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All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/1/2007 7:25:59 PM
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BethAnnaM.
Posts: 13
Joined: 11/1/2007
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Ok. I will start from the beginning. This will be long, but I need to get it out and I would appreciate if you could pray.
I have been married since August of '06. As soon as we got married, we moved to Lynchburg, VA where he could finish up school at Liberty University. To make a long story short, I was the one supporting us with a not-so-good job serving, but the best I could possible find. I was a new wife, moving all the way from Montana away from my family, supporting us... not knowing anyone. He was getting involved so much in pornography, anger, and gambling online issues. Let's just say... we moved back home after 4 months of our marriage starting off very very very bad- both our families were in Montana, we figured getting back into our church and accountability was what we needed. My husband.. he was a really good friend of mine all throughout highschool, but what I did not know, was that he struggled with depression and anger really bad. I found that out in VA. He was just so mentally abusive, but other times he'd be great.
So we were back in Montana, everything was fine until April. That was a second blow out. He would call me very very very bad names, lie, and he went to a strip club and had relations there with a girl he knew (i actually did not know about that part until last month). His parents talked to him, he repented, he was back on track with everything. In every way he is wrong, he has a habit of turning it around on me and making it my fault.
Let me brief you on his parents really quick.
His dad.. is a very quiet man, he expects to be served, he expects his wife to do everything for him.. if his glass is empty, he looks at her until she gets up and gets him more
His mom.. submission is her favorite word. I was going away to a wedding one weekend and she put an end to it by scheduling a family reunion--- because she doesn't think it's right for a wife to ever leave her husband. She does not speak her opinion with other men (they were leading a small group and she would just sit there and knit), and she is very headstrong at the same time.
They started a group. At first, my husband and I were going to host it at our house, we have great married friends, and we had an awesome book we were all going by. All the sudden, his parents got into it thinking they were going to lead it. She sewed us all shirts, told me I had to prepare a big meal every week for it, and made us do a different book. The other group members were not very happy about it at all...... parents leading it? We are all married..... it just was weird. But the others did it for us and hoped his parents would eventually stop coming. (more later.)
Well, about the strip club, his mom was accusing me of why he did it. She said "a man only does such a thing if he is not satisfied in bed". He was fine. Okay, there's more to the 2nd blow up, but I'm not going there right now.
The third blow up was last month. He is addicted to his xbox, and he gets violent after he plays. Well, one night.. I was asking what happened to over a thousand dollars that ended up missing... after I find out this whole time I'm not on any of the bank accounts, I don't have a credit card, and my name was on nothing. His anger raged and he ended up hitting me. I had a black eye. He threw me out of the house, along with throwing our cat against the wall... etc. This wasn't the man I married... at all. Okay, so at this point my family who are very strong Christians were telling me that I had the grounds for divorce and it was probably the right thing to get my life back on track. His parents called me accusing me of everything. How I forced his anger so much that he did what he did. His mom just kept asking me if he was satisfied in bed.. which he was, but that none of here business WHATSOEVER! So I ended up filing, but I was so broken and I prayed and prayed and prayed. It didn't go thru, but a couple weeks went by and he came to me with a complete heart change. He went to my family, his family.. and me. I moved back in. Our friends were very encouraging the whole time, but they decided against the group. They didn't agree with the book we were forced to read- at all, and the leaders leading it. Well. We all just get letters in the mail today, saying they WILL come, they WILL read the book and get what they can, and it WILL be hosted at my house.......... without my consent. So I just called my mother in law and started laying things out on the table. How it was not her marriage, our sex life was not her business... and how offended I was that she had called my mom, told her the reason this all came up, was because of a past highschool relationship from another guy that brought hurt into my own marriage. I told her if she was so forgiving and was raking that in at me... that part of the whole forgiveness is to not use it against other people. She told me if I could bring up her son going to a strip club after several months, that gives her the right to bring up what she wants. For such a headstrong Christian woman... That upset me SO much! My husband isn't saying anything, he's not standing up for me at all. He thinks they were fine leading it.. AH! We've had counciling.. he just justifies himself. I wake up wondering why I'm trying to make this work. I love him. I do, but it hurts so much. And now, I'm finally seeing where it comes from. He wants me to be like his parents. Quiet like his mom. I'm wondering if she was beat into submission at one time. I struggle with that so much. She yelled at me today telling me it was all my fault the group did what they did and they will still come whether I like it or not. I'm so mad right now! He is not the spiritual leader, he could care less about our friends and fellowship now, he's SO selfish and it's out of control. I'm trying to work on myself and not focus on him... but it only seems when I do that, he makes me to be his mom. :'( There's so much more, but this is really long. Just pray for me.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/1/2007 7:43:04 PM
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lastblast
Posts: 1639
Joined: 9/20/2005
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Oh my, Bethanna, I am certainly praying for you............ 
