My Destined Wife? (Full Version)

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Darion412 -> My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 8:29:57 PM)

In September I was dumped by my gf of 9 months. We are both Christians. I'm a senior in highschool and she is a freshmen in college, which is about 45 min away from where I live. Things went well for the first 8 months until she started college in August. Then one day she decided to break up with me and giving me various reasons out of no where. The main valid reasons were because i'm im highschool and shes in college, and she wants to be single. (I treated her well and respected her like a gentlemen. Her parents still like me) She told me it was not because of other guys, but she cant tell me she wont eventually date other guys. Eventually, she told me she still loves me and im her heart, even though she hasnt called me since she broke up with me and just recently (about month after she dumped me) sent me a message.

Its been about a month now and im doing better. I'm still somewhat depressed from it all and confused. I know im young and marriage isnt something I should be focused on, yet its been very appealing to me for awhile. Sometimes I just feel alone. Here's what I'm having such a hard problem dealing with. I clearly remember about a week before I met her, I was praying that God would introduce me to my wife. About week later, she pops up into my life. I find it very difficult to call that a coincidence and spent 9 months of my life believing it. The thought makes it hard for me to even want to continue dating, why should I bother? Yes, I still love her and want her back. Its difficult because now she seems as if she has no interest in me now. My question is, what would you do if you were in my situation? Would you continue/attempt to date even if you belivied you had met the one God has picked out for you? Any advice or opinions would be helpful. Thanks



SonInMe1 -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 8:40:23 PM)

Marriage is a difficult undertaking , one that should be revered. Its not the answer to problems, it is the reason for problems.

Its a very good thing too but it is a place of service, of giving, not taking.

It seems from the information you have given that your gf is probably just like you...young and not sure of what she wants to do. Give her the space she wants and if its "destined" it will happen.

Usually though? It won't.



starvin.artist.gurl -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 8:42:38 PM)

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think you should move on. The first couple years of college, people generally go through some big changes. It sounds like those changes are already starting to happen for this girl. It kinda sounds to me like she just wants to have fun and be a part of the college scene. She obviously isn't interested in a serious relationship right now. Her hastiness to end the relationship is a big, red flag.

I know you want to believe this girl is going to be your wife, but sometimes God's timing is way different than what we want it to be. You met this girl a week after you prayed, but God doesn't always answer right away. Did you ever pray for confirmation?

I know what you're going through is tough. Don't worry it will get better. [:)]



creationtalk -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 8:51:09 PM)

I
quote:

clearly remember about a week before I met her, I was praying that God would introduce me to my wife. About week later, she pops up into my life. I find it very difficult to call that a coincidence and spent 9 months of my life believing it.


Why do you find it so difficult to belive that your prayer and meeting gf is a coincidence. Admittedly, I've lived a lot more life than you have (the first child I had a hand in raising is 28 yo), but I have no problem seeing it as a coincidence. And out of curiosity...why were you as a high school junior? praying about meeting your future wife?

quote:

My question is, what would you do if you were in my situation?


I would make plans and live my life, develop hobbies and interests, plan for my career, decide what I want out of life.

quote:

Would you continue/attempt to date even if you belivied you had met the one God has picked out for you? Any advice or opinions would be helpful.


You are far to young to be narrowing your sights to one person. Even if she does turn out to be the one you are meant to marry, you are not now and will not be ready to support a family for several years. I suggest that you consider not dating until you have (nearly) finished your (college or trade school) education and are in a position to support a family should you marry.



Darion412 -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 10:10:44 PM)

I think its logical for me to of thought it was more than a coincidence, even though my attitude on that is changing. The responses are helpful so far[:)]. Everyone at a time in thier life wants to meet/be with that special someone. Considering how teenagers fall in and out of what they define love, I figured I'd rather pray about the the person God wants me to be with. I suppose the situation isnt any different from any other teenage relationship.



RichLP -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 11:32:55 PM)

Darion,

I assume that you're 17 or 18 years old.

You're young... without sounding patronizing, you're just a kid. You'll be a kid at 22, at 24.

The first year of college is a dramatic one. You're surrouded by truckloads of new people from various backgrounds in a dorm and in a campus where you're literally free to do whatever you want. You are no longer living at home with mom and dad. You're exposed to new ideas, beliefs, causes.

When you finish your freshman year, you have changed considerably from the moment you graduated high school.

You'll change further as you reach college graduation... and then the next step, whether it's work or graduate school, plus changing priorities, friends moving away, friends drifting apart... that's all part of becoming an adult.

Listen, I wish I had a high school sweetheart to even remember. I don't - I never had a girl in high school. But the odds are you 2 will go your separate ways. Even if you go to her school next fall, who knows what'll happen in the next 12 months?

