RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (Full Version)

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SurpassingPeace -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (12/16/2007 10:11:29 AM)

Please leave before your pregnancy progresses any farther. You will need the support of a loving family in the coming months. Also, a newborn baby is wonderful event that also has a huge amount of stress the first couple of months. My dd is now 8 weeks old. My husband and I have a very loving marriage. During the past months we have both been stretched beyond what we could have imagined. It took the grace of God and our love of each other and family to get through the up to 12 hour crying jags our dd had. It is a crazy time. You are both exhausted, she is inconsolable, and you feel like you have no clue what you are doing. This situation could very well prove tragic with a man who has a habit of selfishness and violence.

You are no longer just you. You are now living for and protecting your child. Soon you will feel that child within and know you are not alone. The welfare of that unborn baby must be your first priority. Your baby needs you to make the right decisions about your safety and welfare.

I am praying for you.



mbgb -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (12/22/2007 4:48:27 PM)

I feel for you and will pray for you and your situation. I am by far no saint, but whatever I can do in prayer, I will try. I truly am heartbroken for your situation. I can tell you, that I do believe that you need to find the strength to leave and be able to stay somewhere safe. I am doing that right now. My husband slapped me, and it is hard to stay away, but I have to stay strong and know that I am not worth that. The fact that he gave you a black eye is just too far over the line. Period. I pray that God will be with you and close to you through this trial. I pray that God will work through you and fight for you because He loves you. He does love you. I just found this neat site from people here, called Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Do a search for it on Google. There are amazing testimonies, and it seems to be very positive for many people who are in the midst of divorce and separation.

I pray as I type:
Dear Lord,
Please be wtih Bethann. I know that when we are down, that it is still good for us to pray for others with the strength we have. It brings us closer to you. And hopefully it will bring their name to you. Lord, you are our only hope. Please be close to Bethann during this troubling time. Please help her stay confident and reassured in her decisions to remain healthy and safe even if it means she has to leave her husband. I am not sure about Divorce, but I know in the Bible it says that you may leave your husband temporarily if it means getting closer to You again Lord. Please protect that baby as well. Let her be strong, Lord, and help her to ignore Satan's desire to influence her marraige anymore. Help her to concentrate only on You now, and please keep her husband from harming her anymore, if it is all in your will, in Jesus name. Amen.

People do care for you, Bethann, find a safe haven and a lot of support.



BethAnnaM. -> Wow. Attack? (1/26/2008 11:18:05 PM)

I have not been on in awhile, but thank you to all who have replied to all my posts. I can't even begin to tell how things went from bad.. to worse now. Well, I started my own cleaning business about a year ago, and decided to do a partnership with a gal from my church. She turned into a really good friend and we got a lot of houses done together per day. She has been training in the counciling program at church, so she sat in on some of my sessions about my husband and I. Oh gosh.
Well, as everyone knows, I found out I was pregnant, and couldn't be more happy! Except for the fact of my husband hating it from the start and refusing it. I miscarried two days before Christmas. He then, got laid off from work. The girl I was working with thought I had too many problems..... and told me to start helping myself- she took all my clients.. and supplies. There, we both sat, without jobs, no money, right after Christmas (we spent what we could for everyone), no baby, and then... my parents. My dad got into some huge medication that has messed with him so much. He left my mom. My Christian, most loving father.. the man who was everything to me in life.. my fan, my hero, my dad. He had the strongest walk, he loved the Lord...... and he left. Why??????? Honestly.. if anything couldn't get worse.
Well, now.. of course my husband goes off on his....... ways. Here we go again. Every time I think it is worse than the last. This time, he didn't hit me, he just said he wanted me dead. Well, and A LOT of horrible awful things that I will NEVER repeat. How can a man.. say that to his wife? I don't understand. He told me he's done, he never wants to see me again, and that from the moment he married me, his life has been nothing- that he "did not love me anymore." All I could ask was "why?" "what did I do?" "what can I do, I love you!" He then walked out and told me he wants me gone. :( Does that not hurt more than anything? I can't even describe.. So, I find myself digging into my Bible and just praying for God to show me the way.
Here is my next question. Because of my parents and what they are going through, the last place I want to be is my house. I have no money.. at all.. none (of course I'm still not on our bank accounts and have no access), and no where to go. My friend... she is married, they are a Christian couple, invited me into their home for a few months until I can get on my feet with my jobs and whatever happens with my husband. Here's the thing....... they already have a guy living with them. He is very nice, I know that it would be completely innocent.... and the rooms are on opposite sides. Would that be wrong? I would have my own bathroom, and I also would be working two jobs from early until late at night. Is this bad? What else could I do? I am so..... frustrated... upset, confused. I don't dare ask "what else could happen". Thank you for all your prayers and follow up on my posts. I know everything is so jumbled and my life is a mess, but thank you for your support.



