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Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:08:01 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5611
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From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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I received an email from one of my landlords today. She says this (not the whole email, the rest was why she wanted to see me).
quote:
I was disappointed not to meet you on 19th May as I knocked at your door a number of times and waited quite some time for you to answer.
My response (I haven't sent it yet) is this, but I'm wondering if it's too harsh. I've had a lot of problems with my landlords over stupid issues (on both sides) and it's very frustrating. She didn't contact me before to let me know that she was coming on the 19th May.
quote:
Perhaps next time you want to see me you arrange to make an appointment instead of just turning up when you feel like it. I do not see why I should stay in my house on the off-chance that you want to see me.
If you would like to make an appointment, then perhaps you would be good enough to send me some dates/times when you are free (commencing the week beginning 9 June and beyond if next week is difficult for you) and I'm sure that we will be able to find something agreeable to us both.
Sound can be very distorted in the here. Sometimes we hear people knocking and then find out the knocking is on our neighbours doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it. I may have been in the garden, the laundry, upstairs or simply out. Without knowing you were going to try and see me I couldn't possibly have known to listen out for you.
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:19:12 PM
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karlie
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From: Central California
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I don't think that's too harsh at all. She has no right to expect you to be available to her anytime she drops by.
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:20:02 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26540
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{{{Aga}}}
How about something like . . .
Oh dear (fiddle, etc.); I hadn't realized you would be visiting on the 19th. I had some things to do that day, and so wasn't home for a good part of it. Also, sometimes sounds get easily distorted around here, and it's hard to determine where they're coming from. In fact, I've often gone to the door to answer it only to find out that the knocking was on a neighbor's door.
I'd be very happy to meet with you. To save time and possible frustration from coming again when I'm not available, perhaps we could make a set appointment with a specific date and time. My calendar will be clear after June 9th; when would be good for you?
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:20:04 PM
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peace77
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No, It's not too harsh.
Your landlord was not being reasonable to think she could just show up and then gripe that you didn't answer the door.
I would just change this sentence: quote:
Sound can be very distorted in the here to Sound can be distorted here OR Sound can be distorted in the apartments (if your neighbors have noticed the same thing.
Peace,
Anne
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:20:26 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1674
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quote:
Perhaps next time you want to see me you arrange to make an appointment instead of just turning up when you feel like it. I do not see why I should stay in my house on the off-chance that you want to see me.
If you would like to make an appointment, then perhaps you would be good enough to send me some dates/times when you are free (commencing the week beginning 9 June and beyond if next week is difficult for you) and I'm sure that we will be able to find something agreeable to us both.
Sound can be very distorted in the here. Sometimes we hear people knocking and then find out the knocking is on our neighbours doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it. I may have been in the garden, the laundry, upstairs or simply out. Without knowing you were going to try and see me I couldn't possibly have known to listen out for you.
It's really good except the first two sentences. They sound hostile and sarcastic. May I suggest you word it this way:
Perhaps next time you want to see me please make an appointment. I would be glad to find a time convenient to both of us.
I'm sorry you've had problems with landlords. They are probably used to dealing with rude people and they haven't discovered you are polite and reasonable. Keep up the good work and they'll notice and probably tone themselves down (or maybe they're hardened. Still, it's good for you to be nice even if they aren't; why lower yourself to their level).
Good for you for caring. So many people are hurtful in their words. God bless you.
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:39:04 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1093
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I agree, all but the first two sentences are fine. Wording like "just turning up" "when you feel like it" and "off-chance" make you sound a little juvenile, and are likely to make the situation worse. A better wording would be the kind that makes you sound calm and in control, and makes her feel childish instead.
You've had some good suggestions. You might also say something like, "I'm not sure why you expected me to be home -- I often go out in the day time." And, to be extra-gracious, you could end with, "I'm sorry that you were inconvenienced."
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 12:44:51 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11111
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From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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My rewrite:
quote:
Sound can be very distorted in the house. Sometimes we hear people knocking and then find out the knocking is on our neighbours doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it. I may have been in the garden, the laundry, upstairs or simply out. Without knowing you were going to try and see me I couldn't possibly have known to listen out for you.
