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What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 5:12:31 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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We are currently attending a Southern Baptist Church.
We are heavily involved but coming off rotation in a couple of positions of service and letting the nominating committee know that we will not be continuing on in other positions.
How to let them know we are leaving? I am assuming that going around the church and removing all the brass plaques given in memory and in honor ect ect and placing them on the Lords Supper table then telling the folks in the congregation that the Lords house is to be a house of prayer and worship of our Lord and that making an idol of the brick and mortar or ancestors that built the building Is wrong... is highly inappropriate.
A letter?
If so- then what to write? Again the above would be inappropriate right? We do not want to lie- but I don't know how to say WHY and not step on folks toes.
Prayer? YES! and a lot of it too- but I'd really like to know what you all think. We do not want to leave the folks that are being left behind to struggle, there are a few families that we will keep in touch with that HAVE reached out to us. We do not want anything we do to make life miserable for them. BUT we are going to be leaving behind 2/3 of a congregation walking on eggshells in fear of offending the other 1/3 that have the most ancestors names on brass plaques.
It is a sad situation. There cannot be true fellowship or worship while one is worried about offending another every moment they are in together in church.
What do you think? how does your denomination handle folks leaving the church? We could just leave and never say a word being So. Baptists but that seems wrong.
~e
_____________________________
<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 5:35:15 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2001
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Still waiting for my Moonpie, by the way.
Glad to see someone at least asking the question. As a former elder in a church, I was always miffed when people disappeared but didn't leave me with a reason or an issue that we could work on.
I think if it's a matter of direction/philosophy/heart in the church then a meeting with one or two of your ruling elders (or whatever governing body your church has) would be appropriate. We had an issue a couple of years ago that we just couldn't get past. We met with two of the elders who completely understood our position. They eventually acted to remedy the issue, and I'd like to think our meeting had something to do with that.
I doubt it, but I'd like to think it. ;)
Telling your story to someone who's in a position to do something about it just seems like the right thing to do to me.
Leaving silently without speaking up just doesn't feel right. Being a loudmouth about it, like you jokingly mention, doesn't seem right either. The only middle ground in my mind is to keep the audience to a small number of people - one or two - who are able to hear the message, determine what they should do about it, and act.
By the way, I generally prefer face-to-face meetings over letters - people tend to take you more seriously if they see you have the conviction to meet with them personally. It's not always practical, particularly for larger churches, but I think it's preferable when you can swing it.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 5:47:26 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1792
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quote:
Telling your story to someone who's in a position to do something about it just seems like the right thing to do to me.
Leaving silently without speaking up just doesn't feel right. Being a loudmouth about it, like you jokingly mention, doesn't seem right either. The only middle ground in my mind is to keep the audience to a small number of people - one or two - who are able to hear the message, determine what they should do about it, and act.
By the way, I generally prefer face-to-face meetings over letters - people tend to take you more seriously if they see you have the conviction to meet with them personally. It's not always practical, particularly for larger churches, but I think it's preferable when you can swing it.
I agree with this. Scripture stresses that we do these kinds of things peaceably, and face-to-face. It's important that you meet with the pastor and/or elders and express your concerns. The truth will be out in the open, there will be no room for speculation.
quote:
BUT we are going to be leaving behind 2/3 of a congregation walking on eggshells in fear of offending the other 1/3 that have the most ancestors names on brass plaques.
Unfortunately, someone will always be offended in these kinds of situations, because these types of people choose to be offended. There's nothing we can do except pray for them. This is also why it's important to make the truth known, so people won't (well, it's quite possible that some will, that's sadly just the way it is . . . .) start their own rumors for your leaving based on speculation. If a few know your reasons, then they can clear up any confusion/speculation.
I pray the Lord be with you in this! It's not an easy thing.
_____________________________
<<< Pretty wildflowers my hubby picked for me
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 6:03:41 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1300
Joined: 1/22/2008
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What do I think?
I think the Lord weeps every time these situations occur. That's why He left us with the commandment to love one another. But . . .
What to do?
That I don't know. Sometimes to just quietly walk away is the right thing. Sometimes to talk to some in leadership is the right thing. Pray and ask the Lord what He wants you to do.
We have walked away from two fellowships. It is a heart wrenching experience if you truly love the body as we are commanded to. But sometimes that is what the Lord asks you to do. New wine will cause old wineskins to burst. And new wine and old wine cannot be mixed. I guess that is why there are new church starts all over. And old buildings and churches dying.
