RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse wanted you to be?
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/16/2007 1:39:17 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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NiceGuy, I don't know what to say. That is a powerful and thought-provoking point. I sure hope you get stars for that one, you deserve them. ((((NiceGuy))))
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colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/19/2007 10:24:26 PM
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SaranadeMe
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From: Southern California
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quote:
Nice guy. Great post. Balance is the thing most people miss in this discussion. I just assume it but I guess I should've be more blatant about it.
Yeah, I think the balance is lost in translation. Having read *most* of the thread, what freaks us womenfolk out is the idea of marrying a guy that expects us to look a certain way for the rest of our natural lives. Already we have pressures from the media to be model thin and look like a rock star. If in the comfort of our spiritual refuge with our spouse we find that same pressure it freaks us. For good reason I believe too.
We go to other unhealthy extremes then. If we're constantly afraid that someone will stop loving us because we gain 30 lbs due to babies and life and stress and....then we start obsessing and worrying and it becomes a constant burden.
I think where the cart runs of the wheels is that attraction isn't love. It feels more like the question is, "How hard would you be willing to work to remain attractive to your spouse?"
If attraction is that important, I think it's a good idea to look at a myriad of past photos of the person. What did they used to look like, and what do they look like now? If they obviously change hairstyles and such over time, you'd better be prepared that your wife-to-be may cut her hair and grow it out a number of times.
She may even color it.
If you don't find that attractive, and attractive is a big deal then run away fast.
If you see my family, and they all have weight issues, then chances are I will too. If you can't handle that, then it's a dealbreaker.
But to me, love should go so far beyond hair, makeup, clothes or anything else to what you have to offer each other.
When the man who is serious about me, about us, wakes up one morning after having not talked to me a day or two that he can't imagine the rest of his life without me, without talking to me, without sharing God...that's love.
So I guess you could say I don't want to toil at being what my spouse wants me to be. I want to work at being the vessel of the Lord that adds the most to his life.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/19/2007 10:27:57 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SaranadeMe
If attraction is that important, I think it's a good idea to look at a myriad of past photos of the person. What did they used to look like, and what do they look like now? If they obviously change hairstyles and such over time, you'd better be prepared that your wife-to-be may cut her hair and grow it out a number of times.
And if possible always check out what her mother looks like. Most women will pick up the looks of their mother (or father) as they get older.
quote:
When the man who is serious about me, about us, wakes up one morning after having not talked to me a day or two that he can't imagine the rest of his life without me, without talking to me, without sharing God...that's love.
That's exactly how it was for me and M.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/19/2007 11:58:09 PM
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BugLady
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quote:
So I guess you could say I don't want to toil at being what my spouse wants me to be. I want to work at being the vessel of the Lord that adds the most to his life.
What an excellent point, SaranadeMe : )
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The Legislature finds and declares that crimes against elders and dependent adults are deserving of special consideration and protection. . .
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 12:06:18 AM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
But isn't it reasonable that if he marries you as thin he'd want you to remain that way (within reason)? If not, why not?
One thing that arises many times in conversations with other men is the 'false advertising' angle. We marry a thin women with long hair and end up with a not so thin woman with short hair (or vice versa). It seems like we've been sold a bill of goods. Now this doesn't say that we don't continue loving our wives. Physical attractiveness at that point normally has nothing to do with the decision to love her. (although it does affect our sex lives). We've already decided we are going to love her. But we sure would like it if she grew her hair back and lost some weight.
Men marry move-in-able in most cases. We know that there will be some age related changes. Can't stop time. But isn't it reasonable to expect that she'll work to remain looking close to how she did when we married?
Likewise isn't it reasonable to expect that the man would try to look as his wife wanted him to look?
A lot of the posts in the thread so far seem to have the gist of "well my body's going to go to pot anyway so you may as well get used to the idea" Am I reading things wrong?
I think the reaction you are receiving is because of the (over) emphasis you seem to be placing on physical appearance; it seem to come across as more important than anything else i.e. I will love you because I have committed myself to doing that, but I am really annoyed with the "false advertising" and I probably wouldn't have bought in if I knew what was coming!
