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What's better - 7/26/2008 7:44:56 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 45
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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My first question is:
Would you rather a man who has a moderate paying fairly secure job, or one who runs his own business and makes a bit more? It is important to note that entrepreneurs are less secure financially than non-entrepreneurs.
I ask this question because I am currently working for a fortune 500 company as a supervisor of a production line, and I expect to receive a promotion to manager soon. However, I have always had entrepreneurial dreams. I have a business that I want to start while working at my current employer, and I know it will take off -- but there are no guarantees. Nearly every business needs this service but it all depends on how the business is run.
My second question:
I noted while reading some question and answers in the She Says section that one woman stated, and I am paraphrasing that a preferred man should have no debt and be financially secure. That to me is fairly unreasonable. Considering I was forced out of my parents home due to separation. I am looking at real estate. I want to buy a home, but I need a mortgage. I live in an apartment and I cannot save the money to buy a home outright with the current housing prices. I also want a more trouble free car, and I am looking at a used 2008 car with a warranty -- I also need a loan for that. I can manage the payments and still have cash left over. In your opinion, is there such a thing as "reasonable debt" or no debt at all, but living in an apartment with an older car that is not as reliable?
My third question is:
Also reading replies to guys questions, I noticed a reply stating that a woman was not attracted to full-time ministry workers, like pastors. Yes, I am wanting to get into business, but I have attended, and am planning on re-attending bible college to get the credentials to be a pastor or ministry leader. Actually, I am looking to get into both a bachelor of theology and bachelor of psychology courses and doing Christian counseling afterward.
I am wondering how many women are unattracted to pastors or ministry leaders. Would you consider marrying a pastor or full-time ministry leader?
Thank you and God bless.
< Message edited by TheRefinersFire -- 7/26/2008 8:02:19 PM >
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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RE: What's better - 7/28/2008 10:30:37 AM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TheRefinersFire
My first question is:
Would you rather a man who has a moderate paying fairly secure job, or one who runs his own business and makes a bit more?
I assume you're talking about a man as a prospect for a long-term relationship? It's not as simple as that. How long has the business been a going concern, and how healthy is it? What kind of personal savings does he have? Retirement savings? Health insurance? What skills does he have that he could promote in the job market should the business have trouble and he needs extra income?
quote:
In your opinion, is there such a thing as "reasonable debt" or no debt at all, but living in an apartment with an older car that is not as reliable?
Yes, a mortgage and a car loan can be reasonable debt. There's plenty of information out there about how much of your income should be going to your house. I'd rather a man save for a while and make a larger down payment, reducing monthly payments and shortening the length of the mortgage, than getting a house just to be a homeowner. Purchasing and older, but safe, car outright, and saving to trade up buying outright is preferable to a loan, but a reasonable loan of a couple of years for a good car is not unreasonable. Just make sure you can afford comprehensive insurance for the car for as long as you have a loan!
quote:
I am wondering how many women are unattracted to pastors or ministry leaders. Would you consider marrying a pastor or full-time ministry leader?
If I were still single, I would be hesitant to date a full-time ministry leader. Being a minister's wife is a ministry in itself. There are lots of expectations on a ministry leader's spouse, and I never felt called to do that. But, that's just me.
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RE: What's better - 7/28/2008 11:38:02 AM
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Winn
Posts: 9
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
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First, I admire your attitude of concern regarding providing for a future wife and family.
I am married to a man who has his own company. He always wanted to run a business, but did not get support to try it before we married. I encouraged him to follow his dreams. It has been difficult, but very rewarding. The challenge has changed him in a very good way.
I would encourage you to pursue your goals to start a business. It sounds like you are very successful in business already. Note* Over 90% of businesses fail in the first year, so don't be surprised at the difficulty. Finally, this is probably the BEST time to be pursuing your dreams, before you are deeply committed with people who need you to provide for them full-time.
Your plans for ministry are WONDERFUL! Any woman who is not attracted to you because of that is NOT right with God. My husband leads youth ministry. I respect him most for that work than anything he does directly for our family.
Be encouraged today as you read this promise from the Lord found in Jeremiah 29:11 of the Bible, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Winn
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RE: What's better - 7/28/2008 12:18:07 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Winn
Any woman who is not attracted to you because of that is NOT right with God.
Hmmmm, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that. If God is directing a woman toward a man in ministry, and she refuses to listen to that leading, or if she never seeks God's will in this area, yes, that's a problem. But, being the wife of a full-time minister carries special issues, just like being a military spouse, or the spouse of someone in law enforcement or fire and rescue. Not every woman is meant to be in that kind of situation, and I don't think we need to be judging someone simply because their calling is not the same as ours, KWIM?
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RE: What's better - 7/28/2008 2:13:38 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2909
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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When I was dating I would not have considered going out with a minister as a romantic prospect. It depends on the calling of a woman. Some would be delighted to be married to a pastor, some not.
