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No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 7:23:03 AM
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Calea37
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How many of you who homeschool go to a church where there are NO OTHER homeschoolers? Is it an issue for your son or daughter? My son has said on more than one occasion that the kids start talking about their school, teacher, etc., and he feels pretty much left out of the conversation; so much so that I am considering looking for a church with some homeschool families. He is finding it difficult to converse with the kids and has actually been snubbed on more than one occasion.
Is this an issue for anyone else, and what do you do about it?
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 7:30:18 AM
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Consecrated2God
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At this time we have no other homeschoolers at our church...but there aren't any other kids there, either, so it's kind of a moot point. Well, there is one six year old and two teenagers, so there aren't no kids, just not many.
However, at our old church, there were a lot of homeschoolers, and some of the public school kids did still manage to make the homeschoolers left out. Some of them do it on purpose.
As for what to do about it, do you have a support group you are a part of? This has always helped my kids to not feel left out when they see a lot of homeschool kids together and know they are not alone.
_____________________________
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 8:21:02 AM
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Calea37
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
As for what to do about it, do you have a support group you are a part of? This has always helped my kids to not feel left out when they see a lot of homeschool kids together and know they are not alone.
No, and this is a giant part of the problem; I can't find a group. The only group I have found is more of a co-op type thing and I'm not interested in that. I just want a social group.
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 8:43:10 AM
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Sunnymom
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The church we attend now has a few homeschoolers, but my kids have not had any trouble making friends with PS and private schooled kids. We don't make a huge deal out of where people go to school any more than we'd make a big deal out of where people go to work. Our kids contribute to conversations about school, and they ask questions and share input... it's about life and how people live it.
Kids will snub other kids over anything if that is in their heart to do- if it wasn't homeschooling, it'd be wearing glasses or being studious or not having the same kind of shoes.... Passive bullying is often best dealt with by just ignoring their actions and going on with social interaction as if the person being a jerk was only kidding. Teach your kids how to take the wind out of their sails by not giving in to being ostracized and snubbed. Help them with their confidence, and help them understand how to have healthy friendships.
I also make friends with the parents of other kids that my kids tend to hang with. It helps to lay the groundwork for future interactions and possible confrontations. I have already talked to other mothers about female bullying, which is subtle and passive, so if anything ever happens, I have set the tone for response beforehand, and we moms are a 'team', keeping our eye our for each other's kids. You have to be proactive about some of these things. 'Wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove' is my motto.
Now, if folks were actively hostile, that'd be another story entirely. The whole 'harmless as a dove' might go out the window.... 
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 11:32:25 AM
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HSmom2
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Hi,
Well there is no guarantee that even if there were other hs'ers in your church that your son would find a friend or playmate among them.
I would encourage your son to make friends with whoever is in his class. Maybe you could have a party for his class at your home. Give it time. Encourage him to be friendly.
If you can't find a group, I would encourage you to re-think the co-op. Look for other activities and groups. How old is your son? What are his interests?
Blessings,
Antaries7
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 4:04:45 PM
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Homegrownkids
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Our current church has no other homeschoolers. So far, so good. Although, my children do get tired of answering people when they say "oh, what school do you go to?"
Out of 4 churches that we have belonged to while homeschooling, only 1 gave us problems. They were 'minor' problems, but I think it was just the overall attitude of the church. More of a 'culture' thing than a home schooling thing.
It does get hard for me though. I long for common ground and when I am with a bunch of working moms... I feel a little left out of the group. Thank goodness the blessings of having my chidlren home out weigh that.
_____________________________
www.caringbridge.org/visit/pray4noah
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/17/2008 4:42:32 PM
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Calea37
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
It is possible that it is the culture of the church you are attending. When I was a kid there was a church we attended where the kids had major attitude. The parents in the church where we are now would never tolerate their children acting in such a fashion. They'd whop 'em upside the head!