BTW - I happen to agree with you that a spouse (man or woman) should not show total disregard for their appearance or weight after marriage because it does show a lack of regard for their spouse. In the case of a large weight gain it can severely impact the marriage because of health issues, physical limitations, and possibly even the early death of a spouse. However, I don't agree that any change (even in weight) is bad. The ideal (healthy) weight for someone in their teens, is far different than it is for someone in their 40's (even for athletes who are still competing at 40). Add to that the compromises we all need to make in order to live a balanced life, and some amount of change is inevitable. There are times that we all fail to do the things we know we should, and an encouraging reminder from a spouse can be a good thing, but I do think it is important to first ask if we are really pressing the issue because we truly believe it is what is best for our spouse, or if it is only out of a selfish desire to get what we want without considering how much it will cost our spouse to fulfill that desire.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 10:16:27 AM
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tlims
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sorry to come into the debate like this but...
i just have a few quick questions ~
when or where is the difference of working hard to please your spouse and / or being controlled of that said spouse?
I mean, lets say my spouse wants me to do certain things, wants me to act a certain way, wants my weight a certain amount, my hair a certain length, or even wants me to wear certain types of clothes....
Let's pretend that it's not that I don't want to do things to please my spouse, but perhaps I'm not comfortable in those clothes, or doing those things, or perhaps it's really hard for me to take off that baby weight even tho I try, or my hair is so long that even when it's braided, it chokes me at night, or whatever it is that said spouse thinks I'm not trying to please him in..... then what?
how are you suppose to please your spouse and yet stand up for youself at the same time?
does this make any sense?
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 10:30:01 AM
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mutinywxgirl
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I would hope that is where compromise comes into the picture.
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The day true love died. The day true love died.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 11:00:52 AM
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AdrianaS
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
I have many more thoughts on this, however will come back with them when I am not rushed to get out the door to work. It'll be tonight - as I won't be on while at work (too much to do with the holidays and being off for 10 days).
But I think part of the problem may be in the wording - "work" seems to be a stumbling block for many folks here. Is there any other way in which this can be worded so as to get across the same point?
What a providence with so many pages I find at 1st the one post expressing just about what i was pondering in surprise about "work" in the tittle of this post... 
Is this still about appearances, again?
Well..one thing I do know as knowing myself for ages and knowing what I desire in a future husband if I get to marry etc is that in appearances area as how i do feel about myself and the expressions of my femeninity and womanhood that taking care of my body, dressing up, and as pure expressions for along time etc etc at least in this area I dont feel at all i have to work, but take as I already am, is just my nature to get pleasure from being a woman even being single, imagine me as a wife and allowed to express me to my husband "audience" fully, as I'm very playful, imaginative etc etc as I do think as we get married etc we are to use our seductive feminine ways focus and bombarding this awesome guy we choose etc etc well, what can I say, really? As I think about him I even smile and keep smiling because if he agree choosing me for sure he knew what is was getting in advance. No worries just be happpy! As of course he for sure is the one extremely compatible to myself all over and do appreciate my ways and I his, madly in love is what we have going on i suppose.
Hmm..its all cool and exciting kind of in paradise island as I do imagine from my beach chair how everything will go! LOL
I dont have an ideia what you people are talking about:.. work. Many of you sound kind of sooooo serious .. so many pages and pages!
Well..what do i know?
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 11:28:19 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
I think the reaction you are receiving is because of the (over) emphasis you seem to be placing on physical appearance;
That's part of the problem. I have not been putting an over emphasis on the physical but that is how the people have been reading it. Why? I think because they are sensitive (convicted maybe) to the physical. Through this thread we've seen women (and a couple guys) state that not only should the physicl not matter at all but the spouse has no right whatsoever to even make their desires known.
Physical appearance should be a trivial thing in a marriage. Just like finances, emotional intimacy etc. But these trivial things gain great importance when the needs are not being emt. A family with great finances has no financial stress on their marriage. they don't even think of finances as a difficulty area. A wife who gets lots of emotional attention from her husband wouldn't even imagine emotional intimacy as being a probelm. But if that intimacy is lacking then it is a huge problem indeed. If we are doing out part to stay in shape, to take out spouse's desires into account when we change things, then physical appearance becomes trivial. When we don't care what they think then this little thing becomes big.
quote:
it seem to come across as more important than anything else i.e. I will love you because I have committed myself to doing that, but I am really annoyed with the "false advertising" and I probably wouldn't have bought in if I knew what was coming!
If she knows that you prefer thinner women for example, and she was thin when you married, and she gains lots of weight early inthe marriage (not due to pregnancy or medical issues) then she has lied to you through the entire courtship phase of your relationship. What else has she lied about?
quote:
However, I don't agree that any change (even in weight) is bad.
