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Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/1/2008 4:34:39 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 157
Status: offline
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Toss A Topic is a fun writing exercise for all the writers here-if you have time to participate, it'll be fun! I promise that you’ll pick up a little something-such as weekly writing practice, meeting a deadline (the topic cutoff), writing within a word count and writing on topic. Great skills for any writer!
Once a week, a topic will be posted. Write between 100 – 500 words about whatever it brings to mind. Think about what happened to you this week, or dig into your cache of memories.
Entries that are too short/too long will not be reviewed! 
Only ONE entry per writer. Previous winners can still participate.
You may write a short fictional piece, a memoir, a poem, or a song as long as it relates to the current topic.
At the end of the week, a poll will be posted and members can vote for the one they liked best.
It might not be the 'best'; grammar, spelling, or formatting, etc. … but the thought that appeals to you, something that makes you laugh, or touches your heart, that's a keeper! 
Please be fair and do not pick your own entry!  Be honest and look for the story behind the words. Making the entries anonymous would be possible, but a lot harder right now. It may be considered later if necessary.
The winner of the poll has the privilege of “tossing” the next topic.
They may choose a noun, a verb, or an adjective. (e.g. – music, driving, laundry, etc.)
If the winner doesn't choose a topic by the end of Monday, I will choose one Tuesday morning, to keep this going. 
PLEASE READ:
Be sure to check the topic clarification before beginning.
Read the Timetable.
Don’t forget to assign a title to your piece.
Do NOT edit your piece after posting-this is unfair to the other participants. Unless there is something (e.g. missing title) or you wish to add an Author’s note, (word limit for author’s note is 100 words-but may be counted as part of a whole if your entry is under the word count). Think of it as a contest where your entry was submitted and cannot be changed. 
Timetable (I'm working on this time table to expand it to a full week for each topic, so only pay attention to the current deadline, May 9th for now.)
Monday Morning: Poll Closes.
Monday Afternoon: Winner Announced
Tuesday: New Topic Announced
Tuesday – Friday: Entries posted
Saturday – Sunday: Voting in the Poll
Topic
Writing
Topic ends on Friday, May 9th.
Clarification: Can be anything that has to do with writing. E.g. a journal entry, hitting writer's block, flunking Creative writing, etc.
For now, I shall read every qualifying entry and leave a bit of feedback on them. My reviews follow in the format of MY NOTES, RED INK, and MY IMPRESSION. Notes correspond to formatting or title issues, Red Ink covers basic editing-without altering the entry content!-and Impression is simply what I thought of your entry, overall.
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/2/2008 10:54:21 PM
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Novalist
Posts: 538
Joined: 6/3/2006
Status: offline
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THE OUTLET
Frustration curled through her, sparking out through her fingertips as they plinked the keys aggressively. She was trying in vain to coax a story out of the myriad of sensation and feelings she had kept bottled up for so long. It lurked in the recesses of her being feeding off of each angry thought and fearful supposition that slanted through her mind. Growing sporadically until it was so large and full of hidden meanings she was half afraid it was going to implode into fragmented pieces and blow away on the wind unheard and unseen by all.
No one understood, could understand, the voracious current of energy flowing through her entire body that caused her heart to speed up and her toes to tingle and her fingers to twitch with the instinctual need of release. It was unlike the rush of adrenaline which comes when called like a well trained dog to give you bursts of power and endurance in your time of need. It was unpredictable and struck like lightning through her veins at the worst possible moments when she was no where near an outlet to vent.
At such times she would gaze longingly into the space in front of her heedless of the people or objects in the room, the unbelievable build-up of energy making the normal world hazy and opening a sizzling portal that held shimmering glimpses of other worlds. World's full of beauty and dazzling moments outlined forever by the gilded lettering flowing like quicksand through her body. She would fight valiantly to stem the flow, catch the phosphorescent sparkling illuminations as they sifted through her pores and fingers to seep into the floor, where they were lost forever or buried until she dug them up with the sharpened shovel of determination.
She found if she could stop herself from journeying down the darkened, twisted paths these portals formed she could lock the pathways in her mind, store them away to be explored at a later time. The more paths she stored the greater the anticipation and when she finally did pull one out…oh the beauty of it. The details where before only vaguely outlined were displayed in all their glory the destination richly populated with adventures and legends and hidden glades so breathtaking that the wait was worth it.
