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Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 12:32:44 PM
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spoady_yodi
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/17/2008
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I am not one to post - i thought i would give it a try though to see if anyone else has walked through this and can give some sound Godly advice...
married 3 years. love my husband very much - I feel saddened though becasue recently he said that he doesn't really want to have children right now because he is afraid the children will grow up with division (in-law issues).
its a noble thought but it hurts because i feel like (once again) his love for his mother is running our decisions. Before we married we decided to have children, and before we became serious about trying for children we discussed and talked about it - I have recently learned that his mom refuses to try to work on our relationship anymore (which changed his mind)
i feel desserted; which of course make me very sad!
I have talked with him about how this decision hurts me -
I am reading scriptures on love to try and not be angry with him
I have forgiven my MIL and i am praying that God will heal that broken relationship - (even before this all happened i was pryaing for this)
Any other help would be greatly appreciated...
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 12:45:01 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 605
Joined: 7/13/2007
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I've never heard of people deciding not to have children because of in-law issues. I could understand if someone didn't want to bring children into a bad marriage. Is that what your husband is saying? If he's concerned that your marriage isn't stable enough then it would be best to work on strengthening the marriage. Children need a stable, peaceful, loving atmosphere to grow up in. However, many couples have in-law problems and are still able to provide a wonderful atmosphere in which they raise their children. Some parents are even blessed with substitute grandparents for their children through older couples at church or wherever.
If your husband is waiting until you have a perfect relationship with his mother before having children he may be waiting forever. And that would cause you and him to miss out on the wonderful blessings God gives us through our children. If BOTH of you didn't want children it would be different. God blesses us all with different things. But it sounds like you both really want children, your husband is just wanting everything to be in perfect harmony first (a bit unrealistic IMO).
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 12:48:33 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 769
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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I'm curious... what are the in-law issues, exactly? Is it you and his mom that don't get along, or is there more to it than that?
I do agree that, if he's waiting for everything to be perfect before having a baby, he's being a bit unrealistic.
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 12:57:35 PM
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1mlasp
Posts: 263
Joined: 12/9/2005
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What is his relationship (and yours) with his father like? Have you considered marital counseling for this? I would suggest a good Christian MALE counselor.
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 1:30:48 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 142
Joined: 5/29/2008
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There must be other reasons than in law issues of why he says he doesn't want children unless he is speaking out of frustration. I've heard a lot but that one is a first.
Do you believe he is serious about his desire not to have children or could it be that he is just not ready or worried about becoming a parent? Becoming a parent can be both exciting and scary. You are creating a new life, one that you will be totally responsible. You are taking on such an incredible responsibility for another human being. It can be overwhelming to men when they've not had to provide for anyone but themselves or a wife.
I suggest asking him to discuss what he means in detail. Discuss all the emotions that go along with having a baby and raising a child. Discuss everything open and honestly and then you may discover the real issue. He may also find that any concerns he has seem rather trivial.
The key: communication and prayer.
_____________________________
Allison's Mindless Chatter
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 1:42:49 PM
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spoady_yodi
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/17/2008
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answers to a few questions and also clarity:
2 things 1) he grew up with a lot of anger in his family and people not getting along with or fogiving each other - he has told me before that he prayed often for a big loving family (mine is big and loving!)
2) he didnt have his father in his life - he finds it very easy to talk to my 'rents and calls them
his mom & I havn't really gotten along - i have always been respectful and cordial but we just haven't blossomed a bossom buddy relationship. She opperates in offense ALOT.
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 6/17/2008 2:10:21 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 767
Joined: 11/28/2005
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There will always be problems in this life and it would be a good example for
children and others to see a couple who can problem solve and or work
through difficult situations(forgiving, working on reconciliation and being cordial and caring toward a person who hasn't gotten to the place of forgiving and reconciliation) ... how else will a child learn how to get along with others and show mercy?
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 7/4/2008 6:41:26 AM
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KPOP
Posts: 26
Joined: 7/4/2008
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HI THERE.
THAT IS TOO BAD
SO YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOU?
DO YOU HAVE LIMITS WITH HAVING CHILDREN?
MY HUSBAND TOLD ME ONCE ALSO THAT HE DOES NOT LIKE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH ME
BUT HE DID TALK TO ME JUST LESS OR TWO YEARS AGO
ABOUT CHILDREN
AND HE SAID HE WANTS DO TO IT WITH ME
HE USES THE TERMS BABY GIBORS
I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE CHILDREN MYSELF
BUT DELIVERY IS PAINFUL
AND I KNOW THAT I CANNOT CHILDREN BECAUSE OF THAT
SO WHAT I HAVE DECIDED AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I TOLD MY HUSBAND THIS
IS THAT HIM AND I WILL ADOPT
BUT FIRST WE WILL HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH KIDS SUCH AS KIDS OF OUR FRIENDS -- YOU KNOW SLEEP OVERS AND SO FORTH
WE WILL TAKE THEM TO LIKE
MAGIC MOUNTAIN MAYBE
OR CAMPING
OR EVEN TO OTHER STATES
IF THEIR PARENTS WOULD LIKE IT
THEN WE WILL PERHAPS PROGRESS SO FOSTER KIDS
THEN FROM FOSTER KIDS
WE WILL ADOPT
AND BY THEN -- PERHAPS
I WILL HEAR OF GENETIC DRUGS FOR PAINLESS DELIVERY
IT WILL TAKE TIME
I AM ALREADY 49 YEARS OLD
BUT I KNOW THAT WITH THIS GENETIC DRUGS
AFTER MENAUPAUSE IS ALRIGHT
IF THE GENETIC DRUGS IS DONE RIGHT
THERE IS I HOPE SO GENETIC DRUGS SO COVER UP PREGNANCY
I THOUGHT OF IT BACK IN 1995 I THINK IT WAS APRIL
SO PRAY YOUR HUSBAND WILL UNDERSTAND YOUR CONDITION
MOST HUSBANDS AFTER A WHILE -- THE UNDERSTAND THEIR WIFE GETTING PREGNANT
I MEAN YOU CANNOT HIDE PREGNANCY -- UNLESS THE COVER UP PREGNANCY IS ALREADY DISCOVERED
BY THE WAY
IF I DID NOT GET PREGNANT THAT I KNOW
SO MEANS I DID NOT DELIVER EITHER RIGHT?
BUT HEY
MY CAT SIGURA DELIVERED TWO KITTENS
AND THAT IS A MIRACLE
EVEN IF IT IS ONLY A CAT AND KITTENS
TAKE CARE
KATHY
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RE: Love my husband but sad - 7/5/2008 2:09:17 PM
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dianetavegia
Posts: 2000
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Southern Baptist, Non Calvinist, Pro Life Ga. girl
Status: offline
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I cannot imagine why your relationship with mil would stop you from having a family. Leave and Cleave come to mind.
Praying for YOU.
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