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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/15/2008 11:10:08 PM
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devinevessel
Posts: 229
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lightshineon
About hair, it is true white people do not know much about how to fix, and other issues. I had so great black girlfriends when I was young, and yes they could fix my straight blonde hair very, very well. They were curious about the texture and would feel it, talk about it being silky, ask me questions about how I took care of it. That did not offend me. They were my friends. Once they spent the night, Both were on either side of me, and I was in the middle. They said " We are an "oreo cookie" we all laughed very hard. Point is we are curious about differences, and to be offended is short-sighted on any ethnic groups behalf. I mean come on. Btw, these friends could french braid my hair like no one else.
Being curious is one thing but to be put on the spot in front of a group of people is another thing. That is what bothers me.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/16/2008 1:10:13 AM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3476
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I can understand that. That was not right.
quote:
ORIGINAL: devinevessel
quote:
ORIGINAL: lightshineon
About hair, it is true white people do not know much about how to fix, and other issues. I had so great black girlfriends when I was young, and yes they could fix my straight blonde hair very, very well. They were curious about the texture and would feel it, talk about it being silky, ask me questions about how I took care of it. That did not offend me. They were my friends. Once they spent the night, Both were on either side of me, and I was in the middle. They said " We are an "oreo cookie" we all laughed very hard. Point is we are curious about differences, and to be offended is short-sighted on any ethnic groups behalf. I mean come on. Btw, these friends could french braid my hair like no one else.
Being curious is one thing but to be put on the spot in front of a group of people is another thing. That is what bothers me.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/19/2008 9:39:14 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 329
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The main "hair" trouble in my family is that since we all have long hair, people want to touch it. My boys especially have problems with other people wanting to touch their hair. In our culture it is not permitted for strangers or anyone other than close family to touch a person's hair. If a man is married only his wife touches his hair, and for a woman, only her husband touches her hair.
It is an insult and a violation of personal space for a person to just walk up and touch my hair or clothes. I know that sounds very unfriendly, but Native people have very strong protocols in our traditional cultures involving how we interact with others. Friends and family are very close and affectionate, but strangers and acquaintenances are treated with a respectful distance. When I am in regalia it isn't a Halloween costume, just like someone in full-dress kilt isn't out going trick-or-treat either. My hair and attire are a part of my cultural identity and no matter how wonderful/colorful/strange/etc it looks, it isn't a show-n-tell project.
It has been my observation that a great deal of the difficulties we have between the races/ethnicities is not just ignorance but a lack of knowledge on how to be respectful... you know, basic manners. I wish more folks would check out a book on ettiquette- learning some formal manners could only improve a person.
The other thing that would greatly improve relations between ALL folks would be for all of us to think carefully before we speak or act. It would behoove us all to temper our words and actions by considering how they will be perceived and what consequences could follow. If I stop to think, "Will what I say or do be of good use or will it cause harm?" how much more likely will I be to not say or do something stupid/hurtful? If I think before I speak or act, how much more pleasant can I make life for those I come into contact each with each day?
Or as Jesus himself put it, "Treat others as you would have others treat you." Simple concept, and it has been proven to work wonderfully well.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/19/2008 9:53:38 PM
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zmanfan38
Posts: 9222
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: ...for it's root, root, root for the CUBBIES!!!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PaleHawkWoman
The other thing that would greatly improve relations between ALL folks would be for all of us to think carefully before we speak or act. It would behoove us all to temper our words and actions by considering how they will be perceived and what consequences could follow. If I stop to think, "Will what I say or do be of good use or will it cause harm?" how much more likely will I be to not say or do something stupid/hurtful? If I think before I speak or act, how much more pleasant can I make life for those I come into contact each with each day?
Or as Jesus himself put it, "Treat others as you would have others treat you." Simple concept, and it has been proven to work wonderfully well.
I love how you put that...words that I try to live by every day in every situation.
_____________________________
«Christi»
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/20/2008 5:22:00 PM
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devinevessel
Posts: 229
Joined: 8/28/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PaleHawkWoman
The main "hair" trouble in my family is that since we all have long hair, people want to touch it. My boys especially have problems with other people wanting to touch their hair. In our culture it is not permitted for strangers or anyone other than close family to touch a person's hair. If a man is married only his wife touches his hair, and for a woman, only her husband touches her hair.
It is an insult and a violation of personal space for a person to just walk up and touch my hair or clothes. I know that sounds very unfriendly, but Native people have very strong protocols in our traditional cultures involving how we interact with others. Friends and family are very close and affectionate, but strangers and acquaintenances are treated with a respectful distance. When I am in regalia it isn't a Halloween costume, just like someone in full-dress kilt isn't out going trick-or-treat either. My hair and attire are a part of my cultural identity and no matter how wonderful/colorful/strange/etc it looks, it isn't a show-n-tell project.
It has been my observation that a great deal of the difficulties we have between the races/ethnicities is not just ignorance but a lack of knowledge on how to be respectful... you know, basic manners. I wish more folks would check out a book on ettiquette- learning some formal manners could only improve a person.