It was almost like wine percolating over the centuries from something bitter and tart into the tangy and intoxicating sweetness of perfection. The savory concoction of a story had very important ingredients used to capture the emotion sizzling through her and the visions she beheld in her inner eye. One such ingredient was peace, such a placid word for the security and certainty that she sought when she turned her piercing gaze towards release.
If she could not devote her whole uninterrupted being into allowing the mysteries of her imagination to flow through her onto the page they came out broken and mixed up, needing a skilled surgeon to reconnect them into meaningful descriptions.
_____________________________
Live life to the fullest and it will never become empty.
Although one picture speaks a thousand words, a thousand words make a better picture.
Reading is the art of seeing the pictures between the lines.
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/6/2008 5:43:46 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 157
Status: offline
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Thanks for your entry to the Toss A Topic Writing Challenge-WRITING! (I would’ve posted this sooner, but had some PC trouble)
MY NOTES: Don’t forget to add your copyright, it doesn’t count towards your word count, so if a search engine should lead someone to your brilliance, they will think twice before trying to copy/paste!
You'll find your review below in RED INK:
and MY IMPRESSION: . Please take my words with a grain of salt. Use what you can and chuck the rest!
RED INK:
This red ink may cover minor grammar/punctuation.
1st Paragraph: This is past tense, correct? You can omit using “was” by simply using “Tried”. For example, “she tried in vain…”
Is ‘sensation’ plural? If so, add an “s” sensations, it would flow a tad better if it was.
Comma after being.
To tighten, see how you can condense, for instance. “…being, it fed off angry thoughts and fearful supposition, slanting through her mind.” It grew (past tense) sporadically until it was so large and full of …” Try to tighten up this line, make it keep the reader reading. This is your first paragraph, so you want the hook to grab them and keep reeling in! Watch your use of ‘was’ it’s used three times in one line, with “and” used twice.
Try using “would” sometimes in place of “was” e.g. She was half-afraid it would implode…
2nd paragraph:
1st line. You have a lot of good thoughts here, but you could tighten them up quite a bit. Such as, move the “that” over to the front, for example: “energy that flowed through her entire body, causing her heart to speed up, her toes to tingle and her fingers to twitch…” Note the use of commas instead of “and”. It helps to cut down on wordiness. Note where the “That” has been moved.
2nd line: this line was awkward. Perhaps rewording would convey the idea clearer. I had to read it twice to ‘get it’
3rd line: Try changing the “was” to woruld here, this is a good line and doing a bit of reversing, e.g. “It would strike like lightening…” helps to pinpoint extra emphasis.
3rd paragraph:
1st line, try to cut this in half, if you can. It’s a bit long and you could give extra emphasis to seeing other worlds.
2nd line: No apostrophe for “world’s” make it “worlds” Simply add an “s”
You can also cut the line in where they(ideas) seep into the floor and start the next paragraph with them to add more to it.
4th paragraph:
1st line: Watch extra words. I noticed that you slipped in here at 499 words exactly. But trimming out commonly used words can give you ‘room’ for adding more details. For instance, the last half from “pathways in her mind, storing them for later exploration” that revision saves you about 6-7 words. Enough for a sentence/phrase.
2nd line: You could omit the “and” try a comma instead.
3rd line: Comma after glory, omit “and” before legends, put a comma in the respective/necessary places. If you want extra emphasis here, you could end the line at “breathtaking” Cut out the “that” and begin a new sentence with something like “the wait…” etc.
5th paragraph:
1st line: Was it almost like wine, or was it really like wine? You could omit the almost and let it be like. That’s what it seems like, but with the ‘almost’ the hesitation is shown, is it or isn’t it?
2nd line: tighten second it reads a bit awkwardly, try reading it aloud and see what happens.
3rd line: You could omit “Such” unless you are aiming for an artsy feel in this piece, because three words later, you used it again. Watch using “She” twice in the same sentence as well.
6th paragraph:
1st line: Cut in half, try “being into the mysterious of her imagination, the would flow into the page, mixed and broke.” And begin the next. This shows two lines for one thought, the transition is better this way.
MY IMPRESSION: Very well done! You do have quite the knack for descriptions@ They are very rich and visual. I could easily relate to this piece, because I’ve been there and had a brilliant idea without any ‘outlet’ around for ‘miles’. This was great, and with a nice amount of narrator transparency, while putting the reader in the MC’s shoes. Great writing!