But homeschooled kids, even though most I have met have been very friendly and courteous are just as susceptible to pride and haughtiness as the next kid. Fellowshipping with HSers might not be social paradise. That is why learning how to deal with it now might be a good thing, but the flip side is that I would want my family to get a blessing from church, and if my children were miserable there, and I could not reach some understanding with the other parents, well then- Adios!
Well, now that you mention it, I guess that is very possible; the culture of the church... The adults I have encountered have been very friendly, for the most part, though.
I hear you on the "dealing with it" part, but if he has no social interaction because he's being snubbed (for WHATEVER reason), then it is just not something I can tolerate. I have enough problems and worries! I am a known worrier, so maybe God is trying to teach me something...again...  I sure could use something just falling into place easily, though!! (Couldn't we all?)
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/18/2008 12:18:31 AM
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HSmom2
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Hi,
Yes I have encountered this. We were at a church with two other hs families. One spoke to us at a fucntion, but never again (was it someting I said?). They had two children, a boy and a girl, which I also have. The other hs family had a girl close in age to mine. None of these children attempted to be friends or have a conversation with my children. Mine just weren't conversation starters at the time. Twin girls from ps befriended my son, or at least one spoke to him and then when her sister talked to him the first one never spoke to him again. We ended up leaving after a year for many reasons. Oh yes, every week I had to listen to the wife of the youth minister tell me how it was Christian parents duty to send their kids to school to be "salt and light". But it was her son who called me mom one day.
I guess I would say, " try, try again". Many children are not taught any manners at all (hey, I am finding not many adults have them either). Help him to find a topic to start a conversation. Most boys like sports and most kids like music. Have him ask a question instead of saying "Hi". Or he could pick out one kid and stand by them and sit by them (that works for the younger set). Does the teacher introduce new students? Maybe you could speak to the teacher.
hsmom1
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/18/2008 11:48:17 AM
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anne3boys
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I go to a large outreaching church with almost NO homeschoolers. We have a very active children's ministry which I help with (helps to know what goes on between the kids). Our church is unique and growing because of it. I haven't encountered any attitude about homeschooling my kids, in fact, I lead a women's group, talk about parenting with them and just be myself in a non-judgemental friendly way. I don't look homeschooling as a divider between my kids and their kids. I just get them involved in activities (like the scouting troup our church has started) and then involve myself too to guide their friendships and get to know the parents. My kids are well behaved and friendly and we don't emphasize our homeschooling.
When you mentioned the attitudes of the other kids, that is troublesome, but not uncommon. You can look at your church as an outreach opportunity where your kids can be a positive challenging example to other kids if you talk about living that life with your kids and they are on board with that. Get to know the parents of those kids. If you are in a church where no one intends to lead a Christian life (meaning loving God, trying to follow him, active in study and prayer) then you are going to need to lead or go, IMO. If that's not the case, try networking with some of these parents, invite some of the families over to your home and get to know them. I have found that the parents want their kids to get to know my kids so that they are exposed to kids who make faith a big part of their life. The parents all know we are dilligent in what we expose our kids to and they have mainly examined their own views as a result of it, not disagreed with us. Once I built up a group of moms who also want their kids to be faith driven I find the homeschooling thing is minimized in our relationships and I have made good friends there.
For a homeschooling group, try posting something in the library. Homeschoolers always pass through there. That's how the social group I am in formed. Just put your name and phone number up and you'll have a group soon. I don't do co-ops either, just friendship groups.
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/19/2008 1:06:26 AM
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sen10tious
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Gosh, do you think your kid might be having a "real world" experience? At a church! 
Ok now that the sarcasm is out of my system, I'll try to give you a serious answer:
Most of the time my kids were growing up, we were the only home schooling family at the church. Making friends with, or at least being friendly with the other kid's parents helped a lot. If the other kids knew their parents were friendly toward us, the kids' relationship was most commonly that of being inquisitive, not snubbing.
When my kids were in high school, there were several homeschooling families, but all the others had children who were very young, at least four years difference, so that didn't affect us much one way or the other.
