
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lw9
Posts: 1208
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline
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Hello Zedd.
Make that another agreement with the first two posts. This isn't strictly a 'Christian' issue. The owners of the house [in this case, your parents] have every right to set the rules as they see fit, whether it's going to church or any other rule they choose. If you don't agree with the rules, then it's definitely time to move out.
Honestly... it's good for young adults to make their own way in life after a time, anyway.
_____________________________
Aperture Science. We do what we must because we can.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:24:14 PM
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sjd2008
Posts: 152
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
Hello Forumers,
My name is Zedd Stubblefield, I'm 19 years old, I am a college student,
and I moved to live with my mother and step-father in Kirtland, Ohio
last year.
My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the
parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult
sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity
or goto church?
My personal opinion is; its not. They're forcing me to make a decision
I would rather not confront at this point in my life. They seem to be
(I'm no expert) using unchristian means (threatening to take away the
life I've made here) to achieve the ends of me going to church.
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to goto church. This is something
new they both decided FOR me.
Thank you for your time!
IMHO, No it is not acceptable. While it is true that living under your parent's roof you are subject to their rules, I have to look to a larger view.
First,you are an adult. You may be under their roof, but, you have the ability to make your own choices.
Second, (and most important), forcing someone to go to church is the not ideal way to bring them to a relationship with Christ.
That being said, they may see something in your life that they believe that church attendance will "fix". This may be a somewhat misplaced attempt at showing that they do love and care for you. Some people are so eager to "get someone saved" that they forget the essence of the Gospel is love.
I gather that you're not a Christian and that you haven't decided whether or not Christianity is your cup of tea. If you feel that God is trying to talk to you, He won't give up until you answer Him. If you have questions about Christ and what Christianity is about, you might want to ask some questions in the Faith forums.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:33:10 PM
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rnershigh
Posts: 1764
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: DC metro area
Status: offline
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No one can force you to be a Christian and I wonder if your parents realize this. That said, have you thought of on-campus housing? Are you paying your own way at school? Are you paying any type of rent or helping with costs at home? (groceries, utilities, etc). If you are, then you may have a stronger case to bring to your parents about how you think it's unfair they are giving you such an ultimatum when they told you from the start they wouldn't try to pressure you if you lived at their home. Now they are breaking that promise to you and you're right, it isn't very Christian of them to state unless you become a Christian and go to church they will kick you out.
If they are still adamant and unwilling to budge or listen to your concerns, I'm not sure what you can do as it is their home. You may have to start looking for another place to live. Check out your campus housing office to look into other housing options, I'm sure they'll have resources and alternatives available for you, if you can't get this resolved.
_____________________________
O Grave! where is thy Victory?
O Death! where is thy Sting?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 10:45:58 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2892
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
Hello Forumers,
My name is Zedd Stubblefield, I'm 19 years old, I am a college student,
and I moved to live with my mother and step-father in Kirtland, Ohio
last year.
My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the
parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult
sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity
or goto church?
My personal opinion is; its not. They're forcing me to make a decision
I would rather not confront at this point in my life. They seem to be
(I'm no expert) using unchristian means (threatening to take away the
life I've made here) to achieve the ends of me going to church.
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to goto church. This is something
new they both decided FOR me.
Thank you for your time!
Hi Zedd,
According to the information you have given, I agree with you.
While I think that "under someone else's roof, under their rules" does apply, the ground rules were set beforehand and that is what should be followed, they should not be able to change the rules afterward.
Now, can I ask a question?
Would you be willing to attend church to keep the peace?
_____________________________
~Kimmie
 When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 11:17:32 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3323
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Depending on the other behaviors, it sounds rebellious if he refuses to go to church, and is living at home.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 11:28:02 PM
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CherishedbyGod
Posts: 2895
Status: offline
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I say no. God never forces anyone. He woos people by His love and charm. He draws people.
They are portraying to you a wrong image of God which may very well drive you further away from God and the church.
Portraying a correct image of Christ is far superior than placing a legalistic bondage on someone and trying to force someone to do something that they are not ready to do.
_____________________________
~For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ~
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 11:32:28 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2168
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
Status: offline
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Are you helping out with housing expenses? If so, I would have a problem with them kicking you out? Who are your friends and do you abide by state laws regarding alcohol consumption? If so, I would have a problem with them kicking you out.
You are an adult and forcing you to attend church will not draw you to Christ. In fact, it may push you away from Him. (Been there, got the t-shirt to prove it)
The best thing to do is to explore your options and come up what works for you.
_____________________________
The grace of God is infinite and eternal. As it had no beginning, so it can have no end, and being an attribute of God, it is as boundless as infinitude.
A. W. Tozer (1897–1963)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/14/2008 11:57:28 PM
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Sun_Tzu
Posts: 44
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the
parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult
sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity
or goto church?
That sounds really loving. 
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 6:40:06 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2221
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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I tend to stick with the side of, if you don't like their rules, find you own place and make your own rules.
I wonder if that is the only issue. As suggested by other posters, what do you do to contribute to the household as another adult? Adult priviledges come with adult responsibilities.
BTW, what is the big deal with going to church? Sure it won't make you a christian if you aren't one. If you are a christian is it because you don't like their church? Find another. Is it because you'd rather sleep in on Sunday? That's a slack excuse. Is it just a "I want to do my own thing?" frame of mind that young adults have? What are you doing to show your spiritual side so you folks don't feel like they have to put you into this position?