The other thing that would greatly improve relations between ALL folks would be for all of us to think carefully before we speak or act. It would behoove us all to temper our words and actions by considering how they will be perceived and what consequences could follow. If I stop to think, "Will what I say or do be of good use or will it cause harm?" how much more likely will I be to not say or do something stupid/hurtful? If I think before I speak or act, how much more pleasant can I make life for those I come into contact each with each day?
Or as Jesus himself put it, "Treat others as you would have others treat you." Simple concept, and it has been proven to work wonderfully well.
Thanks for the post. I have truly learned something.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/20/2008 9:12:39 PM
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lexie
Posts: 3180
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
really got tired of the comments about how our children would have issues, and how I couldn't take care of their hair, that kind of thing
I was saying to Dh tonight that I am so tired of these sort of comments. Everyone keeps telling me where I should go to get my daughter's hair done. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm not going to be able to comb her hair (I was complaining about this while I was combing her hair).
My MIL said to me "I'm sorry to tell you Lexie that Akeelah is going to be pretty dark and she won't really look like you." Umm...yeah thanks. I think I figured out when I married a black man that my daughter may not like my blonde haired, blue eyed self. And why should I be upset about that?
quote:
They said " We are an "oreo cookie" we all laughed very hard. Point is we are curious about differences, and to be offended is short-sighted on any ethnic groups behalf.
Growing up I had friends of every ethnic group. We made all the comments, including the oreo cookie comments and we laughed our heads off. But we were friends. We weren't strangers. There is a huge difference and it is offensive to me when strangers play with my daughter's hair as if it is some novelty to touch and ask me if she is my daughter because our hair is different. Some strangers are very polite in asking questions and I don't mind answering them, but some people lack class and tact.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/22/2008 6:48:20 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3476
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Well of course, it ws between friends, my AAF said oreo it was not me. I loved it when they did my hair, played with it, fixed it. I am not good with hair, and they were. Have you ever had someone play with your hair, and t felt good? I know that sounds funny, but true. I know a woman came up which I felt was invasive, while I was in the chair at the beauty shop, She liked my hair, pulled it up roughly, acting like I was not there, talking to my hair dresser. I am honered she said my hair was beautiful, but, it was her actions like I was a blonde head sitting there. It happens to us all, not any ethnic group in a vacum or well, let me say it happened to very blonde haired me. My husband shaves his head, and everyone rubs it, he does not care though, men are like that usually.
quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
quote:
really got tired of the comments about how our children would have issues, and how I couldn't take care of their hair, that kind of thing
I was saying to Dh tonight that I am so tired of these sort of comments. Everyone keeps telling me where I should go to get my daughter's hair done. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm not going to be able to comb her hair (I was complaining about this while I was combing her hair).
My MIL said to me "I'm sorry to tell you Lexie that Akeelah is going to be pretty dark and she won't really look like you." Umm...yeah thanks. I think I figured out when I married a black man that my daughter may not like my blonde haired, blue eyed self. And why should I be upset about that?
quote:
They said " We are an "oreo cookie" we all laughed very hard. Point is we are curious about differences, and to be offended is short-sighted on any ethnic groups behalf.
Growing up I had friends of every ethnic group. We made all the comments, including the oreo cookie comments and we laughed our heads off. But we were friends. We weren't strangers. There is a huge difference and it is offensive to me when strangers play with my daughter's hair as if it is some novelty to touch and ask me if she is my daughter because our hair is different. Some strangers are very polite in asking questions and I don't mind answering them, but some people lack class and tact.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/23/2008 12:18:07 AM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 329
Joined: 7/14/2005
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Usually I'm only offended when someone is being purposefully ignorant- I have no tolerance for "male bovine stuff" and people who choose to be ignorant make me mad enough to spit nails. I can handle someone who is ignorant because they just don't know, and if someone is willing to talk about things, I am fairly gracious.
If folks can talk honestly about differences they have, they can usually reach common ground and work from there. Unfortunately some people don't realize they are ignorant, others are afraid to admit they're ignorant, and some folks are actually so afraid of learning something new they'd rather be ignorant. We each have to be honest enough with ourselves and each other to admit what we do or don't know for discourse to have any good effect. We also have to be prepared for those bumps and snags that are sure to happen while people navigate such delicate and volatile subjects. We have to listen, ponder, and digest what we hear from others, and doing this des require a great deal of compare/contrast with our own selves in order to internalize and personalize what we learn from others.
Leaning about other people makes one ever so much more aware of their own self.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/23/2008 8:52:46 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6309
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PaleHawkWoman
The main "hair" trouble in my family is that since we all have long hair, people want to touch it. My boys especially have problems with other people wanting to touch their hair. In our culture it is not permitted for strangers or anyone other than close family to touch a person's hair. If a man is married only his wife touches his hair, and for a woman, only her husband touches her hair.
It is an insult and a violation of personal space for a person to just walk up and touch my hair or clothes. I know that sounds very unfriendly, but Native people have very strong protocols in our traditional cultures involving how we interact with others. Friends and family are very close and affectionate, but strangers and acquaintenances are treated with a respectful distance. When I am in regalia it isn't a Halloween costume, just like someone in full-dress kilt isn't out going trick-or-treat either. My hair and attire are a part of my cultural identity and no matter how wonderful/colorful/strange/etc it looks, it isn't a show-n-tell project.
