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Really need help with discipline - 9/2/2008 7:12:03 PM
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GreekGeek
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Hamilton, OH
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I could use some help...
My nine year old son has an anger problem. He is constantly yelling. He doesn't mind well at all and just screams a lot. We have tried grounding, spanking, writing sentences...nothing seems to work.
I'm looking for some good ideas on how to correct this behavior, please.
Thank you
B
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/2/2008 7:19:46 PM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 831
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: So. Calif.
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What is your reaction when he starts yelling?
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/2/2008 9:19:51 PM
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GreekGeek
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Hamilton, OH
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We remind him of his poor choice and how it will lead to discipline. We stay calm. His older brother is autistic so there are some difficult dynamics in the family.
It's been very difficult...
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/3/2008 8:36:25 AM
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FreeEagle
Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2008
From: Minnesota
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When mine were that age, one of the things that worked real good was "Pick Your Own Punishment". We made a jar with different punishments in it. Some examples: Grounded from phone, grounded from TV, Grounded from going out w/ friends, total grounding, Spanking, etc. The grounded tags had time lines 1 day, 3 days, a week. Then when they did something they knew they we're not supposed to - They Picked the punishment. The tough love part is for parents not to lie to their kids. So many parents say your "grounded" but give in before the grounded time is up. The benefit of this plan is a.) It's enforceable by both mom and dad. b.) It's fair to all kids c.) when they start whining about not being able to do this or that - "Hey don't yell at me you picked the punishment" Another thing we did was in the jar was a " You Got Lucky" tag. With this one, no punishment was issued. Also if you send your kids to their room as part of punishment, be sure to remove TV, toys and other fun things.
_____________________________
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse and the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.
Psalms 32 8-
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/3/2008 9:19:04 AM
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GreekGeek
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Hamilton, OH
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That is a great suggestion! Thank you - just what I'm looking for.
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/3/2008 9:29:18 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5993
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GreekGeek
My nine year old son has an anger problem. He is constantly yelling. He doesn't mind well at all and just screams a lot. We have tried grounding, spanking, writing sentences...nothing seems to work.
Under what circumstances does he yell? How do you react when he does? Do you and/or your wife ever yell at him (or each other)?
Does he get one-on-one time with either of you each day?
Is his brother older or younger than him?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Really need help with discipline - 9/3/2008 9:12:50 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1029
Joined: 4/29/2005
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If you've already tried consistent consequences that are big enough to get his attention (it sounds like you have) and if you tend to be mostly level headed when parenting (which it sounds like you are)... then it's time to dig deeper.
What makes him want to yell? What is it that pushes his buttons? Why is he at the end of his rope? What does he perceive to be the problem? Why does he perceive screaming to be a response that does something for him?
If he has an "anger problem" it's important to remember that anger is always a secondary emotion -- it is triggered by fear, hurt, vulnerability or other emotions that are closer to the core of the problem. So what is it that is going on in his heart that comes before the anger?
Does he have the skills to cope with anger? To recognize it before it gets out of hand? To describe what he is feeling? To do something to calm himself down? To do something safe and acceptable with his anger? You can teach him these things. It will work best if you make it specific and teach it in a matter-of-fact way like any other skill.
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