As far as owning your own business, I've tried to follow someone down that road. Before you expect to bring a gal that way with you make sure you have a good head for running a business and not just skilled in the service you want to offer. Some people are great at starting ideas and not good at keeping them running. Some are good at managing a business but don't have the drive to start things up. Some gals would be pleased to work as a team-mate at a closely held business, other gals would be made very uncomfortable.
Bottom line: it depends on the gal.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: What's better - 7/28/2008 10:36:33 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 45
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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There's a very special lady in which I believe God has called to spend my life with. She moved out of town for a college course. She knows that I want to graduate bible college and get into full time ministry. She also knows I am entrepreneurial. Several of my past business ideas took off to become large corporations -- it just was not me heading them. I think someone hacked my computer... Literally. That was before I met the Lord. Now, I will not get into any business without His approval.
I like the challenge of business. The stress can almost provide an adrenaline rush. A business, though, will not be my life long career. I have dreams of supporting world-wide missions with the business. Once schooling is completed, I would like to sell the business and get into full-time ministry. Perhaps pastoral and Christian counseling. It is all up to God though. I would rather do His will, even if it is not as exciting as mine, rather than do my will.
Winn: Yes I do have yearnings to be a husband first, then a father next. I have almost a need to provide for my future family. There's something with us men and wanting to provide and protect our families.
moon_mouse: You're not the first to indicate that. Thank you for reminding me. I will have to sit down and talk with my lady before marrying her so she has a better idea of where we're being led.
car2ner: So far I have been great in business. I have been self-employed, leader of crews, I enjoy finances, watching markets, researching, looking at statistics, long hours do not bother me... I have also successfully predicted several outcomes to business' ideas, markets, and product/service ideas. I think business is great when done honestly.
God bless. :)
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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RE: What's better - 7/29/2008 2:59:38 PM
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sudden
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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Refiner's fire:
You are young and you have the world by the tail. This is your opportunity to seek your own venture! My father, at the age of 40 became tired of working hard for others and established his own business...it was the best thing he ever did. Rather than making less - he wound up making 2X as much as he was previously and we all benefitted. In addition to the financial benefit, there is also the benefit of deciding when you do things rather than when someone else does.
I have two friends who went into business on their own One when he was young as you are and it was also the best thing he could have done. At 37 he was a millionaire. If he were still working for someone else he'd only be making about $25/hour.
The other is a girlfriend who at 35 was able to purchase her own horse farm on her own (she has no spouse) as a result of doing well in her own business. Again, if she were working for someone else now...she'd only be making about $30/hour. She now makes in excess of $200/hr. At 40 she was able to cut down to working 4 days per week.
Did they go through times of insecurity? Yes,...my girlfriend had to ask her parents for grocery money a few times during the first 2 years she was in business for herself. It takes time to network so that people become familiar with you and how you can help thm.
I urge you, if you have the chance to try something new...go for it now...while you have nothing to lose. If your business fails there is lots of time to make up for the mistake....if you don't try you will never know what might have been.
I don't think all women would be afraid of your not having a "stable" job...having lived in a family as a child where I was through this experience I would consider it an opportunity and an adventure - a chance for something better.
I am married but made it my business not to be attracted to full-time ministry workers, emergency or medical personnel....anything that involved extensive evening and weekend work but others are and a poll should not determine your actions if you hear the Lord calling you. YOu must answer.
Good luck at wwhatever you decide.
Sudden
You have nothing now...so you have absolutely nothing to loose
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: What's better - 7/30/2008 8:28:32 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 45
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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Wow. Quite the range of opinions here. Most state they are not attracted to ministers. Oh well. I have a passion for ministry. It will be tough but I think of Matthew 10:38 quote:
Amplified Bible
And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conforming wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also] is not worthy of Me.
And if I cannot get married and have a family, then Matthew 16:24 comes to mind quote:
Amplified Bible
Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also].
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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RE: What's better - 7/31/2008 1:37:53 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2909
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
Most state they are not attracted to ministers. Oh well. I have a passion for ministry. It will be tough but I think of Matthew 10:38
I wouldn't worry about it. I am sure there are women who wouldn't be interested in my wonderful geeky husband and yet, we fit together so very well. So if you have a passion for ministry, there is probably a few women who would love to find a man with that passion.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: What's better - 8/1/2008 3:52:03 PM
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spade
Posts: 40
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TheRefinersFire
Wow. Quite the range of opinions here. Most state they are not attracted to ministers. Oh well. I have a passion for ministry. It will be tough but I think of Matthew 10:38 quote:
Amplified Bible
And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conforming wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also] is not worthy of Me.
And if I cannot get married and have a family, then Matthew 16:24 comes to mind quote:
Amplified Bible
Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also].
I know you're going to respond to God's call regardless, but I do want to encourage you nonetheless - plenty of women are called to ministry, too. The vast majority of them want to be married. Plus, I tend to think women, even if not called into ministry, will be more open to marrying a minister than will men. What I mean is this - how many businessmen want to marry a full-time pastor or ministry leader? Yet, my church's children's pastor managed to find a husband, as have many other female ministers.
