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Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 1:38:10 PM
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woodwind228
Posts: 442
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From: Atlanta
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I'm wondering...what are the top challenges/issues you guys face in your singles group at church? How do you minister to them? If there are single parents in your group, what are their top challenges - how do you minister to them and help to meet their needs?
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 1:42:49 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 4143
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From: At home and its great!
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The top challenge at my church is that there is no singles group. 
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri "I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being." Psalm 104:33
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 1:43:53 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13077
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From: west coast of FL
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I'm too old to be involved with the singles group at mine.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!!!!!!!
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 3:08:56 PM
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woodwind228
Posts: 442
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From: Atlanta
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quote:
So I would say single's groups need more men.
I can't say I blame some of the men though. When a new man does come into a group the women pounce on him like starving wolves. I just get excited because I have someone to talk about my interests with and not smile and nod at all the chicky discussions.
Okay, so what would make it more appealing for men to be involved with a group then?
I guess the group I'm involved in is lucky...it's not a meat market like so many seem to be (or have a reputation/perception to be). Thankfully, the majority of our singles are there for the right reasons. When people come just to find a guy/girl, they don't typically last long around our group. Women may outnumber men in mine, but probably not by much. We're pretty active and try to cover the gamut of ministry: evangelism, fun, missions, etc. However, we do have a small group that are more active than others who show up for almost everything, not just the fun stuff.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 9:47:56 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2843
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
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We don't have a singles group but so many have left that the bigger issue is holding the church together ...
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 10:59:49 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6950
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quote:
ORIGINAL: woodwind228
quote:
So I would say single's groups need more men.
I can't say I blame some of the men though. When a new man does come into a group the women pounce on him like starving wolves. I just get excited because I have someone to talk about my interests with and not smile and nod at all the chicky discussions.
Okay, so what would make it more appealing for men to be involved with a group then?
I guess the group I'm involved in is lucky...it's not a meat market like so many seem to be (or have a reputation/perception to be). Thankfully, the majority of our singles are there for the right reasons. When people come just to find a guy/girl, they don't typically last long around our group. Women may outnumber men in mine, but probably not by much. We're pretty active and try to cover the gamut of ministry: evangelism, fun, missions, etc. However, we do have a small group that are more active than others who show up for almost everything, not just the fun stuff.
1. To one extent or another every singles function is a meet market. It is in most people's nature to desire marriage. Put a single around a bunch of other singles and they are going to look until everyone in the group has been eliminated as a potential.
2. It's hard for me to answer what would make a group for interesting to men as wasn't single during the "single group" eligible years.
That is, Most members of "singles group" are just out of college (say younger than 33 or so). I became single at 44. Even if we had a singles group I'd not fit in.
However I'll take a few guesses. (Y'all knew I would)
a) It should be a place that is safe. In most groups, and most churches for that matter, confess one si and you're looked at as damaged goods. (Joe single guy says during a prayer meeting or something, "I have to say that when the SI swimsuit issue comes out I get really tempted". Almost instantly Susie church goer is telling Janie pew sitter "Did you here that Joe Single guy is a porn junkie?"). Many men are terrified of confessing the slightest failing. They know that if they do, someone will blow it up into a major disqualifier towrads ever getting married (or having a ministry etc)
b) It should be a place where people are comfortable talking to each other (Joe SG says "HI Susie. That dress looks really good on you" (or some other nice statement) Next thing Joe knows he's marked as taken by Susie and unavailable to anyone else, including the people he may be interested in. Far too quickly we leap to conclusions and take things for granted.
c) It should be spiritually alive and NOT focused just on singleness. If he wanted to dwell on being single he'd just stay home.
d) It should be fun. Having a singles group meeting being a church service kind of defeats the whole purpose. If he wanted a church service he'd be at the weekly services or at a revival somewhere. Having a short praise session, and maybe a very short lesson, followed by a long fellowship time would be OK. Special projects of course would be scheduled during other times. Likewise a singles bible study is senseless. There is no scripture that has a different interpretation to singles than it does to marrieds. Why segregate yourselves to study the bible.
But do fun things that are both Godly and helpful to the people. Play something, help someone go for walks etc. It gets awfully old sitting in a church house listening to people brag about how wonderful their life as a single is (especially when you hear them complaining elsewhere about not having a date for Friday night)
Long ago M and I were assistants to the singles pastor. Every guy I talked to about why they came gave pretty much the same answer. It boiled down to "fellowship with other singles and maybe even meet someone" Singles aren't short of study or praise, we're not short of faith or grace, we don't lack church service time or even prayer meeting time. What we lack (most of us anyway) is good Christian fellowship with someone we can make a life with.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/10/2008 11:29:36 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1608
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From: Toronto the Good
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ladioffaith
so many have left that the bigger issue is holding the church together ...
Di, I'm sorry. I've been through that and there's nothing good about the feeling.
We also have no singles group.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/11/2008 12:46:24 AM
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dsfuva
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From: Virginia
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My church does not have a singles group either. It has ministries for young adults and seniors which are open to both singles and married folks in those respective age brackets.
Based on previous experience I've had with singles groups in other churches I've attended, one of the top issues is realizing that middle-aged singles have much different needs than singles in their 20's.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/11/2008 2:20:56 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 5256
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I have been attending a single parents Bible study for more than two years. It's offered through one of the mega churches in my area that I used to attend. They have separate singles Bible studies and events for the various ages (20/30, 40/50, and 60+), which is really nice and addresses the needs of the various ages.