I've always tried to express "within reason"
quote:
but I do think it is important to first ask if we are really pressing the issue because we truly believe it is what is best for our spouse, or if it is only out of a selfish desire to get what we want without considering how much it will cost our spouse to fulfill that desire.
The vats majority of repsonders to this thread have looked at the whole thing as a demand placed on them by their spouse. That is not what the trhead is asking. Staying in shape (for example) is something you do for your spouse.
So turn your last sentence above around to get back to the theme of this thread. Shouldn't we take into account our spouse's desires before we gain the weight, or cut our hair, or shave our beard, etc? Shouldn't their desires for us have a large impact on how we live our lives? I believe they should. But how hard would we work to be what our spouse wanted us to be? Apparently some here wouldn't work hard at all.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 11:33:02 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tlims
sorry to come into the debate like this but...
i just have a few quick questions ~
when or where is the difference of working hard to please your spouse and / or being controlled of that said spouse?
I mean, lets say my spouse wants me to do certain things, wants me to act a certain way, wants my weight a certain amount, my hair a certain length, or even wants me to wear certain types of clothes....
Let's pretend that it's not that I don't want to do things to please my spouse, but perhaps I'm not comfortable in those clothes, or doing those things, or perhaps it's really hard for me to take off that baby weight even tho I try, or my hair is so long that even when it's braided, it chokes me at night, or whatever it is that said spouse thinks I'm not trying to please him in..... then what?
how are you suppose to please your spouse and yet stand up for youself at the same time?
does this make any sense?
Excellent points. And here is where balanace comes in. One of the assumptions of the thread is that most men want their wives to remain the way they were when they got married. (we marry move-in-able) so anything that'd want you to do/wear etc, you are already doing, wearing etc.
If he makes different desires known then those need to be negotiated at that time (after all, if you weren't those things when you got married then you've never promised to be those things)
The difference between pleasing your spouse and being controlled by them is that in the first you are doing it because you want to keep them happy. In the second you are doing it because they told you to.
The whole thrust of the thread is how hard would you work to please your spouse. Not how obedient you are or will you do what he says...
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 12:41:56 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
That's part of the problem. I have not been putting an over emphasis on the physical but that is how the people have been reading it. Why?
I think the reason that I have interpreted what you have said as an over emphasis is because you seem to equally include both physical attributes that are a result of a persons choices as well as those that are not as highly important, and also when you do discuss issues about weight, hair, ect... the emphasis seems to be completely about what you like to see (visually) without much consideration given to anything else.
quote:
If we are doing out part to stay in shape, to take out spouse's desires into account when we change things, then physical appearance becomes trivial. When we don't care what they think then this little thing becomes big.
To some extent I agree with you, but there is a question of balance. My son is very thin and fit, but he is also one of the top Jr athletes in his sport in the country; he trains about 15 hours a week, and although he eats like a horse, he is careful about the kinds of foods that he eats. As he gets a little older i.e. early 20's, despite his training, he will need to even watch the quantities of what he eats if he wants to continue competing at an elite level. The senior elite squad of his team (i.e. the professional squad who trains 5-6 hrs. a day) has their meals portioned on a scale and adjusted depending on their daily training and current weight. After returning from the last years annual training camp one of the things that struck with teenage son was the fact that the elite team members were only allowed one cookie after their meal. If it takes that kind of sacrifice for an elite athlete to maintain their weight, is it reasonable to expect a wife who has to balance life, and kids, etc... not not change. I think the key question is: are you asking your wife to go to the gym and adhere to a diet that is a daily sacrifice, or are you asking that you both eat healthy, and engage in activities together that you both enjoy and allow you to stay fit together.
quote:
quote:
it seem to come across as more important than anything else i.e. I will love you because I have committed myself to doing that, but I am really annoyed with the "false advertising" and I probably wouldn't have bought in if I knew what was coming!
If she knows that you prefer thinner women for example, and she was thin when you married, and she gains lots of weight early inthe marriage (not due to pregnancy or medical issues) then she has lied to you through the entire courtship phase of your relationship. What else has she lied about?