Yes, the Lord is weeping. Weep along with Him and love the brethren. Bless you. I truly feel your pain. 
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 6:11:12 PM
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rcjames
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When I have had folks leave the congregation I really appreaciate a visit or at least a phone call.
I really want to konw if they felt their need had not been met, or why they are choosing to leave.
No condemnation from me, as I wish them well, inquire as if I might help them find a new Church home or call the new Pastore and tell him what good folks he is getting.
If someone just stops showing up, then I go looking for them with the same questions and offers of assistance.
I will add that I have never had someone leave in a huff or mad at me. And that is a praise the Lord.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 8:28:55 PM
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TrustingGod
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My husband and I left a church that he grew up in and where I went as a teenager through young adulthood. His parents and grandparents helped build the church so it was a very difficult decision. We did contact our pastors and had a face-to-face meeting with them. Listed out the concerns we had and why we were leaving. This came after we had to tried to resolve the issues through the board and/or committees.
We did go to a few people in the church and explain to them why we left onlhy because these were very good friends and felt we owed it to them. We made it very clear that these were "our" issues and didn't want to influence anyone else.
You are correct in saying that it must be approached with prayer. Discretion and brotherly love is important too.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 8:51:31 PM
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BibleL7
Posts: 480
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ezri
We are currently attending a Southern Baptist Church.
We are heavily involved but coming off rotation in a couple of positions of service and letting the nominating committee know that we will not be continuing on in other positions.
How to let them know we are leaving? I am assuming that going around the church and removing all the brass plaques given in memory and in honor ect ect and placing them on the Lords Supper table then telling the folks in the congregation that the Lords house is to be a house of prayer and worship of our Lord and that making an idol of the brick and mortar or ancestors that built the building Is wrong... is highly inappropriate.
A letter?
If so- then what to write? Again the above would be inappropriate right? We do not want to lie- but I don't know how to say WHY and not step on folks toes.
Prayer? YES! and a lot of it too- but I'd really like to know what you all think. We do not want to leave the folks that are being left behind to struggle, there are a few families that we will keep in touch with that HAVE reached out to us. We do not want anything we do to make life miserable for them. BUT we are going to be leaving behind 2/3 of a congregation walking on eggshells in fear of offending the other 1/3 that have the most ancestors names on brass plaques.
It is a sad situation. There cannot be true fellowship or worship while one is worried about offending another every moment they are in together in church.
What do you think? how does your denomination handle folks leaving the church? We could just leave and never say a word being So. Baptists but that seems wrong.
~e
Actually I like the original idea cept for one basic thing ya see with Baptists that communion table is sacred and would just tend to offend all and they would not get past that point. Try laying them on the offering table instead just out of respect.
Otherwise the bible says if your brother has sinned against you go to him in private. I am sure you are very familiar with the rest of this. If it is a matter of some being prefered where they should not be it might to a good idea to talk to the pastor about it and at least let him know the problem. will pray for ya
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/1/2008 9:53:54 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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Pastor- We are currently Pastorless... He was led to leave May 1st. he left on good terms. he also knew the issues we have and was good at being a mediator but with him gone there is a huge hole and the powere grappling has begun within the 1/3 with the brass plaques I mentioned earlier.
Elders- Our church has a Deacon body. My husband is the Chairman of the deacons. We have tried to address these issues within committee and even face to face. We thought things were going okay til the pastor left and then the hole the pastor left brought the 1/3 back to their Pre-Pastor K mindset.
So without a pastor there is no one to go to to have this face to face talk. This is why I am thinking a letter. The new chairman of the deacons(a friend- one of the few that we can own within the church) will be the one to handle it.
~e
_____________________________
<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 12:43:16 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 334
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Ezri,
I'm responding thinking you are planning on remaining southern Baptists and are just going to be looking for a new place to worship in. Or at least are staying the course as Christians, and are not totally turned off by things.
Just random thoughts. Are you concerned about the future of your present church? That you and the family sense there's a lot of division going on in the church? Then maybe you make a trip somehow to the Next Higher Ups, or send them a letter of concern, along with why you are moving on. That your hopes for your church remain to be a place of worship, and that you are not out to start a trend.