_____________________________
Blessings as you seek Him, Cindy
What does the bible say on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage?
www.marriagedivorce.com
www.cadz.net/faq.html
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/1/2007 8:47:20 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 584
Joined: 7/13/2007
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quote:
Well, about the strip club, his mom was accusing me of why he did it. She said "a man only does such a thing if he is not satisfied in bed". He was fine. Okay, there's more to the 2nd blow up, but I'm not going there right now.
Dear Sister, I will be praying for you. Please keep yourself safe whatever happens.
quote:
Well, about the strip club, his mom was accusing me of why he did it. She said "a man only does such a thing if he is not satisfied in bed". He was fine. Okay, there's more to the 2nd blow up, but I'm not going there right now.
I literally felt sick to my stomach when I read this. It is so sick and twisted that a woman who calls herself a Christian would actually say this to you. Your husband is physically and emotionally abusive. He is an adulterer (porn is adultery too). His parents are apparently going to abuse you also (yelling, expecting you to take his abuse, using the Bible to further their own agenda---that's spiritual abuse) and he isn't doing anything to stop them. It sounds like he is a product of an abusive home. People who use the "submission" word to control other people are guilty of spiritual abuse. A lot of people believe in mutual submission....I don't want to get off topic but that's something you may want to research yourself. Your husband is doing evil while calling himself a Christian and his parents are supporting him. I would question whether they are even truly Christians. Many people claim to be but really aren't. My advice is to leave. I'm not necessarily advocating divorce but you certainly have grounds for it IMO. Personally, I would leave. What would happen if you stayed and had children with him? Be aware that TRUE REPENTANCE is very different from simply being/feeling sorry. It would seem that your husband is NOT truly repentant. I am just very afraid for you. Please, please be careful. And know that NONE of his sin is your fault!!! God loves you so much and does not want you to be treated this way.
ETA: quote:
This wasn't the man I married... at all. Okay, so at this point my family who are very strong Christians were telling me that I had the grounds for divorce and it was probably the right thing to get my life back on track. His parents called me accusing me of everything. How I forced his anger so much that he did what he did.
This is the man you married. You just didn't know this side of him yet. Abusive relationships usually just get worse instead of better. It started out with a black eye so what's next? Abusers blame the victims for their actions ("Well, she just pushed my buttons and made me do it.") and in this case his parents are supporting that lie. Ugh. It makes me so mad for you. Dear sister, you would be wise to listen to your parents.
< Message edited by Hislittleone -- 11/1/2007 9:01:43 PM >
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/1/2007 11:46:58 PM
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huckfinn327
Posts: 315
Joined: 1/30/2007
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Greetings BethAnna,
Your husband and his family leave one to question if they truly know the Lord ... you must take care of yourself ... stay close to the Lord ... find a good Bible believing church and share your needs with a good pastor ... you need the support of a good church family at this time. God Bless you for your labors to "honor your marriage" ... Love is kind and Love is wise ... I will pray for you.
Huckfinn ... Baptist pastor
_____________________________
NO-REMARRIAGE-THIS-SIDE-OF-DEATH .... JESUS TAUGHT CREATION MARRIAGE
www.jesusremarriagekeller.com
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 12:15:15 AM
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bevjewel
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/5/2007
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I am so sorry that things are like this for you and your husband. The only comment I will make is this, unless this man gives himself over to Christ completely, his behavior will not change. I lived with a man who was a my husband, but abused me time and time again. It may start out with a black eye, but it can end in so much worse than that. I know.
Please be careful, and do what you must to protect yourself. God is the Father to the Fatherless, and He will never leave or forsake you.
I will pray for you, and I will PM you as well.
May the God of all mercy and grace protect you from further abuse.
bevjewel
_____________________________
There is therefore now no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 8:14:53 AM
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suzeeqz
Posts: 112
Joined: 10/24/2007
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Oh precious one! Take heart that you are so NOT alone in your circumstances! It is not my custom to give advice per se other than to lay everyone and everything at the foot of Jesus' Cross, covering all in His Blood!