Take time to heal, then move on. Get busy w/ church, friends, family. This is your last year of high school! Enjoy it, take many pictures, and have lots of fun because it'll be a time you'll always cherish. Focus on getting into college. Enjoy the ride!

(I am really not being patronizing, but take it from a man in his mid-30s... life will get harder. Enjoy youth while you still have it!)



RichLP -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/15/2007 11:35:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: creationtalk
You are far to young to be narrowing your sights to one person. Even if she does turn out to be the one you are meant to marry, you are not now and will not be ready to support a family for several years. I suggest that you consider not dating until you have (nearly) finished your (college or trade school) education and are in a position to support a family should you marry.


Very sound advice. I've met so many people in their late 20s and even early 30s who are still figuring out what careers to pursue.

Darion, finish high school, get a degree in a practical field, and start making a living in a few years once you finish college. You have barely begun your adult life, and believe you me, you'll have plenty of time to be concerned with a spouse (this forum has plenty of people 10, 15, even 20 years your senior who have not yet found their marriage partners).



deermousie -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/16/2007 12:59:03 AM)

Darion, you are young but you sound like the kind of Christian I respect. I'm sorry you got hurt; the high school years seem to bring that sort of thing on as people start dating. I recommend you don't date, but hang out in groups where there's no pairing off but still having a lot of fun. You've got lots of education and maturing to do, and you'll be a much different person in a few years (and you will probably be wondering what you ever saw in this girl).

People say dating is great preparation for divorce: give your heart away and break up (repeat). When you are finished with your education and have started in a stable career it is a good time to look for the right one for you to share your life with. You may already have a good idea who that person is, and with your education complete and in a good job, you can go to her father and present yourself as a potential suitor for her hand. I think the father - and the young woman - will be doing backflips! And here you'd be, with all this and a relatively untrampled heart, all for her. At that point all the waiting will probably be over and suddenly you'll find yourself fasttracked to a wedding and all that you hoped God would give you.

I've seen this happen over and over to those who worked and waited for the right time. It doesn't mean this is what God is going to do every time, but you seem to be headed this way anyway. It will be worth it; God is good and His gifts are perfect and always right on time. God bless you, young man!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/16/2007 3:03:45 AM)

quote:

I think its logical for me to of thought it was more than a coincidence, even though my attitude on that is changing.

one thing I have learned is to never assume that God's answer is obvious. Sometimes He answers us, sometimes He doesn't. Just because you asked doesn't mean He answered...and just because He answers doesn't mean it's NOW that it will happen.
When I was 19yo God told me that I would meet the man I would marry and within a month I had met him. GOD told ME....and I waited on God's timing for it to all come about. In my case within seven months of meeting we were married...and God's hand was all over the whole thing...coincidences like him deciding to just up and join the military in WA on the same day I was leaving TX to move to TN....the exact same day...and then him being sent to KY for training where my friend's hubby was sent. Other things like that too. Looking back we could see them all over the place.
The point I am trying to make though is don't assume that God has answered you just because you think you see something that could possibly be the answer. God will speak loud and clear to your heart when He wants to tell you something...and then you wouldn't be saying "I clearly remember about a week before I met her, I was praying that God would introduce me to my wife. About week later, she pops up into my life. I find it very difficult to call that a coincidence and spent 9 months of my life believing it."...instead you would be saying "God brought this person into my life and let me know that they were His choice for me".


Marriage is a good goal...it is great to hear Godly young men say that they want to be Godly husbands. Let it come in time though. Unless you are physically ready, emotionally ready, spiritually ready, financially ready, educationally ready, and age wise ready don't even look for a wife. God will let you know when you are ready in each of those areas of your life...and you will one day be amazed how right His timing was in your life. This woman may be the one for you, but obviously the timing is off, so just step back and see what God can do and when.



georgerobbyjr -> RE: My Destined Wife? (10/16/2007 9:30:21 PM)

Just because you prayed for a future wife doesn't mean God wants you to marry your ex-girlfriend. He doesn't always respond to our prayers and give us what we want immediately. I think there's nothing wrong with dating at your age, telling you to wait until you've graduated university is a little unrealistic, not to mention that most of us in this forum certainly never followed any such advice. It sounds like you are still hurt and need to take a short break before dating anyone else. Continue to pray for the woman God wants you to wed, but wait patiently. You are young and it may be years until you meet the right girl.