You and your husband haven't been sitting in the back row of pews, so when word gets out, it's going to really likely get out quickly. Maybe get together a pot-luck supper of sorts at your house with 12 or however many of the folks you've come to love the most/have the greatest appreciation and respect for, and explain to them your struggles and what you mean to do first?
I feel I'm typing too much. I've been part of a congregational split, however, and it was a really hard thing.
Blessings,
OneJohn410
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 2:51:13 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3618
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
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Possibly...waiting until a new pastor is found and waiting until he deals with this issue is....wisdom...?
Sometimes...patience is a good thing.
When I tell personal stories some think I am bragging about my failures. I'm not. I think my mistakes can help..so..
I left a church...just by leaving it. I hadn't been to church in two weeks and the pastor's wife, a very nice person, called me at home and I didn't tell her the truth. I was taught in my first church not to question the leadership and telling them the reason why I was leaving didn't seem to be right. It would seem like criticism, something I was taught not to do.
Not to make excuses for my poor behavior but that is the truth. I regret it. It was wrong.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 3:09:37 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1300
Joined: 1/22/2008
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quote:
So without a pastor there is no one to go to to have this face to face talk. This is why I am thinking a letter. The new chairman of the deacons(a friend- one of the few that we can own within the church) will be the one to handle it.
Letters can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted. But the same can happen in face to face meetings. So I would ask. . . what do you see as the possible positive outcome of such? Will your speaking change anything? Will your sharing your thoughts move the church in a new direction? or will your sharing just justify your decision to leave?
As much as I would like to be able to encourage you that some form of communication would be positive and valuable, I cannot. My experience in these situations is that your speaking will change nothing. And you certainly do not need to justify your actions. If you are in God's will, that is all that matters. Speaking generally polarizes people and creates more harm than good. If you were talking about one or two other people or families, that would be different. But you are talking about a church and generally the outcome of such actions, even when well intended, are disappointing. So those are my two cents.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 7:10:59 AM
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BibleL7
Posts: 480
Joined: 2/1/2008
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If this is causing problems in getting new pastor then something needs to be done with the deacon board and other members of boards involved. Absolutely talk to the person who will be replacing DH on deacon board. As a Letter is more likely to be misinterpreted make it face to face so he can ask questions for clarification. If a bad situation goes down in a church and nothing is said then would not those who stayed quiet also be held responsible in last days. The whole reason we are given rules to admonish and exhort the church is so there is communication in the body that we may restore those who are in error back to right fellowship. I understand that you may not want to hurt peoples feelings or step on toes but it is not their church it is the LORDs church and He is the boss not them, you or us. The Lord laid out these rules for a reason. If you love the other members then you need to talk to them in love for if the watchman sees trouble coming and does not warn the town then the watchman is guilty if however he warns the town and they do not pay heed he is not guilty.
Church discipline is very serious and very necessary and is most loving. Knowing a little about some Baptist churches I know most definitely believe in discipline and most definitely believe in the Bible as authority. I may make fun of em but on that I have no arguments with Baptists. So also consider if you step on a few toes would it not be better that they go to heaven with sore toes then not go there and have healthy feet? I know may not be best example but thin it gets point across.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 12:01:29 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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quote:
OneJohn410
Are you concerned about the future of your present church?
Then maybe you make a trip somehow to the Next Higher Ups, or send them a letter of concern, along with why you are moving on. That your hopes for your church remain to be a place of worship, and that you are not out to start a trend.
Yes, concerned. We have been here since 2004- we have seen two pastors go through in that time. one gave in to the 1/3 the other stood and led the church. Now the one thst stood is gone the 1/3 is grappling for power in the vacuum he left.
next higher ups? There are none in the Southern Baptist Church- the Local church is it. There is no one to go to outside of the local body.
quote:
SonInMe1
Possibly...waiting until a new pastor is found and waiting until he deals with this issue is....wisdom...?
Sometimes...patience is a good thing.
Waiting? We had waited and hoped that the new pastor would be the answer last go round. He did help but there was still the 1/3 and the 2/3 and the 2/3 walking on eggshells so as to not offend the 1/3. There wasn't the same open power grappling and bitterness while he was here but I am looking around and it is all back with a vengeance. It only lay brewing beneath the surface.
quote:
Liveloved
Letters can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted. But the same can happen in face to face meetings. So I would ask. . . what do you see as the possible positive outcome of such? Will your speaking change anything? Will your sharing your thoughts move the church in a new direction? or will your sharing just justify your decision to leave?