SkillfullGourmet -> RE: Wow. Attack? (1/26/2008 11:43:56 PM)

I know this is dramatic and I can be a bit of a dramatic person, but it's because I desperately want to live a life that I don't look back on with regret and I suspect you feel the same way about your life. Sometimes it's really hard to do the things that will, in the end, be the best.


If I were you I would live with your friend (and no, I do not think that would be a sinful living arrangement unless you found yourself struggling with attraction to him) until you save up some money. I would consider applying to colleges FAR AWAY for next fall. If not a college, then some other area of study or work that you feel passionate about. And I would move. And not tell your husband where you're going. I would cut ties completely no matter how much it hurt. Because it will probably hurt -- but it will only hurt for a little while. If you stay with him, you're in for a LIFETIME of needless hurt. You deserve more than that.

Edit to add: I did go to college with absolutely no money to start with and no help from my parents or anyone else. I have some student loans but it was VERY worth it.



BethAnnaM. -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (1/27/2008 12:03:26 AM)

That will be... so hard. I'm sitting in our house right now.. looking around.. my home. All of my things, the coziness, the decorations.... our home. It hurts me so much to think of being away from him. I do love him SO much, but it is so painful. He said those things to my face.. so many times and said how much he meant them. The "loving" husband I married. What happened? I don't want to be away from him.. I want him to change, and I want him to love me. I want to be his wife, and I want him to cherish me. I have bent over backwards for him, and nothing I do is right. Home cooked meals every night, a clean house, a hard working wife, I show him my love- everywhere possible................... where am I going wrong?!?!?!?! I sit with my councilor almost every day wondering that same question and trying to focus on myself. I just can't do anything right. I decided moving out tomorrow would be best... focusing on my jobs and trusting God, and then moving the 6 hours away where I planned before I married my husband. I have awesome family there, and there is an amazing church. Does this sound ok? Being confused is not from God- I know that... but I can't make the steps I need to make right now...... EITHER WAY. If I stay with my husband, it hurts more than anything-- and I can't bring a baby into this again........... if I leave him, it hurts! I don't want to leave my husband, but at the same time....



GregandJenny -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (1/27/2008 12:14:23 PM)

I am praying for you Beth. God is with you. Sometimes you might not feel Him but He is there. when praying about your situation and thinking about it God reminded me of this scripture as a reminder to you:

Isaiah 43:1-2
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

I will continue to pray for you and your husband. God's blessings and assurance on you at this time.
Greg



faithbnntt -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (1/29/2008 1:45:32 AM)

Hi Bethanna, I am sorry for what you are going through. Try to remember there is always someone in worse shape. The Bible says if the spouse defiles the bed then you can divorce. if he han't defiled the bed then all you are ale to do based on scripture is seperate. The Bible says these kind only come out by fasting and praying. I will fast and pray with you, if you need me to. i'm here for the Lord's use, email me if you need prayer or support, or just want to talk. I'm sending a prayer right now... Gd bless you!



BethAnnaM. -> What do I do?! (2/6/2008 4:34:35 PM)