Moreover, whether it's right or wrong, plenty of young women go to Christian universities in part because they want to be in ministry and marry a pastor. It's so common that you hear jokes about young women getting their "Mrs. Degree".
So don't sweat it, my friend. 
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RE: What's better - 8/2/2008 8:20:09 PM
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twinkly
Posts: 146
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
My first question is:
Would you rather a man who has a moderate paying fairly secure job, or one who runs his own business and makes a bit more? It is important to note that entrepreneurs are less secure financially than non-entrepreneurs.
Personally, I would prefer a man who has a secure moderately paying job. I am leery of those with a business as there are no guarantees. A family has to have guarantees.
I ask this question because I am currently working for a fortune 500 company as a supervisor of a production line, and I expect to receive a promotion to manager soon. However, I have always had entrepreneurial dreams. I have a business that I want to start while working at my current employer, and I know it will take off -- but there are no guarantees. Nearly every business needs this service but it all depends on how the business is run.
Sounds like you have a wonderful secure job!
My second question:
I noted while reading some question and answers in the She Says section that one woman stated, and I am paraphrasing that a preferred man should have no debt and be financially secure. That to me is fairly unreasonable. Considering I was forced out of my parents home due to separation. I am looking at real estate. I want to buy a home, but I need a mortgage. I live in an apartment and I cannot save the money to buy a home outright with the current housing prices. I also want a more trouble free car, and I am looking at a used 2008 car with a warranty -- I also need a loan for that. I can manage the payments and still have cash left over. In your opinion, is there such a thing as "reasonable debt" or no debt at all, but living in an apartment with an older car that is not as reliable?
I think it is a little unrealistic to think someone will have NO debts. As long as a man is responsible with money, is not worried about keeping up with the Jones', and does not have tons more debt than income, I am good with it.
My third question is:
Also reading replies to guys questions, I noticed a reply stating that a woman was not attracted to full-time ministry workers, like pastors. Yes, I am wanting to get into business, but I have attended, and am planning on re-attending bible college to get the credentials to be a pastor or ministry leader. Actually, I am looking to get into both a bachelor of theology and bachelor of psychology courses and doing Christian counseling afterward.
I am wondering how many women are unattracted to pastors or ministry leaders. Would you consider marrying a pastor or full-time ministry leader?
I am sure I could be attracted to a man who was in full time ministry if he were my "type". If we had similar interests and goals, etc. I don't know why that would be an issue for women?
_____________________________
God FIRST, family second, and all else will fall into place.
My side business:
http://www.arbonne.com
Let me help you make some fun mad money!
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RE: What's better - 8/4/2008 2:59:43 PM
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JJB1222
Posts: 227
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: where the mountains meet the sea, Puget Sound.
Status: offline
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I am the wife of an entrepreneur and while I sometimes would prefer that he have a steady income, I know deep in my heart that God gave him the ability to be his own boss. He has owned his own business for over 17 years and I really can't imagine him doing anything else.
Although I struggle with it, I love him and believe the Lord brought us together.
If a woman knows where you stand in the beginning, she has the chance to decide for herself if she wants to be a part of it.
You have to be who God wants you to be and believe that He will provide the right person for you.
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RE: What's better - 8/8/2008 9:46:24 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 45
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: didionid
I'm not going to answer any of your questions because it shouldn't matter what any of us think.
You do what you want as long as you're not disobeying God.
Don't try to be someone you aren't because of what a poll of women tells you.
Hopefully you aren't doing that and I'm sticking my foot in my mouth.
Let me respectfully tell you that you are sticking your foot in your mouth. :)
I will attend bible school regardless whether I get married or not. If there will not be a Mrs. The Refiner's Fire (well, ok, my real name) then I say with hesitation, "So be it." Should my call be to full time ministry then that's where I am going.
I am just wondering what opinions were on the subject. :)
May God bless you and thank you for your post.
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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RE: What's better - 8/9/2008 9:21:21 AM
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USA-Girl
Posts: 10
Joined: 6/3/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
am looking to get into both a bachelor of theology and bachelor of psychology courses and doing Christian counseling afterward.
I am wondering how many women are unattracted to pastors or ministry leaders. Would you consider marrying a pastor or full-time ministry leader?
My answer is Yes. 1000 times yes I would marry a full time ministry leader.
Sometimes men don't know this. But we women have a calling too. We're called to be a pastors wife (ministers wife) God prepares our hearts and our minds and puts it in our spirit long before the man even know who is wife is going to be.
So, while your out there going to school, God already has that God given wife in mind for you. She is being taught by the hand of God her calling while you are learning your calling. Then when the God timing is all lined up to HIS word he bring them together under his divine time. Then and only then Will God join them two together only to glorify HIS name. He wants Him to be the center of your marriage. As far as finances that is something the man and God workouts so he can be the God given provide and protector for his wife.
If I love someone and that is my calling. Money is nothing to me. JMO
Usa-Girl 
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RE: What's better - 8/9/2008 10:17:53 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 45
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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Thank you USA-Girl.
Here's a question for the women who are married to a pastor. Why is it difficult to be a pastor's wife?
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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