Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"?

Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (Full Version)

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applemac -> Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 12:32:44 PM)
I'm sure this has been done on a thread before. HOWEVER... I heard about this book on another thread. I decided to pick it up as an aid in guiding my pre-teen daughter through the dating years. I've read the first 2 chapters and all I can say is "WOW!" Not at all what I expected. My question to you is... IF YOU HAVE READ IT... what did you think, did it affect your approach to dating in anyway, etc. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ IT... why haven't you read it, what have you heard about it. I'd like some input so when I do go there with my daughter, I can have as much info as possible.

SweetLittleErin -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 12:46:24 PM)
I read it, and "Boy Meets Girl". It had some good points but I wasnt crazy about it. It didnt really effect me much. I guess I still dated, but I dont see any difference in dating with the purpose of picking a spouse (ie: if you see something about a person that makes you think you wouldnt want them for a spouse, move on, and only date when you think you are ready to look for a spouse etc) and courting. I didnt change anything, because I was already dating with the intent of looking for a husband. I dated two guys my entire "dating career". Ex boyfried and hubby. Personally I didnt ascribe to the whole, no touching, no kissing, no nothing, idea. Yeah no sex, no heavy petting etc, but I think you can go too far with what isnt allowed. Of course each person is their own in what works for them, just wasnt for me.

pbun -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 12:53:04 PM)
I was given it as a birthday gift by my brother and his fiance. They were trying to help me find my way in dating... the funny part iw when they dated... they didn't apply anything from the book. Anyway, I read a couple of chapters of "I kissed dating goodbye" and I was done with the book, I didn't even read 'Boy meets girl". As Erin said,,, there are some good points but I think the book is a little too extreme. That's my personal opinion and I would not use it for my girls.

captainfraulein -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 12:57:35 PM)
As a 38 year old, I find this book, Boy Meets Girl, difficult to sort through. I kissed Dating Goodbye ended up being thrown across the room a few times. I did not do that to BMG though, if that helps to give you an idea. I did find some solid truths in it. I would love to only deal with the whole ball of wax of relationships (I do them very poorly!) ONLY if the guy has the guts to actually initate a "courtship" type thing. I do though have written in my membership packet at my church "if a man wants my hand in marriage, he must talk to the elders first and get their blessings since pretty blue eyes make me stupid". Seriously, I wrote something like that! and SIGNED IT. I think after once again, getting burned...dating is a very dangerous vehicle to drive on the way to marriage. Courtship is a much safer one. How to do that as an older adult...I just don't know. Next guy who I want to try things out with...I am praying that guy will end up wanting COURTSHIP. I want my freedom! I do not want an intimate close kissy kissy relationship until engagement. I need to be me as long as possible and not us. The book's best story was about a lad whose beloved did not love her but he waited on God patiently till her heart turned around. Honestly that was so romantic...and so godly! sigh

applemac -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 1:08:10 PM)
I guess I should clarify a little. It bothers me that her friends change boyfriends the way they change underwear. All the time. The good news is, the relationships are all very casual. And she has only had one boyfriend, which didn't last long. She doesn't seem to be into it the way they are. But they keep trying to get her into it. They treat it all like it's no big deal. I guess I don't want her to become 'whatever' about relationshps. If boyfriends are no big deal, does dating become no big deal, then kissing, and so on and so forth. I think dating, and all that goes with it, IS a big deal. Not necessarily to just find a mate, but to treat the process with a little respect. BUT WOW!!! GREAT INSIGHTS YOU GUYS! This is definitely what I was looking for. One of the things that got me was the story about the couple getting married and the 6 girls stood up beside the groom. And one by one, "Hey you promised me stuff like that too", "I hope you're better at keeping your promises now" and so on. It hurt my heart, because I looked back at my own casual attitudes when I was single.