However, due to 1st hand experience, I truly agree with some of the others here to get out of that situation ASAP is good advice! It has also been my personal experience that absolutely, without doubt God hates divorce! But He also hates all other sin too! That being the case, it has also been my experience that He doesn't expect me (or anyone else!) to live my entire life condemned by and chained to these circumstances! And what you are daily being exposed to is NOT meant for your well being! Thankfully the Lord can and will turn that around for good! (It is not my intent here to offend any or persuade any away from their own convictions with the Lord!)
It's not my place to advise you to do anything other than what the Lord Himself tells you to do and it's your obedience to Him that matters the most! While I am deeply concerned for all aspects of your welfare dear one, I will NOT fear for you and neither should you as fear cancels faith and I/we MUST TRUST that the Lord hears & honors our prayers on your behalf and that of your spouse and his family!
My prayer in the precious and all powerful name of Jesus is for His most excellent and personal, continued prescence, protection and immediate intervention as He sees fit in your life and circumstances and as you give Him entry! May you continue to keep your focus deeply in Him, hearing only His true voice and words of wisdom, using them to act for His honor and Glory, drawing ever closer to Him! I am willing to stand in the gap with you and others, commanding satan to get out and way away from this precious woman of God and ALL her family as we plead the precious Blood of Jesus over her and claim ALL Your promises on their behalf! We speak and pray ALL of your Word, Lord God to, over and for them! For You are truly a God of Peace and Salvation, Restoration and Reconciliation, Just and Righteous, the One who is pure, true loving kindness, tenderly merciful and forgiving! May You reign more fully and deeply in their and our lives with Your Light, Truth and Wisdom being revealed for Your Glory! To You we offer our deepest thanks, praise and worship with love, faith and trust solely in You, Lord Jesus, looking not to our own understanding! Your Word says that where two or three are gathered in My name, there I AM in the midst of them [Matt 18:20] And all in agreement said 'Amen'! To God be the Glory and His blessings to all!
Keeping you lifted to Jesus in unceasing prayer!
Suzee  
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 12:24:48 PM
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blessednw
Posts: 846
Joined: 4/12/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: huckfinn327
Greetings BethAnna,
Your husband and his family leave one to question if they truly know the Lord ... you must take care of yourself ... stay close to the Lord ... find a good Bible believing church and share your needs with a good pastor ... you need the support of a good church family at this time. God Bless you for your labors to "honor your marriage" ... Love is kind and Love is wise ... I will pray for you.
Huckfinn ... Baptist pastor
Dear BethAnna,
I agree with everything my dear brother has said.
I echo this: draw near to the Lord. He is truly BIGGER than every overwhelming problem. He has given us very many loving thoughts in His word. His Word is truth, and can strengthen our hearts. I will pray that God will give you a mature christian sister that loves Him and can tell you the truth when it all seems so crazy.
Your husband is caught in a battle for his soul. When a man is hostile towards his wife, it reflects his current standing with God. The most important thing in his life, is his being right with God (which includes how he treats you too). When you are with the Lord in prayer, cry out for mercy for your husband to be brought into right relationship with the Lord. All of the shocking things he has said or done are first against the Lord, and of course, he has frustration and rebellion towards God, and he is taking it out on you.
Your enemy is not your husband. It is the enemy, who wants to destroy you through offense and confusion and hurt. He wants to destroy your husband through sin and bondage. You can and should stand in the gap for him through prayer.
Prayer can take you above the fray, and give you perspective. Prayers with a believing and mature and confidential sister can really be helpful. I will be praying for you.
Your heart needs healing. God can do this. Ask Him for whatever you need. He is your Father and understands all the "whys" we do not. He can handle all of our pain and confusion and He can help us with our anger, so we get free of our anxious thoughts.
You and your family are worth saving to God. He loves you with a lasting love.
_____________________________
This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.....
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 5:06:54 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1264
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
His anger raged and he ended up hitting me. I had a black eye. He threw me out of the house, along with throwing our cat against the wall... etc. This wasn't the man I married... at all. Okay, so at this point my family who are very strong Christians were telling me that I had the grounds for divorce and it was probably the right thing to get my life back on track.
Your parents are wise people.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 5:19:27 PM
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Flintejae
Posts: 2137
Joined: 4/11/2005
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You are being abused by your husband and his family. You need to draw boundaries NOW before further abuse happens.
I really think you need to talk to your parents and rest in their counsel.
_____________________________
- Janine
Our son, Jadon, was born on March 12th! Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles!
