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Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 7:27:17 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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I know, I know...this is a loaded question so let me set the scenario.
Suppose you become friends with someone online and the more you talk with that person, the more you realize this person has so many of the qualities you are looking for in a spouse. You've never seen this person so you are imagining your ideal person has a full head of hair and looks like a cross between Brad Pitt and Ben Afflect. If you are a guy, your ideal spouse is very well proportioned and could certainly hold her own in a Ms. "fill in the blank" contest. You decide to meet in person and you discover this person to be even more charming face-to-face as online. Except, this person may be of a different race than you idealized or maybe this person has a receding hairline or is completely bald (male) or not as flattering physique as you had hoped for (female).
Do you put a "Great Contents but Wrong Package, Return to Sender" Sticker on him/her or might this person's qualities cause you to look beyond the packaging?
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 7:39:59 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1491
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From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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I think we as Christians should look beyond the "Total Package." Looks can decive people--for example you might find a person beautiful, but inside they have ugly hearts and an attitude which is not pleasing to God in opposition to someone who is not at attractive, even though the person is trying to improve on their looks who has a good heart.
I think that what we Christians should be doing, unfortnatly, and yes, I've seen it on here over the years and especially some men here rather have that barbie-doll-looks fashion model image instead of a person who has a kind heart and an servants heart.
But I would not have that "return to sender" thing because I judge people from the heart, not superficial interior such as race, etc...
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 8:06:49 PM
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9drtr
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From: Toronto the Good
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What you do is keep in mind that your fantasies are fantasies. Your date's failure to live up to unrealistic expectations is your problem, not his.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 8:17:38 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1584
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From: Toronto the Good
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I'm a dinosaur; I still use the masculine as the inclusive.
We need a dinosaur smiley.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 9:10:47 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1491
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The only way I would return to sender if that person is walking with the Lord or not.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 11:00:02 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
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From: So Cal
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Some of your responses had me chuckling quite a bit. Of course there would have to be the chemistry but as someone pointed out earlier, if that person is ugly on the inside then it doesn't matter what they look like on the outside.
At what point would you exchange pictures with someone you might be interested in knowing better? Is there a set time frame of dialogue?
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 11:10:43 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1095
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To be brutally honest, Yeah, I'd say Return to Sender. Looks of the person matters to me. I have to be attracted to the person. I'm not saying that he's got to look like Brad Pitt, but if his physical appearance doesn't appeal to me, no matter how godly the man is, I just don't think anything will develop between us in terms of romantic potentials. I would react the same way to someone who comes in a great package, but is empty inside. I'd send him back, too. I'd have to be attracted to the whole package. I know most of you will think I'm superficial. I know I'm not, so I won't argue.
But I doubt I'd come to the point of meeting a person without knowing what he looks like. I won't even correspond with anyone who doesn't put a picture on their profile (when I used to have an active profile in a dating site). I fear that a person is hiding something (married??) when they don't post a picture, so no matter how great they describe themselves, I'll just ignore them.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 6/29/2008 11:22:37 PM >
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 11:14:55 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 634
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From: Somewhere out there
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
as someone pointed out earlier, if that person is ugly on the inside then it doesn't matter what they look like on the outside.
At what point would you exchange pictures with someone you might be interested in knowing better? Is there a set time frame of dialogue?
just a little emphasis on the first part LOL
Meeting on the internet has an advantage- you base your opinion on someone based on their words, their thoughts, their beliefs, etc.- the IMPORTANT part of who they are- not the superficial. Unless they lied to you about their looks, when you first 'see' them, if your opinion changes, the person with the problem is you- and the problem is misplaced priorities. He/she doesn't cease to be funny, intellegent, Christian, compassionate because they have buck teeth or a bad haircut. Let me ask this- in 20 years they won't look the way they do now (ask people who have married for looks LOL), so why bother majoring on it now? A divorce because he went bald or she got fat is a disaster for all involved... living with 4 children badly harmed by this right now.
I know that people here whom I have met in real life are shorter than they sound  , younger than they seem, more shy in person than on the computer, greyer, balder, thinner, cuter, etc. than I thought they were based on MY PROJECTED IMAGE vs REALITY. Not a one of them has lost my friendship because of it. I don't use physical description to determine friendships nor relationships.
Come to think of it I was engaged to a guy with physical results of a bout with polio. He has a fully paralyzed leg and walks with a very strong limp. But he is also a wonderfully sweet, funny, God loving guy. If our ministries ever lined up, I'd still consider him- limp, appreciation for good food , and all.