It has been my observation that a great deal of the difficulties we have between the races/ethnicities is not just ignorance but a lack of knowledge on how to be respectful... you know, basic manners. I wish more folks would check out a book on ettiquette- learning some formal manners could only improve a person.
The other thing that would greatly improve relations between ALL folks would be for all of us to think carefully before we speak or act. It would behoove us all to temper our words and actions by considering how they will be perceived and what consequences could follow. If I stop to think, "Will what I say or do be of good use or will it cause harm?" how much more likely will I be to not say or do something stupid/hurtful? If I think before I speak or act, how much more pleasant can I make life for those I come into contact each with each day?
Or as Jesus himself put it, "Treat others as you would have others treat you." Simple concept, and it has been proven to work wonderfully well.
Oh my! The only time I've ever touched anyone's hair outside of my family was when I was in Cosmetology school.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/23/2008 10:06:22 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3476
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Well even if ,someone is ignorant and knows it, we should let it go, because there are so many ignorant folk out there, we would live in offense every minute. Going to wal-mart today reminded me of that. Our lights shine most when our fuse is blown, and we do not react in the expected way. No matter what ethnic group, hair color, customs , shaved heads, long hair, blonde hair Whatever. Remember we are Christians first, all the other things second. Jesus ment it when he said turn the other cheek.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/24/2008 1:24:31 PM
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DaveW
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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My wife is white but has worked in a primarily AA salon. They did not teach her about other ethnicity's unique hair needs in cosmetology school but she learned fast.
I think it is absolutely wonderful how diverse God made us all.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/24/2008 10:07:11 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3476
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Well you are exteamly beautiful, I am sorry if people behaved like a donkey ( another word, but cannot say) ashy and greasy, I have never even considered that as a thought, maybe people just have too much time on their hands.
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21
I don't mind ignorance. I mean, it's hard to find out information unless you ask it of a person...or a computer I suppose. What I mind is the 'gross' attitude I get from some people. I know some Caucasians may need to use hair grease or get ashy, but not any that I know. I don't like when people of other races say it's gross to have greasy hair (purposefully), or it's a shame that black people can't grow long hair (cause I guess the longer the hair, the more beautiful it is  ), or that we might get ashy. I think that's very rude. If someone turned it around on them, I know they wouldn't like it.
Inquiring because you don't know is one thing, but it can become quite distasteful when people have a messed up way of looking at.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/26/2008 8:52:21 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2773
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From: just north of Florida
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I've recently been fussing (nicely) at my drama students not to lean on the black curtains at the back of the stage. We will eventually get a dark stain across them where the hair oils will rub off. I told them that goes for the blonde children as well, not just the black kids who use the grease (i find it odd that they use that term) to keep their hair soft. Blonde hair will stain the curtain, too. The kids have been good about not leaning on the curtains, btw.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2008 1:23:06 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3526
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
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People who have been raised around many different cultures and races probably don't understand those who did not have those experiences.
Its not an excuse to be racist, no way, but sometimes curiosity ir poorly formed sentences can result when new situations are faced by inexperienced people.
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You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2008 1:31:42 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6309
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
People who have been raised around many different cultures and races probably don't understand those who did not have those experiences.
Its not an excuse to be racist, no way, but sometimes curiosity ir poorly formed sentences can result when new situations are faced by inexperienced people.
Very true.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2008 1:55:58 PM
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1withHim
Posts: 24
Joined: 1/9/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
If Dr. King was serious when he spoke those words, I would imagine he is very sad over the present situation.
Thanks
RC
peace in Jesus,
I have concerns with your choosing of the word "if". Would you care to elaborate?
_____________________________
Boast not that you know the LORD but rather, make absolutely sure...the LORD knows you. Matthew 7:23.
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2008 4:43:53 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5250
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1withHim
quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
If Dr. King was serious when he spoke those words, I would imagine he is very sad over the present situation.
peace in Jesus,
I have concerns with your choosing of the word "if". Would you care to elaborate?
I don't know if he was serious or not, which is why I said If.
I presume he was, but folks say a lot of things for position that they are not serious about.
And if he was serious, how come none of his follwoers seem to strive for the "Not by the color of their skin" thingy.
Thanks
RC
edited for quote correction
< Message edited by rcjames -- 1/28/2008 5:03:26 PM >
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RE: A Matter of Color... Skin Color - One Stop Thread - 1/28/2008 9:09:11 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 329
Joined: 7/14/2005
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I think it is easier to focus on differences because they are mostly external- skin, hair, dress, speech, and so on. Similarities are almost always intrinsic and thus harder to see or hear.
Humans gravitate towards what is easier.
I wonder if God gets a headache from all this stuff.
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I answered in the affirmative and he said "Well, you should no we are not at all racist". Good to know. 
It didn't bother me at all because he was just being open and inquisitive, and I know that the more conservative groups have pretty much no exposure to the current PC way of referring to different groups. 
But again, I could hardly be offended. She didn't know any better.
