RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Relationships



Message

Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:06:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
Secondly, its been my experience that "nice guys" do indeed finish last with women. Many women, and I have no idea if this is true in the christian woman, though I would hope not, want an "exciting" man.

I am afraid mosy christian men don't fall into that "exciting" catagory.

I am not sure that is the fault of women...or the fault of men.
How can a christian man be exciting to a christian woman? Should he be? Can he be?



Yes, I believe Christians in general should be exciting, the the extent of their individual personalty. Some people, in general, are more laid back than others. However, we serve a mighty, awesome and faithful God!!!! Shouldn't we be excited since we are breathing and He choose us as sons and daughters and as friend? (Sorry, I didn't mean to start preaching). I say this to say, being excited about the Lord should not stop on Sunday. The same excitement we put into praise and worship should be the same as we put into everything because we should do everything unto the Glory of God.

1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

How to be exciting - Allow Christ to shine. Make a point to smile and be friendly. Talk about the things that excite you. Do different things. That is exciting and will make a person more attractive. Sad, depressed (all the time) people are not attractive.

I think I'm done replying! [8D]



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:08:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
How did you handle being A single Christian ?


I was single until I was 38, and for a long time I didn't date because I was so tired of immature males; it hadn't occurred to me yet that the whole dating thing wasn't a good idea. I couldn't date non-Christians ("Don't be unequally yoked") and I wasn't impressed with a lot of the Christian guys, inspite of being in a church loaded with guys from a parachurch organization. To be fair, I am kind of a jerk (jerkette?) and some of those guys were far more serious and wonderful than I could have hoped to attract/marry, so there I was.

So as a Christian who didn't look like she would ever marry, I went back to school to get on with my life and get a profession that would support me and allow me to do mission work (teaching - I'd be off every summer). I was on staff with my church discipling high school girls, I went on short-term mission trips to Asia and Europe, I immersed myself in Scripture and worked my head off to get my degree and credential. I hung out with the singles group at church and had Christian roommates (that was a blast!).

I wanted very much to be married but knew I'd never met anyone remotely like a match, so I just figured God knew what He was doing and I soldiered on, day by day. It was hard, it was lonely, it was frustrating, I didn't think anyone would ever love me (my parents had tried their best to convince me no one ever would, including them. Lies and strongholds!). It was in going about my business that I made a phone call and "accidently" talked to the guy who would become my husband (he was a roommate of another high school leader and there are no accidents). We recognized a suitable match almost immediately. Halleluia! I was 37.



preserved -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:23:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Robin1b

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved
I notice that some christian males are so holy that they tend to run females away in oppose to drawing them. Then some christian males are indicating that they are waiting for God to send them the right person...what that means I am clueless[&:]

I couldn't agree with your points more!!! I have met many Christian men who will barely say anything to a woman for fear of . . . I don't know what!!! I must say that we all have to be careful concerning how we come off. I have had people say that my 'biblical knowledge" can be intimidating. I don't want a guy to be afraid that he won't meet my "spiritual standard". I don't mean to say that he should be a lazy Christian but he doesn't have to know Greek and Hebrew to date me. :-)

Secondly: When someone says I'm waiting to meet the person God has for me do people think that God will put a neon sign over a person's head that says, "THIS IS THE ONE! GOD" [sm=halo.gif] You have to get to know people and talk to people and pray to find out if this person could be your spouse. I just spoke to a male friend about this the other day. He said the same thing and I said "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???" I have known him for 10 years and he never dates/courts (whatever word you want to use) anyone. How will you find "her" if you don't get out there. Sorry I had to get all that off of my chest. [:D]

Robin [sm=chef.gif]


lolllll that's ok...I have a friend who is single and a christian and I am the same....still wondering what is he looking for[&:]. He will not go out with me...but he has been on occassionaly lunch or dinner dates with those who are not christian...I ask why...he saids because there is not attachment..Just does not make sense



