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daisies4u -> Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 2:24:30 PM)

Is the world just off-kilter or something? Why are so many unmarried women getting pregnant? It almost seems like this is the norm. You can hardly find a family that has not been touched by this. I just don't understand it...with so much information out there...how can young women be ignorant to the facts about getting pregnant? Not to mention the morals of it.

And when it happens in your family, what do you do? Is it selfish to expect an apology for the embarassement that has been brought on your family?



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 2:49:12 PM)

I think a lot of the blame goes to television and secular music. Most secular music that young people listen to is all about sex outside of marriage. The girls just model what they are listening too.
Secondly parents do share in the blame. God calls on parents to guide their children. I have some friends with grown children who did not turn out well at all. The ones I know can look back and see things they did wrong. I do hear of parents who did the best they could and yet their kids still did not turn out well. That scares me! I homeschooled my son, restricted what he watched and listened to. I did not allow him to play with the kids that we swearing worse then pirates and stealing by age nine. What if that is not enough? I also see a couple of parents that smothered their kids and as soon as they turned 18 they ran out the door with no idea how to made good choices or the consequences for the bad ones.
I pray that God will guide me how to raise a girl who is pure in mind body and spirit. I pray that God will show me how to teach her to make good decisions. She is only 2 now but they grow up so fast.



DaveW -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 2:58:44 PM)

There is a culture out there that encourages, even idolizes single parenthood.



uncabeeil -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:04:51 PM)

Apologize for the embarrassment brought on the family?! Ummmm, how about showing support and love to the child? Unless the girl went out and purposely conceived, which is a lot harder than it sounds, she has just made one of the biggest mistakes in her young life. So why pile on more guilt? She knows she made a mistake, it's too late to fix it, so grab that girl in a bearhug and let her know that both God and her family still love her.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:32:55 PM)

quote:

Is the world just off-kilter or something? Why are so many unmarried women getting pregnant? It almost seems like this is the norm. You can hardly find a family that has not been touched by this. I just don't understand it...with so much information out there...how can young women be ignorant to the facts about getting pregnant? Not to mention the morals of it.

Well, I don't know about the other single moms out there, but I can tell you my story. Although, I do wonder why you don't wonder about unmarried men becoming fathers[8|]

I was not parented in such a way that I felt secure and loved. I met a man who seemed to love me and want to take care of me. I thought we were going to get married. I felt like I belonged to him, and wanted to show that to him. I was using birth control-and actually, it not only did NOT prevent me from becoming pregnant, but caused so many problems in the pregnancy that I almost had a dead baby instead of merely an unplanned one[:(]

Now, one of my pet peeves is that society (Christians especially) seem to demonize unwed pregnancy but allow those who fornicate and do not conceive or those who fornicate, conceive and then murder their babies much more leeway. NO BABY was ever made counter to God's will, and my children (both of them, the one conceived prior to marriage and the one after) are blessings from God himself.



amannoftruth -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:36:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: uncabeeil

Apologize for the embarrassment brought on the family?! Ummmm, how about showing support and love to the child? Unless the girl went out and purposely conceived, which is a lot harder than it sounds, she has just made one of the biggest mistakes in her young life. So why pile on more guilt? She knows she made a mistake, it's too late to fix it, so grab that girl in a bearhug and let her know that both God and her family still love her.


I don't agree that they know they made a mistake. Most girls that I know of that have gotten pregnant outside of marriage don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, one of the young women who worked for me got pregnant and one of the other employees said something--I don't remember what, but I don't think it was that offensive because the person who said it also lives with her boyfriend--and the young pregnant woman's response was an indignant, "What's wrong with having a baby and not being married?!"

A big part of the problem is that the government subsidizes out-of-wedlock births. You may ask, "What are they supposed to do, let the kids starve?" I'm not debating the merits of welfare right now, just saying that what you reward, you get more of. Women are "rewarded" for having kids out of wedlock. Or, maybe it would be more accurate to say they are not penalized. They do not have to fully suffer the the consequences of their actions. They don't have to take full responsibility for raising their child(ren). They don't need a husband for themselves, nor a father for their children. The State has become their husband, and takes care of their kids.