I'd exchange pictures when we decided to meet, to avoid standing at the airport not knowing who I was looking at LOL- the time frame would depend on the relationship.
< Message edited by KuKu -- 6/29/2008 11:25:05 PM >
_____________________________
We are mortal until God is done with us C.S.S. 
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/29/2008 11:25:51 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1491
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About this race thing--that is a pet peeve with me because I don't think Christians, those who believe in the bible should not reject someone because of their race. It really, to be honest should not be an issue nor physical charatistics. Look, I'm not one of the beautiful people in the world as far as looks is concerned, but at least I do have a heart and a soul, and even though they are far from perfect, one thing that I have and that is Jesus in my heart. And if these people are looking for perfection as far as looks, etc, as they find their future husband/wife, I believe that something is wrong with them and they need to take a reality check.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/30/2008 12:31:15 AM
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LabGuy
Posts: 2883
Joined: 9/22/2007
From: NW Pennsylvania
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I would have to say that it's essential that we find our (prospective) mate attractive. But I do not believe that is determined by looks alone.
The Bible makes it clear there are obligations within the marriage covenant - ones that would be difficult or impossible to fulfill if you find your spouse unattractive. To marry someone you simply do not find attractive is to set yourself up for failure and invite sin.
But in all honesty, physical appearance is only one component of that. I believe you will find that if you genuinely care for someone, your standard for beauty/handsomeness is going to be dramatically broader than for a random stranger. And that's because you know the whole person. And if you're attracted to the whole person, the odds are good you still will be when the inevitable happens and their looks change/fade.
Hope that made sense...
-Robb
_____________________________
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. - II Corinthians 5:17
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/30/2008 1:04:20 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 1929
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
I've seen it on here over the years and especially some men here rather have that barbie-doll-looks fashion model image instead of a person who has a kind heart and an servants heart.
I have seen men on here say they want someone attractive TO THEM, and I've seen men describe what is attractive to them, but in all their descriptions and discussions, I actually haven't seen any of the men say they insist on the Barbie doll look...good thing, because I heard at some point that some engineering type people figured out at one point, that if she were a real person, she would topple over and be unable to walk. I also haven't seen any man on crosswalk, even in Men's Only (yeah, I peeked, naughty me  ) say looks was their ONLY criteria, or that they would want good looks INSTEAD of a servant's heart. All the men I saw listed good character qualities they desired as well.
I really don't think a man wanting someone attractive to him is that big of a deal, because once boys get out of their jr. high and high school immaturity, and aren't so influenced by peer pressure, there comes a point when there are as many different opinions of who is attractive and who is not, as there are men.
Ask yourself, this Gayle. Would you rather have a husband who could honestly tell you every day how pretty you are to him, or a husband who you knew wasn't attracted to you, and was merely tolerating you? If you and your spouse aren't attracted to each other, would it really be good for your physical relationship?
I have had some men tell me they greatly prefer redheads, and I've had some men who don't prefer that themselves tell me they have friends who do. Other men, however prefer blondes, others brunettes, others black women, others hispanic women, etc, etc. Now as a redhead myself should I sit around sulking about all the men who prefer the other hair colors/races? No, of course not. I want one of them men who prefers redheads
(and there are plenty that do), because I want to be reassured on a daily basis that he finds me attractive.
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 6/30/2008 1:50:23 AM >
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Click here to hear the song behind my user name.
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/30/2008 1:09:04 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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Seems like most would say there has to be decency in the physical appearance to not put the "Return to Sender" sticker on him or her (lol). Just because of all the issues going on with identity theft. Regarding pictures being posted, I would probably be more inclined to send a few photos upon request and not necessarily post a picture that anyone and everyone could see. Another issue to consider about posting pictures is that we share some very personal things on here (that I would only share with a very select few in person). I would be a little concerned about lets say a coworker recognizing me and sharing some of the details of what I share here but this is a whole other topic altogether. I would want to swap pictures very early in the game though if I came across someone I might be interested in getting to know better.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Return to Sender or Not? - 6/30/2008 1:17:58 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 1929
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
The only way I would return to sender if that person is walking with the Lord or not.
What about poor personal hygiene? What if you had nothing in common? You like music, don't you? What if he thinks music is stupid? What if you enjoy traveling, and he never wants to leave the neighborhood? I think there are a few more factors that come into play besides just Godliness, although Godliness IS the most important.
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Click here to hear the song behind my user name.
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