I think this is where I most vehemently disagree with you! I don,'t believe that (normal) women intentionally plan on gaining weight after they are married; if there was no intention of deception then there was no lie, and to use this as a reason to question the integrity of your wife about other issues is absolutely wrong! If I were giving counsel to a couple where this dynamic presented itself, my emphasis would be on addressing this wrong attitude because I see it is far more damaging to a marriage than any weight gain could ever be; that is in spite of the fact that I do think that taking care of yourself and your appearance is important, and something that should be addressed when a spouse (man or woman) has failed in this area.
quote:
quote:
However, I don't agree that any change (even in weight) is bad.
I've always tried to express "within reason"
I think the issue is that when you expound on what you mean by "within reason", it starts to sound unreasonable.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 2:56:20 PM
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Psalms274
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I completely agree with Benelchi and am grateful that a man is saying something here. I suspect that Mr. Benelchi is not one who is “sensitive (convicted maybe) to the physical” … and I am certain I am not. I am probably in better shape than many are capable of achieving … my fastest 10K is just under 33 minutes, very low blood pressure, resting pulse, reparation rate, cholesterol and triglycerides. But I am finding the comments about the physical aspects to be very offensive. In the classes I teach (I teach 6-8 spinning classes a week) I have a fellow or two who come across as if they believe they are this supreme athlete; they are quite critical of those who “let themselves go.” I’m thinking “OK … hmmmm” because this same individual is gasping for air in my class, has a pudge and itty bitty shoulders (just not my definition of athletic) … I am watching them closely for fear I may need to revive them because they have fallen over while trying to keep up. You see, they see themselves as very differently from what they really look like outwardly. They hit on all the “hot girls” and I feel so sorry for these guys because they have no idea how foolish they look. I think it is wonderful that they are trying to stay fit, that is a very good thing and we all should do our best to keep our temple the best we can, given the circumstances of our individual lives. But, in my little world, I see these fellows as being a bit foolish in the way they present themselves. They also hurt other people’s feelings with their comments about how those people have let themselves go … I am seeing the same kind of hurt feelings occur here in this thread, and it makes me sad for the people receiving those comments, and for the ones making them.
I would never expect someone to live up to my level of fitness. I do wish for them to stay healthy, whatever that looks like. When I look at them, I see the inside first ... and that is what effects how I see the outside.
I use to hate goatees! If you had a goatee, forget it ... you don't have a prayer. Until I met this wonderful man with a goatee. Now I think goatees are hot, even though we were never anything more than friends. When a man asks me if I think they are handsome or attractive, and I don't see them as handsome physically, but have not had an opportunity to get to know them yet, I tell them they are handsome. I do this because I know if they are a precious guy on the inside, the outside will become very handsome to me ... I just haven't had the time to see it yet. Being physically attractive has everything to do with what the inside looks like. And when you love someone completely, it does not matter what happens to the outside, they are still very beautiful (which translates as physically attractive to me). I know this to be true because I have experienced it first hand ... and seen it lived out through watching my parents.
One last note ... I use to be very strict in the "he must look like this" department. Before I met Christ, unless he looked good outwardly, forget it. It wasn't until I learned to be open to see more that I found I had missed so much in my narrow way of thinking ... thinking the outside mattered. I was so wrong and am grateful to see how wrong I was because it openned my eyes to see so much more than my previous limited scope of vision. It is so much fun to see something so unappealling transform into something so very appealing before my eyes as I get to know someone. Things that I would see as ugly become very handsome indeed ... all because I see the inside.
< Message edited by Psalms274 -- 12/20/2007 3:13:20 PM >
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:21:56 PM
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trainfan
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quote:
quote:
quote:
it seem to come across as more important than anything else i.e. I will love you because I have committed myself to doing that, but I am really annoyed with the "false advertising" and I probably wouldn't have bought in if I knew what was coming!
If she knows that you prefer thinner women for example, and she was thin when you married, and she gains lots of weight early inthe marriage (not due to pregnancy or medical issues) then she has lied to you through the entire courtship phase of your relationship. What else has she lied about?
I think this is where I most vehemently disagree with you! I don,'t believe that (normal) women intentionally plan on gaining weight after they are married; if there was no intention of deception then there was no lie, and to use this as a reason to question the integrity of your wife about other issues is absolutely wrong! If I were giving counsel to a couple where this dynamic presented itself, my emphasis would be on addressing this wrong attitude because I see it is far more damaging to a marriage than any weight gain could ever be; that is in spite of the fact that I do think that taking care of yourself and your appearance is important, and something that should be addressed when a spouse (man or woman) has failed in this area.