josie423 -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 1:12:04 PM)
I read it and thought it was good. I had already resolved not to date before I read the book, though.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 1:56:05 PM)
[:'(][:'(][:'(] ok sorry, I had to get that out of my system. If you really want a book on following God's best for you I encourage you to get your hands on a copy of "When God writes your loves story." See, I have a problem with "here is a formula, this will work for all Christians". It left a made taste in my mouth. I'm not saying dating is wrong, or right-it depends on where God has you right now in this stage of your life, and what He has personally asked you to do during this season. Some may need a time of not dating, to take time to become more of who God wants them to be. I do not believe that all dating is wrong though, as in, I have a huge problem with the whole mind set that books like this seem to give: "God will send me my mate. I don't have to do a thing. I'll just sit here and wait for it to happen." God is a God of balance. YES of course He wants us to trust Him. Never would I suggest otherwise. But, if we applied such thought to other areas of our lives, where would that leave us? We need a job, instead of actively applying for jobs, we sit at home, telling ourselves that God will send us a job. We need food, so, instead of going to the store we wait for God to bring us food. Again, this doesn't mean we go out and date like the world, but it doesn't mean that we should lock ourselves in our houses and never wander out either. It means different things for different people... I encourage you to seek God's best for YOU , to seek what God has for you and to go after that with all of your heart. That, by the way is why I love the book by the Ludy's, they address the real issues, and encourage you to give everything to the Lord and let Him lead you as He wills. It's more than mere formula's-it's about seeking God's heart for you, and His will for you, whether that means not dating for a season and seeking Him, or whether that means to get out of your comfort zone a bit. I encourage you to seek God, and not man's "formulas" as this book comes across to me.

Tea-Tea -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 2:00:50 PM)
I read both books and really liked them both. I even led a study group on "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" to adult single ladies. I did not agree with everything that was said in both books but the general message was very good. I think I was in my early or mid-twenties when I read the first book so there were some things that I felt simply didn't apply to me but felt they could really apply to those younger and who still lived at home. As Erin said, you can date with the purpose of picking a spouse. You can still guard your heart in that process and you can still make a wise decision on a marriage partner. My husband (we married Sept. 1!) and I dated for 2 1/2 years. Some would define it as courtship because it was with intent to marry and others would say it was dating. The definitions vary for these two terms so it's hard to say. [;)] We just called it dating to simplify things. We kissed before we got engaged but we still guarded ourselves and kept ourselves pure until marriage. Kissing can really be a sexual temptation for some people so if that's the case, they shouldn't kiss but it's an individual decision. There was a period of several months where we simply didn't kiss because it had really been tempting us. We discovered amazing things about each other during that time because we spent our time in conversation and activity. I wouldn't trade those months for anything! After that time, our kissing became quick goodbye kisses and weren't even done every time we were together. Every couple is different. We also had very specific rules when we were alone. He lived with his family and I lived alone so we only spent one evening a week at my house. When we were there, we didn't sit in the living room, just in the dining room at the table (across from each other) or outside on the back porch. It really helped us. I'm not a parent but there are some things I wish my parents had talked to me about--and dating/choosing a husband is one of those things. I think as a parent, involvement is the key. Have plenty of conversations with her about relationships. Show her how a man should treat a lady and how she should have enough respect for herself to require that sort of treatment from a gentleman. Laying down some ground rules now would probably be good (like at what age can she go out on a date, her date must pick her up and meet you and your spouse...any rules you feel you need to make). Explain to her that she is very precious to you and you want to help her protect her body and emotions and you feel these rules would help you do that. Josh Harris used to do conferences. I've been to two of them. They were excellent and I gained a lot more from them than the books. You might consider taking your daughter to one if he still does them and if it's near where you live (two big "ifs," I know!). It would be a good opportunity for you both to hear what he has to say and then you can discuss your opinions afterwards. It would really open things up for conversation.