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:43:30 AM)

I'm not sure if this is too bold but have you ever thought about asking him why you too never went out? Also, and I hate to say this since I don't know him, why would a Christian want to go on a date with an unsaved person? Maybe that's the answer - He isn't serious so he doesn't want the attachment so he doesn't date you because he knows that you are serious. Any truth to that you think? [8|]



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 2:01:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved
I notice that some christian males are so holy that they tend to run females away in oppose to drawing them. Then some christian males are indicating that they are waiting for God to send them the right person...what that means I am clueless[&:]


Some people are pursuing God so hard they may actually be pursuing a fantasy instead of God; I'm guessing God is happy to steer them into the right direction and correct whatever got them off track. We are either a work in progress or chasing our self-centeredness, call it what you may.

A person who is intimidating is either obnoxious (and using their Bible to clobber people) or maybe is further down the road of dying to self and thus a scary reminder to those who may be willing to give God a little of their lives but not all. It's immature to be the first; it's good to be the second but it scares the spiritual babies who have no intention of growing up. God may be using you to spur them on. :)

quote:


I have known him for 10 years and he never dates/courts (whatever word you want to use) anyone. How will you find "her" if you don't get out there. Sorry I had to get all that off of my chest. [:D]


That's a legitimate concern. Maybe this can help: I know a serious Christian guy who has been saying for years he won't date but is waiting for God's woman. People give him a bad time about waiting for a woman to drop into his lap from heaven, but he is steadfast and says nothing. What people don't know is he *did* meet a great Christian gal (four years after he started waiting) and they have been friends for years with all the parents' approval. I think he is waiting until he finishes his education to go to the next level with his relationship with her. Meanwhile, he works on his degree like crazy. and doesn't date (and neither does she).

So is he crazy? Like a fox, I think. ;)



sliceofgrace -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/27/2007 2:40:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

quote:

ORIGINAL: sliceofgrace

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

for the older single gals reading this: God isn't a cringing, whimpering, powerless deity but the powerful, sovereign Lord of the universe who does all things well and can be trusted with every issue of your life. And with the timing. God rocks!!! So do you if you are counting on that. :)



I'm not really sure why you thought this would make people angry? Just wanted to say "amen" and wholeheartedly agree with this statement. So this is at least one person that is encouraged not angered by this statement!


I just didn't want to look like I was dissing people who were already trusting God big time; many do, and God's timing is "not now" or there'd be a guy knocking on the door. :)

Glad you agree. God is so awesome and has plans for great good for our lives; I know for so long I didn't think He was up to dealing with my life and I had to do it for Him. Hilarity and waste ensued. I am an idiot, saved by God, and slowly learning that the Bible *does* have the instructions and the Holy Spirit is up to the job of teaching me about Jesus and leading me in righteousness. I'm sorry I wasted so much of my life pushing God away, but He gives back what the locusts have eaten, and I am blessed beyong measure! It's such a delight to see my daughter doing it right, and I am so satisfied.



That is wonderful that the Lord has taught you so much through your struggle. I can definitely identify with the feeling that I need to do it on my own, waiting on the Lord's timing can be difficult at some points to say the least. I think I was struck by what you said because I think it a great deal more scary to think that the Lord is not in control. How can people go through life thinking that the God they serve is weak and not in control. If that is the case then what are we doing, if it is all just left up to random circumstance anyways then what is the point. Before I start ramblings too much, the point is, the Lord that I serve is sovereign over ALL things. He is powerful enough to defeat death and save me from all my sins, and since that is true, he is definitely powerful enough to be sovereign over the other less important things in my life.



derek_from_canada -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/27/2007 2:46:45 PM)

quote:

How to be exciting - Allow Christ to shine. Make a point to smile and be friendly. Talk about the things that excite you. Do different things. That is exciting and will make a person more attractive. Sad, depressed (all the time) people are not attractive.


