|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Question of how to deal with friends leaving the church - 10/12/2008 2:21:47 AM
|
|
|
switchplate12
Posts: 21
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
|
hello. this is a question about friends and friends who end up leaving the church for whatever reason. (i.e. a girl who was dating a guy at church eventually left the church because he didn't want to date her or spend time with her anymore. she pretty much just disappered. Without explanation as to why she left. she makes it seem like she is fine, but everything is pretty sure she is just trying to get attention from everyone else. It seems like a high-school thing.) So, in this situation, should we confront her and get her back to church? Isn't it a sin to stop going to church for some stupid reason like a guy doesn't like you anymore?
One more thing: if she leaves our church over this, isn't it a way of trying to get attention by people worrying about her? She doesn't seem to want to speak to anyone anymore. She just wants to have her job, have her apartment and not be bothered by anyone. I guess it seemed ok at first, but we think she is wrong. What bible verses should we give her to get her back?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 8:32:32 AM
|
|
|
Sadey
Posts: 540
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline
|
Are you the one who dumped her? Your post seemed very angry towards her.
She may have had her heart broken and its easier not to have to see him everyweek and at every church function.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 10:03:51 AM
|
|
|
IonMoon
Posts: 957
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: The Unted State of Confusion
Status: offline
|
Seems to me if she was doing it "for attention" she wouldn't be avoiding people/not wanting to speak with them. I agree with Sadey that it is probably painful for her to be at that church around that guy at this time.
The thing to do would probably be NOT try to get her to come back to church, but to pray for her, let her know you are there to listen if she needs to talk, etc. You can be a friend to her, even if she chooses not to come back to that church.
Leaving A church is not the same as turning your back on God, I can't see how leaving A church- a particular congregation- is in any way sinful. And trying to pressure her to do what YOU think is right could ultimately just push her away.
Tara P
_____________________________
http://www.geocities.com/hallscola67/KyliesHomemadeShopIndex.htm
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 10:36:46 AM
|
|
|
creationtalk
Posts: 697
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
|
I think it is completely understandable that she would leave the church. I left a church because someone with whom I had a legal issue sometimes attended the church. Although most who knew the circumstances knew that I was in the right, having me there made it more difficult for them to relate to this person...and I was very uncomfortable there and having that person around my child (then 4yo--a center player in the legal issues). I certainly didn't leave to get attention or anything beyond relieving a stressful situation. I could not worship God when my focus was on this other person.
It sounds like the situation is very similar for this girl. And frankly, if I got a lot of flack from others in the church about my decision as quote:
but we think she is wrong. What bible verses should we give her to get her back? then I would probably be much less likely to ever return.
And why are you so sure that it had to do with the breakup...you said quote:
Without explanation as to why she left. . Making assumptions and assigning motivation to others is very risky business. And even if it were about the breakup, SO WHAT? Perhaps seeing this person was taking her attention off Christ and she needed to leave because she was hurt.
As to quote:
if she leaves our church over this, isn't it a way of trying to get attention by people worrying about her? it doesn't sound that way since... quote:
she makes it seem like she is fine,
Perhaps it is more the young man in the mix is feeling guilty because he was cruel to her and is trying to make himself feel better by casting attention to her and her supposed wrong?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 12:32:24 PM
|
|
|
thebigfishstory
Posts: 22
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
|
OK I have to chime in on this one:
1. It is very possible that she is in sin for leaving the church. Where does it say in the Bible that we are supposed to leave a situation if it is uncomfortable? If she can't lean on the Lord during something as trivial as a breakup with a boyfriend - how will she stand in the Judgement??
2. swissplate: I wonder about your motivations for posting this. Are you the ex-boyfriend? Or, do you have some other reason for being so concerned about her? Maybe you should go directly to this young lady and express your concerns that way.
3. Isn't there a Bible verse about persevereing that would apply here?
GO DENVER! GO DENVER! GO DENVER!
(Greatest Football Team Alive)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 2:11:16 PM
|
|
|
delete123
Posts: 937
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: thebigfishstory
OK I have to chime in on this one:
1. It is very possible that she is in sin for leaving the church. Where does it say in the Bible that we are supposed to leave a situation if it is uncomfortable?
Just because she does not attend this church does not make it a sin. She can take it to the Lord in prayer or attend a different church all together as far as her relationship with the Lord. (If I were you I would not judge someone's decision when you do not have enough knowledge of what is going on.)