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/19/2008 12:45:13 PM
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elliemaejune
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Most of the time, my dc were the only hsed dc at church. Eventually there were some others, but not the same ages as mine, so they were in different groups altogether.
One church we went to had a large number of dc going to the same Christian school. All children who didn't go to that school were snubbed, whether they were hsed or not. (Methinks there needed to be some character training going on at that school and in their homes, lol!)
As the other poster said, children, being sinful creatures (like their parents) will find ways to snub other children for any number of reasons...or no reason at all. When your dc feels that way and talks to you about it, just nod sympathetically and move on. It happens, and we all have to learn to deal with it...which is not to say that it *should* happen in the church, for Pete's sake, but there it is. 
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/19/2008 11:32:03 PM
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planemom
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Children in church are the same children that are in public school, private school and home schools. Sadly, too many need to be taught manners. My second child, who can be very thick skinned or not depending on the situation, had a bad experience one day during Sunday school. My daughter asked a question and another girl said something quite rude to my daughter.
I asked my daughter "Did you tell her that wasn't very nice?"
My daughter replied "Yes, I did then she said "Who said I have to be nice?""
I told my dd next time look her straight in the eye and say "Jesus".
In talking with the teacher, who is a friend of mine, I found out that girl and another girl need some help in the how to behave department.
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/20/2008 9:07:50 AM
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timf
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he feels pretty much left out of the conversation
Being "snubbed" by children of low character is not the worst thing that could happen. Being included in all of the social antics that you are trying to avoid by home schooling might be worse.
Homeschoolers are in a position, particularly in regard to their children, to observe some of the painfully similar aspects of our churches to worldly systems. Youth groups in particular often show homeschooling parents how far the church has traveled down the road of the world.
There is a natural progression that is often discovered by homeschooling parents. If you are willing to go to the extra effort to home school, you may also be inclined to go to the extra effort to try to live your faith in a real way. This frequently brings you into conflict with other Christians who prefer the easy path (in regard to both school and church).
Broad is the way that leads to destruction. As a parent starts to follow the narrow way, they usually find fewer people who are on it. This often leads to finding another church, fellowshipping with other like minded families or even going so far as house church.
Public schools have been so successful in inculcating the religion of secularism in the youth of the nation that secularism is now the national religion. As a blanket of darkness settles over our land, we should not be surprised to find fewer and fewer families with whom we can have true fellowship.
Christians have benefited from the social inertia of a post Christian world. This is now coming to an end and more and more overt hostility to Christ will be encountered. Christians need to prepare themselves to survive in this world. It is just sad to see the first encounters with hostility to non-conformance with the world in the church.
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/21/2008 8:54:28 AM
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Calea37
Posts: 390
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quote:
ORIGINAL: timf
he feels pretty much left out of the conversation
Being "snubbed" by children of low character is not the worst thing that could happen. Being included in all of the social antics that you are trying to avoid by home schooling might be worse.
Homeschoolers are in a position, particularly in regard to their children, to observe some of the painfully similar aspects of our churches to worldly systems. Youth groups in particular often show homeschooling parents how far the church has traveled down the road of the world.
There is a natural progression that is often discovered by homeschooling parents. If you are willing to go to the extra effort to home school, you may also be inclined to go to the extra effort to try to live your faith in a real way. This frequently brings you into conflict with other Christians who prefer the easy path (in regard to both school and church).
Broad is the way that leads to destruction. As a parent starts to follow the narrow way, they usually find fewer people who are on it. This often leads to finding another church, fellowshipping with other like minded families or even going so far as house church.
Public schools have been so successful in inculcating the religion of secularism in the youth of the nation that secularism is now the national religion. As a blanket of darkness settles over our land, we should not be surprised to find fewer and fewer families with whom we can have true fellowship.