Deleted User -> [Deleted] (4/18/2008 5:32:22 PM)

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deermousie -> RE: My Destined Wife? (4/19/2008 12:26:09 AM)

I just wanted to jump back in and talk a little about coincidences. If God rules the universe and He has plans for you, then I don't think there are coincidences, just blessings and consequences. Remember Jonah, when running from God's instructions to go to Ninevah, went down to the port and "just happened" to find a ship leaving for Tarshish. I think God provided the ship just like He provided the whale (only the whale was obedient!). God plans or God allows (I haven't completely figured it out yet - maybe it's both) and we are to respond in faith, accepting or avoiding things.

When I was in high school, I was dating a young man whom I thought was the love of my life. I was convinced. His parents made us break up, and his life branched into a different direction during college. For years I'd thought my only true love was lost. Then I did meet the love of my life and married him, and forgot all about the first guy. Only recently, 35 years later, I got the end of the story: some one was complaining that this first "love" of mine wasn't paying child support like the court ordered.

!!!!

What kind of life would I have had if I insisted to God that I could pick out my own husband!? Was it a coincidence that he was in my life in high school? I don't think so. I dodged a bullet, by God's grace.

Life is like a run through a minefield sometimes, and we have to know when to dodge. God will tell us, and the principles from God's Word will tell us when God doesn't speak.

I'm still sorry you got hurt, Darion, and I hope you're feeling better now and doing a good job getting on with your life. There's lots of good things ahead... so keep dodging those mines. God bless.



tiffywal -> RE: My Destined Wife? (4/19/2008 12:54:27 AM)

All I can say is move on. I certainly can not say wait until after college and you are stable in your career. I didn't. I married young. You will get through this break up. Just continue to pray.



bigfrank -> RE: My Destined Wife? (4/19/2008 2:42:26 AM)

quote:

Darion,

I assume that you're 17 or 18 years old.

You're young... without sounding patronizing, you're just a kid. You'll be a kid at 22, at 24.


As a 20 yo, I must say that this statement bothers me. I don't consider myself a kid and I haven't for quite some time. This young gentleman does not sound like a kid to me, either. He sounds more mature than a lot of people, young AND old. Being a "kid" does not necessarily depend on age.

quote:

My question is, what would you do if you were in my situation?


Here's my experience, and let it be known that I have quite a bit of it even for my age: If her heart isn't in it, there's nothing more that you can do. There are other fish in the sea. I understand that it's a rather difficult conclusion to come to, as you lose someone you care about, but it's most likely the best way.

I've been pursuing a girl lately who seemed interested for quite a while. I'm not so sure anymore though. I'm prepping for the moment when she ends up getting down on the other side of the fence so it's not as much of a blow if it comes. It happens to everyone, and I get the feeling that it might happen to me shortly.



LivingParadox -> RE: My Destined Wife? (4/19/2008 10:45:44 AM)

If this girl and you are meant to be together it'll happen without you having to fix the relationship. The right idea is to establish a healthy place for the "friendship", "relationship" to be no matter the path it leads. You're both young and this maybe turnout to have been a special person and it simply didn't workout or it could work out later -- but trying to force it never works.



csl7037 -> RE: My Destined Wife? (4/19/2008 4:29:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bigfrank

As a 20 yo, I must say that this statement bothers me. I don't consider myself a kid and I haven't for quite some time. This young gentleman does not sound like a kid to me, either. He sounds more mature than a lot of people, young AND old. Being a "kid" does not necessarily depend on age.



Whether you feel like a "kid" or consider yourself one or not, you're not yet the person you'll be at 30 or even 25. There's no need to be out seeking "experience" or even putting much stock in it. Life brings plenty of "experience" on it's own. And he certainly sounds like a kid (as well he should at his age) to most of us who can only look back and shake our heads at where we were at that age as well. Being mature is a lot more than focusing or hyper-focusing on mature sounding things (like marriage); maturity can be overrated anyway! ;-)

I think the danger in putting this much focus on dating and relationships, in addition to the risk of great heartbreak and hitting one of those minefields, is the risk in missing out on the opportunity to find out who you are. That's what your "ex" is doing in college right now. Give her her distance and freedom to do that. And take the time to do the same for yourself. Either you'll both experience what you need to to learn what you need to learn (good and bad) and find your way back to each other if it's "destined" (which I don't really think anything is). In that case, if she's out growing and maturing and you're just pining and praying away for her, you'll never get back to each other because you wont be able to catch up to where she is. On the flip side, if this isn't "destined" and God has more of life and Himself for you to experience before He choses to bless you with a wife, then you're doing not just yourself but her a great disservice as well wasting so much emotional and spiritual energy on this HS girlfrend.

Being a good and godly husband isn't about finding the right wife. It's about building the character you're going to need to bring to the table. Make that your prayer and the rest will fall in line when it should without you needing to force it.



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