_____________________________
still selling my wonderful home http://www.car2ner.2ya.com (my blog)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 7:49:58 AM
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Sun_Tzu
Posts: 44
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
I tend to stick with the side of, if you don't like their rules, find you own place and make your own rules.
I wonder if that is the only issue. As suggested by other posters, what do you do to contribute to the household as another adult? Adult priviledges come with adult responsibilities.
There is a difference between shedding off responsibilities and not wanting to have something jammed down your throat. And going to church isn't a "responsibility" it is a choice of what you want to do with your free time. Taking care of a child is an adult responsibility, not being forced to go to church.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 8:06:52 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3665
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
Status: offline
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If you are 19...or 40...and living at home with mom and dad...you are not an adult.
Adulthood isn't an age, its personal responsibilities. If you can't make ends meet, and we probably have all been there, and have to move home with mom and dad, you are to respect their rules.
Honor your mother and father.
Going to church is not an evil expectation. You should respect the roof over your head and the people who provide it by going.
Its plain and simple respect. Sit in the back and sleep.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 8:22:57 AM
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JimboFletch
Posts: 4749
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
When you are dependant on people, its their rules or the highway.
Don't want to go to church? Get your own place.
I agree.
It may not be a particularly good or effective rule, but unless you are paying room and board, you have to obey the home owner's rules.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 8:39:05 AM
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gengwall
Posts: 215
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MN
Status: offline
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I don't agree with their tactics but I do agree with their right and I don't think there is a "is it Christian" parameter to it. As a boarder they have the right to say "stay" or "go", and as someone who they are supporting financially, they still have significant authority over you. I understand you don't like it and that you aren't ready financially to be on your own. Guess what, this won't be the first time you are stuck doing something you aren't too happy about. So, "suck it up", "grin and bear it", "walk it off", etc., etc., etc. It's really a pretty small price to pay for free room and board (plus whatever college expenses they are helping with).
Our 22 yo daughter is living with us right now while she goes to school. She is free to come and go as she pleases. We don't really have rules for her, per se, anymore, although we expect she will show some common courtesy to us like calling to let us know when she will be home (or that she won't be home).
< Message edited by gengwall -- 4/15/2008 9:24:30 AM >
_____________________________
DOGBERRY on posters:
They have committed false report;
moreover, they have spoken untruths;
secondarily, they are slanders;
sixth and lastly, they have belied;
thirdly, they have verified unjust things;
and, to conclude, they are lying knaves
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 9:10:05 AM
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Qtman
Posts: 11026
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
Status: offline
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I have rules at my house. I also have two daughters age 38 and 32. Both are married and both of them and their spouses understand at my house its my rules. If I am at their house and I don't like their rules I will just go home. They have the same option at my house. If your parents have rules you just can't live with move out. It does not sound like a life you have built but one they built for you. Go forth and build your own life.
_____________________________
Please Remember our Military Past and Present. ALL gave some, SOME gave all.
Qtman's Musings
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 9:27:16 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4255
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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My brother is 20 and lives with us. If he weren't going to church and such he also would be finding a different place to live. With us, we also have to think of the other children in this family and what kind of an example he is setting for them. I don't think that it is unchristian or unloving to let a person know that if they can't live with the rules and philosophies of the home that they should find somewhere more acceptable to live.
Also, Going to church does not make someone a Christian, so they are not forcing you to be a Christian.
Furthermore, they are not forcing you to go to church either. You can choose to go to church and live with them, or you can choose not to go to church and live on your own. It is still your choice. No one is forcing anything. You are an adult. Take responsibility for yourself and your choices.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 9:50:34 AM
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rcjames
Posts: 4623
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
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It is their sandbox, so play by thier rules and go to Chruch; it will not give you a rash or anything, and it very well might change your life.
Thanks
RC
edited for clarity
< Message edited by rcjames -- 4/15/2008 2:40:55 PM >
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 10:36:55 AM
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phreddy
Posts: 240
Joined: 3/28/2007
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Actually, this isn't something that they decided for you. This is something they decided for their household. They are giving you a choice as an adult, live in their house and go to church or live somewhere else. I am sorry that you feel like they misled you, but it is their house and their perogative to change the rules when they feel necesaary. One year is a long time. What has changed since then?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:02:02 AM
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sjd2008
Posts: 152
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
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I guess it really depends on the parent's motivation. Are they doing this to assert parental authority? Then they are right.
However, if the motivation is spiritual, then asserting parental authority in this way may not work.
God does not force anyone to accept a relationship Him. He woos us and loves us to Him. He does NOT force us or drag us kicking and screaming.
It's fine to make rules for a household, however, we must also remember that God showed us grace. We should be willing to show grace to our loved ones as well.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:13:20 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4255
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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No one is FORCING anything. They have given him a CHOICE. He just doesn't like it. His parents aren't forcing a relationship just by having a rule that says that if he wants to live their that he has to attend church. As an adult they don't automatically OWE him room and board, and it may even be more loving for him to be on his own.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:14:13 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4255
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: sjd2008
God does not force anyone to accept a relationship Him. He woos us and loves us to Him. He does NOT force us or drag us kicking and screaming.
Case in point: Jonah
ROFLOL!
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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