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ORIGINAL: SonInMe1

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it had a good effect.

In the beginning of AA it did have a beneficial effect...even though basically it was just as prejudicial as the previous systems. People needed to be intergrated and this was one way.

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21

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ORIGINAL: devinevessel

I can't believe people will ask such questions. Wait a minute. Yes I can. As an African-American I do get asked silly questions: "Why doesn't black people's hair grow?" or "Do black people sleep on their hands so their heads don't hit the pillow as to not mess up their hair?" or "How often do you wash your hair" and my personal favorite "Since dark colors attract heat aren't you warmer than the rest of us?"

It really makes me upset when in church people make assumptions about me because of the color of my skin. Thankfully it hasn't happen too much at church.

Oh yes, the hair questions are the best, aren't they? One of my friends asked me why black people get weave (she was speaking of Tiffany Pollard from I Love New York), then when I told her that a black woman can let her hair grow and NEVER cut it in her life and it STILL probably won't get past her neck or shoulders, she looked dumbfounded. Her hair can grow down to her behind in a few months; black women can rarely do that in a lifetime. Other black women think my hair's fake now just because it's a little past my shoulders. She is (my friend is) extremely ignorant of differences between us (just from me being around her and her family). She'd probably say "eww" to hair grease and the fact that I can only wash my hair a handful of times whereas she can do it every day...and the concept of being "ashy." I guess that kind of attitude doesn't sit well with me, because all cultures/races probably have things like that and they shouldn't be "nasty" just because that's how God made us. That 'tude doesn't help the cause.

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21

I actually think if people just embrace and appreciate even those little differences things might be better.

I grease my hair because it doesn't naturally have oil. I can't wash it because of that and the fact that I cannot blow dry then straighten my hair each day. It literally takes hours if not a whole day by itself. But others think it's nasty that I can't wash my hair every day and I have to grease it, and because THEY have to wash theirs every day to keep the oil out and "clean," I must be a freak for being different. What ever happened to just not being the same becasue we're different ethinicities? Why does it have to be gross? And, just to keep it real, I've never seen a black person tell a white person their gross cause of something like that, but white people say it to me. It's almost like, in MY experience, that what caucasians do is the norm, and if you differ then you're a freak. I don't understand why that has to be. I'd rather not even get into it. When I meet a new friend who's not black, they never know I grease my hair, that my skin scars easily, that I can't wash my hair regularly, that I have to get relaxers, that I get ashy, etc. It's too much trouble to explain....then most of the time they think it's gross or just cannot comprehend the fact that I'm different than them.

My non-black friends can't really understand what I mean (from their own mouths), but the black friends do (or the ones who have to do the same "rituals" from day to maintain themselves). I realize everyone's life is different; everyone's friends are different, and that my personal experience doesn't reflect the entire USA's attitude.

I just think it'd be a good starting point to embrace each other FULLY.

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When I meet a new friend who's not black, they never know I grease my hair, that my skin scars easily, that I can't wash my hair regularly, that I have to get relaxers, that I get ashy, etc. It's too much trouble to explain....then most of the time they think it's gross or just cannot comprehend the fact that I'm different than them.

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Oh yes, the hair questions are the best, aren't they?

She is (my friend is) extremely ignorant of differences between us (just from me being around her and her family)

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And, just to keep it real, I've never seen a black person tell a white person their gross cause of something like that, but white people say it to me.

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ORIGINAL: Kath

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Oh yes, the hair questions are the best, aren't they?

She is (my friend is) extremely ignorant of differences between us (just from me being around her and her family)

but how can anyone find out if they don't ask? I'd never ask a total stranger but I'd ask someone I considered a friend. I'd hate to think they thought I was just being rude.

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And, just to keep it real, I've never seen a black person tell a white person their gross cause of something like that, but white people say it to me.

That is very rude.

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ORIGINAL: jennleigh

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When I meet a new friend who's not black, they never know I grease my hair, that my skin scars easily, that I can't wash my hair regularly, that I have to get relaxers, that I get ashy, etc. It's too much trouble to explain....then most of the time they think it's gross or just cannot comprehend the fact that I'm different than them.

Maybe it has to do with the way these questions are being asked? I am naturally curious about people who are different than me. Not in a "eww you're gross because you're not like me" kind of way, though. My best friend in grade school was a black girl and I was fascinated watching her get her hair done - watching her use the curling iron to make these beautiful, smooth curls that stayed where she put them. I remember asking her one day why it took her so long to get ready to go out, and she invited me over to watch her curl her hair on a Saturday (yes, it was an all-day affair). I was invited over to her aunt's house where my friend and her cousins were all getting their hair done, and I was mesmerized. I never knew the work that went into just straightening their hair. I left there having learned something about someone who was different than me. I thought it was beautiful. They even tried to curl my hair, but because it was bone-straight, it wouldn't even take LOL. I certainly never thought she was "gross" or anything like that. I also never got the impression that I offended anyone by asking questions about our differences.