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 6:01:58 PM
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dkgnew
Posts: 115
Joined: 4/20/2006
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quote:
His parents are apparently going to abuse you also (yelling, expecting you to take his abuse, using the Bible to further their own agenda---that's spiritual abuse) and he isn't doing anything to stop them. It sounds like he is a product of an abusive home. People who use the "submission" word to control other people are guilty of spiritual abuse. A lot of people believe in mutual submission....I don't want to get off topic but that's something you may want to research yourself. Your husband is doing evil while calling himself a Christian and his parents are supporting him. I would question whether they are even truly Christians. Many people claim to be but really aren't. My advice is to leave. I'm not necessarily advocating divorce but you certainly have grounds for it IMO. Personally, I would leave \
I am in total agreement here. I do NOT know the other side of the story just enough to say, be safe and know that it's not anyone's right to abuse you wether they are your spouse, parents, relatives or whomever!
I live by this saying "whatever you tolerate you allow!!!"
Be courageous, if anyone wants to hurt you do NOT make it easy.
I say, let them kill me running but I'll not hang around seeing how close they'll come. It's too much already.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 6:54:54 PM
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BethAnnaM.
Posts: 13
Joined: 11/1/2007
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I know he is over the hitting- he is receiving council. I just... I'm honestly dreading the rest of my life. I am staying true to my marriage- I just feel like I'm stuck in this rut with his parents, his selfishness, unhappiness on both sides- and I can't get out of it. I am so lost right now, and I know that is not of God at all! And that there should be joy and contentment in my life no matter what with Christ on my side. But that is sooooo hard!
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 7:14:06 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 10936
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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Are you the same person who wrote THIS?
_____________________________
Tricia
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water." ~Unknown
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 7:54:45 PM
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BethAnnaM.
Posts: 13
Joined: 11/1/2007
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Yep, that was me. I couldn't remember my password, but those are me.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 8:09:25 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 586
Joined: 6/9/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BethAnnaM.
I know he is over the hitting- he is receiving council.
BethAnna, you may want to believe that he will not hit again, but you don't and can't know that. And frankly, until an abuser feels true remorse and starts to actively work to change the patterns that lead to abuse, the abuse will continue...and usually escalate.
As long as he doesn't admit fault in his actions, nothing substantial will change.
Whatever you decide about your marriage, Please be very careful not to bring children into this mess.
I'm praying for you.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 8:35:31 PM
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Interceder
Posts: 17
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: Ontario Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: huckfinn327
Greetings BethAnna,
Your husband and his family leave one to question if they truly know the Lord ... you must take care of yourself ... stay close to the Lord ... find a good Bible believing church and share your needs with a good pastor ... you need the support of a good church family at this time. God Bless you for your labors to "honor your marriage" ... Love is kind and Love is wise ... I will pray for you.
Huckfinn ... Baptist pastor
Of course I agree with the pastor. Your in-laws should not be involved in your marriage unless you BOTH ASK them to. You need to be safe and it doesn't seem like that is possible right now.
< Message edited by Interceder -- 11/2/2007 9:16:30 PM >
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 9:57:22 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1184
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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Hi, BethAnnaM. Here are some verses I hope will help you:
quote:
I was a new wife, moving all the way from Montana away from my family, supporting us
He wasn't ready to marry if he couldn't support you. See 1 Tim. 5:8 and what God thinks about that.
quote:
He was getting involved so much in pornography
Matt. 5:28 - he's guilty of adultery in God's eyes. Also Eph. 5:3.
quote:
anger See Gal. 5:20, Eph. 4:31
quote:
and gambling online issues.
He's gambling the money his poor wife is earning?
quote:
he struggled with depression and anger really bad.
He lied to you about his being suitable for marriage. This is fraudulent.
quote:
He was just so mentally abusive, but other times he'd be great.
The typical wife beater builds tension, expodes, beats his wife, then everything is fine for a while and he might even be repentant. Then the cycle starts again. It often escalates.
quote:
He would call me very very very bad names, lie, and he went to a strip club and had relations there with a girl
Out and out adultery. He broke his wedding vows and his covenant with you and God. He broke the seventh Commandment.
More in next post...
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2007 10:26:27 PM >
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 10:06:19 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1184
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
In every way he is wrong, he has a habit of turning it around on me and making it my fault.
He lies. That breaks the ninth Commandment (Ex. 20:16).
quote:
His dad.. is a very quiet man, he expects to be served, he expects his wife to do everything for him.. if his glass is empty, he looks at her until she gets up and gets him more
His mom.. submission is her favorite word. I was going away to a wedding one weekend and she put an end to it by scheduling a family reunion--- because she doesn't think it's right for a wife to ever leave her husband.