Further, society's standards have changed. Not that many years ago, most people were ashamed if others found out they were living together without being married. Now, it is the norm, and expected. In fact, if you don't live with someone before getting married (or at least have sex with them), you are regarded as strange by a large segment of the population.



Roberta_ -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:50:49 PM)

Many people today don't know any other way to live. They were raised by single parents who may not even realize themselves that there is a better way.



daisies4u -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:51:50 PM)

quote:

Apologize for the embarrassment brought on the family?! Ummmm, how about showing support and love to the child? Unless the girl went out and purposely conceived, which is a lot harder than it sounds, she has just made one of the biggest mistakes in her young life. So why pile on more guilt? She knows she made a mistake, it's too late to fix it, so grab that girl in a bearhug and let her know that both God and her family still love her.


This is my unmarried niece. We will no doubt adore this child. There is no question about that. But, she is not the first one in our family that this has happened to. She has seen it first hand.

Guilt?? That is the thing. I think she should feel guilty, but I don't see where she does. I know that her sin was not against us (her family), but we do feel like she owes us an apology. Mainly for the lies. She was adamately opposed to pre-marital sex, she held a leadership role in the youth group and was a role model for the young girls. In other words, she pretended to be something she was not. Also, they were planning on getting married, so they moved the wedding date up. Now, she expects us all be "excited" for her and help her with the wedding....without the least bit of remorse.

I realize that I am probably just having a pity party here, but I want to see some remorse, better still, I want other to be able to see it. Embarrasement??? Yes, I am embarrased. But if I truly thought that she had made her peace with God, I could let it go. As it is, I am having a very difficult time with it.

My main issue is that this seems to be normal now. These young people don't seem to think that they have done anything wrong. AND they expect other people to be excited for them. How can you express that you are excited but you are also saddened by the sin that lead to this?



relady -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:59:03 PM)

quote:

Women are "rewarded" for having kids out of wedlock. Or, maybe it would be more accurate to say they are not penalized. They do not have to fully suffer the the consequences of their actions. They don't have to take full responsibility for raising their child(ren). They don't need a husband for themselves, nor a father for their children. The State has become their husband, and takes care of their kids.
having been through this situation with one close friend.....I do not at all find this to be the case. If we had not opened our home to her and her little guy (whom I am terribly bonded with BTW) they would have been on the street and no one would have cared, certainly not the state and not any church I know of. Having to try and raise a baby by oneself is punishment enough for most people I know.



amannoftruth -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 3:59:47 PM)

quote:


My main issue is that this seems to be normal now. These young people don't seem to think that they have done anything wrong.


The government subsidizes the behavior. In the eyes of many people, that makes it OK. You always hear that "you can't legislate morality", but when something is legalized, many people believe that also means it is moral. That is why homosexual "rights" laws and same-sex "marriage" are so dangerous. Once they become widespread, even more people (than already do) will see homosexual behavior as being normal and moral, and just another preference that no one can judge as wrong.



SD456 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 4:05:31 PM)

quote:

Guilt?? That is the thing. I think she should feel guilty, but I don't see where she does....In other words, she pretended to be something she was not. Also, they were planning on getting married, so they moved the wedding date up. Now, she expects us all be "excited" for her and help her with the wedding....without the least bit of remorse.


Because she fell to sin does not mean she was pretending to be something she's not. And perhaps they moved the wedding day up because they realized how tempted they were getting.

I agree with an earlier poster - she needs love and support right now. Let the Holy Spirit bring conviction upon her in His own timing, your anger will only serve to bring a wedge and bring condemnation. I loved Jesus with all my heart when I was young, and fell into that same kind of sin. I felt great sadness, but wasn't about to show my parents this sadness who pretty much just wanted to beat me over the head for my failure. They gave me no room to feel anything in the right manner, let alone a place to repent and process what I had done. So I shut that part of me down and acted like nothng was wrong, simply because I didn't have people to go to who weren't demanding that I grovel and weep to their idea of remorse and repentance. After a while, Jesus was able to speak to my heart and I was able to repent to Him, but I never spoke to my parents about it again. They had lost their chance by the anger and condemnation they showed me when I needed them most.