Perhaps next time you want to see me you arrange to make an appointment so I know to be home and listening for you.
If you would like to make an appointment, then perhaps you would be good enough to send me some dates/times when you are free (commencing the week beginning 9 June and beyond if next week is difficult for you) and I'm sure that we will be able to find something agreeable to us both.
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"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 2:49:29 PM
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RichLP
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Shorter, no sarcasm, professional, and proves how irrational the landlord was:
I am not always home, and I was not aware you wished to see me. Therefore, I find it odd that you would be "disappointed" that this occurred; I am not, as a tenant, obligated to fulfill your expectations of when and where we are to meet without advance and agreed-upon notice. I would never extend this imposition upon you.
Should you wish to meet me, please contact me by phone during normal business hours. I am certain we can find a mutually convenient time and date.
Furthermore, note that sound can be very distorted in here. Sometimes, I hear people knocking, only to learn that the knocking is on our neighbor's doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it.
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/2/2008 5:38:21 PM
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preserved
Posts: 921
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
Shorter, no sarcasm, professional, and proves how irrational the landlord was:
I am not always home, and I was not aware you wished to see me. Therefore, I find it odd that you would be "disappointed" that this occurred; I am not, as a tenant, obligated to fulfill your expectations of when and where we are to meet without advance and agreed-upon notice. I would never extend this imposition upon you.
Should you wish to meet me, please contact me by phone during normal business hours. I am certain we can find a mutually convenient time and date.
Furthermore, note that sound can be very distorted in here. Sometimes, I hear people knocking, only to learn that the knocking is on our neighbor's doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it.
I think this re-write is the best...It's not too harsh nor two sympatheic but just to the point...
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/3/2008 12:30:12 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6265
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From: CA
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If she thought you were home, I wonder why she didn't call on the phone?
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/5/2008 11:16:35 PM
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stimulus
Posts: 181
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I think what you sent as your reply is fine, but I'm with Rich. I wouldn't write "perhaps we need to schedule an appointment to avoid you being disappointed" or anything of that sort. I would just write that "you need to schedule an appointment". Saying "perhaps" weakens it.
My rewrite, from Rich's would be something like this.
quote:
I don't understand why you were disappointed when I didn't answer the door. I am not always home, and I was not aware you wished to see me that day. I would never show up at your home unannounced and then be offended when you didn't answer the door.
Should you wish to meet me again, please contact me by phone during normal business hours. I am certain we can find a mutually convenient time, date, and place to meet.
Furthermore, note that sound can be very distorted in our home. Sometimes, I hear people knocking, only to learn that the knocking is on our neighbor's doors and it can be very difficult to hear if we are upstairs. Sometimes we simply don't hear it. It helps to know when to expect people, so please, make an appointment.
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/6/2008 6:54:09 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5611
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
If she thought you were home, I wonder why she didn't call on the phone?
Having just heard from her again, it seems she doesn't have my phone number... and has no way of getting it, other than asking me (despite the fact that she was given my email addy by one of the other landlords!).
To say that she's seriously winding me up is a major understatment.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/19/2008 6:33:47 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5611
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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Just thought I'd give an update.
I emailed her and suggested some dates. We arranged to meet last Thursday but something came up for me so I had to cancel and she was fine about that. Finally saw her today.
She was really nice. We talked about a couple of issues and I pointed out how upset I'd been over her email to me. She apologised and said that she hadn't meant it the way it had come across.
I shall reserve judgement about her until I know her better, but she seemed to be better than the first (email) impressions were.
Thanks again for all the advice.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Is this too harsh? - 6/19/2008 7:00:16 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16947
Joined: 2/28/2005
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quote:
I shall reserve judgement about her until I know her better, but she seemed to be better than the first (email) impressions were.
I'm glad for you! :)
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I really would like to be able to pause a conversation sometimes so that I can cool down and approach it rationally. 
