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Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/26/2008 1:05:24 AM
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Cherie
Posts: 22
Joined: 5/5/2005
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If someone were to exhibit interest in you (i.e. flirting, etc.) while servicing you in their workplace (on more than one occasion), do you view it as unprofessional/does it turn you off? Does your viewpoint change if you are attracted to that person? If so, would you consider that to be a double-standard? (For the sake of discussion, the interest shown by the employee is not sexual harassment of any kind.)
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"God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us."
~ Acts 17:27 ~
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/26/2008 8:54:40 AM
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rgod
Posts: 357
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Some people are just flirty. If they were really aggressive about it, I wouldn't like it. I do think that it is unprofessional done out in the open - and to everyone, but some people find ways to do it that works with their personality and makes things lighthearted.
If I were attracted to someone who is flirty, but they flirted with everyone, it would be a major turn off and I'd keep my distance. I'd think - "maybe the person is a player." Or worse, what if we were in a relationship - could I trust him to not flirt with other women? Just a recipe for heartache I think. But, if they only flirted with me, I would just think that they were showing interest, but wouldn't necessarily feel that they were being unprofessional - depending on the type of flirting.
I've experienced this on a few occasions. One was a running joke with a guy who would flirt with me and I'd always say "Sorry ... but no" then he'd come up with something bigger and better to "impress" me. It was public, all in good fun and was harmless (though I think that if I really showed an interest in him he would have gone for it.) Another guy who comes to mind used to flirt with every woman in a 100-yard radius. He was married and I thought it was kind of tasteless. But over time I came to know him and to understand that this was a part of his personality. I also got the distinct feeling that he really did love his wife and wasn't a cheat. It was a very odd combination. I never ever flirted with him back, because the bible says to avoid the appearance of evil, but would relate to him on a professional level. I'm glad I did because he gave me some awesome advice which I treasure to this day - it really changed my perspective on myself.
But I do think that he would have been looked at in a more professional light if he had been able to tone down the flirting and used his ability to connect with people in a more people-oriented position. (He was working with data and things - he hated his job - his talent was elsewhere).
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/26/2008 9:04:41 AM >
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/26/2008 8:10:43 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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Hmmm. I'm not sure. It happens to me a lot. I remember once I was in a police station and I'd lost my wallet. I was filing a report, just in case it turned up, and the cop gave me his number and wanted me to give him a call. Some guys do it tastelessly, some do it with such cleverness and finess, you have to be impressed at their ingenuity. I'm not really sure how to catagorize it. I'd never report a guy who asked for a date on the job, but I'm just not sure how other women might take it. I'm generally not going to get in a huff over something like that, even if his attempt was less than sophisticated. But maybe some women will. I guess it just depends.
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/27/2008 1:27:56 AM
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Cherie
Posts: 22
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Thanks for your feedback ~ An employee at a store that I frequent was clearly showing interest, and while it was flattering, it just made it uncomfortable to shop on later visits. Not a huge deal really, but I wondered about similar experiences others might have had and that's what motivated my question. Thanks ~
_____________________________
"God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us."
~ Acts 17:27 ~
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/27/2008 5:02:52 PM
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rgod
Posts: 357
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
Hmmm. I'm not sure. It happens to me a lot. I remember once I was in a police station and I'd lost my wallet. I was filing a report, just in case it turned up, and the cop gave me his number and wanted me to give him a call. Some guys do it tastelessly, some do it with such cleverness and finess, you have to be impressed at their ingenuity. I'm not really sure how to catagorize it. I'd never report a guy who asked for a date on the job, but I'm just not sure how other women might take it. I'm generally not going to get in a huff over something like that, even if his attempt was less than sophisticated. But maybe some women will. I guess it just depends.
This is funny - it made me remember something that I'd forgotten. Once, I was in a snowstorm and my car stalled. I called AAA to help when the police showed up. Well ... the officer offered to keep me company (how chivalrous) and was just getting ready to tell me some poetry that he had written when help arrived. Talk about timing. But, I was in my 20s and my whole attention was on the Lord - I wasn't thinking about guys at all at that time (well - I thought about them very little). Also, the officers in that county were just friendly in general, so I didn't think anything of it. I remember once my mother, sister, and I had some car trouble and another officer sat with us for close to an hour to make sure that we were ok (there were some shady looking guys close by, it was late at night, and he wanted to make sure that we were ok). So an offer to sit and wait was not really unusual - but the poetry was. I definitely didn't take offense at it and thought it was sweet.
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/27/2008 5:18:30 PM >
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/28/2008 9:25:38 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
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...... I know a wonderful couple in church who met like this.
She worked at a parts counter... he would come in regularly to purchase parts for his business...
It took him so much time to work up the courage to ask her out....