GregandJenny -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 2:56:34 PM)
quote: IF YOU HAVE READ IT... what did you think, did it affect your approach to dating in anyway, etc. I got about half way through the book and it drove me crazy. Much like Erin, I don't see the difference in dating to marry and courting. I guess my thought it that the book tries to make a grey area a definate black or white. For example, It's a fact that sex before marriage is fornication in the Bible and classified as a sin. That's a truth. The bible doesn't say kissing your significant other is sin. The truth is that if you don't know your boundaries you will fall into sin. I also didn't like the idea that it made dating seem like some evil and courtship to be the holiest form to find a mate, I don't believe that scripture speaks on how to aquire a mate as much as it does on what one should look for in a mate. I think the best way to approach the issue or dating or courtship or whatever term one wants to call it is to go right to the word of God, help your daughter understand what god intended, help the Bible becaome a practical resource for today and not a History book of yesterday. Praying Greg

crzy_4_books -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 4:18:21 PM)
Well I have very mixed thoughts about Josh Harris's books. I think a big thing people get hung up on is the terms; dating and courting. They mean something different to each person. I am very happy for Josh and his wife and I appreciate his passion to help young people but it isn't going to be the same for everyone. I honestly think that he has scared a lot of young men away from pursuing women. He is so strong about making sure you are ready, that many men, who are a bit gun shy to being with just throw up their hands and say no way. That is just my two cents though. I think every couple is going to have a different story and they need to dfeine that themselves in light of God's word. Happy Reading[:)]

Allegro -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 4:45:19 PM)
Want a perspective from a girl who is already in her teen years? [:)] I loved the book. And "Boy Meets Girl". I had already decided I didn't want to date, but I enjoyed the books anyway. I do not recall seeing anywhere where Josh says that it is a formula that works for everyone, in fact, I recall at least one place where he says that every relationship is different and there is no cut and dried formula, and he also never says you cannot kiss, hold hands, etc. He only says be careful because it can quickly take you father than you want to go and it is safer to not do that at all. quote: "God will send me my mate. I don't have to do a thing. I'll just sit here and wait for it to happen." He doesn't say that. In fact, he said that you shouldn't do that, you should be involved in church groups and so on, but don't push yourself into relationships because you want to find "the one" when God may not be ready for you to find him/her yet.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 4:52:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Allegro Want a perspective from a girl who is already in her teen years? [:)] I loved the book. And "Boy Meets Girl". I had already decided I didn't want to date, but I enjoyed the books anyway. I do not recall seeing anywhere where Josh says that it is a formula that works for everyone, in fact, I recall at least one place where he says that every relationship is different and there is no cut and dried formula, and he also never says you cannot kiss, hold hands, etc. He only says be careful because it can quickly take you father than you want to go and it is safer to not do that at all. quote: "God will send me my mate. I don't have to do a thing. I'll just sit here and wait for it to happen." He doesn't say that. In fact, he said that you shouldn't do that, you should be involved in church groups and so on, but don't push yourself into relationships because you want to find "the one" when God may not be ready for you to find him/her yet. He never says "this is a formula" but having read his books -as well as most of his magazines by the way -the general idea behind what he says conveys this. He is in fact among those who intentionally or not gives the impression that singles should not ever go out and persue a relationship, but wait for it to happen. quote: ORIGINAL: crzy_4_books Well I have very mixed thoughts about Josh Harris's books. I think a big thing people get hung up on is the terms; dating and courting. They mean something different to each person. I am very happy for Josh and his wife and I appreciate his passion to help young people but it isn't going to be the same for everyone. I honestly think that he has scared a lot of young men away from pursuing women. He is so strong about making sure you are ready, that many men, who are a bit gun shy to being with just throw up their hands and say no way. That is just my two cents though. I think every couple is going to have a different story and they need to dfeine that themselves in light of God's word. couldn't agree more.