< Message edited by ScarletFury -- 5/6/2008 5:50:01 PM >
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/8/2008 4:21:45 PM
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hvt
Posts: 65
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline
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A Song in the Night for the Church
Love’s only got a future…
For those who choose to give it.
Can’t stuff it in a closet…
Instead, you’ve gotta live it.
Shinin’ like a real bright star…
You’ll be surprised to see how far
One tiny spark will take ya…
If you’ll only let it break ya…
Right on through your heart.
Church! RISE UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE HOUR!
Hurtin’ hearts are breakin’.
Troubled minds are quakin’.
Anger’s havin’ field-day.
Hate’s rampant in it’s own way.
Children being battered.
Their lives are being shattered.
Unborn babies not allowed to survive;
Old folks buried while they’re still alive.
Crime’s king on every single street.
Drug’s colors show they’re a cheat.
Epidemics of the very worse kind…
Leavin’ their victims ravaged and blind.
Crooked governmental practices.
A and immoral people turnin’ activists.
Lyin’, cheatin’, stealin’ and murderin’.
Gangs of youth abound and are flourishin’.
TV, video and those “rockety” stars
Claimin’ victims that far outnumber cars.
Church! RISE UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE HOUR!
Where will it all end?
Is apathy such a great friend?
Will inaction be our epitaph?
Or, to our knees, will we bend?
Love’s only got a future…
For those who choose to give it.
Can’t stuff it in a closet…
Instead you’ve gotta live it.
Shinin’ like a real bright star…
You’ll be surprised to see how far…
One tiny spark will take ya…
If you’ll only let it break ya…
Right on through your heart.
Won’t ya please let it break ya…
Right on through your heart?
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/9/2008 3:21:24 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 157
Status: offline
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Thanks for your entry to the Toss A Topic Writing Challenge-WRITING!
MY NOTES: Don’t forget to add your copyright, it doesn’t count towards your word count, so if a search engine should lead someone to your brilliance, they will think twice before trying to copy/paste!
You'll find your review below in RED INK:
and MY IMPRESSION: . Please take my words with a grain of salt. Use what you can and chuck the rest!
RED INK(This red ink may cover minor grammar/punctuation)
It is extremely difficult to ‘judge’ a song without hearing the music. The music and lyrics go hand in hand a 50-50 sort of thing.
That aside, I’ll take a crack at this content-wise.
1st Verse: The last two lines caught my eye, because they read “If you’ll only let it break ya… Right on through your heart.”
If they will let the spark break what? Their heart? Their personal barriers? Something emotional/physical/spiritual? Is there some way you can clarify it?
2nd paragraph: This line stuck out a bit, “Drug’s colors show they’re a cheat.” If reading for rhythm, this stuck out because it interrupted the flow. Count your syllables, see if they match up the line before and after.
This line “A and immoral people turnin’ activists.”
What is the “A” for? Was a word omitted?
3rd Verse: “Where will it all end?” Where will what all end? I know what you’re talking about, but is there another word that would clarify this?
4th paragraph: See review for 1st verse.
I am curious as to how this fits the topic though. While it is within the word count, it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with “writing”.
MY IMPRESSION:
This was very interesting, set to music, it must be something to hear! It would probably do well in a youth group, I’m thinking. My favorite lines were :
“Love’s only got a future…
For those who choose to give it.
Can’t stuff it in a closet…
Instead you’ve gotta live it.”
Very well said!
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #7 - 5/10/2008 8:17:06 AM
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hvt
Posts: 65
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline
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Hello ScarletFury,
Thank you for taking the time to critique my writing. Your comment about the difficulty of judging a song without hearing the music is definitely valid. Although it was written as ‘a possible song’, I still have no music. Maybe I should have titled it ‘A Psalm in the Night…’ until the music develops.
I will certainly work on it as relates to your suggestions. The line “A and immoral people turnin’ activists” was a shortcut for using the full word ‘amoral’ and probably should have been written as ‘A’ and ‘im’ moral people turnin' activists.
When I came to this thread I had no thought of submitting anything. Upon my first reading of the eloquent work that Novalist submitted, I was struck with the fact that she did not use the subject word at all, but rather wrote about it. I thought, “I have nothing to say ‘about’ it so I will try submitting an example ‘of’ it.” So that does have something to do with the subject, don’t ya think? :-)
Thanks again for taking the time on my writing, and may God richly bless you.
hvt
< Message edited by hvt -- 5/10/2008 8:23:20 AM >
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