I used to be a friendly and smiley guy but was always the buddy and never the "Man."

Bah, I think the reason Christian guys are boring is they are taught in church to repress parts of themselves.

True or false: Passion is a slippery slope to carnality.

If so, then guys are not allowed to be passionate about even Godly things. We would be too scary and intimidating if so.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/27/2007 3:40:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada

I used to be a friendly and smiley guy but was always the buddy and never the "Man."

Bah, I think the reason Christian guys are boring is they are taught in church to repress parts of themselves.


It sure could be; popular culture emasculates men and many churches blindly follow 20 year old popular culture like they're holding back the bad stuff of today. Pffft. Satan laughs, I'm sure. It encourages me to see the book for Christian men called "Born to be Wild" or something like that. Christianity itself is red-blooded and virile; it would resonate within the heart of a saved man I'd think.

Being a buddy and never "the man" is good if God hasn't brought "the woman" to you yet. When she arrives, then it will be time for you to be your manliest self. It will feel right and be right, and she'll respond to that I'm sure, in true femininity. Women in God are not wimps.

quote:

True or false: Passion is a slippery slope to carnality.


Passion as in unrestrained following of your desires? Then yes. Passion as in being the man God made you but no righteous outlet (yet), like a stalled stallion (Jim Elliot said that; read "Passion and Purity") and just chewing wallboard in your frustration but not acting on it, no. That's godly, if uncomfortable. Your time surely is coming!

quote:

If so, then guys are not allowed to be passionate about even Godly things. We would be too scary and intimidating if so.


Oh, sorry, I misunderstood you. Yes, passion for God is a great thing. Read the biographies of godly men down through the ages. Passion galore. It carried men to the mission field to face persecution while translating Scriptures for lost people and living loving lives to those who did not return the love (Elliot, Saint, MauCulley, etc). It carried men to the stake, rejoicing that they could suffer for their Lord. It carried men to other countries to continue translating the Bible into English while the organized church was hunting them down to kill them (Wycliffe, Luther, etc.). It burned men's lives up living for others. This is only a small sample.

Are passionate men scary? You bet they are, especially to the people who hate God and are living to remove God from the public arena. They can't understand the holy fire in a man's breast, and they feel helpless before it. It can't be controlled by people because it comes from God. Very scary. Knock yourself out.



RubySparkles -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 4:31:29 PM)

I live in the UK which is such an anti Christian place it's incredible. Even if a guy is a Christian he'll be out playing football on Sunday morning and dating non Christian women because he can just lie about what being a Christian is. She'll never know, it's easier, more socially acceptable etc etc. Even if the guy does turn up for church he'll smile at the single sisters and be texting all the non Christian women he knows as soon as he gets out of church. One thing that these guys are thinking about is sex and that they'll get it from the non Christians. They may well get it from the Christian sisters too, but they assume they won't and go looking elsewhere. What I'm saying is that the chances of finding a genuine Christian husband in this country are slim to none. They don't exist because the weakness of the men giving in to social pressure and the abundance of quick and easy encounters. I have met men in their early-mid 30s still wanting to play around and be boys. It's all because of the 'it's just sex' culture. They have no reason to wait for a Christian woman, even if they do want a real relationship, it's easier with a non Christian.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 5:25:51 PM)

if it's that bad over there come on over to the states.. You'll probably find a guy within minutes of landing..



April75 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 6:15:16 PM)

In my circle, they appear to be dating women outside of the church.



April75 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 6:34:28 PM)

This is what I was about to say but had to go for a moment. But in my circle the christian guys are dating women who aren't christian. Some are saying they are not ready for marriage. Some are too busy doing things they arent suppose to to even think of marriage. A lot of them are immature and don't know what the word marriage is. They are much like the men who aren't christians. At the wedding receptions they are running away from catching the garter belt(spelling?) just like the men who aren't christian.