So their understanding of God's plan for family is distorted and their understanding of submission is not biblical.
quote:
Well, about the strip club, his mom was accusing me of why he did it. She said "a man only does such a thing if he is not satisfied in bed".
A person who commits adultery is guilty before the Lord. You didn't hold a gun to his head and make him do it.\
quote:
I'm not on any of the bank accounts, I don't have a credit card, and my name was on nothing.
This is typical behavior of a man who doesn't plan to stay married. Go NOW and get a lawyer and fix this before you wind up broke and supporting him the rest of your life. If you are working and he isn't, a divorce judge would say that's your lifestyle and could possibly award him spousal support from you to him. Get a lawyer now.
quote:
His anger raged and he ended up hitting me. I had a black eye.
Did you take a picture of it? Did you call the police? It's good to have a police report so you can get a restraining order if you need it later. It won't stop him but would give the police reason to arrest him if he bothers you.
Please go to next post.
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2007 10:27:17 PM >
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 10:22:42 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1184
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
This wasn't the man I married... at all.
I'm afraid it is. He lied to you about who he is. Fraud and false witness. You could possibly get an annulment because of this.
quote:
His parents called me accusing me of everything. How I forced his anger so much that he did what he did.
Wow. Husband from hades; in-laws from hades. No one can force another person to sin.
quote:
So I ended up filing, but I was so broken and I prayed and prayed and prayed. It didn't go thru, but a couple weeks went by and he came to me with a complete heart change.
This is so typical of wife beaters. They'll repent and beg and then go right back to their old ways. You'll see this over and over. I'd give him five years of living alone to prove he's different. Who knows? God might work in him, but as of now he has major, major sin in his life and he's making excuses why it's OK.
quote:
So I just called my mother in law and started laying things out on the table. How it was not her marriage, our sex life was not her business... and how offended I was that she had called my mom ,
You told her the truth, and you're standing up against their lies. Good for you! It's not wrong to call sin sin.
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We've had counciling.. he just justifies himself.
He's taking no responsibility. At least he's consistant. I want to weep.
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I wake up wondering why I'm trying to make this work. I love him. I do, but it hurts so much.
It's because you loved him and married him in good faith. It's too bad he didn't, but rather has destroyed his marriage. It takes two to be a couple, and he's not there. He has lied and committed adultery. He has not treated you as God says a man should treat his wife.
quote:
He is not the spiritual leader, he could care less about our friends and fellowship now, he's SO selfish
See above. He's *really* consistant.
I'm so sorry, BethAnnaM. You married in good faith, and he commited fraud and adultery and hurt you and didn't support you. You do have legal and biblical grounds for divorce; God hates divorce but doesn't forbid it, and He hates the lifestyle of your husband. Your husband's salvation is in question, based upon all the traits he shows that God says are of the unsaved.
If you leave (and I would have been gone at the first adultery) he's going to beg and plead. Give him years to prove he's "different" - you pick the number. Make it several.
Good thought - you don't have any children yet. If I were you, I'd make sure it stayed that way.
If you leave him, be prepared for his parents to maybe spread vicious rumors about what a lousy Christian you are. People know you and them, and will consider the source.
This is going to hurt. But better a year or two of grieving than a lifetime of being beaten or being dumped and having to support him. God bless you, dear sister; I think you're on to him and he's not going to be able to lie to you anymore. God has a life for you and someday you will rejoice in His goodness at the foot of His throne and everyone will know how He rescued you and blessed you. I am praying for you tonight! (((hugs)))
- Deermousie
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2007 10:29:34 PM >
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 10:33:10 PM
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accntable
Posts: 132
Joined: 6/3/2007
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You have Biblical grounds for divorce. I rarely advise divorce, but in this situation, leaving a life of adultery and wife-abuse BEFORE their are children involved, seems like the lesser of two evils. I don't see anything about your husband that makes me believe he is mature enough or committed enough to be a husband to you. It is questionable whether he and his family are even true believers.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/2/2007 11:05:40 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1097
Joined: 4/29/2005
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The marriage covenant is broken.
He broke it.
You are only pretending it still exists.
Run.
Now.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/3/2007 12:07:11 PM
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BethAnnaM.