I guess my question is: are you offended by being asked questions or are you offended by the WAY the questions are asked? I think we have so much we can learn from each other and we can celebrate our differences, not judge according to them. I guess I just wanted to know if there was a way to ask those kinds of questions without being offensive. Thanks!

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21

I actually think if people just embrace and appreciate even those little differences things might be better.

I grease my hair because it doesn't naturally have oil. I can't wash it because of that and the fact that I cannot blow dry then straighten my hair each day. It literally takes hours if not a whole day by itself. But others think it's nasty that I can't wash my hair every day and I have to grease it, and because THEY have to wash theirs every day to keep the oil out and "clean," I must be a freak for being different. What ever happened to just not being the same becasue we're different ethinicities? Why does it have to be gross? And, just to keep it real, I've never seen a black person tell a white person their gross cause of something like that, but white people say it to me. It's almost like, in MY experience, that what caucasians do is the norm, and if you differ then you're a freak. I don't understand why that has to be. I'd rather not even get into it. When I meet a new friend who's not black, they never know I grease my hair, that my skin scars easily, that I can't wash my hair regularly, that I have to get relaxers, that I get ashy, etc. It's too much trouble to explain....then most of the time they think it's gross or just cannot comprehend the fact that I'm different than them.

My non-black friends can't really understand what I mean (from their own mouths), but the black friends do (or the ones who have to do the same "rituals" from day to maintain themselves). I realize everyone's life is different; everyone's friends are different, and that my personal experience doesn't reflect the entire USA's attitude.

I just think it'd be a good starting point to embrace each other FULLY.

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ORIGINAL: devinevessel

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ORIGINAL: solo_soprano21

I actually think if people just embrace and appreciate even those little differences things might be better.

I grease my hair because it doesn't naturally have oil. I can't wash it because of that and the fact that I cannot blow dry then straighten my hair each day. It literally takes hours if not a whole day by itself. But others think it's nasty that I can't wash my hair every day and I have to grease it, and because THEY have to wash theirs every day to keep the oil out and "clean," I must be a freak for being different. What ever happened to just not being the same becasue we're different ethinicities? Why does it have to be gross? And, just to keep it real, I've never seen a black person tell a white person their gross cause of something like that, but white people say it to me. It's almost like, in MY experience, that what caucasians do is the norm, and if you differ then you're a freak. I don't understand why that has to be. I'd rather not even get into it. When I meet a new friend who's not black, they never know I grease my hair, that my skin scars easily, that I can't wash my hair regularly, that I have to get relaxers, that I get ashy, etc. It's too much trouble to explain....then most of the time they think it's gross or just cannot comprehend the fact that I'm different than them.

My non-black friends can't really understand what I mean (from their own mouths), but the black friends do (or the ones who have to do the same "rituals" from day to maintain themselves). I realize everyone's life is different; everyone's friends are different, and that my personal experience doesn't reflect the entire USA's attitude.

I just think it'd be a good starting point to embrace each other FULLY.

I remember after taking my braids out of my hair and straightening it a co-worker who was not black said my hair looked better because it was straight and not "puffy" at the roots. I didn't say anything but that really offended me. Again this was after dealing with being put on the spot and being asked questions about black people for years.

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Then if a question is asked about black people I just feel uncomfortable. I think sometimes people aren't thinking about that though....they're just thinking about the inquiry.

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ORIGINAL: Fritzpw_Admin

Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.

Welcome to the One Stop thread for all things related to racial issues.

Do they exist?

Why do they exist?

How can they be overcome?

What should be done about past offenses?

Discuss these as well as other questions that may come up... all things racial.

[Admin's Note: Please refrain from personal attack.]

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ORIGINAL: SteelCurtain
I'd like to see the KKK be disbanded.

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ORIGINAL: lexie

(because that's always one of the first comments about mixed babies - oooh I love their hair!)

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ORIGINAL: lexie

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Then if a question is asked about black people I just feel uncomfortable. I think sometimes people aren't thinking about that though....they're just thinking about the inquiry.

Hey I get asked stuff about black people all the time, apparently I'm expert now. Sometimes I honestly, plainly get the feeling that the reason people are asking me is they know that if they asked a black person, they would be offended. So they ask me instead as if it still won't offend me.

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ORIGINAL: Kath

I dated a black guy for a while and really got tired of the comments about how our children would have issues, and how I couldn't take care of their hair, that kind of thing. I really thought they themselves just objected to the fact that I was dating him but didn't want to sound racist so they put it in terms of the children.