The question needs to be asked are they really christian men. This is in my circle so I can't speak for what others have esperienced. Many men I know these days don't want to marry because they are already getting the goods. At a wide range of churches I see men in the choir, music dept. and even some ministers who are single, have girlfriends (or boyfriends), children out of wedlock. It seems the family and being married are not good topics for some ministers to preach on. I'm sure they see what's going on but don't say much as long as the duties in the church are taken care of. I've been attending a new church for over a year and it's different there though. I see a lot of married couples and we are getting good teaching on marriage and family.

These days it seems that many young men who aren't saved have no reason to marry. So I feel many of these young men who come to know Christ have the same mentality still. Maybe they don't know they should marry and have a family if no one told them. Maybe they need to see more examples of successful marriages. At my old church my husband and I were the only married couple there besides the Pastor. The Pastor never taught on marriage.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 7:07:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SonInMe1

The male populace of most churches seems to be always less than the female...there is one answer.


Yes... but what does that say for the church????

quote:



Secondly, its been my experience that "nice guys" do indeed finish last with women. Many women, and I have no idea if this is true in the christian woman, though I would hope not, want an "exciting" man.

I am afraid mosy christian men don't fall into that "exciting" catagory.

I am not sure that is the fault of women...or the fault of men.
How can a christian man be exciting to a christian woman? Should he be? Can he be?

By the way this is an intellectual pursuit. I am married... lol

Gee, I am glad I am so boring!
A man can be exciting without having to be a rogue! The fault squarely lies at the feet of the church as it exists today... because the church holds men to that "high standard" of being a "nice guy". Do you think the Sanhedrin thought Jesus was nice? What about the Pharisees? Nice men get themselves executed all the time! King David was certainly a nice guy, just ask the Philistines! Christianity is about your relationship with God and then your relationship with those around you. It is not about rules. Men stay away from the church because the church offers nothing but some loose moral guidelines to follow. Men crave excitement, but the church does not offer it.

Whoa! Did I get off topic?



SonInMe1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 9:56:20 PM)

My premise was more about what women seem to want from a man and how that isn't neccesarily a christian attribute, not what christian men are.

How can a member of a church have a live in gf/bf and still serve the church? I don't think any church I have been in that would allow this.



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:27:21 PM)

Your question should be where are those christian men who are my age (40+)?

Well, unfortnatly, those who are my age are not wanted because (And yes, this includes Christian men also) want someone younger between the ages of 20-30 because us older Christian women are not suitable for marriage.


Unfortnatly, that is the way it is in society because older Christian women are like "damaged goods" and especially when you have a past or have an imperfect family, or even trying to having a child. (My parents did divorce, and my family do have a lot of issues and I'm trying my best to live the christian life)forget about being a potential spouse because I came to the conculsion no Christian man do not want to touch you with a ten foot pole.

The reason why I am saying this is because I looked in dating services. I was dating someone who said he was a Christian and led me on, but that was not meant to be. Then potential suitors wanted me for one thing--sex. And these men said they were Christian.

It seems like non-christians want us because they are not so judgemental about body image (this is big thing w/ Christian men), race or past. And this is why Christian women turn to those who are not in the faith because Christian men have too many expectations

I just wish the older Christian men who are 40 and above give us women who are 40+ a chance and not have these unrealistic expectations.

Please do not think I'm posting this out of bitterness, but I wish everyone see where I'm coming from too.




deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:05:09 PM)

Oh, wow. So many verses are flooding my brain as I read these posts: Friendship with the world is emnity with God. Don't defraud your Christian brother or sister. Pursue God and righteousness. Fornication is a mark of a person's unsaved state. Fear God not men. How can darkness and light be in agreement? Run from youthful lusts. Elders should be the husband of one wife.