dsfuva -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 4:55:38 PM)
I read IKDG about a year or so after it was published. I found the author's arguments unconvincing and his prescribed remedies legalistic.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 4:59:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dsfuva I read IKDG about a year or so after it was published. I found the author's arguments unconvincing and his prescribed remedies legalistic. ah yes... That's right... my least favourite thing in the world... I had forgotten that was the reason for that bad taste in my mouth. Creating man-made rules where God didn't place any down (i know, he created guidelines for relationships, I am not refering to this).

sunshine22 -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 5:10:38 PM)
I haven't heard about it, unless my former roommate was telling me about it. I generally do NOT read books dealing with relationships, etc. because as I read along, I think, "hm...this is common sense". I guess I'm just a smart aleck though....

zoey -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 6:26:25 PM)
I kissed that book goodbye. [sm=wave.gif] A GREAT book for dating is Don't Date Naked. This book is written by Michael and Amy Smalley (Gary Smalley's son and daughter-in-law). It's dating based on the principles of Ephesians 6 (the armor of God). I've worked in youth ministries for years and it's my favorite dating book for teenagers. I recommend you read it first. It's tactfully frank.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 6:29:55 PM)
your link doesn't work hun. I looked it up though-may have to buy it, just for the wisdom to help youth. It looks good :). We need more books that reach our kids where they are, and our culture where it is.

Faithboy101 -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 6:38:47 PM)
Kissed Dating Goodbye - by J. Harris. I had to read this book, when I went to bible college. I loved it, it really opened my eyes... He wrote a 2nd book, I forgot what it was called. & Mr. Harris is married now... -Roger

captainfraulein -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 7:32:50 PM)
In the bible we have people engaged then married. Outside of that, there is no bibibical example of a defined relationship. I believe courtship is the way to go since it is two people, accountable, looking at each other carefully guarding their hearts...towards marriage. Dating is groping in the dark, no accountability to nobody. Stumbling, going too far. I speak sadly from experience. :( I have never ever experienced true courtship. I want to. Badly. But with the right guy! You can call these two things whatever you want...but that don't mean that they are not what they are. If some dude I really wanted, asked if he could court me, I would be honored and delighted. And yes, I would call it "dating" to those outside my church (which heavily leans towards courtship actually). We would certainly go on to Cold Stone ice cream trips. And baskin robbins. And pubs and such. Movies. (I am dreaming a little bit too much here). But I would still think of it as courting if he asked to court me. And I would love to see people who think Josh Harris says "stand here and wait for a mate to be put in front of you by God" to give some concrete examples of why you feel that way from his actual writings. What does he say to make you feel that way?