Single parents definitely have different needs. All of us in our group, with the only exception being our small group leader, have our children 24/7, with little or no interaction from the other parent. We had someone watching the kids for us for a while, which made it easier to have a good indepth Bible discussion, but we no longer have that. It makes it more difficult (young children demanding mommy's attention). But the great thing about attending a Bible study specifically for single parents isn't to segregate us out, but it allows us to come to the table with our unique challenges and help each other. And a really interesting observation is that other single parents are our number one biggest helpers without exception. Specifically because we understand the needs of one another. I suppose it takes walking in those shoes to fully understand. But, the point is, we are there for spiritual and emotional support, and I know I can count on them for that. 
_____________________________
Sam
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 1:09:50 AM
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deljefferson
Posts: 143
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Don't have one at my church either. I have just been prayfully waiting.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 3:42:00 AM
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totalfaith
Posts: 104
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
Okay, so what would make it more appealing for men to be involved with a group then?
I guess the group I'm involved in is lucky...it's not a meat market like so many seem to be (or have a reputation/perception to be). Thankfully, the majority of our singles are there for the right reasons. When people come just to find a guy/girl, they don't typically last long around our group. Women may outnumber men in mine, but probably not by much. We're pretty active and try to cover the gamut of ministry: evangelism, fun, missions, etc. However, we do have a small group that are more active than others who show up for almost everything, not just the fun stuff.
I've never experienced the "meat market" thing as a guy going to any of the churches I've been to. Usually, its been more that the church attempts to restrict the men to the extent that we all feel like wolves or at least thats how i feel. I would like to be able to speak to a woman at church with out being condemned as a wolf.
BTW- What's wrong with having groups geared to meeting the opposite sex? I personally am not interested in dating a women in a group scenario or being told how to date one. I prefer to date women on my own terms not what the church thinks or anyone else.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 8:54:27 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6950
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quote:
ORIGINAL: totalfaith
I've never experienced the "meat market" thing as a guy going to any of the churches I've been to. Usually, its been more that the church attempts to restrict the men to the extent that we all feel like wolves or at least thats how i feel. I would like to be able to speak to a woman at church with out being condemned as a wolf.
BTW- What's wrong with having groups geared to meeting the opposite sex? I personally am not interested in dating a women in a group scenario or being told how to date one. I prefer to date women on my own terms not what the church thinks or anyone else.
Perfect example of the church trying so hard to avoid the natural and inevitable drive of singles to meet each other that they are alienating the men from coming at all.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 9:46:54 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Joined: 3/30/2007
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I was wondering...(please don't get scared)
Since we all make up the church, has anyone tried to get singles together informally in fellowship and ministry despite the formal positions of church leadership?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 10:22:54 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6950
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
I was wondering...(please don't get scared)
Since we all make up the church, has anyone tried to get singles together informally in fellowship and ministry despite the formal positions of church leadership?
Get together. My house June 6-8th. Be there! Aloha!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 10:24:24 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6950
Joined: 9/5/2006
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I've found another Top singles issue
Billboard 5-17-08. Top 100 songs!!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/12/2008 10:39:21 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
I've found another Top singles issue
Billboard 5-17-08. Top 100 songs!!
LOL!
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/14/2008 6:53:56 PM
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jlp1
Posts: 121
Joined: 4/4/2008
From: Chicago
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I just started going to this church in GA, they have a singles ministry but I don't know how they view single parent  can a single parent attened a singles ministry?
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/14/2008 10:31:11 PM
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woodwind228
Posts: 442
Joined: 5/8/2008
From: Atlanta
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YES, you can attend a singles ministry if you're a single parent! You're single, right? Some churches actually have a "singles again" group. My church doesn't, but my friend's mom used to be involved in one years ago. 'Course...that's the only church that I know of that has it, but there may be more than just that one around.
_____________________________
*~* Susan *~*
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. --John 16:33 KJV
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/15/2008 9:18:31 AM
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jlp1
Posts: 121
Joined: 4/4/2008
From: Chicago
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Ok Thanks, I'm gonna go 
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/15/2008 1:54:01 PM
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mimi4him
Posts: 1
Joined: 5/4/2007
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Hi ,
I just started a Singles Fellowship night at my church . We have had 2 so far and there have only been around 8 attend each time. All female and half in their 80's.
The ones not in their 80's complain that it looks like a senior citizen night.
I dont know what to do to get younger ones invloved.
It advertised as Adult Singles Fellowship/game night for never marrieds , divorced and widowed.
Im 50 and single for 2 yrs . My church did a bible study on bringing the community you live in and local church togather, God laid in my spirit that we needed a singles ministry and I told a staff member and thus here I am cordinator of this once a month fellowship.
Any suggestions from those that have active single ministry welcome.
Thanks so much
mimi4him
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RE: Top Singles Issues? - 5/20/2008 3:35:38 PM
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pedro-
Posts: 18
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: TX
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Yeah we don't have a singles ministry at the church I go to, either. I am in no rush to get into a relationship or to get married though, so I just continue to pray and know that God will provide when He sees fit. I do try get exposed to meeting new people though. I go out salsa dancing with friends and like to go to other activities where I know I'll be able to socialize. Of course, I know that not everyone I meet at these places will be Christian, but then I can filter those out (as bad as it may sound) and you also never know when you might become a witness to someone.
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