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RE: Nagging/Controlling Child - 8/27/2008 4:18:36 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5999
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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One piece of advice I saw once (on Supernanny, I think) was to keep a sense of balance: for every thing you reprimand a child for, find 4 things to affirm them for. That way, you're more assured of them getting a positive feeling about themselves and how you feel about them.
Another suggestion: do you ever have "fun" quality time with just her and you? Like for a shopping trip, or going out for a milkshake, or to the cinema? Something totally chilled. That might help.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Nagging/Controlling Child - 8/27/2008 4:25:16 PM
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mommyplus3
Posts: 56
Joined: 7/8/2008
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coconut-
i have the same problems (but my oldest is 14, and the other two are 9 and 11). i'm not much help since i'm sure i don't do it right, but...i think it's a good sign that she told you how she was feeling. have you tried giving her extra responsibility (i'm sure with that age difference you have ;o), and really building that up? and i have found that really complementing to others outside the family really helps my daughter.
prayers for your sanity 
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RE: Nagging/Controlling Child - 8/27/2008 4:26:32 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1630
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
One piece of advice I saw once (on Supernanny, I think) was to keep a sense of balance: for every thing you reprimand a child for, find 4 things to affirm them for. That way, you're more assured of them getting a positive feeling about themselves and how you feel about them.
That's a very good thing to keep in mind! I feel like I fall into the same thing, manda. My 9 year old dd is just so opposite me - she a free-spirited, strong willed, "messy" with an obsessively organized, scheduled, somewhat uptight perfectionist mommy - ME. It's hard. She just doesn't respond to me in what seems to me would be the logical way to think or behave. My ds is different - he thinks and acts just like me! Both have their pros and cons - I often wish I could just get a happy medium but I've got two ends of a spectrum. It's hard, I know.
But the other thing to keep in mind is that no one ever had the perfect mother. We put too much on ourselves.
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RE: Nagging/Controlling Child - 8/27/2008 10:09:39 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 288
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: csl7037
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
One piece of advice I saw once (on Supernanny, I think) was to keep a sense of balance: for every thing you reprimand a child for, find 4 things to affirm them for. That way, you're more assured of them getting a positive feeling about themselves and how you feel about them.
That's a very good thing to keep in mind! I feel like I fall into the same thing, manda. My 9 year old dd is just so opposite me - she a free-spirited, strong willed, "messy" with an obsessively organized, scheduled, somewhat uptight perfectionist mommy - ME. It's hard. She just doesn't respond to me in what seems to me would be the logical way to think or behave. My ds is different - he thinks and acts just like me! Both have their pros and cons - I often wish I could just get a happy medium but I've got two ends of a spectrum. It's hard, I know.
But the other thing to keep in mind is that no one ever had the perfect mother. We put too much on ourselves.
I think, as parents, we tend to be "rougher" on the child that is LEAST like us. We want to turn that child into the image of us (not saying it's a bad thing....just saying) because, for whatever reason (or subconscious thing) we think it's "right". So, we see the child who acts the opposite, thinks the opposite, as the "bad" kid...and swear up and down that they're doing it on purpose (especially as teens).
One thing I've learned over many years of kids...they're all different, they're all challenging in their own ways...and sometimes it's best to let them bed.
And, csl...I was/am the free spirited, messy kid raised by the uptight, neat-freak, perfectionist mom (my mom wouldn't leave the house without make-up, not a hair out of place, etc)...I am the TOTAL opposite to this day (and I'm over 40!). I survived..your dd will too!
NDY
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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