This young girl who was obviously moving in leadership with her youth group has been stumbled by the enemy of her soul and perhaps there is much more going on in her than you know.



daisies4u -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 4:08:39 PM)

quote:

Is she a born-again christian?


She professes to be. That is what makes this so hard to understand.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 4:11:11 PM)

She did not sin against you. She sinned against God, and trying to beat guilt into her is not going to help her walk. Trust me. Also, assuming she has not repented because she did not tell you she was repenting is a mistake.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 4:12:56 PM)

quote:

She professes to be. That is what makes this so hard to understand.

I don't get this. Christians sin. YOU sin. You just don't usually carry your sin in such a way that all can see it, and you apparently don't feel you have to apologize for your sin to everyone in your life, whereas you do feel your neice ough to. That's a double-standard.



SD456 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 4:17:59 PM)

I totally screwed up this post, so I'm reposting it as I changed it after people had passed it by. They read something differently the first time around. (sorryyy, I'm learning how to use this forum).

quote:

Guilt?? That is the thing. I think she should feel guilty, but I don't see where she does....In other words, she pretended to be something she was not. Also, they were planning on getting married, so they moved the wedding date up. Now, she expects us all be "excited" for her and help her with the wedding....without the least bit of remorse.


Because she fell to sin does not mean she was pretending to be something she's not. And perhaps they moved the wedding day up because they realized how tempted they were getting.

I agree with an earlier poster - she needs love and support right now. Let the Holy Spirit bring conviction upon her in His own timing, your anger will only serve to bring a wedge and bring condemnation. I loved Jesus with all my heart when I was young, and fell into that same kind of sin. I felt great sadness, but wasn't about to show my parents this sadness who pretty much just wanted to beat me over the head for my failure. They gave me no room to feel anything in the right manner, let alone a place to repent and process what I had done. So I shut that part of me down and acted like nothng was wrong, simply because I didn't have people to go to who weren't demanding that I grovel and weep to their idea of remorse and repentance. After a while, Jesus was able to speak to my heart and I was able to repent to Him, but I never spoke to my parents about it again. They had lost their chance by the anger and condemnation they showed me when I needed them most.

This young girl who was obviously moving in leadership with her youth group has been stumbled by the enemy of her soul and perhaps there is much more going on in her than you know.



Apollyon -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 5:16:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daisies4u

Is the world just off-kilter or something? Why are so many unmarried women getting pregnant?



Well daisie, come sit down and I will tell you about the birds and the bees...[;)]



amannoftruth -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 7:08:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

quote:

She professes to be. That is what makes this so hard to understand.

I don't get this. Christians sin. YOU sin. You just don't usually carry your sin in such a way that all can see it, and you apparently don't feel you have to apologize for your sin to everyone in your life, whereas you do feel your neice ough to. That's a double-standard.


The way I interpreted the post is not that it is so terrible that she sinned, but that she isn't remorseful about it. Aren't Christians supposed to feel remorse when they have sinned against God?



SonInMe1 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 8:11:43 PM)

Why did I impregnate my gf?

I wanted pleasure more than anything. I was selfish and hated the world and wanted some pleasure to offset the hell of living in this world. I didn't care about consequences...afterall she was on the pill....or so I thought.

Some women plan to get pregnant for a variety of reasons. Wether it is to make her man commit to her or because she justs wants to be a mommy or whatever, it usually boils down to selfishness.

Sexual sin is different from other sins as outlined, if memeory serves, in 1 Corinthian 6. Sexually sin is the only sin that goes against your body.

A pregnancy does not only affect the woman. It effects both sides of the family, the man's and woman's. When a child is created, grandparents, aunts and uncles are created to. One decision can literally effect hundreds of people...let alone if it is a single mom who is on welfare who can effect many more people.

This is a HUGE issue. What I call a societal destructor.

What did we do? We moved the pregnant girl in with us. At least YOU are not taking care of her. We can monitor the situation and raise the child in a better fashion.

There are a ton of things wrong in this but one right too. That kid will have a chance.....a chance he would not have had without us. Its not perfect. Many times its not just good.

Hey, who am I to throw stones??



rcjames -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 8:20:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
Now, one of my pet peeves is that society (Christians especially) seem to demonize unwed pregnancy but allow those who fornicate and do not conceive or those who fornicate, conceive and then murder their babies much more leeway. .