He has nailed me twice in the last week. He decided (with money we DON'T have) to put a couple hundred online to play poker, to by a portable playstation, (pokemon was the game he bought for it.. that was a couple hundred.. we didn't have money to pay rent, we have 2 car payments, this year's insurance just kicked in and we have to pay the full amount, he quit his senior year of school, so now student loans kicked in, he snapped my cell phone and shattered it, now i have no phone but have to keep paying it.... our credit card is maxed out-we have that payment, insurance for his business that's not paying for itself right now- along with its loan- he spent a lot of money, now is accusing me that i don't work hard enough- i work day and night! he doesn't have a job, yet gets on me for not having enough. anyway, last week he had been sitting there with his pokemon ALL day while i was working nonstop. i told him to please not let that get in the way and to maybe find a job.... or even a different hobby for that matter. oops. i took it from him and asked him if that's what is causing his anger problem.. he then took my phone and broke it in half. then came at me. he kicked me out, told me to get out of his sight, but i refused. i had his parents come over that night to talk it out, and he was fine after that. THEN. yesterday he was doing it again.. i told him to please stop and started to head out the door for work when he took my keys and got infront of me. he "needs all my money, right now".. i turned around, got my spare key, and tried walking out the door again. he pushed me away, really hard. i said "i really don't trust you right now, i may need to call the cops.." he said "go ahead, you don't have a phone" so the neighbor below me is our age, goes to our church, and she's really nice. so when he started coming at me again, i screamed her name as loud as i could. that's when he pinned me against the wall with his hand pressing my face REALLY hard and i thought i was going to pass out. he told me to shut up and started yelling.. then threw me and started throwing things hard against the wall. i quickly ran out the door to work. :( im afraid of him now! at first, i was fearless.. but now i have bruises on my face even. today he walked over to me on the couch and started chewing me out and told me to give him all my money and started going off on every bill.. and how it was my fault we were in this. the reason why i won't give him my $30 dollars is because im not on ANY of his bank accounts. i dont have a checkbook, a credit card- nothing. i have no say. our whole marriage i have worked and given him the check. he might give me a little here and there.. but how do i know one of these days he really will kick me out.. and i would have nothing. that's what im afraid of. i feel like i need to keep it. i filed for divorce before, after the men's club and he had given me a black eye---- but when he started getting help and did what he could, i stopped it. now...... after there is no baby involved and after he's been getting really physical and saying horrible things again........... but i just dont know if i can! biblically i THINK i have the grounds for it.. he has been at men clubs and and looking at porn countless times, but i had forgiven him. he made the comment today "what are you going to do, not give me money, strip me from all mine, then leave?" when he is the one that has been kicking me out this whole time. now its all my fault. i would really really really appreciate some advise right now. im finally fed up. my parents are gone right now, all my friends are gone (thanks to him)... i literally have NO where to go.



Hislittleone -> RE: What do I do?! (2/6/2008 10:40:00 PM)

quote:

biblically i THINK i have the grounds for it..


Here are some Biblical reasons you have to leave your husband.

1) He physically assaults you. God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved/loves the Church. He also commands them to love their wives as they would their own bodies (your husband doesn’t give himself bruises and black eyes does he?). Your husband is breaking these commands.

2) He regularly commits adultery. Looking at porn, going to strip clubs and even looking at fully clothed women lustfully is the same as commiting physical adultery. Jesus said so.

3) He doesn’t provide for his family (you). The Bible says that a man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

4) From the way he acts I would seriously doubt that he is a follower of Jesus Christ. The Bible says that if an unbelieving spouse wants to depart we (believers) should let them go. So when your husband kicks you out say “okay”. Then grab your purse and keys and leave.

If you don’t leave soon you will end up in the hospital or the morgue. What if you get pregnant again? Do you really want to do that to a baby? With the stress of a pregnancy and new baby your husband is likely to become even more abusive. What kind of father do you think he would make? I doubt he’d be a good one. He may even become physically and verbally abusive with your children. Is that the kind of life you want?

Do whatever you need to do in order to leave. You have a job so you can support yourself. If you have no where to stay go to a women’s shelter. Couldn’t you stay with your parents? From what I remember they are loving, Christian parents. Or go to your pastor for help (Unless he is close to your husband’s parents. If that is the case you shouldn’t seek help from the church you go to). By the way, if you have bruises you should go to the police department and tell them you want to file a report. Then get a restraining order. Your husband is dangerous. Leave, you have no reason to stay. I know it’s scary to think about being on your own but I know you can do it. You had it all planned out before so I know you can do it again. You’re smart and strong. You can do this.



hnt -> RE: What do I do?! (2/7/2008 1:29:30 AM)

Please you must act...and act NOW! I plead with you! You can't stay any longer. YOu must think outside the box, and remember you have a child that you must think of also.

Go to police and get a restraining order. Keep him away, and if his parents are in denial of his actions.........you must keep that in mind. You will grow stronger as you realize this, and I know this is a very scarey position you are in.

For a while you must think of you FIRST with that baby in tow, and you must allow him the consquences of his actions. He has gone beyond the line of what is acceptable - no matter what he feels or YOU feel you might have done. His behavior is unacceptable and down right dangerous! In your state of mind you must cut off all contact with him. Allow others to do this for you, and you must take a break for your own mental health. Remember hormones, etc can play tricks on you. He will whine and cry but your must have a STRONG support system at this stage! If your folks can't handle the job find some parties that can. The stress on your body can cause harm that he is not thinking about right now. He is NOT entitled to money or anything else. Allow his folks to carry that burden for him. People do NOT get this way from a bad marriage! People do not act this way overnight. Think of the baby first, and if you don't think you can get the proper protection........call the local domestic violence shelter. They are armed for this type of issue. The everyday JOE is NOT! Please call them no matter which avenue to turn to!

