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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 1:00:25 AM
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beachcooky
Posts: 659
Joined: 6/21/2008
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I'm not ready to date until God tells me when I am.
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 1:03:29 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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My divorce is getting finalized this weekend but it will be a while before I actually start "dating". Right now, my focus is getting the most out of Divorce Recovery Group I'm attending. I learned through a friend in another ministry we performed at earlier this year that there's a woman in that ministry who had asked about me and wanted to meet me. She sent her phone number to me but I told him to tell her I will contact her after my divorce was finalized. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "date" but I am looking forward to meeting her and getting to know her a little bit over lunch or coffee. In fairness, I'd like to be honest about where my mindset is as far as dating is concerned. She already knows about my situation and has been very understanding along the way so that has really impressed me.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 7:14:19 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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DJ - that is good that you are already involved with that group, and that she seems to be understanding of your situation. I will be praying.
Yes, God will give you peace for when you are ready. Other than that - there is no real answer.
I know that after a very emotional breakup, the thought of dating nearly made me sick for months. Thankfully, God has healed me fully and I am able to consider a real relationship with a truly Godly man. No more wolves in sheep clothing.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 7:41:35 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Exactly!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 9:49:23 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1083
Joined: 12/11/2007
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When I find that person that I want to date, then I'm ready. Otherwise, I'm never ready if the man isn't my type, lol.
Honestly, I've always thought I'm ready but looking back, I know why most of my relationships ended. I was never ready until I spent a few years totally alone and I had a chance to really reflect on my past relationships. Now, I know that I'm ready because I'm less self centered as I was a few years ago; even from just a few weeks ago. That's the work that God had to do in me. I doubt I'll ever reach a point where I'll have no more rough edges but I think I'm developing the essential qualities that make me relationship worthy (and probably only the right person can see them.)
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 12:43:43 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Thank you all for your encouragement....and Prairie, the reflection is a very good thing. One of the things I learned in the recvovery group is that (for the number of divroces there are) so few people give themselves time to figure out what went wrong and to address those things before getting into another relationship. Some of us have been single for a lot longer than we would have hoped but that time in the desert may very well be the difference between an incredible marriage and another failed one (for those who have been previously married).
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 12:52:09 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12859
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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I know someone who is a serial marrying man. He doesn't let 6 months pass from the time of his one divorce until he's married again. He's on #4 right now, and I would not be surprised to hear that in another year or two, he'll be onto #'s 5&6.
Please take the time to get healed and whole and well.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 1:27:17 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8194
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: offline
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When you don't feel like you need to date. When you don't have a panicky feeling at the thought of not being in a relationship.
I've seen people start dating before their divorce is final. I've seen them jump straight from one relationship to the next. That just prolongs the time it takes to heal and become emotionally healthy again.
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 9:53:36 PM
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betterisoneday
Posts: 193
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
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I thought I was ready to date again about 18 months after my divorce, but thankfully didn't meet a man who would date someone with children then.
Started dating almost a year after that, broke off that engagement partly because of realizing there are a couple areas of my life that still need to be worked through and I'm not really ready.
So now I have no idea when I'll be ready to date again, and to be totally honest I don't feel I've been talking with G-d enough lately to hear what He thinks about that subject.
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 10:08:24 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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If you don't mind sharing, what convinced you you weren't ready? I totally understand if it's a little too personal to get into here.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 10:20:09 PM
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betterisoneday
Posts: 193
Joined: 1/10/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
If you don't mind sharing, what convinced you you weren't ready? I totally understand if it's a little too personal to get into here.
If you were asking me, I'll answer (that's why I have no name on here). Because of panic attacks when my then fiance would not so politely disagree with something I said;
finally admitting to myself some things that happened when I was young and with my ex-husband that are causing nightmares and need to be prayed through;
and because I need to learn to trust that G-d has forgiven me rather than let people hold things against me and feel as though I should submit to them because they're obviously "better" than I.
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: When are you ready to date again? - 7/19/2008 11:02:40 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 464
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Sounds like it was a combination of you realizing you had some unresolved issues from the past to work through and realizing you were engaged to a person that was starting to show signs of being abusive. Was your ex abusive towards you?
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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