evangelistshanetria -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 8:05:02 PM)
quote: I'm sure this has been done on a thread before. HOWEVER... I heard about this book on another thread. I decided to pick it up as an aid in guiding my pre-teen daughter through the dating years. I've read the first 2 chapters and all I can say is "WOW!" Not at all what I expected. My question to you is... IF YOU HAVE READ IT... what did you think, did it affect your approach to dating in anyway, etc. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ IT... why haven't you read it, what have you heard about it. I'd like some input so when I do go there with my daughter, I can have as much info as possible. I've heard of the book, but never read it. I don't think I will read it anytime soon, but I've heard people say that it's a good book. To me, I can't get into the how to do this and that stuff, I rather just be led by God on whether he wants me to date or wait on him to lead me to the mate he has for me. After going through horrible experiences with dating, I have decided to stop dating and use my singleness to focus on God.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 8:16:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redwhiterose In the bible we have people engaged then married. Outside of that, there is no bibibical example of a defined relationship. The reason that these are the only examples is b/c that was the only way that it was done in that time. God has not called us to live in a previous culture, but rather instructs us to be a part of the world that we now live in. We are to live by basic principles of the Word, i.e. instructions on lust, young men to protect the young women, purity, guarding our minds and on and on. This does not however mean that God has told us "thou shalt not date." quote: ORIGINAL: redwhiterose I believe courtship is the way to go since it is two people, accountable, looking at each other carefully guarding their hearts...towards marriage. Dating is groping in the dark, no accountability to nobody. Stumbling, going too far. I speak sadly from experience. :( Dating our courtship-it has NOTHING to do with labels and everything to to with hearts. Dating is not inherintly wrong, nor is courtship the answer to all dating ills. It is each individual, and couple, following God's plan for them personally,and obeying His commands from scripture that makes a difference. One could follow all the "rules" of "courtship" and their heart may be full of lust and impure thoughts, while another couple may be "dating" and have pure motives and hearts. Yes, dating by the world's standards will leave you with nothing but heartache. But if you are following God's plan for you, if you are seeking Him and obeying, this does not have to be the case. Just b/c the world has corrupted something does not make our godly use of it wrong. The word has corrupted Christmas, Easter....and on and on. The world has corrupted marriage, for that matter. This does not make it wrong. It is the heart of the person, and them obeying what God personally wants for them, not shunning a word or a way of doing things. quote: ORIGINAL: redwhiterose I have never ever experienced true courtship. I want to. Badly. But with the right guy! You can call these two things whatever you want...but that don't mean that they are not what they are. If some dude I really wanted, asked if he could court me, I would be honored and delighted. And yes, I would call it "dating" to those outside my church (which heavily leans towards courtship actually). We would certainly go on to Cold Stone ice cream trips. And baskin robbins. And pubs and such. Movies. (I am dreaming a little bit too much here). But I would still think of it as courting if he asked to court me. And I would love to see people who think Josh Harris says "stand here and wait for a mate to be put in front of you by God" to give some concrete examples of why you feel that way from his actual writings. What does he say to make you feel that way? I have met so many people who fit this bill...who follow this advice, it makes me ill.

jhstagirl -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 9:28:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin I read it, and "Boy Meets Girl". It had some good points but I wasnt crazy about it. It didnt really effect me much. I guess I still dated, but I dont see any difference in dating with the purpose of picking a spouse (ie: if you see something about a person that makes you think you wouldnt want them for a spouse, move on, and only date when you think you are ready to look for a spouse etc) and courting. I didnt change anything, because I was already dating with the intent of looking for a husband. I dated two guys my entire "dating career". Ex boyfried and hubby. Personally I didnt ascribe to the whole, no touching, no kissing, no nothing, idea. Yeah no sex, no heavy petting etc, but I think you can go too far with what isnt allowed. Of course each person is their own in what works for them, just wasnt for me. I agree actually! i read it a few years back when i became a christian.. i was really encouraged at our church to read it. i wanted to be the best christian i could be and do everything just perfectly.. i used the principles with maybe 2 guys i went out with. It didnt work for me and it was way too limiting..no kissing or anything.. Not kissing someone until my wedding day , scared me to pieces. i'm really not overly conservative or uptight as a person, so this was far , far too extreme for me.. I rely on god and trust him to direct me in my relationships. What worked for these people may not work for everyone.. the author has a successful marriage and believes strongly in these principles, but i dont think there is one true method for everyone in finding their mate!

zoey -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 9:29:47 PM)
oops. I forgot tyndale's website is dynamic. Here's the book from Amazon.

Andrewsjoy -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 10:13:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jhstagirl I rely on god and trust him to direct me in my relationships. What worked for these people may not work for everyone.. the author has a successful marriage and believes strongly in these principles, but i dont think there is one true method for everyone in finding their mate! I guess that is my major beef with the whole thing. God created us all differently, therefor His plan for each of us is unique. He has called us to purity, but no human can take God's place and add to the Word and tell us "this is the only way to do it." We are unique and there isn't any formula, apart from the formula of obeying the Lord.

jhstagirl -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (9/27/2006 10:51:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andrewsjoy I guess that is my major beef with the whole thing. God created us all differently, therefor His plan for each of us is unique. He has called us to purity, but no human can take God's place and add to the Word and tell us "this is the only way to do it." We are unique and there isn't any formula, apart from the formula of obeying the Lord. AGREED!

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