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Questions. Question. Questions - 7/22/2008 9:56:09 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 769
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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Hi God,
Its me. I'm just curious... how good does it make you feel to watch me hurt? What pleasure do you get out of this? For over a year now, you've watched me toil with emotions and friendships and love. You let someone come back into my life who I cared a lot about, and I've managed to build and practically destroy the relationship. I'm so glad you could help me remember all the pain I felt back then, and let it come back on me now.
In the meantime, I can cry about it, pray about it, wish about it... it doesn't seem to matter. I feel like I can't fix this. I'm miserable. And I just don't see you caring about that. I see a lot of dreams and promises... and wosrt of all, a friendship that (after all it had been through) I treasured going up in smoke. Is it fun to taunt me and tease me, like a horse with an apple? Are you leading me somewhere, or is this just something that's amusing?
You've given the hearts of one of my best friends to someone who I know (or should I say, believe) will treat her wrong and hurt her just as badly as her last husband, if not worse. He's a baptist, Lord. I realize that I'm seeing him with my own biases and anger and jealousy... but really God... What good will come of something like him? You'll let her fall in love with him, and let me sit here helpless, again? Maybe there's something good about him that I can't see, and I'm just so consumed by hate and jealousy that I don't want to. But I see his past, and I fear her future. And I believe that I know his kind. God, you told me (I thought) that I'd be there for her when she needed me most. So far, all I see is myself as a problem. A living, walking problem. What or who could I ever be there for???
I'm a headcase, God. A terrible, horrible headcase. As always, I'm part animal. Even my friends don't seem to want much to do with me, anymore. I don't blame them. I'm a creature, and feel as though I should be treated like one. I understand that I'm different, or at least that I believe that I am. Why did you make me to be such a terrible person? I'm supposed to heal, but all I do is hurt people. I'm not funny anymore. I'm a nusance. I'm not good, I hurt the people I care about. Especially those I care most about.
And since I'm on the subject, why is it that I'm filled with such hate? What am I supposed to do with it? Why can't I let go of the anger I have towards these people who hurt me?
I realize almost everything I've done in this is MY fault. I've made decisions in my life that have lead up to where I am, right now. I don't blame you entirely, and I don't expect you to care about everything in my life and make it perfect. I definitely don't expect you to make me perfect. I'm your flawed product, and I know it. I just wish I didn't feel like that was how you were treating me. I wish I didn't hurt so bad. And I wish you'd help me fix what I've broken... including my own heart with someone who I truly love, and would gladly die for. Help me with this torch that I carry.
Please tell me that you don't get satisfaction out of watching me suffer like this. Its something that I'm coming to believe. Please help me fix this scar on my heart, and to re-touch her's. September is coming God. I know I have no right to ask for what I am, but if you see it in your will and in your merciful heart, grant this wish and prayer of mine that I've expressed in my heart only to you, Lord. And please, if nothing else, let our friendship be strong and endure. And help to heal what's broken in my mind.
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 7/22/2008 11:22:56 AM >
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/22/2008 10:11:15 AM
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peaceofGod
Posts: 7300
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
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TorchHeart,
Your post reminds me of some of David's prayers in the Psalms--suffering, wanting to understand, yet not giving up.
Father,
Thank you for TorchHeart. We come to you in the name of Jesus Christ asking that you move on TorchHeart's behalf; that you intervene and that you provide all the healing that you know to be best. Please establish your solutions in his life and help him in every way. May his future improve greatly. Thank you for all that you will do. Amen.
_____________________________
Jn 14:27;Php 4:6-8 Peace
Link: Jim's Reflections
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/22/2008 2:31:22 PM
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kyl
Posts: 1665
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
Father,
Thank you for TorchHeart. We come to you in the name of Jesus Christ asking that you move on TorchHeart's behalf; that you intervene and that you provide all the healing that you know to be best. Please establish your solutions in his life and help him in every way. May his future improve greatly. Thank you for all that you will do. Amen.
_____________________________
Praying in agreement
AMEN
_____________________________
Psalm19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/22/2008 9:58:01 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 769
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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You know what? Who cares, right?
Thanks anyways, guys. I appreciate your prayers.
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/22/2008 10:25:27 PM
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Itlyn1kc
Posts: 1540
Status: offline
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TorchHeart, it breaks my heart to hear you talk like this. Of course we care. God cares! He doesn't always answer prayers that very second, he may wait, he may answer immediately.
It is in his timing and according to his will. God is not evil, and never would he be happy to see you hurting or know that you feel this way about him or yourself. All of this comes from the enemy and this is exactly his plan, to get you to think this way and loosen your grip just a little bitty bit from God. Then he will have won! You do not want the enemy to win at all!
Keep doing what you are doing and praying. The reason you feel all of this is because you feel badly about what happened between you and your friend and you are probably angry with yourself. I can totally understand that! I really can.