Its okay to admit you are scared beyond belief, and you don't know what to do.....allow others you trust to lead you. You will get stronger, and I fear that both of you are NOT within the realm to do so by yourself. There is no shame in this, and you will grow beyond this. Please ask yourself if your child was in this position what you have them do? THEN do it for yourself and for them!

No one - no matter how bad - deserves to be treated like this.



Hislittleone -> RE: What do I do?! (2/7/2008 2:13:22 AM)

hnt, you must have missed this.

quote:

I miscarried two days before Christmas.


Bethana, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I just reread a couple of your last posts and saw what was happening with your parents. Couldn't you still go stay with your mom until you can get on your feet? I know it wouldn't be ideal because of what's going on with them but it's better than where you're at right now by far. Or couldn't you stay with your friend and her husband? I think it would be okay even with the other man staying with them. It's not like you'd be moving in with just another single man. You'd be living with a family.

And hnt was right, no one deserves to be treated this way. No matter what you do or say to him your husband does not have the right to put his hands on you.....ever. Period.



hnt -> RE: What do I do?! (2/7/2008 8:13:22 AM)

You are correct - I did miss it. Sorry about that. I was late last night when I read this. My apologies.



ta_mosquito -> RE: What do I do?! (2/7/2008 9:19:56 AM)

Get Out.



laura... -> RE: What do I do?! (2/7/2008 9:50:41 AM)

quote:

i literally have NO where to go.


You don't have to go anywhere. File charges against him for domestic violence. Have him arrested. Get a restraining order. He goes. You stay.



BethAnnaM. -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/7/2008 2:14:54 PM)

I NEED to make myself do it. I understand I need to get out, but at the same time I'm so against divorce! I'm in love with the person I knew at the very beginning, and am stuck on that hoping he will come around. He took my keys away, so I had to walk the mile to work in FREEZING cold (this is MT) and I didn't get off work until midnight, and had to walk back-- coming home to the door being locked. *he finally let me in. THEN he came into bed later thinking I was sleeping, and snuggled me. It tears me up inside SO much. Yes, I can live with my parents- the only thing is they live 30 miles away from where I work, I'd rather just stay in the city I'm in right now so I don't have to drive the roads. What I am really praying for is a Christian couple/family that will take me in and that I can pay a couple hundred for rent so that I can get on my feet. The couple I wrote about in my previous posts will be fine, but my last resort (which is almost where I'm at now). Please just pray that I can get myself to do this. I'm so caught up in who he was, then wanting to be hurt with who he could be again.

quote:


Bethana, I'm so sorry for your loss.


Thank you. I have come to the understanding that it was meant to be. It's only when he uses it against me and says things about it that it stings a little. But surprisingly, I'm okay with it.



BethAnnaM. -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/7/2008 3:31:50 PM)

I am leaving him. Today. Please pray.



Hislittleone -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/7/2008 5:00:39 PM)

BethAnna, I'm proud of you for doing this. You're going to be just fine. I truly believe that God does not want you to continue living with this man. You love him and it's hard to let go. I understand that. But the man that you THOUGHT he was when you got married is not the man that he REALLY is. It was an illusion. Once you get out and are living on your own for a while I think your head will start to clear. You probably shouldn't have any contact with him once you leave. It'll just mess with your head if you stay in touch with him.

I'll be praying for you. Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.



gatorfan87 -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/7/2008 11:27:38 PM)

Bethanna,
Good for you! Remember...if I could do it, you can do it!! :) Although I know you will be in constant prayer, it is also important to surround yourself with a great support system. Another thing that was extremely helpful to me was to journal my thoughts and prayers. I would write down my prayer requests, and then note when and how they were answered. That way, when I got down and doubted God, I could go back and see how much he had been working in my life.

I prayed for my husband a lot, and hoped that he would change and want a reconciliation. But he never did. Even years later, I thought that one day he may call me up and apologize for what he did, but he hasn't.

As I told you in my pm, my life now is exceedlingly better now than it was with him. I have been so blessed by the Lord, and now I have a great testimony about how God will walk with you through the trials, and truly does work everything for your good!



pbaribeault -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/8/2008 11:13:06 AM)

I hope you have been successful. I praise God for giving you strength.

Please understand that Domestic Violence is a widespread problem and nearly every city has a support system in place, usually including places to stay and counseling -- over and above police intervention... Because what he is doing is a crime.

Here is the website for Montana.

>> Montana Domestic Violence Page <<

You need real life help, and you are not alone. Make some calls.



Karaboo2 -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/8/2008 11:47:39 AM)

I have just today found this thread and have been reading it in its entirety.