Posts: 13
Joined: 11/1/2007
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I had it! I had a lawyer- he filed for me, served my husband.. I paid him $500.00, I had a beautiful home to move into in a beautiful town 6 hours away where my brother lives and it was only going to $300/mo because a Christian gal just wanted company. It was right on the lake. I was moving that week, had it all set, got my business going in there, there was an INCREDIBLE church there as well that I was getting plugged in to, and all I had to do was come back for the hearing. I'm sitting on my couch right now asking myself why I am not there right now. He went to my family (the whole entire family- extended too), his family, his councilor, the pastor, he repented, his xbox was gone, and he wept. He told me he would never, could never do any of that again. He went on for an hour, and believe me- I fell for it. He's been fine since and that was over a month ago- but at the same time he's not. He's just mean. My sister and her family are moving and they need help today. Well, he refuses- he has too much to do. He gets on my every single day about how I don't make enough money. He ended up dropping out of school and starting a carpet cleaning business until he can afford to go to LAW SCHOOL.  But he harps on me every single day about me working. I clean 2 houses a day, and when the work is not there, I can't! But my business is growing, it's just a matter of time when I have that 5 days a week. I'm so frustrated! His mom and I got into it the other night. I'm just shocked about that. I've usually just smiled and done what she wanted me to do, and I'm over it. I'm sick of him still not being a leader, a lover, and a great man. But I'm still trying to focus on myself and be a better person. I just can't find joy in this at all. I'm so lost! It's not like all the sudden I can pack up all my things (again), try to get that place back, call the lawyer and tell him I want to again.. just out of nowhere. 
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/3/2007 4:13:21 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 584
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
It's not like all the sudden I can pack up all my things (again), try to get that place back, call the lawyer and tell him I want to again.. just out of nowhere.
Why not? What's stopping you? And why are you even talking to his mom? (Not saying that in a harsh tone.) If I were you I wouldn't talk to or be around her. She and her husband are evil. What they are doing is evil in the sight of the Lord. So is what you're husband is doing. Couldn't you find a new place to live if the other place isn't available? Whatever you do please be careful not to get pregnant. You don't want to bring a baby into this mess.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/3/2007 4:15:23 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1097
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
It's not like all the sudden I can pack up all my things (again), try to get that place back, call the lawyer and tell him I want to again.. just out of nowhere.
Yes.
You can.
The covenant is already broken, and the harassment is continuing. He has not changed, which proves his repentance false, because repentance is a heart-deep change and can not be faked - not that he seems to be trying very hard even to fake it.
You are married to an abusive man. Most of them are like this - confused and out of control, childish but powerful, but manipulative and sly, using faith and family against you. Don't wait for another incident.
You don't need an 'excuse' to get out... You have a real reason.
If you really won't go now, at least make yourself a plan. Open your own bank account without telling him and begin to put away money for your new life. Contact the apartment's owner and see if anything is still possible. File a police report about the previous incident, even after-the-fact, having the report of a prior incident helps establish you for the next one. Begin to carry important documents like your birth certificate etc. in your purse. Keep your copy of the car keys either on your person or in an unexpected place. Buy a train or bus ticket for your escape and have a schedule of departures handy. Also have family phone numbers handy so when this hits the fan again you can do what needs doing instead of being paralyzed by fear.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/3/2007 4:43:32 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 584
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline
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Pbaribeault, that is excellent advice and words of wisdom.
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RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. - 11/4/2007 12:27:48 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1184
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
He went to my family (the whole entire family- extended too), his family, his councilor, the pastor, he repented, his xbox was gone, and he wept. He told me he would never, could never do any of that again. He went on for an hour, and believe me- I fell for it.
Typical of an abusive husband. If he hits you again then you know you're in for a lifetime of this. Then call the police, take pictures, pack your clothes and take a taxi to the bus station. Call that lawyer back, too.
You want very much to have the happy marriage you signed up for, and the great hope in your heart is that he'll repent and become a godly man. He's repented; now you'll see if he's lying (again) or is letting God change him so you can be happily married. You will soon know how it's going to end, one way or the other. You don't have to stay in a fraudulent marriage; the laws say so and God allows you to leave.
My hugs to you, Sweetheart. You're so young and bearing up under this with strength and wanting God's way. I have tears in my eyes for your pain and confusion. May God comfort you, heal him, and bless you richly.
quote:
He gets on my every single day about how I don't make enough money.
1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
It's not your job to provide for him. For him to demand and harass you about something that's his job is unbiblical and wrong, wrong, wrong. You are not supposed to be an indentured servant or a slave but a cherished and cared for wife. God says his behavior denies the faith and he is worse than an unbeliever. This man has broken covenant and his wedding vows to you. You can stay with him bu | | |
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