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Soliciting encouragement - 6/12/2008 10:57:46 PM
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aud1
Posts: 1
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline
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My divorce was finalized in March of this year. My ex and I were going to move to Oregon together, but he went ahead of me, w/ my daughter and I stayed behind to tend to business in AZ. Long story short, he left my daughter in Oregon while he was in town (without my knowing) and attempted to have an affair w/ his massage therapist (who did not know he was married) and accidentally gave her my cell # which is how I found out. He used my daughter's child support to get back up to Oregon. (He controlled the finances). It went downhill fast from there... I found out he was addicted to pornography, paying money out to these internet porn sites, on-line dating, complete w/ personal ads that claimed he was "single" when in fact he was married to me, very controlling and left me w/ a $100K tax liability b/c he filed taxes behind my back married but separate...there's a lot more, but that's the jist. It was a very difficult time, but I made my vows w/ the intent of seeing them through. We lost a baby together, just went through some really hard times - I don't blame him for everything...I know I wasn't always the easiest person to be around. I finally was coming out of the funk, and it was too late. We were together last November, and stayed in touch w/ a series of e-mails until early this year.
Back to the top - my divorce was finalized in March and he married in the beginning of April to a beautiful, Christian woman. He's proclaiming to be this "Godsend" who lives wholly in spirit and surrender to the Lord. It appears they have the "best" of everything - love, living a life in Christ, and...she's a motivational speaker. I feel she has no clue about the "real" him and he doesn't deserve her... Am I being completely irrational in my feeling that there is no justice? If he's reborn and a whole new person in 4 mos, is he completely absolved of all the wrong he did? It shouldn't bother me - what he does w/ this life from this point on...but I spent a few days crying and grieving when I found out he was already married and couldn't give his "spiritual all" to our marriage. Just need some words of encouragement and understanding right about now. Thanks!
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/13/2008 12:04:17 AM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1084
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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One word:
Ecclesiastes.
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/13/2008 8:40:25 AM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11163
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
Status: offline
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Psalm 73.
Granted, we don't know if he's suddenly become a new person, but Psalm 73 can often be a comfort when we see what we think are injustices like this.
_____________________________
Tricia
"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/13/2008 9:52:15 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1701
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
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change is often very hard...Joshua was going through a great change, and loss of one of the greatest leaders of his time..God's words to him also apply to us today-
"Be strong and very courageous." in another verse God told him "For I am with thee, I will not fail thee, I will not forsake thee."
also when we acknowledge Him He shall direct our paths.
Give all of yourself to God daily. He is with you and will guide you.
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/13/2008 10:30:53 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3200
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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This is God's will for you in this:
43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." -Matthew 5
God sees everything and if your ex is deceiving his new wife He, and He alone, will reveal it and deal with him. Hopefully, he truly has changed, but if not, God will take care of him...*shudder* 
13 "The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. 14 From the place of His dwelling He looks On all the inhabitants of the earth; 15 He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works...
Keep your eyes on the Lord. He loves you and will see you through this...
18 Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, On those who hope in His mercy, 19 To deliver their soul from death, And to keep them alive in famine. 20 Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. 21 For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy name. 22 Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, Just as we hope in You." -Psalm 33
I am so sorry for what you've been through, but always remember, you can trust the One who died for you.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/13/2008 7:45:48 PM
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still4gvn
Posts: 1086
Joined: 12/28/2005
From: just north of Seattle, WA
Status: offline
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divorce was finalized in March and he has a beautiful Christian marriage in April? Give me a break. They were making wedding plans while he was married (plus probably doing porn and whatever also). Either she is incredibly dumb or he's been lying to her.
Jump up and down and praise the Lord that you're rid of this #?*&. And say a prayer for her - she'll definately need it.
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RE: Soliciting encouragement - 6/14/2008 12:02:51 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1678
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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OK, so the guy is a lying, porn-grubbing adulterer who doesn't provide for his family - God says:
1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
What does God do with unbelievers? Uh-huh. Now what will He do with someone WORSE than an unbeliever? Think that through.
Now look at God's "bad list":
Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Gal. 5
This guy is in deep trouble. I think the "beautiful, Christian woman" is probably not what she appears (or is this just his report? He's a liar, remember); it's possible and very likely she's as much as a fraud as he is and he's finally found his match. And it wasn't made in heaven.
If he hasn't confessed his sin to you and told you he had turned from it and returned to being a good husband to you, and quit the porn, lying, financial mismanagement and not taking care of your kid, then you have good reason to believe he's still in deep sin and denying it. Oh, ho, there *will* be justice. And consequences, but they will be in God's timing. Ta_mosquito nailed it with Psalm 73, so go read it if you haven't already.
God bless you, dear one. Even if you were struggling with issues that were hard for him, TOUGH! That's why he made vows to you before God "in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, for better or worse." You meant them, he flagrantly violated them over and over. His new wife has great misery ahead.
And you got your heart broken. (((Hugs))) Cry, grieve, mourn that your husband was an unfaithful excuse of a man. Then thank God for His goodness even if no one else is good to you. Pull up your socks, hug that kid who lost her father and has had to watch her mother die a little inside, and the two of you make a good life together. Get a big bad lawyer and sue the guy for support. Cut off his visitation if you can, as his sexual problems can contaminate here.
Pray that God will heal you and heal your broken little kid, because it has been worse for her: her life split apart, she lost dad and for a while lost her mom. Lean heavily on your family to help you if you can, or on your church family. Get counseling from your pastor if he's good at it, and join a divorce recovery group. Solicit help for your kid, and ask moms to let her come play with their kids. Take interesting trips or visit places she likes. Give your heart and hers time to mend. Your focus is now a fatherless child and she needs you desparately; help her all you can.
Look at 1 Corinthians 7, especially verse 15.
God bless you, dear one. May He heal you and raise you up, glorious in His love and grace. And may He provide a *real* Christian husband for you when you've healed. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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