The only scripture I will offer is the one that belongs to the o/poster
I Thes.4-11~ myob
Your post is based on your speculation, feelings, and not facts.
The young lady can attend any church she wishes and stop attending anyone she wishes and doesn't owe anyone an explanation as to why.
Whether it be her ex b/f problem or just the gossip that may be flying around.
Since she says she is fine, leave her alone and stop looking for a verse to thump over her head!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:05:06 PM
|
|
|
switchplate12
Posts: 21
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
|
okay. No, I am not her ex-boyfriend. Why did someone say that? I didn't feel mean toward her in my original post, maybe concerned.
I didn't know that you could just leave a church, I thought that there was church discipline that had to be done like shaming her before the assembly like in 1st Corinthians with the man who was sleeping with his fathers wife.
but, in reality, I think she is fine, some of us miss her and just, to be honest, want to know her business.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:25:05 PM
|
|
|
delete123
Posts: 937
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: switchplate12
I didn't know that you could just leave a church, I thought that there was church discipline that had to be done like shaming her before the assembly
Why would you want her to be shamed? Because her b/f and her split and you automatically 'assume' her to be at fault?
And frankly it doesn't matter why or who the cause the split, why should a person be shamed because they decide they do not want to attend a specific church?
I think you need to listen to the sermons more instead of involving yourself in situations that do not involve you.
Not to mention to understand what scripture is refering to in certain circumstances. The man in 1cor. was sleeping with his father's wife.
That's a far cry from a young woman breaking up with her boyfriend.
and again read IThes.4:11 myob~ if she wanted you to know her business I'm sure she would have shared. Can't say I blame her for not doing so
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:40:04 PM
|
|
|
thebigfishstory
Posts: 22
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
|
Delete123: the OP apparently knew what the context of the verse was, but decided to misapply it to this situation.
Swissplate: R U in some kind of legalistic church or somethin'????
What in the world makes you think that someone should be shamed for qutting church. I still feel she needs to buck up and take the pain, but shame her no way. This is the year 2008 and what we are doing these days is far more cooler than anything that went on in the past.
Also, I would like to see your evidence that shows that she broke up with him. If she got DUMPED by him, then I can understand her feeling a little snooty, but if she dumped him, then she has no reason to leave, unless the guy was a total pinhead.
What I am also curious about switchplate is how you would feel if a guy left the church because a girl dumped him?? I feel guys should always take their stand and not back down nor should they ever run from trouble. I could see that, but a girl? They are pretty much expected to run in this situation, as they are the weaker vessel, thus saith the Lord, somewhere in the Bible, I think its in the NT, but not sure.
GO DENVER! GO DENVER! GO DENVER!
(SUPERBOWL HERE WE COME HURAHHHHHH!!!!!)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:46:43 PM
|
|
|
delete123
Posts: 937
Joined: 6/1/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
I could see that, but a girl? They are pretty much expected to run in this situation, as they are the weaker vessel, thus saith the Lord, somewhere in the Bible, I think its in the NT, but not sure.
Well you better look it up, because I would like to know where it says a woman is a weaker vessel!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:57:24 PM
|
|
|
thebigfishstory
Posts: 22
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
|
1 peter 3:7
HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW?
NOW THAT I'M ON MY WAY
DO YOU STILL THINK I'M CRAZY STANDING HERE TODAY
I COULDN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME
BUT I ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT
LIVIING IN YOUR RADIO
HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW!!!!
TOBY KIETH: GREATEST AMERICAN EVER AFTER THE DENVER BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 4:58:04 PM
|
|
|
SweetPea213
Posts: 61
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: switchplate12
hello. this is a question about friends and friends who end up leaving the church for whatever reason. (i.e. a girl who was dating a guy at church eventually left the church because he didn't want to date her or spend time with her anymore. she pretty much just disappered. Without explanation as to why she left. she makes it seem like she is fine, but everything is pretty sure she is just trying to get attention from everyone else. It seems like a high-school thing.) So, in this situation, should we confront her and get her back to church? Isn't it a sin to stop going to church for some stupid reason like a guy doesn't like you anymore?
One more thing: if she leaves our church over this, isn't it a way of trying to get attention by people worrying about her? She doesn't seem to want to speak to anyone anymore. She just wants to have her job, have her apartment and not be bothered by anyone. I guess it seemed ok at first, but we think she is wrong. What bible verses should we give her to get her back?