Please just let God work on you, let God work on this situation, he wants you to give it to him completely 100%. Your friend just needs a little time, but I promise just let God work things out for you. You are not a bad person, you are not horrible. From your posts that I have read before I see a caring, heartful, sincere person who is sorry for his actions! That's a pretty nice person in my book!!
I am praying for you friend and don't you forget we care!!!!!!
kc
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/23/2008 12:48:39 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 405
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: online
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Father God,
I lift up a forum brother TorchHeart tonight, and pray comfort and peace over the ache he is experiencing. Help him to discern what has taken place in a way he has not experienced- to step back, take a deep breath, and not be so fast to find fault, no matter whose it is. Take away the festering hatred he is feeling about himself. Lift him clear of any self-imposed pity party, restoring and reviving him toward an even closer walk with You and with his friends. Should they fail Him, help him to discover new friendships in his job, his hobbies. Bless him with wisdom in what he decides to do in the future, and provide healing for that aching heart. Lord, should things go as he expects they might, I pray he find reason to go ahead and let them, and that the reason be for someone ever so much more challenging and wonderful and loving of You.
In the healing name of Jesus I pray,
Amen
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/23/2008 6:25:49 AM
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conrack50
Posts: 690
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: 200 N. Bryan Ave. Shawnee, Ok 74801
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
Father God,
I lift up a forum brother TorchHeart tonight, and pray comfort and peace over the ache he is experiencing. Help him to discern what has taken place in a way he has not experienced- to step back, take a deep breath, and not be so fast to find fault, no matter whose it is. Take away the festering hatred he is feeling about himself. Lift him clear of any self-imposed pity party, restoring and reviving him toward an even closer walk with You and with his friends. Should they fail Him, help him to discover new friendships in his job, his hobbies. Bless him with wisdom in what he decides to do in the future, and provide healing for that aching heart. Lord, should things go as he expects they might, I pray he find reason to go ahead and let them, and that the reason be for someone ever so much more challenging and wonderful and loving of You.
In the healing name of Jesus I pray,
Amen
I am praying in agreement.
Connie Lou
_____________________________
Need a full or part time job?
Go GREEN with Eco-friendly Soy Candles!
** Click the small candle for the FREE Candle
Drawing at my Website**
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/27/2008 5:43:46 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 769
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Itlyn1kc
TorchHeart, it breaks my heart to hear you talk like this. Of course we care. God cares! He doesn't always answer prayers that very second, he may wait, he may answer immediately.
It is in his timing and according to his will. God is not evil, and never would he be happy to see you hurting or know that you feel this way about him or yourself. All of this comes from the enemy and this is exactly his plan, to get you to think this way and loosen your grip just a little bitty bit from God. Then he will have won! You do not want the enemy to win at all!
Keep doing what you are doing and praying. The reason you feel all of this is because you feel badly about what happened between you and your friend and you are probably angry with yourself. I can totally understand that! I really can.
Please just let God work on you, let God work on this situation, he wants you to give it to him completely 100%. Your friend just needs a little time, but I promise just let God work things out for you. You are not a bad person, you are not horrible. From your posts that I have read before I see a caring, heartful, sincere person who is sorry for his actions! That's a pretty nice person in my book!!
I am praying for you friend and don't you forget we care!!!!!!
kc
I'm trying. Believe me. its just hard for me to trust Him.
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/27/2008 5:49:51 PM
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Itlyn1kc
Posts: 1540
Status: offline
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I know you are sweetie...I am sorry you are having such a hard time...
Try to remember this. #1 satan is a liar. #2 God is perfect & sinless #3 so that means he is THE ONLY ONE we can trust EVER... Just keep going ok. I am praying for you 100%!!!! Don't let satan loosen your grip on the Lord or lose that focus. He of course wants to put that thought in your head that the Lord can't be trusted...That's because satan is the one who can not be trusted, he is the deceiver, once we fall victim to him, he isn't going to do anything for us, he isn't there for us. He just wants mroe people to get away from God. But, that will never happen. Keep doing what you're doing. Talk to the Lord and just ask him to show himself to you and I promise promise promise, he will. Trust me, I know. It may not happen over night, but when it happens, everything will change in your life. It took me a few months, but things started coming together and it just happened...So, it will happen and your faith and trust in him will grown stronger and stronger...
I am continuing to pray for you friend!!
kc
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RE: Questions. Question. Questions - 7/28/2008 12:05:36 PM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3674
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: offline
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Father, such pain. Father please help TorchHeart. Bring healing to his heart Lord. Help him to keep his eyes on You above all else. Help him to forgive, if need be over and over again as we know there can only be true peace and the burden lifed as we ask You to help us forgive. Help him to move forward in Your peace and grace. Thank You for caring so much about TorcHeart. Thank You for loving him. In Jesus precious name. Amen
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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