God condemns popular culture because it rejects God and rejects other-centered living. HesallIneed asks the excellent question are they really Christians who act like this? Gal. 5 divides behavior into that characturized by people going to hell (they don't inherit the Kingdom of Heaven) and people who belong to Christ (Gal. 5:19-25). They could be carnal Christians whom God will lead closer to Him or they could be non-Christians who are enjoying the fruits of their lies. Only God knows hearts. But we can fruit inspect, and people who are Gal. 5:19-21 people all their lives, it's pretty obvious where they stand.

In the early Church there were people who hung around for whatever reason. Even Jesus had people who'd follow Him... for a while. It is good for us to examine ourselves and make sure we aren't harboring sin that could lead us away from God or trip us up somehow. We can pray for these other church-goers, but I wouldn't pick my friends from that crowd. Sometimes no friends is better than bad friends.

The fact that these people bother us is good, because it shows we have different (higher) standards and have a conscience that isnt' dulled by sin. We want something better because God made us for Heaven and we're homesick. There is no sin in Heaven. What a relief that will be. We aren't better than these people we've been talking about, we're just better off. Thank God He has called us His own and leads us. We're just poor, stumbling would-be-failures who got a Hand up. Pray for these others that they'll get one, too.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:16:07 PM)

quote:

Remember, we guys generally pine for the girl who stands out. We think we are in control of the situation, but in reality, we respond to what the ladies are projecting.. Not that it's a manipulation thing, but that's how it works. Also, don't be afraid to expand your circle of friends- you never know who you will meet!


Well, in my case, I may stand out in so many ways that it makes them feel insecure for a variety of reasons, and they go running for the hills, OR I get the "friend" card.

I'm patiently waiting myself - as I rapidly approach 47 having never been married.



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 11:52:52 PM)

This is the third such thread I have seen on these forums over the last few months. All of them started by women who make the claim that some Christian women must marry non-Christian men because the Christian men won't date them. Speaking from a single Christian man's perspective, here are some of my thoughts. I want to honor God in my dating choices, and I simply do not date non-Christian women, but neither do I date Christian women who will date non-Christian men. I believe that my Christian faith should invade every area of my life including my dating life, and I want to see how the faith of someone I might date is reflected in their life in their life, including their dating life. If a Christian woman wants to be asked out by me, she needs to be committed enough to her faith in God to wait for a Godly man. I can't tell you how many times I have heard Christian women tell me that they have learned from their bad experiences to wait on God for a Godly relationship and then watch those same women jump into the next relationship that violates God's standards all over again because God was not quick enough for them. I think that many Christian men who are committed to having a Godly relationship (including myself) wait to see if the Christian women they know are really serious about waiting on God, and sadly most of the time they are not. Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.

As far as the OP goes, I really do believe that most of the Christian men are dating non-Christian women because it something I have addressed with other Christian men who were choosing to do so, and their excuse is that there are no committed Christian women, or the Christian women are only dating non-Christian men; sadly, this problem truly goes equally both ways. Finding single Christian men and women in the church who are willing to keep themselves pure, and wait for Godly relationships is unfortunately equally difficult for both men and women; however, just because it is difficult is not an excuse to abandon God's standards. Just think, if all of the single Christians (men and women) would stop making excuses for abandoning God's standards in dating, then everyone would have an easier time finding Christian single men and women who were committed to their faith in God. Some of the best advice I have heard was to stop looking for the right person, and instead be the right person.



SonInMe1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 8:24:10 AM)

Maybe...many christian men and women were not "born christians" and cannot live up to the standard some set. They have pasts and come to the plate with divorce or children, promiscuity, and hurt feelings.

Would you consider dating these people if their lives are now turned around....knowing it could possibly slip back?



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 8:50:09 AM)

We ALL could "slip back". That's not an issue. For me, it's a matter that they have a growing and thriving relationship with the Lord where he truly IS Lord over every area of their life.



