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husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 3:13:36 AM
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newlywedat50
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I'm 50 plus. Just got married. We met online. Fell in love and married quickly. We are both christians. Everyone said NO. You only just met. We prayed and felt led to marry.
Everything is going along fine.... 1 1/2yrs. A few months ago an old friend starting calling for more than just hello how are you conversations. I overheard some more intimate obvious close conversations between them on the phone; I didn't want to hear but the Lord would not let me move. I would have just kept pretending that I noticed he was not connecting with me. They have never dated. Tried to a couple of times but she was always interested in someone else; or the distance was a problem.
Well she became available a few months ago...and that's when our troubles began. He has had a couple of deaths in his family very recently; his job is very stressful; she is close family friend. He says he has the strong feeling in his stomach for her. When they sneak and talk, he wants to call her right back.
He told me today that the old feelings are back. He feels like he should have never married me because obviously he wasn't over her. It didn't help that we were going through some difficulties in our marriage of communication. She stepped right in just on time.....when he was vulnerable. Now she is all wonderul, magical, and perfect. He says he loves both of us. But that he thinks I love him more than he loves me; and that he wants to give us a chance but that he doesn't think it will work. He is more sure that the relationship with her will work.
At first I was devastated; crying; aching, moaning; still am sometimes. But tonight the Holy Spirit led me in prayer for us. I felt a peace and calm about the situation.
My husband loves me. I love him. I think we will be alright. But I'm not pressing him. I know that I know that I know that God put us together. He is a strong christian. I told him that this is the work of the devil who is laughing because he thinks he is stopping a powerful couple of God from being together to represent God.
I just wanted to share and find out how any others have dealt with this type situation.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 7:00:35 AM
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DaveW
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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"Feelings" can be very fickle. That is why a relationship cannot be based on feelings alone. Biblical love is a choice. Emotions are not.
Your husband has a choice at this point: Follow the Lord and honor his decision to love you, or follow fleeting emotions.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
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Our CD is now available here:
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 8:49:46 AM
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buckifn
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Any man who allows another female to interfere in his marriage is not a "strong christian" because God is love and if we are reflecting God in our life we are honoring our spouse.
I know that sounds strong but there is no other way around it. I suggest you insist your husband and you go to counseling asap. I also suggest you change your phone number or block this woman's number from your phone.
Your husband is playing with fire and needs strong GODLY counseling on how we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
Maybe you did marry too quickly and didn't know each other well enough, but you are married now nonetheless. so he needs to act like it.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 11:00:45 AM
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NoShow
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Ditto on buckifn's post.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 11:18:43 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6070
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
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((((newlywedat50))))
DaveW and buckfin are right.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 12:38:30 PM
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cversion7
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I also concur. Counseling is what you two need. Don't sit and hope it will blow over, because it won't.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 1:33:55 PM
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slushie
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I agree as well. I've never been in this type of situation. But I believe that you should get counseling.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 3:46:45 PM
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newlywedat50
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You are all so correct! He has had 4 deaths (1 murder) in his immediate family over the last 3 months.
He is in counseling trying to figure out why he is doing. We will do counseling together soon
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 6:52:14 PM
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Liveloved
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This is one place where there's no going back. Once we have taken our wedding vows, God says we are married. Hardness of heart was the reason He allowed divorce. And that is where your husband is right now. He is hardening his own heart---not a good place to be, not a God place to be, and as others have said, a very dangerous place to allow yourself to get into.
The answer to the question is what does God say? You know. He knows. Stick with what you know to be right and the struggle ends.
Bless ya! 
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/15/2008 10:33:07 PM
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newlywedat50
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thank you thank you thank you.
I didn't expect this forum to be so helpful. You guys are blessing me with genuine sincere real Christian love.
ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU.
The last piece the HARDENING OF THE HEART. There is a bible reference to that...and what I was looking for. I'll find it with these keywords. Thank you.
I've never ever prayed so much; so deeply and with such sincerity. I have the peace and assurance of the Holy Spirit ....whatever the outcome
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 12:54:55 PM
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newlywedat50
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He is trying to fix this. I just told him to soften his heart to the Lord...and ask forgiveness. He says God gave him the feelings so how can he ask forgiveness for it. I told him ask forgiveness for acting on the feelings. He is having an emotional affair...that could lead to divorce over phone conversations
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 3:17:13 PM
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Hislittleone
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Your husband is being mightily deceived by the father of all lies. God would never, ever, ever put adulterous feelings/thoughts in your husband's heart or mind. God did not give those feelings to your husband. He is commiting adultery in his heart which is just as serious in God's eyes as commiting adultery physically. Your husband is sinning and needs to stop. He needs to cut off all contact with this other woman immediately. Christian couples counseling would probably be a good idea too. Don't ignore this situation and hope it goes away on its own because more than likely it'll only get worse without immediate intervention.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 5:00:19 PM
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newlywedat50
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That is pretty much what I just told him. He seems to be coming around today. I have been up for 2 days praying for his accountability to God and his salvation day and night.
He had a nightmare last night. Woke up screaming DON'T HURT ME...PLEASE DONT HURT ME.
He sees his counsellor tonight. He and I have a meeting planned after to discuss what he has "discovered" or "decided"
You guys have all been so so helpful
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 11:33:33 PM
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newlywedat50
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Well he just told me he is moving out to figure out what he wants to do. He's not sure if he loves the other woman.
He needs to go be by himself and decide how he feels
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 11:35:20 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6070
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From: CA
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(((newlywed)))) I'm so sorry!
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/16/2008 11:36:42 PM
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carl54
Posts: 52
Joined: 5/31/2005
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Your marriage is under a spiritual attack. Continue to have this conversation with your husband. It is a spiritual warfare. You need to arm yourselves with the armour of God. Pray, encourage him to be strong. Nothing is lost, at present. You are in the heat of the battle but God has said he will not allow you to be tempted above that which you are able to bear. Let the word of God have its perfect work in you and your husband. Fight this fight together. Jesus said temptations would come, but have no fear, HE has overcome to show us that WE can overcome if we remain faithful to him and lean on the power of his might.
I'm praying with you guys.
_____________________________
Walk in the Sirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Gal 5:16
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 2:15:12 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 24
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He says he never got over this lady. Just never pursued the relationship because she was always with someone else.
Now she's alone and his feeling for her are going strong.....HE THINKS....
Then he says he can't love me as much as I love him. He thinks he loves her more. That I'm a wonderful woman but it hurts to much for him to keep hurting me. He can't help himself he HAS to talk to her.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 2:17:43 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6070
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
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newlywed - I would seek out counseling from your pastor or another trusted Christian professional as soon as you can. Even if he won't go, you can go and learn ways to deal with the pain.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 2:44:19 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 24
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i just want to die. He wont go with me. Says there no need
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 2:59:10 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 24
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I appreciate your words....but he doesn't think its warfare. I tell him to stay strong and fight....he thinks that crazy. I know we are at war but its me and the Lord fighting. My husband is sitting on the sidelines looking at me as if I'm crazy
He said in the dream I was trying to hurt him with a knife. This is getting more and more crazy. He said he wasn't afraid of me....but I don't know why he even said that. Of course I would never harm him. I think he's having a breakdown. Then he said he saw himself in a long black coat and a black hat as a villian in my town. I had all of my church and family consoling me. He had no one.
He is NOT consulting a Christian counselor. I think this is a very bad mistake.
Anyone know of a Christian counselor in Austin/Pville/RR Tx area?
< Message edited by newlywedat50 -- 7/17/2008 3:23:11 AM >
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 3:30:21 AM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 601
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Newlywed, I'm so sorry this is happening. Unfortunately since his counselor isn't a Christian he/she may very well have advised your husband to separate. Here is a link for Christian counselors in your area. I'll check to see if I can find some more.
http://www.christiancounselingaustin.org/
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 3:36:34 AM
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Hislittleone
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I'm not sure what the areas that you abbreviated are so it's hard for me to search. All you have to do is type Christian counselors Austin (or whatever other areas you want) Texas in the search bar. That should give you a good start.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 3:51:02 AM
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newlywedat50
Posts: 24
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That's exactly what she did. Austin, Round Rock, Pflugerville, Georgetown, TX
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 10:43:08 AM
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DenimDiva
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From: CA
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Good morning newlywed- I hope that you will go to counseling for you. Think of it as a special gift that is all yours!
If he decides that he wants to share your "gift" that great, if not at least you will have someone to help you learn to help yourself.
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RE: husband wants to return to gf now available - 7/17/2008 11:34:03 AM
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newlywedat50
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After 3 days of a few hours sleep....I need some help. I contacted his mom (not a good idea......she is also in mourning). But he told me he was talking to her about all this so I was hoping she could give me some incite.
I told me that I upset her (she's still in mourning). And that I need to be stronger so he knows he has the right woman. Then he suggested I see his current counselor (which I think is the source of our problems). He did say this morning (before the mom incident) that he would consider going to christian counselors. I found a couple and so did he.
thank you so much for your kind words. I'll keep you posted
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