Christians have benefited from the social inertia of a post Christian world. This is now coming to an end and more and more overt hostility to Christ will be encountered. Christians need to prepare themselves to survive in this world. It is just sad to see the first encounters with hostility to non-conformance with the world in the church.
Thank you for the excellent reminder!! I agree with it completely and have to admit that I struggle a lot with trying to live the way I believe God is calling me to live and seeing in it direct conflict with some things in the church. And that is NOT to say that I think I'm better; just that there are many things that some think are fine that I believe are not.
Your post was very encouraging to me. Thank you.
_____________________________
Calea
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/21/2008 9:12:59 AM
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shadowspring
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Uh, am I the only home schooling mom who finds that - in spite of daily devotions, purposeful character training, and godly examples- their own children are on occasion rude and obnoxious to other people? 
All this time I thought it was the sin nature, the old man that we are all called to crucify daily, popping up his ugly head!  I thought that this was an issue for all mankind, only solved for us by the precious blood of Christ. I must be a huge failure as a home school mom and disciple of Jesus Christ, because my kids have been caught sinning on many occasion. 
All the above is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but I do want to make the point clear. Home schooled kids can be just as obnoxious as any other child in the world. Christian kids can be just as obnoxious as any other child in the world. Knowing the right way to act does not guarantee that we will always ACT that way!
I think it's important to teach our children to be forgiving, to use good will and humor to deflect rejection and redirect a conversation when needed, and to walk in humility, remembering that they are also guilty of the same sins the see so clearly in other people.
Group dynamics is something they will have to deal with all of their lives. They can in many cases just be picky about the groups they will associate with. However that is not always possible.
Wouldn't it be awesome if they could find the grace to help make any group dynamic they find themselves in, just a little more loving, joyful and gracious that it was without them?  If somehow, they could learn to forgive their enemies, and love the unlovely?
I know, I know, it is not ever easy and it is not even pleasant at the start. But it reaps a great reward in the end.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/21/2008 1:03:38 PM
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dance4joy
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I know others have already said it, but I can tell you from personal experience that homeschooled kids can be just as mean as public schooled ones. We had problems with cliques in our homeschool support group!
_____________________________
Proud mommy of my precious little girl, Evangeline Victoria.
Born, April 18, 2008
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/21/2008 1:10:57 PM
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shadowspring
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They sure can be mean!
My daughter's middle school trials were all brought to her courtesy of our home school Girl Scout troop.
We are all sinners in need of a Saviour.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/21/2008 7:40:41 PM
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cynthia
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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When TL joined Girl Scouts it was very hard for her. The whole troop was home schooled girls, but they froze her out. There were two other girls that had come in the year before her and they were having the same trouble. The three of them banded together and basically I told them how to handle the other girls. It worked, without being rude. It was a huge lesson for her and for Mommy.
_____________________________
"A tax supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state."
-- Isabel Patterson
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RE: No homeschoolers at church - 3/23/2008 9:05:49 PM
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lifeisgoodwgod
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We attend a church where my dd is the only homeschooled child. There were a pair of twins that were homeschooled a couple of years but they went back to public school this year. Even when these other children were homeschooled my daughter was snubbed, especially by these two. Our church starts youth in 6th grade and we tried to encourage our dd to attend and she cried every Sunday for 4 months when we said no more. We felt she needed to try harder to fit in and she tried very hard and failed. Most of the children at our church are spoiled brats. They have no feelings for others and were not encouraged by the youth directors to improve their behavior. I spoke to our pastor and the youth directors and their response was "that is how all kids act". Excuse me but could you do some teaching of our 2nd greatest commandment to love your neighbor as yourself? We pulled her out of youth at our church and she now attends a "friendlier" church regularly for AWANA and Youth. She LOVES it and fits in beautifully. We still attend our original church because my husband and I have been members for 20 years and find this compromise suits us fine. My dd still attends Sunday School where she is really fitting in better because she has very limited contact with this brats and has learned that it is not about her. She goes to learn not to socialize. Some day these kids might grow up.
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