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 8:50:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: benelchi

This is the third such thread I have seen on these forums over the last few months. All of them started by women who make the claim that some Christian women must marry non-Christian men because the Christian men won't date them. Speaking from a single Christian man's perspective, here are some of my thoughts. I want to honor God in my dating choices, and I simply do not date non-Christian women, but neither do I date Christian women who will date non-Christian men. I believe that my Christian faith should invade every area of my life including my dating life, and I want to see how the faith of someone I might date is reflected in their life in their life, including their dating life. If a Christian woman wants to be asked out by me, she needs to be committed enough to her faith in God to wait for a Godly man. I can't tell you how many times I have heard Christian women tell me that they have learned from their bad experiences to wait on God for a Godly relationship and then watch those same women jump into the next relationship that violates God's standards all over again because God was not quick enough for them. I think that many Christian men who are committed to having a Godly relationship (including myself) wait to see if the Christian women they know are really serious about waiting on God, and sadly most of the time they are not. Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.

As far as the OP goes, I really do believe that most of the Christian men are dating non-Christian women because it something I have addressed with other Christian men who were choosing to do so, and their excuse is that there are no committed Christian women, or the Christian women are only dating non-Christian men; sadly, this problem truly goes equally both ways. Finding single Christian men and women in the church who are willing to keep themselves pure, and wait for Godly relationships is unfortunately equally difficult for both men and women; however, just because it is difficult is not an excuse to abandon God's standards. Just think, if all of the single Christians (men and women) would stop making excuses for abandoning God's standards in dating, then everyone would have an easier time finding Christian single men and women who were committed to their faith in God. Some of the best advice I have heard was to stop looking for the right person, and instead be the right person.


We as Christian women too are trying to wait for "God's best", however (and this is not a slam on you becuase you are one of the few men who think that God's way is the best way) men who say they of the faith have too many unrealistic requirements in order to date and have a relationship with them. I just wish christian men and women both throw out the looks (this includes physical) and pre-judging of people. The only requirement should be first and foremost is the person is a godly person who is involved in a local church and live his/her life by bibical standards, not because you get your cues from the world, which many are doing and this includes online dating sites.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 9:26:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SonInMe1

My premise was more about what women seem to want from a man and how that isn't neccesarily a christian attribute, not what christian men are.

How can a member of a church have a live in gf/bf and still serve the church? I don't think any church I have been in that would allow this.

I do not know what a woman wants from a man that is not a Christian attribute. Maybe I am overlooking the obvious here - help me out with some examples???

Live-in's certainly would face "church discipline" in the churches I attend... yet I know of people at other churches who "think" they are Christians, spew out foul -"You are going to hell" fire and brimstone, and yet have lived with their gf/bf for years.

What I am saying is that there is nothing a Christian man can not offer a Christian woman that she would want outside the scope of Christianity. Now if she WANTS a badboy/rogue, I have to genuinely question her "brand" of Christianity. The problem, as I see it, is that the Christian men have not been taught what is and what is not acceptable. Christian men do not need to be boring!



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 9:51:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: benelchi
Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.


spot on. and why shouldn't they be snatched up as Godly women are a prize! also keep in mind those saved for a long time say from childhood or teens may have went to bible school. one of my female friends told me a lot of girls at her bible college went with the purpose of finding a Godly husband. they wanted to be a pastor's wife, etc.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 11:02:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: draexo
I do not know what a woman wants from a man that is not a Christian attribute. Maybe I am overlooking the obvious here - help me out with some examples???


I'm not sure I'm understanding this. The main thing any woman wants is to be loved. Tenderly, securely, understandingly. For a man to have a track record in following God faithfully, blessing others, being compassionate and considerate... and have good hygiene LOL... makes him a "catch" in many women's eyes. If he is available, isn't too weird, has the ability to emotionally connect and has a stable job, I imagine he'd be well received by any stable woman.