Unless you are the ex-boyfriend or maybe even a friend or family member of the ex-boyfriend, then it's really none of your business as to why she left your church. If she wanted you or anyone else to know why she left, she probably would have told you. It's pretty awkward to see someone with whom you've had a turbulent past with every week. She does not owe you or anyone else an explanation. Until she chooses to inform you and your church about why she left, then that's between her and God. Not her, God, you and your chuch. Just her and God.
Unless she's making homicidal and/or suicidal threats then just leave her alone.
quote:
ORIGINAL: switchplate12
I didn't know that you could just leave a church, I thought that there was church discipline that had to be done like shaming her before the assembly like in 1st Corinthians with the man who was sleeping with his fathers wife.
Somehow, I seriously doubt that you "didn't know that could just leave a church". Why does she deserve to be public shamed for not wanting to see someone she has had trouble with in the past? Not wanting to see someone isn't a crime.
Sleeping with your father's wife like the man in 1 Corinthians is a sin. Breaking up with your boyfriend and then leaving the church in which he attends like the lady in question here is not.
A church is somewhere you should feel safe, emotionally and mentally comfortable and loved with no strings attached, so that everyone can come and worship God, get closer to Jesus and fellowship with other believers. a church is not a place in which you should fear for your physical and emotional well being. I think that's how the first century church was like.
"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,where their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched." Mark 9:42-48.
If the presence of her ex-boyfriend causes her to loose her focus on Christ, or to stumble and fall into sin, then it is much better for her not to be there at the congregation.
I'm not sure I'd want to go to your church either, if I am not free to leave without giving anyone an explanation!
quote:
ORIGINAL: switchplate12
but, in reality, I think she is fine, some of us miss her and just, to be honest, want to know her business.
Again, that's none of your business.
_____________________________
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." ~ 1 Peter 2:24
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 5:50:32 PM
|
|
|
hnt
Posts: 541
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
|
quote:
want to know her business.
 That has to be a type'o right?
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/12/2008 10:03:00 PM
|
|
|
switchplate12
Posts: 21
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
|
No, it wasn't a typo, but I can see now why you find it funny.
It just feels like I need to know stuff about her in order to best help her. Think about this: someone comes up to you that you haven't seen in awhile, what is the first thing you say?: What have you been doing with yourself? It is pure human-ness to ask these questions.
I think the bigfishtory is a little off on his comments, though, as I also know men who will go aside when there is difficulty, i don't see it as a sign of weakness, perhaps wisdom, though.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/13/2008 9:27:34 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1805
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
quote:
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline No, it wasn't a typo, but I can see now why you find it funny.
It just feels like I need to know stuff about her in order to best help her. Think about this: someone comes up to you that you haven't seen in awhile, what is the first thing you say?: What have you been doing with yourself? It is pure human-ness to ask these questions.
If you care that much about her pray about it and IF God leads you go talk to her with a couple of friends. Talking about it with everyone else but her is gossip imo and God hates that.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/13/2008 1:28:40 PM
|
|
|
DeeAnnBailey
Posts: 2511
Joined: 3/23/2006
From: SC
Status: offline
|
If she is not attending your church, is she attending church? If so, then let this go. Her decisions, right or wrong are none of your business. If she felt you were someone she could go to, she would. She doesn't and reading your posts I think I understand that.
If she is not attending church anywhere, pray and pray hard that God will direct her and she will follow His direction. He doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't get confused.
_____________________________
D. Ann Bailey
My Blog Dee's Delights and Delusions
Pro-life, troup supporting Christian
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Question of how to deal with friends leaving the ch... - 10/17/2008 7:23:28 PM
|
|
|
srvHimalone
Posts: 3
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline
|
Hi Switchplate,
1. I agree as well with everyone else,not continue going to the same church is not a sin. (as long as the person’s conscience is clear with The Lord.) and we should practice Christianity not “Churchanity”.
Luke 9:50 The Lord said to the disciples “Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you."”
2. A lot of cults punish the members who left their “churches”.
3. Only a person who is hurt, no peace, feel unloved, uncared for or see some practices in a group that are not right or not biblical will leave that community (in this case; the community is your church)
4. A person who really wants attentions from others will have to be in that crowd, otherwise how can one receives attentions, if he or she leaves those people all together?!
5. If you or anybody else in the church ever consider her as a friend at all, you should contact her in anyway you can to show your true friendship and love to her. ( And why all of you that call yourself “her friends”, none of you care enough to contact her to show you care ?!!! Is your church not allowing the current members to contact the members that left?!)
James 2:18 But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.
(God loves us and He shows His love and died for us on the cross.)
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