I can truely say that I am glad to have never met these "Christians" to whom you refer.

Thanks
RC



SonInMe1 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 8:23:10 PM)

I would say, if you walked into our church as a single parent you would feel a lot less conviction than walking into my church as a shacked up couple.



amannoftruth -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/16/2007 8:43:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
Now, one of my pet peeves is that society (Christians especially) seem to demonize unwed pregnancy but allow those who fornicate and do not conceive or those who fornicate, conceive and then murder their babies much more leeway. .


I can truely say that I am glad to have never met these "Christians" to whom you refer.

Thanks
RC


I haven't met 'em either. It's all bad.



believeinhim2 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/17/2007 12:43:17 AM)

Ok i have to jump in here. I am 27 years old and until recently i had NEVER been with a man. I am a christian and so is my b/f. We have been together for a year and a half and are not sexualy active. In july we fell into sin and were physical with each other once. I became pregnant. We both know that we sinned and that it was a huge mistake. I do not however believe that we owed our families any apologies. I have since had a miscarriage but if that had not happend i would have raised the baby in a christian home and would have supported it. I very much disagree with some of the stereo typing going on here.



amannoftruth -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/17/2007 1:46:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: believeinhim2

Ok i have to jump in here. I am 27 years old and until recently i had NEVER been with a man. I am a christian and so is my b/f. We have been together for a year and a half and are not sexualy active. In july we fell into sin and were physical with each other once. I became pregnant. We both know that we sinned and that it was a huge mistake. I do not however believe that we owed our families any apologies. I have since had a miscarriage but if that had not happend i would have raised the baby in a christian home and would have supported it. I very much disagree with some of the stereo typing going on here.


Actually, when we sin we are accountable to our church and its discipline. There may be a distinction between a one-time sin and living a sinful lifestyle, but the point is that it is not a private matter that only affects us.



believeinhim2 -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/17/2007 3:13:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amannoftruth

quote:

ORIGINAL: believeinhim2

Ok i have to jump in here. I am 27 years old and until recently i had NEVER been with a man. I am a christian and so is my b/f. We have been together for a year and a half and are not sexualy active. In july we fell into sin and were physical with each other once. I became pregnant. We both know that we sinned and that it was a huge mistake. I do not however believe that we owed our families any apologies. I have since had a miscarriage but if that had not happend i would have raised the baby in a christian home and would have supported it. I very much disagree with some of the stereo typing going on here.


Actually, when we sin we are accountable to our church and its discipline. There may be a distinction between a one-time sin and living a sinful lifestyle, but the point is that it is not a private matter that only affects us.

How do you figure that it affects other people? Most people never even knew about it. I talked to my pastor and his wife about the situation. I had already confessed to God about it. I really don't see how it is anyone elses buisness. Many people do much worse things every day and i don't see people getting all up in their buisness about it. I mean how many people get divorced and no one ever says a word. The bible says that is a sin as well.



Jhud -> RE: Single and Pregnant (10/17/2007 10:12:38 AM)

I think these sorts of issues often get tangled a bit and need sorting out.

First, being sexually initmate with someone outside of marriage is sin, no ands, ifs, or buts about it. Someone who commits such a sin needs to repent of that sin, and if they continue in that sin, they need to be dealt with through the normal channels of reproof and correction Christ gave the church. A complete unwillingness to repent should result in church discipline.

Being pregnant, whether inside or outside of marriage, is not a sin. Being pregnant is the biological result of sexual conception, and one does not need to seek forgiveness nor repent of being pregnant, whatever ones marital status. As all children are a blessing from the Lord, and no life exists that wasn't ordained by God, fatherless children and their mothers should always feel welcome in the church.

While marriage is the preferable and God designed means by which to raise a family, the fact that a women is single and pregnant or single and has a child or children does not itself require that she get married to an unsuitable husband who happened to father her children; however, in a case where the realtionship is ongoing and the father is suitable, marraiage should certainly be encouraged. Indeed, if they are continuing in a sexual relationship, the rules garnering sexual intimacy outside of marriage apply, whatever the relationship of the man to the children.

At least I think that is the clearest way to see it.



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