I have stayed out of this one so far, but no more.
I have to disagree with you Benelchi. When I was at my old job a lot of things were said in my presense, things I probably shouldn't have heard and I never intentionally listened in on conversations. But many times I was working in a small room on a piece of equipment and at times two women may walk into the room and keep right on talking like I didn't exsist so I heard many converstaions. I have heard on a number of occasions things like "once I'm married I won't have to work as hard to stay in shape" or "once I find a guy I'll go off my diet". They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands. BTW I am not accusing anyone on here of doing things like that but this is what I have heard in the past out from various women and sometimes from guys also.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:28:47 PM
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Psalms274
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quote:
I have heard on a number of occasions things like "once I'm married I won't have to work as hard to stay in shape" or "once I find a guy I'll go off my diet". They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands. BTW I am not accusing anyone on here of doing things like that but this is what I have heard in the past out from various women and sometimes from guys also.
Craig, I suspect they are the exception and not the rule. All of my friends in this state, and when I lived in SC ... and I was very involved in the women's ministry, did not think this way. In fact it was the opposite. Unfortunately, the minority of a group can sometimes be much more vocal about their views.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:38:03 PM
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p31woman
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quote:
They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands.
No, they're hoping once they finally meet the man who loves them enough to marry them, that he'll love them for *them* instead of caring about some arbitrary size the culture says a woman must maintain to be happy and attractive and "deserving" of a man. Sadly, though, if the woman plays by the culture's stupid rules when dating (i.e. basing her attractiveness on her size), she's probably going to wind up with a man who plays by the same rules... and bases his attraction to her and love for her on her size, too.
_____________________________
So don't let anyone pass judgment on you in connection with eating and drinking, or in regard to a Jewish festival or Rosh-Hodesh or Shabbat. These are a shadow of things that are coming, but the body is of the Messiah. Colossians 2:16-17
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:44:55 PM
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joy2give2u
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quote:
I am seeing the same kind of hurt feelings occur here in this thread, and it makes me sad for the people receiving those comments, and for the ones making them. I probably tend to approach threads differently so I haven't noticed people getting hurt feelings but if this is true and people are taking the comments said here personally..... "receiving" the words as if spoken directly to them I would challenge those people to look at themselves and ask why?
Maybe the hurt is bringing up an issue or piece of baggage which needs to be brought before the Lord for healing.
I am not saying I agree with some of what is stated but I am saying if the written words here have enough bite and cut deeply enough that they hurt it might be a good thing this discussion was brought out in the open....a wound often needs to be opened and cleansed before it will heal. If either side of this discussion hurts there is a wound which needs to heal.
I also have been enjoying reading what Benelchi has written. As always his words are well thought out, not appearing to be colored by emotions or baggage, and add reason to the discussion........
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I don,'t believe that (normal) women intentionally plan on gaining weight after they are married; if there was no intention of deception then there was no lie Agreed.
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I have heard on a number of occasions things like "once I'm married I won't have to work as hard to stay in shape" or "once I find a guy I'll go off my diet". This is sad but probably true more then we realize.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:46:11 PM
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joy2give2u
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Great response p31woman.......I agree.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:50:50 PM
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mutinywxgirl
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then maybe it's the area of the country, but like Craig, I've heard it from many women in my lifetime.
Also, what about all the brides who "go on a diet" before the wedding, knowing full well that once after that day, they will go off it. Unfortunately, in my experience, I've seen that much more than those who say they are going to try to stay fit. And some of these have been Christian women.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 3:57:25 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
I think the reason that I have interpreted what you have said as an over emphasis is because you seem to equally include both physical attributes that are a result of a persons choices as well as those that are not as highly important,
If they are a result of the person's choices then they are choosing to disregard their spouses feelings on the matter, aren't they? What one person may consider highly important may be trivial to another person. We all have different tastes. As an example. I am very highly sensitive to scents. If a women smells even slightly of any unclean scent it is an immediate, almost stomach turning turn off to me. Then there are guys who can't seem to smell anything so for them it's trivial
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and also when you do discuss issues about weight, hair, ect... the emphasis seems to be completely about what you like to see (visually) without much consideration given to anything else.