But maybe that's just me. I married a 300# 32 yo guy who wasn't famous for knocking the ladies dead (just me) because he made me feel loved and we connected emotionally. He is my best friend. He listens, talks to me, and after we married I discovered he'd rub my back. Wow, did I get a good one! :D That doesn't mean he always understands me, but he hangs in there and is trying to do his best. As do I.

quote:

Live-in's certainly would face "church discipline" in the churches I attend... yet I know of people at other churches who "think" they are Christians, spew out foul -"You are going to hell" fire and brimstone, and yet have lived with their gf/bf for years.


Well, they may be fooling themselves. Gal. 5: 19 ff (and I'm preaching to the choir here) makes it pretty clear that people's lifestyles indicate what's going on inside their hearts. I'm glad you're in a church that disciplines; too many churches are "nicer than God." That's a way of saying they've lost their biblical moorings and are morally adrift themselves. The salt has lost its savor and isn't good for anything.

We're to avoid the "so-called brother" who lives like the world, so the church should be the first to counsel them and kick them out if they refuse to repent. I'm glad your church knows this and your leadership is manly enough to follow through. Mine, too. We excommunicated a guy for refusing to quit his porn and another for refusing to quit drinking (after a year of the elders working with him, often daily. The first just went to another church, the second has been sober a year and is recommunicated. Yay!)

quote:

SonInMe said...
Maybe...many christian men and women were not "born christians" and cannot live up to the standard some set. They have pasts and come to the plate with divorce or children, promiscuity, and hurt feelings.

Would you consider dating these people if their lives are now turned around....knowing it could possibly slip back?


God gives us His standards and His power to live them. It's not in our strength but His. The standards are for everyone and they tell us how to live in a moral universe; His laws are the equivalent of "Don't drive off a cliff." In following His ways we avoid the pits that would trap us. People who sin are committing moral suicide and the consequences fall on them.

So, if a person has blown it badly, I'd wait 3-5 years to see if they now are living consistantly in God's ways and aren't repeating the same sin over and over. If their life is truly different and has been for years then I'd give them a chance like anyone else.

A person who is divorced for anything but for their ex having committed adultery on them is not available for remarriage. A person who commited a civil crime is probably in prison and isn't a good marriage choice because they aren't physically available for marriage. Wait for them to get out or move on. A cheated-on man or woman who is living a moral life in God's eyes and is trusting Him (just like a single would) and is faithful in all things, even with kids in tow, I think is a great catch! Everyone has problems, whether it was a disasterous marriage or something else. Scratch any person and find great hurt. It's harder to support children you didn't give birth to, but consider it a rescue mission and a chance to bless someone else who desperately needs love and support. They'll take care of you when you're old and helpless, too. Blessing all around. When we are dead and gone, our lives will be characturized by our relationships, and we'll be remembered for our love. What a heritage!



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 11:41:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SonInMe1

Maybe...many christian men and women were not "born christians" and cannot live up to the standard some set. They have pasts and come to the plate with divorce or children, promiscuity, and hurt feelings.

Would you consider dating these people if their lives are now turned around....knowing it could possibly slip back?


"Now turned around" is a very relative term, and as I stated before I hear the "now turned around" speech quite often, but seldom see the fruit; however, I would definitely consider dating, and have dated, those whose life over time has demonstrated true repentance. The issue for me is not so much about what someone has done in their past, but how their past and current life reflects what they will do in the future, and until I have some confidence that a persons faith will endure the storms and trials of life without using those as an excuse for failure, I simply won't date them. I am not looking for someone who is perfect, but I am looking for someone who will honor the commitment to God, and potentially to me regardless of the cost.

On a side note, I know it is always possible for anyone to slip up, even those who don't have a background that would raise alarms. The question for me is how likely or unlikely is it that someone will slip up. We will never have any guarantees that come with anyone we choose to date regardless of their prior background, but we really can and should make wise choices in whom we choose to date. Making a wise choice doesn't necessarily mean eliminating someone as a potential choice, but it may mean waiting long enough to see that someone really is a wise choice before initiating or accepting a date.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI