RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse wanted you to be?
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:16:43 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
I am a little confused why it is lying to pay more attention to appearance when first dating a man then not doing it so much after marriage.
Because if he only gets to see you all dolled up and looking in good shape then he will expect you to always look like that.Men marry move-in-able. Then after the marriage, when you relax this artificial personna that you've portrayed yourself as he finds he didn't marry who he thought he did.
quote:
So if I am ask out on a date, wear makeup, pull my hair up into a nice loose knot, and wear the best from my wardrobe I am lying to the man if I don't intend to look that way every time we go out once we get married?
If he ALWAYS sees you that way then yes. In fact, if he always sees you that way then he'd most likely expect you to look that way all the time he sees you after marriage because that's all he's ever seen you as. (follow?) If however sometimes you just go out as 'you' and not as 'dolled up you' he gets to see the truth.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:17:46 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Is it false advertising to become a slow-witted, bitter, bellicose old codger with the personality of a boar pig?
12.10.07
if he wasn't that way when you married, yes that would be false advertising. Act like you always act.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:37:47 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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quote:
Act like you always act. I am the bride of Christ.........He took me as His Bride the day I said I do to him.........Does he expect me to Act like I always act?
Did he go into the marriage, this union between the two of us expecting me to always act as I did before.....or even only change for the better?
No the Lord knew I would continue to change.......be transformed more into His imagine yes but he also knew new issues I was unaware of would pop up from time to time.......
For example........
I am usually a very joyful, happy, level headed person. I have never been one for extreme lows, rarely deal with depression and am quite active..........
Since my father died I have been different and really struggle to find me again........
I am acting so different, at least in my mind, then I have always acted in my life.
I didn't lie to the Lord when he made me His bride........I had no idea I was capable of up and down emotions.........yet he still loves me....because you see he accepted me as His bride knowing I wouldn't always be exactly who he wanted me to be.
Now you may say that is different because my earthly husband is human.......true yet he is suppose to love me as the Lord loves me........he is suppose to accept me as the Lord accepts me.......he is suppose to have married me for better or worse.........Because you see God gave to my human husband the responsibility of being the physical example of Him to me, His bride.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:53:43 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1325
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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quote:
So you lie to him? Even if you see the inside and make your judgement from there you said you don't know him yet. He may be a child raping murderer for all you know. Why lie to him?
Each one of us is made in God's image and are each uniquely beautiful (or handsome if your a man  ) because the Master Creator cannot do anything less than the very best. Sometimes my perception is skewed by what I see at first ... I cannot see the whole picture right away. That takes time. So when a gentleman asks if they are handsome, whether I see it in that moment or not, they are indeed very handsome. I simply may not see it at that moment in time because I have not taken the time to see him completely. So I am in no way lying to him. I simply do not have the whole picture at the time the question is asked.
I have worked with sex offenders, and even they are made in the image of God. I remember working with a young man of 15 who raped his 9 year old cousin ... a horrible, detestable thing. Yet even he is made in the image of God ... and I had the privilege of seeing him meet his Savior for the first time ... on Christmas day in 1995.
quote:
my perception of someone’s physical beauty has often changed as I have got to know them better; some appear more beautiful then the first did to me, and (sadly) some appear much uglier.
Yes, sadly that is true ... but I know that the reason they appear uglier to me is because that is the thing that I have seen ... God's best is just not reflecting through them. Yet even in these cases, I am aware that there is more to them than what I see.
< Message edited by Psalms274 -- 12/20/2007 5:02:16 PM >
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:58:06 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
Yes, sadly that is true ... but I know that the reason they appear uglier to me is because that is the thing that I have seen ... God's best is just not reflecting through them. Yet even in these cases, I am aware that there is more to them than what I see.
Yes, that is always true, but sometimes I have to work hard to remind myself of that. That is another one of those deliberate choices.
BTW - I appreciate your posts.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 4:58:18 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
I didn't lie to the Lord when he made me His bride........I had no idea I was capable of up and down emotions.........yet he still loves me....because you see he accepted me as His bride knowing I wouldn't always be exactly who he wanted me to be.
This is different becuase Christ has the ability, and has given us the promise, that he will transform us into an image of himself (perfection) Your earthly husband doesn't have that ability.
quote:
.true yet he is suppose to love me as the Lord loves me........he is suppose to accept me as the Lord accepts me.......he is suppose to have married me for better or worse.........Because you see God gave to my human husband the responsibility of being the physical example of Him to me, His bride.
Does that mean you don't have to work to please him? You can just rest on your vows and state "He's got to love me for better por for worse no matter what I choose to do or how I choose to act"? Kind of selfish on your part isn't it? Wouldn't it be better to try to please him and have him try to please you, both doing it out of love?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:00:23 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1325
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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quote:
I don't judge all women by what I heard some of them say anymore than you should judge me by what some one else says.
Golly ... I certainly wasn't thinking anything bad about your comment ... I am sorry if it came acraoss as such.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:00:33 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: elastic
quote:
Because if he only gets to see you all dolled up and looking in good shape then he will expect you to always look like that.
probably if he was a 10 year old, as they don't fully comprehend that people/looks/ideas/minds/ etc. etc...can change....and not only that they can change, but that they should change to show that you are growing and maturing.
I don't look the same way I looked yesterday. Thank goodness i'm not married to someone who is mentally 10 years old.
and heck,,,my husband had hair when i met him. that dishonest jerk is starting to go bald. should i throw him to the side of the road?
Did he choose to lose it or is it medically inevitable?
If he chose to shave his head without regard to your feelings on the matter how would you feel about it?
This thread never said that people were unchanging. It asked how hard would you work to try to please your husband/wife. Some chnages are inevitable. (Most folk go gray for example) some are preventable. (Almost anyone can maintian a healthy weight)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:02:41 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
This is different becuase Christ has the ability, and has given us the promise, that he will transform us into an image of himself (perfection) Your earthly husband doesn't have that ability.
John, I think Joy is right on this one. We may not have the power to change the appearance of our wives, but God does have the ability to transform our misguided perception of what perfection is.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:04:27 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
I have worked with sex offenders, and even they are made in the image of God. I remember working with a young man of 15 who raped his 9 year old cousin ... a horrible, detestable thing. Yet even he is made in the image of God ... and I had the privilege of seeing him meet his Savior for the first time ... on Christmas day in 1995.
So was he handsome to you before he got saved or only after? Can you truly describe someone who is unrepentedly doing detestable things as handsome even when you find them not physically attractive and morally repugnant?
If so you must define the word much differently than I do
(Merry Christmas everyone!!)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:07:19 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
This is different becuase Christ has the ability, and has given us the promise, that he will transform us into an image of himself (perfection) Your earthly husband doesn't have that ability.
John, I think Joy is right on this one. We may not have the power to change the appearance of our wives, but God does have the ability to transform our misguided perception of what perfection is.
But who is to say it's misguided? If I see her as beautiful when we met, and when we married, how can anyone say that God did not make her to be beautiful to me (regardless of what the world thinks)? They cannot.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:09:42 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1325
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
Can you truly describe someone who is unrepentedly doing detestable things as handsome even when you find them not physically attractive and morally repugnant?
God obviously saw something worth saving beforehand ... and I would hope that I would live my life seeing with the same eyes as my Father. When I don't see as He does (which, unfortunately is often) I am not seeing correctly.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:23:38 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
This is different becuase Christ has the ability, and has given us the promise, that he will transform us into an image of himself (perfection) Your earthly husband doesn't have that ability.
Are you sure? I happen to believe my husband's love will play a part in transforming me more into the image of Christ.........Otherwise I would have no desire to marry.
quote:
Does that mean you don't have to work to please him? You can just rest on your vows and state "He's got to love me for better por for worse no matter what I choose to do or how I choose to act"? Kind of selfish on your part isn't it? Wouldn't it be better to try to please him and have him try to please you, both doing it out of love? I will work to please him because I love him........just as I work to please my heavenly groom....the difference is I don't work to please the Lord so that he will be pleased with and love me more.......I already know he is and does.......I work because I know he is so pleased with me.......I work because he loves me so much.......I work because in his love I know I can be so much more then I am now.
How we relate with each other, what drives our hearts, prompts us to action is the same in our interactions with each other as it is with our interaction with God.
Look around you will see men and women trying to be attractive enough for the Lord before they say I do........they look at themselves in the mirror and see all their flaws thinking God would never want them as they are so they strive to be better in order for him to love them...........sound familiar?
I can't speak for men but I can speak for this woman........No matter how much I agree with your statements and understand why a man would not be interested in someone who they don't find attractive..........I know no matter how much work I put into being who my husband wants me to be....deep down I want to marry a man who will accept me just as Christ did.......
I understand no man would want me if they saw me as ugly as I was when seen through the Lords eyes yet he wanted me.......He saw me clearly and he wanted me because he saw past who I was to who I would become.......He saw the beautiful swan in the ugly duckling.......
A man who will love me at my ugliest in such a way I want nothing more then to be beautiful for him.
Sometimes, when I see my reflection through God's glory I am amazed at how beautiful I am.........I know I am this way, not because I worked to become so but because his love prompted me work with him on the areas which were the dirtiest until they radiated with beauty........
If men would only realize a woman becomes her most beautiful when a man loves her beautifully.............
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:25:38 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
quote:
If he chose to shave his head without regard to your feelings on the matter how would you feel about it?
it's his head...he can shave it if it makes him happy.
me? i die my hair a different color every 3 or 4 months...it's my hair, i'll do with it what i want.
just like it's my body...it'll look the way that makes me happy. if he doesn't like it, and if he can't deal with it, he knows where the door is.
This may be the only point where I do agree John_O, but I do think it is important to take into considerations the feelings of our spouse on these issues because if you really are one in marriage then your body belongs as much to your spouse as it does to you.
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:28:12 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2928
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
Are you sure? I happen to believe my husband's love will play a part in transforming me more into the image of Christ.........Otherwise I would have no desire to marry.
Good point Joy!
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RE: How hard would you work at being what your spouse w... - 12/20/2007 5:32:11 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4266
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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Benelchi, thank you for your posts in this thread.
quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
I am seeing the same kind of hurt feelings occur here in this thread, and it makes me sad for the people receiving those comments, and for the ones making them. I probably tend to approach threads differently so I haven't noticed people getting hurt feelings but if this is true and people are taking the comments said here personally..... "receiving" the words as if spoken directly to them I would challenge those people to look at themselves and ask why?
Maybe the hurt is bringing up an issue or piece of baggage which needs to be brought before the Lord for healing.
I'll tell you why this thread raises my blood pressure...it's because there are many lovely, worthy, intelligent, valuable, single women who spend time in this folder. They are working very hard to be Godly women and to prepare for marriage, if that's what God has in store for them. Like the rest of us women, they are bombarded day in and day out with images of what the world believes is attractive, then they come here to a Christian message board, where one might expect to find shelter from the storm...where one might expect to interact with other single people who put more emphasis on the person than the imperfect shell we are all housed in. Instead, they find that nope, it's impossible to measure up here either. Christian men are seemingly no better than non-Christian men. (There are a few exceptions who have the cajones to stand up for their Christian sisters, of course, like Benelchi has done.) It's sick, really.
For the record, I am in very good physical condition. I try to eat well, I run and stay active. I'm on the thin side. John_O (and others here) would write me off immediately because I have facial piercings and tattoos. So be it. I've also--GASP!!!--cut off all my hair since my wedding. I asked my husband if he was sorry I didn't ask him about it before I did it and he was confused why it would be an issue. I told him about this thread. I know he thinks differently about physical appearance. In fact, he told me he married me for the person I am, not because of what I looked like. He says physical change is expected and not that big a deal. So I asked him, "Do you think more guys think like you or do you think more guys think like John_O?" He said, "Most guys think like John_O...until they mature and grow up...usually they're over that sort of thing by the time they're 30 unless they're really shallow."
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