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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/8/2006 11:35:43 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
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LOL
I like it!
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/9/2006 10:25:30 AM
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loozer4Jesus
Posts: 42
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: The world of the forms. . .
Status: offline
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A couple celebrating 50 years of marraige flew to Europe for their anniversery. When the flight attendant found this out, she asked them what it was like to be married for 50 years. The husband replied "It felt like 5 min." The flight attendant was about to say how sweet that was, when the old man added ". . .under water."
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/12/2006 11:43:58 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 983
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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My Dad had emailed this to me a couple of years ago .... I am glad I kept it:
Even if you're not a grandparent you will enjoy this.
A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their spring vacation.
One child wrote the following:
We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.
They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.
Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day, too.
When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the dollhouse. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/12/2006 11:52:51 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2706
Joined: 12/5/2005
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hehe... that's cute, Psalms274.
It reminds me of a joke some former co-workers of mine played on me that wasn't especially funny, though. But then they thought they were funny when they often weren't.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 12:07:31 AM
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Psalms274
Posts: 983
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
hehe... that's cute, Psalms274.
It reminds me of a joke some former co-workers of mine played on me that wasn't especially funny, though. But then they thought they were funny when they often weren't.
Well that sounds like it wasn't a very nice joke ...
Before I lay my head on my pillow ... I found one of my favorites!
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 12:40:58 AM
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NiceGuy
Posts: 667
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Great State of Confusion
Status: offline
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***Incoming Message from the Big Giant Head ***
This one is a family favorite. 
----
Billy and Jean were about to leave town on vacation and were headed for the train station so they could take their very first train ride. As they were walking, they came upon a street vender who had a big table in front of him with several dozen bananas. There was a sign on the table that said "Nanners, 10 cents each" and the vender was yelling "Nanners! Nanners! Get yer fresh, ripe nanners!"
Billy looked at Jean and said "Y'know, I ain't never had a nanner before. Let's get us one."
"One? I ain't about to share somethin' new. I got 20 cent, so we can get two of these here nanners."
So they walked up to the vender and bought two nanners. They boarded the train, and after the conductor had taken their tickets and the train was in motion, they each got out their nanners.
Billy happily peeled back the skin, and right as he bit into his nanner, the train went into a dark tunnel.
"Jean! Jean!!!" Billy said, in a panicked voice as he grabbed Jean's arm.
Irriated because Billy startled him and almost caused him to drop his nanner, Jean said, "What do you want Billy?"
"Have you et' your nanner yet!?" asked Billy.
"Naw, not yet. I was jus' 'bout to... a'fore you grabbed my arm and started shaking me."
Billy frantically said "Don't eat it!! I took one bite of my nanner and I went STONE COLD BLIND!!!"
NiceGuy 
_____________________________
Look, I brought a Sombrero! Now we can both be "cool"! - Hobbes, of Calvin and Hobbes
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 10:04:54 AM
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Psalms274
Posts: 983
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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That was very funny NiceGuy ...
I have one more ...
Where is God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 3:04:15 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 983
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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Why doesn't anyone want to read our jokes?
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 3:52:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Dangerous New Scam,,, Please be Forewarned!!!
I really dislike people who constantly forward other people’s emails or warnings as much as anyone, but this one is IMPORTANT
Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!
As you all may or may not know it is once again deer season.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting an emergency survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, DO NOT DO IT!!! IT IS A SCAM!!!!
They only want to see you naked!
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 3:56:47 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
We went down to the Cayman islands a few years ago. I'd strongly reccommend it as a good vacation choice. The islands are about 98% Christian. But anyway there is one particular town that has some grotesquely evil looking limestone (maybe coral) formations. The town's name is Hell.
The postmaster weras a devil costume and really play's up on te towns name. The post office building however is red and painted with scriptures on all sides. It's reall a pretty cool place.
So seeing as we were in Hell we did what any good Christian would do. We sent a postcard to our Pastor.
"Pastor,
Went to hell. It wasn't so bad"
Love
John O and Michele"
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 7:52:06 PM
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westend
Posts: 212
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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No jokes, but I'm laughing. =]
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 8:28:35 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 983
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: westend
No jokes, but I'm laughing. =]
Me too!
We're so funny!
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 9:18:24 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2706
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Okay, this one a pastor friend of mine told me.
Never lie to your mother
Jim (not his real name because this is just a joke and no real people are involved... any likeness to real people is purely unintentional and coincidental) had his mom over for dinner to meet his new roommate, Sue (not her real name because well- see above). Apparently, it's one of those modern roommate arrangements. During dinner, Mom (That is her real name) notices some interesting, one might even say "knowing", glances between Jim and Sue. Jim has previously reassured his mom there's no funny business going on between him and his roommate.
A day or so after Mom had been to dinner, Sue notices the gravy ladle is nowhere to be found. Sue brings this to Jim's attention pointing out that the gravy ladle was there before his mom had been to dinner. Hmm...
Jim decides he will send his mom and email and question her about the gravy ladle.
"Dear Mom,
Our gravy ladle is missing. I'm not saying you are responsible for taking it. I'm not saying you aren't. But the fact remains that it was here before you came to dinner and now it is gone.
Love, Jim"
A few days pass with no response back from Mom. Then, finally an email arrives.
"Dear Jim,
I'm not saying you are sleeping with Sue. I'm not saying you aren't. But the fact remains, if Sue were sleeping in her own bed, she'd know exactly where the gravy ladle is.
Love, Mom"
: )
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/13/2006 11:09:17 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2706
Joined: 12/5/2005
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Yeah, spunky it is a good one. A good reminder of how smart moms are.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/14/2006 12:00:09 AM
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pruned
Posts: 1105
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Thanks for jokes, folks. I"m not good at telling them, but I'm excellent at laughing at them!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/14/2006 9:37:03 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7701
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Updated Version
3 Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want tea, lots and lots of tea," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want tea, lots and lots of tea," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want tea, lots and lots of tea," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," but why have you only ordered tea all evening?"
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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