That's because the conversation ended up being centered around being visually pleasing to one's spouse. (which I hold as a very important thing as if that wasn't obvious already)
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I think the key question is: are you asking your wife to go to the gym and adhere to a diet that is a daily sacrifice, or are you asking that you both eat healthy, and engage in activities together that you both enjoy and allow you to stay fit together.
Almost anyone who eats well (doesn't eat too much that is) gets some moderate exercise, and drinks a lot of water will have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight for their frame. They wouldn't need to do a sacrificial diet unless they consider sacrifice as skipping the desert they normally have after every meal (and just before bed). It's not that hard to stay healthy.
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If she knows that you prefer thinner women for example, and she was thin when you married, and she gains lots of weight early in the marriage (not due to pregnancy or medical issues) then she has lied to you through the entire courtship phase of your relationship. What else has she lied about?
I think this is where I most vehemently disagree with you! I don,'t believe that (normal) women intentionally plan on gaining weight after they are married;
Far too many do. Some even admit it (as seen in trainfan's post 488). If she's dieting now, but has no intention of maintaining that weight after marriage, then she is lying to whomever dates her.
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However, I don't agree that any change (even in weight) is bad.
I've always tried to express "within reason"
I think the issue is that when you expound on what you mean by "within reason", it starts to sound unreasonable.
I don't see 15 to 20 or so pounds as unreasonable. I know many, many women who have stayed within that range.
< Message edited by John_O -- 12/20/2007 4:24:15 PM >
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:01:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: p31woman
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They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands.
No, they're hoping once they finally meet the man who loves them enough to marry them, that he'll love them for *them* instead of caring about some arbitrary size the culture says a woman must maintain to be happy and attractive and "deserving" of a man.
So why is she lying to him? If she wants to be loved for the part of her that is not her body then she needs to live as she would after the marriage and wait for the guy who wants her that way. anything else is dishonest.
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Sadly, though, if the woman plays by the culture's stupid rules when dating (i.e. basing her attractiveness on her size), she's probably going to wind up with a man who plays by the same rules... and bases his attraction to her and love for her on her size, too.
This I agree with. People get really stupid when it comes to finding a spouse and do things they can't live up to for the rest of their lives. Then they wonder why their spouse seems dejected or disappointed in them all the time.
Be who you want to be after the wedding NOW. Don't lie to the people who may be interested in you. If size matters to him now it will matter to him later also.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:01:26 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
Also, what about all the brides who "go on a diet" before the wedding, knowing full well that once after that day, they will go off it. I have heard this one quite a bit also Lisa.........I think though they are dieting more to look beautiful in a certain dress to everyone who comes to the wedding and not to lie to their husbands.........
I am a little confused why it is lying to pay more attention to appearance when first dating a man then not doing it so much after marriage.
So if I am ask out on a date, wear makeup, pull my hair up into a nice loose knot, and wear the best from my wardrobe I am lying to the man if I don't intend to look that way every time we go out once we get married?
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:04:33 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Also, what about all the brides who "go on a diet" before the wedding, knowing full well that once after that day, they will go off it. Unfortunately, in my experience, I've seen that much more than those who say they are going to try to stay fit. And some of these have been Christian women.
I see the pre-wedding diet as being fundamentally dishonest.
(Of course it may not be bad if the relationship is long enough that the groom (or bride) knows the real size of their future mate and knows that the wedding diet is a temporary situation going into it.)
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:05:07 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2329
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
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I have heard on a number of occasions things like "once I'm married I won't have to work as hard to stay in shape" or "once I find a guy I'll go off my diet". They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands. BTW I am not accusing anyone on here of doing things like that but this is what I have heard in the past out from various women and sometimes from guys also.
Craig, I suspect they are the exception and not the rule. All of my friends in this state, and when I lived in SC ... and I was very involved in the women's ministry, did not think this way. In fact it was the opposite. Unfortunately, the minority of a group can sometimes be much more vocal about their views.
I would say that it may be more common in some circles than in others. I heard things along that line said a number of times and not refering only to weight but also to hair color and length, the way they dress and housekeeping habits.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:07:24 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1325
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
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ORIGINAL: Psalms274
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I have heard on a number of occasions things like "once I'm married I won't have to work as hard to stay in shape" or "once I find a guy I'll go off my diet". They may not intentionally gain weight but they are intentionally deceiving their future husbands. BTW I am not accusing anyone on here of doing things like that but this is what I have heard in the past out from various women and sometimes from guys also.
Craig, I suspect they are the exception and not the rule. | | |
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