Positive outcome? In the very least they would KNOW that we were not leaving because the last pastor left. Change anything? I am nearly convinced that the situation will remain the same until the leaders of the 1/3 have passed away and then I am almost sure that another will rise into their position. It greatly saddens me. I stopped to pick up some trash on the front pew and over heard one of these 1/3 folks telling the one who will be the new chairman of the deacons "Well I am sorry folks are leaving, but we just don't do things that way around here." and she does not know that we are leaving yet- We have had 3 families leave in the last 6 months. One of those families was about as involved in the ministry as my husband and I have been. One was the man that was getting his ears chewed off's daughter and son in law.
You ask if it would just justify our leaving- it would justify our leaving, I do not want to leave anything out there open to speculation. Then again, part of me knows that those who are important to us KNOW and those in the 1/3 are going to make up their own story anyway. Someone mentioned that it is not like we are sitting on the back pew- that is figuratively and literally- it is the only place we all fit. For some reason baptists seem to fill the pews from the back to the front.
I am thinking that a meeting with the chairmen/women of the core committees to have a talk might be the best route at this point.
~ezri
_____________________________
<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 12:18:52 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BibleL7
If this is causing problems in getting new pastor then something needs to be done with the deacon board and other members of boards involved.
the pastor search committee is a decent representation of the church body as a whole- meaning that it is 2/3 the 2/3 that are walking on eggshells and 1/3 the ones that are the reason for the walking on eggs shells.
quote:
Absolutely talk to the person who will be replacing DH on deacon board. As a Letter is more likely to be misinterpreted make it face to face so he can ask questions for clarification. If a bad situation goes down in a church and nothing is said then would not those who stayed quiet also be held responsible in last days.
(We have talked to the man taking Husbands place in the Deacon body)
We, my husband and myself have stood up to the 1/3 on a couple of occasions. None of them has affected great change in anyone but me. I am tired. I need fellowship. I hunger for true worship. I feel as if I am walking among the living dead for lack of a better set of words. I have even been told by a few of the 2/3 that I cannot win against the 1/3 and need to not put myself in a position that might result in my getting my heart stepped on. 
quote:
The whole reason we are given rules to admonish and exhort the church is so there is communication in the body that we may restore those who are in error back to right fellowship. I understand that you may not want to hurt peoples feelings or step on toes but it is not their church it is the LORDs church and He is the boss not them, you or us. The Lord laid out these rules for a reason. If you love the other members then you need to talk to them in love for if the watchman sees trouble coming and does not warn the town then the watchman is guilty if however he warns the town and they do not pay heed he is not guilty.
Back to the brass plaques on the lords supper table then? You know, the cleansing of the temple. Only I am not without sin as Jesus was and I feel sadly under qualified to point out the speck in their eye when my own eye feels so neglected, dry, and weary.
quote:
Church discipline is very serious and very necessary and is most loving. Knowing a little about some Baptist churches I know most definitely believe in discipline and most definitely believe in the Bible as authority. I may make fun of em but on that I have no arguments with Baptists. So also consider if you step on a few toes would it not be better that they go to heaven with sore toes then not go there and have healthy feet? I know may not be best example but thin it gets point across.
Discipline- so long as it doesn't affect the world of 1/3 -OR- is the 1/3 scowling at the 2/3 to get them back in line. 
~e
_____________________________
<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 12:42:25 PM
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tsnody2001
Posts: 78
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From: Terre Haute, IN
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I agree with BibleL7. It is not about us as individuals, but about us as a unified body. If a member of the body causes you to sin, cut it off. But there is a loving, gentle, but firm element to the disciplinary process that is designed to bring repentance. Just walking away without having gone through the biblical process Jesus and His apostles gave to us will cause either the congregation to continue in sin, or the departing member to continue to sin (if their sin was the cause of departing). I personally walked away from my church about four years ago without communicating why. For a short time after I church-hopped and eventually quit going altogether. That was close to 4 years ago and I still have not gotten back into a church. I lived a sin-filled life style all over again. About 6 or 7 months ago I began to turn from sin back to God, committed myself to serious study of the Scriptures, and returned prayer back into my life. Although I know it is good to be a member of a local church (possibly a repaired relationship with previous one), I still have not taken that step. I have looked on some local churches' websites but have not gone to any yet, partly because I still struggle with self-condemnation. I seriously think (from my own experience, and from what Scripture says) that the best and least painful way to handle your situatio, if you are in a position of leadership, is to not let sin have its way in the body of Christ. If you are NOT in a position of leadership, then make your concerns respectfully known to two or three elders who are in such a position. If it does not change, then make it public (humbly and with gentleness). If it still continues (by now, if hasn't stopped, then I assume you are NOT in leadership) then I think you should find another church. By then you may not be the only one making a decision to leave the church.
