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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/3/2006 3:44:04 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
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(open and honest confession here. I satisfy over 60% of these. And my calculator still has no equals key)
You Might Be an Engineer if:
1. Dilbert is your hero
2. Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
3. You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
4. The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
5. You want RAM memory for Christmas
6. You introduce your wife as mylady@home.wife
7. Your wristwatch has more computing power than a p-90
8. You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
9. You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
10. You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
11. Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
12. You use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
13. At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
14. You window shop at Radio Shack
15. Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
16. You have “Dilbert” comics displayed anywhere in your work area
17. You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
18. You are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
19. You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
20. You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
21. You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
22. You own “Official Star Trek” anything
23. You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
24. A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
25. You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
26. You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
27. You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
28. You have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as-is”
29. You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
30. The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
31. You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
32. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
33. Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
34. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
35. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
36. You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
37. You need a checklist to turn on the TV
38. You have introduced your kids by the wrong name
39. Your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
40. You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
41. You see a good design and still have to change it
42. You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
43. You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
44. You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
45. You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
46. The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
47. People groan at the party when you pick out the music
48. You have more toys than your Kids
49. You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
50. Your checkbook always balances
51. You've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
52. You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
53. You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
54. Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
55. You know what http:/ stands for
56. Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
57. You thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers
58. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
59. You spend more on your home computer than your car
60. You did the sound system for your senior prom
61. You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
62. Your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
< Message edited by John_O -- 10/3/2006 3:46:10 PM >
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/3/2006 4:24:23 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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and since we're on an engineer kick (as opposed to kicking engineers which can also be quite entertaining) here's some handy conversions:
HANDY ENGINEERING CONVERSIONS
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knot furlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
14. 1 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 10 cards? = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations? = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations? = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms? = 1 diagram
25. 8 nickels? = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital? = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators? = Not 1 decision
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/5/2006 2:12:03 PM
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NiceGuy
Posts: 709
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Great State of Confusion
Status: offline
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***Incoming Message from the Big Giant Head ***
Let me tell you a little about Chuck Norris:
1. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light because the dark is afraid of him.
2. There is no theory of evolution... just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. If at first you don't succeed, then you are most certainly not Chuck Norris.
6. If Chuck Norris is late... then time better slow down.
7. The quickest way to a man's heart... is through Chuck Norris' fist.
8. Chuck Norris does not sleep...he waits.
9. Chuck Norris never reads books... he just stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
10. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.
NiceGuy 
_____________________________
Look, I brought a Sombrero! Now we can both be "cool"! - Hobbes, of Calvin and Hobbes
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/5/2006 2:46:37 PM
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huskerjd
Posts: 247
Joined: 7/31/2006
From: Bellevue, WA
Status: offline
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 Chuck Norris is good... but let's not forget about Jack Bauer:
-Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
-If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
-If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
-Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
-If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef... then you better believe it's beef.
-Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
-1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
-Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
-Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
-When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
-Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
-Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
-Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
-Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
-When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
-Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
-Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.
-When Jack Bauer pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.
-Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
-When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
-You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
-Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:00.
-When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
-Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
-In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done with your life?
-Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old kid in Malaysia who illegally downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
-In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
-What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
-Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
-If Jack Bauer and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
-People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
-Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're freakin' dead."
-Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
-Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
-Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
-When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
-It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
-Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
-After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
-Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/6/2006 10:38:15 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
Now before I post this ... I only beleive a couple of these to be true ... 
Why Adam Needed Eve
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because He knew men would never ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appt for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to someone to bear children because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The Scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone", he only ends up getting himself in trouble.
And the NUMBER ONE reason...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam he stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I can do better than that."
That's very funny. But number four is obviously false. A man may lose his glasses, he may lose his car, he may lose his children, But he never loses his tools. (Although sometimes he does give them a small break from work and lets them rest in obscure out of the way places)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/6/2006 11:00:40 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
quote:
(open and honest confession here. I satisfy over 60% of these. And my calculator still has no equals key)
HMMM ... which sixty percent? 
1-4 (#2 only once though), 8-10,12 (not pine wood derby but similar), 13-17, 21-24
26-28,30-32, 34, 36 (if it has an equals key it's not realy a calculator), 38 (the girl),
40 (Although I don't destroy them. Normally I can get them working again),
43 (but I know where they are. On my dresser next to my alarm clock)
44,46-48,50,51,53,54 (daughter. She's very smart),55, 59, 61.
I guess I should have been more precise in my original post. That's actually 61.29%. As I've said before. I embraced my inner geek early in life.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/6/2006 3:18:54 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 724
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
That's actually 61.29%.
Well folks ... it looks like he was stretching the truth here ...
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/10/2006 12:27:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/10/2006 1:15:01 PM
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crzy_4_books
Posts: 93
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Wonderland
Status: offline
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hehehehe
Well I just felt that I needed to tell everyone this important bit of information...
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you!
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/12/2006 10:09:36 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'
license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/12/2006 4:16:15 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 724
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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You'ra a Redneck Jedi if ...
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
4. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
5. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
6. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
7. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
8. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
9. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
10. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
11. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
12. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
13. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/13/2006 10:50:00 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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You may be a redneck Jedi if:
14. You've ever used your light saber to open a beer (or other beverage)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/13/2006 10:56:27 AM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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and since we were (sort of) on the topic of beer
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his
friends late one night after they dropped him off from the bar. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a
big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch this" the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the
gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood
looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You
jerk..it's three-fifteen in the morning!"
And a bonus for the engineers and geeks out there (although the two descriptions overlap to a huge degree)
Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/13/2006 1:57:53 PM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4087
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: online
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quote:
Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
I don't get it.
_____________________________
Pam
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RE: Are YOU laughing? : ) - 10/13/2006 2:05:31 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6947
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pamela.Sue
quote:
Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
I don't get it.
And here we have proof that Pamela.Sue is not a geek. (I'll explain it later after more folk weigh in)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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