After about three months of blushing and flirting - she finally wrote her number on a piece of paper and slipped it in with his order....
The rest is history!
(The both work in prison ministry now!  )
I think the welcome or unwelcome part is decided if there is mutual interest.....
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/28/2008 8:42:11 PM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 365
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AlwaysR8chel
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...... I know a wonderful couple in church who met like this.
She worked at a parts counter... he would come in regularly to purchase parts for his business...
It took him so much time to work up the courage to ask her out....
After about three months of blushing and flirting - she finally wrote her number on a piece of paper and slipped it in with his order....
The rest is history!
(The both work in prison ministry now! )
What a sweet story!
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/28/2008 9:12:18 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2843
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
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Well, let's see ...
My mechanic is married so, um, no.
My hair stylist is female so, um, definitely no.
Many a marriage has been birthed at my workplace among collegues, but I've seen it go really wrong so, probably not.
Anywhere else ... sounds interesting. One of the things I've learned is that I'm the kind of person that takes a while to decide what I feel about a person ... so even if it was somewhat unwelcome at first, I'd have to be careful to be open to it anyway ... because his persistance might win me eventually.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 4/28/2008 9:26:41 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
quote:
Hmmm. I'm not sure. It happens to me a lot. I remember once I was in a police station and I'd lost my wallet. I was filing a report, just in case it turned up, and the cop gave me his number and wanted me to give him a call. Some guys do it tastelessly, some do it with such cleverness and finess, you have to be impressed at their ingenuity. I'm not really sure how to catagorize it. I'd never report a guy who asked for a date on the job, but I'm just not sure how other women might take it. I'm generally not going to get in a huff over something like that, even if his attempt was less than sophisticated. But maybe some women will. I guess it just depends.
This is funny - it made me remember something that I'd forgotten. Once, I was in a snowstorm and my car stalled. I called AAA to help when the police showed up. Well ... the officer offered to keep me company (how chivalrous) and was just getting ready to tell me some poetry that he had written when help arrived. Talk about timing. But, I was in my 20s and my whole attention was on the Lord - I wasn't thinking about guys at all at that time (well - I thought about them very little). Also, the officers in that county were just friendly in general, so I didn't think anything of it. I remember once my mother, sister, and I had some car trouble and another officer sat with us for close to an hour to make sure that we were ok (there were some shady looking guys close by, it was late at night, and he wanted to make sure that we were ok). So an offer to sit and wait was not really unusual - but the poetry was. I definitely didn't take offense at it and thought it was sweet.
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/1/2008 7:53:11 PM
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mostofall
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/1/2008
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I am always flattered by positive attention from men, as long as it is respectful. It is highly unlikely that it would get him anywhere, however.
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/2/2008 8:55:05 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cherie
ladioffaith's
quote:
... so even if it was somewhat unwelcome at first, I'd have to be careful to be open to it anyway ... because his persistance might win me eventually.
I am all for this mindset because I think that we don't give others enough of a chance sometimes ~ time to get to know them before writing someone off... (there's a difference between 'creepy' and 'creative' in the whole approach)
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......... you know... I really agree with your thoughts here, Cherie.
The last guy who was interested in me.... well..... I wasn't sure I was ready for a relationship.... so I basically told him, "You can try to win my heart....."
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 8:40:41 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cherie
And how did that go?? 
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.......... very well!!!
That's too funny, Kimberly....
I can't imagine a doctor being attracted to me.... it would just be plain WEIRD!!!! 
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 2:49:43 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
all i could think later was...at least it wasn't my OB/GYN!
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......... lolol! I was thinking the same thing!!!
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 2:54:14 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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.......... lololol!!!!
My cheeks hurt from laughin' all day!!!
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 3:05:37 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2843
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: offline
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Oh ... but the student doctor I met at the Relay was just TOO CUTE! If the physician gig doesn't work out, he could always go on ER!
Too bad he's way younger than me ....
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 3:18:41 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1360
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ladioffaith
Oh ... but the student doctor I met at the Relay was just TOO CUTE! If the physician gig doesn't work out, he could always go on ER!
Too bad he's way younger than me ....
sounds like a good one to play with (not like THAT, silly!) younger could be fun! well...maybe not for long. but still..... maybe. (she stares off in space....one eyebrow raised)
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Kimberly
Shifing Gears With Kimberly
Prov 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
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RE: Welcome or Unwelcome Advances? - 5/5/2008 3:19:02 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4220
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
btw...i'm lovin your pup! wish i could have another dog. but this company won't let me have a pet in the truck. 
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....... aaawwwweeeeee....... thanks! It's my mom's new dog!
Mine is for SURE not that cute!!! 
How do we get this thread back on track????
uuuuuummmmmmm.......... Advances are welcome if they are appropriate?
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