_____________________________
"Saving faith shuts my mouth and excludes boasting, but it leads me to boast in Christ.... Saving faith is not dependant upon my obedience, but obedience is the hallmark of the man or woman filled with the Spirit." -- Sinclair Ferguson --
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 12:50:33 PM
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tsnody2001
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From: Terre Haute, IN
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** Clarification. On my last post, by "make it public" I meant within the church congregation, but not through gossip.
Travis
_____________________________
"Saving faith shuts my mouth and excludes boasting, but it leads me to boast in Christ.... Saving faith is not dependant upon my obedience, but obedience is the hallmark of the man or woman filled with the Spirit." -- Sinclair Ferguson --
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 1:12:59 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
Status: offline
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Travis,
We are in a position of leadership. My husband is Chairman of the Deacons, we have no Elder body. Just the deacon body. In the absence of a Pastor the chairman of the deacons stands in his place. We have told the man that will take my husbands place as Chairman of the deacons when he deploys to Iraq the issues. He knows they exist and is sad that it is like this but he has tried to make a change himself and been stepped on, or not backed up by the 2/3 that think the same as he does but had rather walk on eggshells as opposed to standing up and correcting the 1/3 that have set up the church building and ancestry as an idol. I honestly believe that they are all waiting for the 1/3 to pass on.
It is a sad situation that in my estimation every family serving knows about but has been told it is not worth fighting.
~e
_____________________________
<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 1:18:53 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2001
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ezri
Travis,
We are in a position of leadership. My husband is Chairman of the Deacons, we have no Elder body. Just the deacon body. In the absence of a Pastor the chairman of the deacons stands in his place. We have told the man that will take my husbands place as Chairman of the deacons when he deploys to Iraq the issues. He knows they exist and is sad that it is like this but he has tried to make a change himself and been stepped on, or not backed up by the 2/3 that think the same as he does but had rather walk on eggshells as opposed to standing up and correcting the 1/3 that have set up the church building and ancestry as an idol. I honestly believe that they are all waiting for the 1/3 to pass on.
It is a sad situation that in my estimation every family serving knows about but has been told it is not worth fighting.
~e
It sounds like you may have already done about everything you can do. I'm usually the last one to stand down and walk away, but there are times when it's the only remaining option. At least you can walk away knowing that you did what was needed and what was right. Sometimes you just start the process and leave it for another to finish. Kind of like David - he set the stage for Israel, but it was Solomon that completed the temple. Life is like that some times.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 1:24:33 PM
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bluestone
Posts: 2258
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: Saturn
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when I left my church home of over 30 years, I called the pastor and discussed it with him. He tried to persuade me otherwise.
Several people called, and I told them why.
the official denomination stand seems to be
That is what the" EXIT" signs are for. they are losing people dramatically across the United States.
_____________________________
"a fanatic is someone who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject"-Winston Churchill
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 2:05:26 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2823
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GroupW
Sometimes you just start the process and leave it for another to finish. Kind of like David - he set the stage for Israel, but it was Solomon that completed the temple. Life is like that some times.
like telling the good news- sometimes you are the one that plants the seed and another waters it.
We do not always see the fruits of our labor.
~e
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<- proof I am not yet qualified for the senior citizens discount. I know it is hard to fully grasp, knowing I have 6 kids, 4 cats, a dog, a silver streak the like of X-Men's Rouge, and a 20yo marriage... Really- I am only 38.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 2:18:06 PM
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bluestone
Posts: 2258
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: Saturn
Status: offline
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Sticking with a church out of loyalty is not what is in the best interest of your spiritual health, or that of your family. How many dried up believers do we all know who have done that?