BethAnna ... heed the advice of all of these people and LEAVE!!! You said in your last post that you were going to leave, but PLEASE make sure you do it!

I am speaking from an experience which (hopefully) no one on this board has ever endured. My mother 'loved' my highly abusive father. He ended up murdering her when she wa 9 months pregnant. I was two at the time. I ended up being raised by my maternal grandmother and her brother (my mother's uncle).

She had already left once and gone to a safe place. He 'repented' and convinced her that he had changed, etc. Within 6 months she was dead.

I'm not saying this is what will happen to you, but please beware ...



BethAnnaM. -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/9/2008 1:01:17 AM)

My things are packed, I just took a hot bath, I'm going to get a good night's sleep, apply for a second job tomorrow, and be out of the house Sunday. I had a friend in highschool, a very sweet friend. She left for the Navy right after we all graduated and I had not talked to her since (4 years ago)- she got in touch with me today-- we had coffee-- she is living with her parents right now in a home they just built, and in about a month or two when she gets on her feet, she is moving out. She talked to her parents, and they have decided to take me in!!!!! What an answer to prayer!!!! As soon as we both are ready, we are finding a place together.. which my cousin- hers is going to come available March 27th because she just bought a place. Perfect. Thank you for all your prayers. I'm not leaning towards divorce right now, but a long separation until he GETS help from the church- until the pastor lets him 'date' me later on. If he refuses, yes... it's done. There is one minor issue........................................................ I'm feeling very.. pregnant right now. again. I have this gut feeling and I am literally just exhausted. After being pregnant and losing it, I have felt such an emptiness and loss-- but I just may be again! It's scary, but I know everything would be okay and I WILL make it through with or without him! I think I will take a blood test tomorrow to find out for sure. Who knows, maybe my body is just going through things. Thanks for all your prayers in this- we'll see where all this takes me. Please keep praying that I can find the strength. I'm okay one minute, then the next I'm an emotional wreck.



mbgb -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/12/2008 10:03:50 PM)

BethAnn,
PLEASE LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! You are convincing yourself to stay when you don't even have to. NO ONE, not even GOD wants you to stay in this house. You WILL be OK!! I PROMISE. I am telling you as a sister in Christ and as a friend who you've never seen in person, but I am about to call the cops on your husband. This is ridiculous! I am so sorry to be so harsh, I am not meaning to be, but I cannot imagine why on Earth you are still there. Trust me, I know it is hard, but you are not the first to do this, others have made it.

You say you are worried that your husband is going to kick you out on the street without any money? That's if you're lucky, it sounds like he may want to kill you one day! He told you he wanted you DEAD, and leaves you with bruises? If you were reading your posts, you'd tell the person writing to get out.

Worry about the consequences of your actions later, I know you are scared and maybe many other emotions, but I promise you will be okay. If you don't have a friend, I can come pick you up and you can come live with me in SC. There are also many women's shelters that are completely secretive and no one will ever know where you are staying, you'll be safe. PLEASE, if you've ever done anything for anyone else in your life, PLEASE LEAVE for your friends on this site! We hate to hear of this happening to you. You are not alone, and you can contact me privately if you just want to talk. If anything at all, I can at least support you as much as possible. Please take care of yourself and maybe that baby. Your baby will appreciate you getting out of that situation.

God bless you and I am praying for you!



preachervern -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/12/2008 10:19:55 PM)

BethAnn, I am here for you if need. My daughter was in your shoes at one time and I know what you are going through, but just like everyone here is saying you need to leave ASAP. I recall telling my daughter the same thing but she would not leave, untill one night I got a call that he had came very close to killing her while her son watch. He had beat her face in to were you could not have known her. So BethAnn LEAVE, move on God will take care of you and we all here will be praying for you. PM me if you like and I will do what ever I can.



TMeeks -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/12/2008 11:31:30 PM)

Your husband belongs in jail and you belong anywhere but there.

The minute he struck you he committed a crime and showed that he is a very dangerous person to be around.

We're really not talking about tomorrow. We're urging you to leave NOW and go to a shelter if you have to. Surely, your pastor is interested in protecting you from this violatile situation.



momma07 -> RE: All I can say is.. I'm in need of prayer. (2/15/2008 3:12:42 PM)

Beth,

Please leave now if you haven't...If you are pregnant that is even more reason for you to leave. The fact that he took your keys away, wouldn't let you leave, broke your phone. The situation is escalating and many times the end result is just tooo horrible to think about. Put the love you have for him aside for a minute (for this is love that seems misguided) and think about your safety. Love yourself more right now!



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