"It's our family church..granny would be so upset if we left"
"The church is dying, we don't want to be involved in causing it's death"
"We don't agree theologically, but we feel the warm fuzzies there"
As said before, I talked to the pastor upfront. He was new, as this church averaged a new pastor every two years for the past 26 years. The old "My daddy put the rafters in the roof" crowd killed anything progressive any pastor tried to do. They finally got an "old fashioned" pastor who preached against drinking, smoking, swimming, dancing, and movies. Although he would have stepped on more toes preaching against gossip, snobbery, hidden sin, judging, and legalism. 
When it is time to go, you know it. If you are without a pstor, tell whoever is next in line. then GO.
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"a fanatic is someone who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject"-Winston Churchill
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 3:06:50 PM
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hjemerson
Posts: 201
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
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"BIBlLEl7 What do you have againt S.Baptist? "It happen in all church !
Well I have seen this happen several time I am rasied SB ( 45 years)And now my HB is the worship leader in a SB . Please do not just leave It has so many people do(can you rememberr back when one just leaves how you felted)Being in the Deacon Head You have the been in voled in much of the setting of the church but as you beening in the church only a few year things were in place before you came and they will never change till the people truly in charge move on or the Lorde moved them on, ( you do have an Asscation to talk to) As you said you have stated stepping away belive me people have started to think and ask why? That is human nature I remeber the best thing a Leader of my home church did was to tell the reason at a sunday night service ,Why and the truthed (as it will hurt some and will get other thinking and some will not care) I was a young person at that time and thue the years would away admire theat family for the reason and tell it all insteasd of just a few and disapearing, It may and will hurt some but again it will be a teaching event to other to made a stand or Change in their life to stay or find a true BIBLE beliving church not a club to go and be appoved of or have peole walking around afard of the egg shell events! How can you call that a chruch ? You are still in the cummunity will you still see friends /of the church .Yes It will be better things in the open so you can hold your head and family high knowing you did the best for your Lord and family! Don"t wait on a NEW pastor sounds like he have a few other things to deal with . It would be hard but He should know of what going on Pray some one will be honset with him and his family of some of the past few years what happening. As we when out that was a question I asked as we were intreview what happen in the last 3-5 years and Maybe why? If if the do get a answer they may see it in the other face as they talk about it! Do it !have a restfull time for you and your family and in a clam church where you will be feed and revived! Then start to sever HIM as you heal! As will all the other left behine they will seek the truth or stay in the egg crate! Which some day may make a egg salad.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 3:10:27 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1300
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
Positive outcome? In the very least they would KNOW that we were not leaving because the last pastor left. Change anything? I am nearly convinced that the situation will remain the same until the leaders of the 1/3 have passed away and then I am almost sure that another will rise into their position. It greatly saddens me. I stopped to pick up some trash on the front pew and over heard one of these 1/3 folks telling the one who will be the new chairman of the deacons "Well I am sorry folks are leaving, but we just don't do things that way around here." and she does not know that we are leaving yet- We have had 3 families leave in the last 6 months. One of those families was about as involved in the ministry as my husband and I have been. One was the man that was getting his ears chewed off's daughter and son in law.
You ask if it would just justify our leaving- it would justify our leaving, I do not want to leave anything out there open to speculation. Then again, part of me knows that those who are important to us KNOW and those in the 1/3 are going to make up their own story anyway. Someone mentioned that it is not like we are sitting on the back pew- that is figuratively and literally- it is the only place we all fit. For some reason baptists seem to fill the pews from the back to the front.
No matter what you tell them, they will not KNOW, as in understand. And therein lies the whole problem. Read Joshua 22, the story of the offensive altar. This is how the church body is supposed to function. We are supposed to lay down our lives (our proud selfish selves) and love the brethren. The story of the offensive altar shows men in a very real, literal way doing that. It is the most beautiful story. These men have their ideas about the problem, what is wrong with their brothers and they are going to 'correct' them, to set them straight. But when they arrive and honestly confess what they think is going on, they find out that the motives and intentions of their brothers are borne out of love, godly actions. And they reconcile and love one another. Oh, how I love that story. It is what God intends for us. Plant it in your heart. Let it grow. Love those who do not and will not see or hear. And move on. Tares aren't to be uprooted. New wine does not mix with the old. I'm sorry but say thank you for the time you've been together and move quietly on.
And let Jesus be your justifier.
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