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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 11:06:56 AM
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Robin1b
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
Secondly, its been my experience that "nice guys" do indeed finish last with women. Many women, and I have no idea if this is true in the christian woman, though I would hope not, want an "exciting" man.
I am afraid mosy christian men don't fall into that "exciting" catagory.
I am not sure that is the fault of women...or the fault of men.
How can a christian man be exciting to a christian woman? Should he be? Can he be?
Yes, I believe Christians in general should be exciting, the the extent of their individual personalty. Some people, in general, are more laid back than others. However, we serve a mighty, awesome and faithful God!!!! Shouldn't we be excited since we are breathing and He choose us as sons and daughters and as friend? (Sorry, I didn't mean to start preaching). I say this to say, being excited about the Lord should not stop on Sunday. The same excitement we put into praise and worship should be the same as we put into everything because we should do everything unto the Glory of God.
1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
How to be exciting - Allow Christ to shine. Make a point to smile and be friendly. Talk about the things that excite you. Do different things. That is exciting and will make a person more attractive. Sad, depressed (all the time) people are not attractive.
I think I'm done replying! 
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2 Cor 12:9 - Had to make it personal! :-)
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 11:08:35 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1018
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
How did you handle being A single Christian ?
I was single until I was 38, and for a long time I didn't date because I was so tired of immature males; it hadn't occurred to me yet that the whole dating thing wasn't a good idea. I couldn't date non-Christians ("Don't be unequally yoked") and I wasn't impressed with a lot of the Christian guys, inspite of being in a church loaded with guys from a parachurch organization. To be fair, I am kind of a jerk (jerkette?) and some of those guys were far more serious and wonderful than I could have hoped to attract/marry, so there I was.
So as a Christian who didn't look like she would ever marry, I went back to school to get on with my life and get a profession that would support me and allow me to do mission work (teaching - I'd be off every summer). I was on staff with my church discipling high school girls, I went on short-term mission trips to Asia and Europe, I immersed myself in Scripture and worked my head off to get my degree and credential. I hung out with the singles group at church and had Christian roommates (that was a blast!).
I wanted very much to be married but knew I'd never met anyone remotely like a match, so I just figured God knew what He was doing and I soldiered on, day by day. It was hard, it was lonely, it was frustrating, I didn't think anyone would ever love me (my parents had tried their best to convince me no one ever would, including them. Lies and strongholds!). It was in going about my business that I made a phone call and "accidently" talked to the guy who would become my husband (he was a roommate of another high school leader and there are no accidents). We recognized a suitable match almost immediately. Halleluia! I was 37.
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RE: Where are the Christian men? - 11/27/2007 2:40:44 PM
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sliceofgrace
Posts: 47
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
quote:
ORIGINAL: sliceofgrace
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
for the older single gals reading this: God isn't a cringing, whimpering, powerless deity but the powerful, sovereign Lord of the universe who does all things well and can be trusted with every issue of your life. And with the timing. God rocks!!! So do you if you are counting on that. :)
I'm not really sure why you thought this would make people angry? Just wanted to say "amen" and wholeheartedly agree with this statement. So this is at least one person that is encouraged not angered by this statement!
I just didn't want to look like I was dissing people who were already trusting God big time; many do, and God's timing is "not now" or there'd be a guy knocking on the door. :)
Glad you agree. God is so awesome and has plans for great good for our lives; I know for so long I didn't think He was up to dealing with my life and I had to do it for Him. Hilarity and waste ensued. I am an idiot, saved by God, and slowly learning that the Bible *does* have the instructions and the Holy Spirit is up to the job of teaching me about Jesus and leading me in righteousness. I'm sorry I wasted so much of my life pushing God away, but He gives back what the locusts have eaten, and I am blessed beyong measure! It's such a delight to see my daughter doing it right, and I am so satisfied.
That is wonderful that the Lord has taught you so much through your struggle. I can definitely identify with the feeling that I need to do it on my own, waiting on the Lord's timing can be difficult at some points to say the least. I think I was struck by what you said because I think it a great deal more scary to think that the Lord is not in control. How can people go through life thinking that the God they serve is weak and not in control. If that is the case then what are we doing, if it is all just left up to random circumstance anyways then what is the point. Before I start ramblings too much, the point is, the Lord that I serve is sovereign over ALL things. He is powerful enough to defeat death and save me from all my sins, and since that is true, he is definitely powerful enough to be sovereign over the other less important things in my life.
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RE: Where are the Christian men? - 11/27/2007 2:46:45 PM
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derek_from_canada
Posts: 453
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quote:
How to be exciting - Allow Christ to shine. Make a point to smile and be friendly. Talk about the things that excite you. Do different things. That is exciting and will make a person more attractive. Sad, depressed (all the time) people are not attractive.
I used to be a friendly and smiley guy but was always the buddy and never the "Man."
Bah, I think the reason Christian guys are boring is they are taught in church to repress parts of themselves.
True or false: Passion is a slippery slope to carnality.
If so, then guys are not allowed to be passionate about even Godly things. We would be too scary and intimidating if so.
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RE: Where are the Christian men? - 11/27/2007 3:40:52 PM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada
I used to be a friendly and smiley guy but was always the buddy and never the "Man."
Bah, I think the reason Christian guys are boring is they are taught in church to repress parts of themselves.
It sure could be; popular culture emasculates men and many churches blindly follow 20 year old popular culture like they're holding back the bad stuff of today. Pffft. Satan laughs, I'm sure. It encourages me to see the book for Christian men called "Born to be Wild" or something like that. Christianity itself is red-blooded and virile; it would resonate within the heart of a saved man I'd think.
Being a buddy and never "the man" is good if God hasn't brought "the woman" to you yet. When she arrives, then it will be time for you to be your manliest self. It will feel right and be right, and she'll respond to that I'm sure, in true femininity. Women in God are not wimps.
quote:
True or false: Passion is a slippery slope to carnality.
Passion as in unrestrained following of your desires? Then yes. Passion as in being the man God made you but no righteous outlet (yet), like a stalled stallion (Jim Elliot said that; read "Passion and Purity") and just chewing wallboard in your frustration but not acting on it, no. That's godly, if uncomfortable. Your time surely is coming!
quote:
If so, then guys are not allowed to be passionate about even Godly things. We would be too scary and intimidating if so.
Oh, sorry, I misunderstood you. Yes, passion for God is a great thing. Read the biographies of godly men down through the ages. Passion galore. It carried men to the mission field to face persecution while translating Scriptures for lost people and living loving lives to those who did not return the love (Elliot, Saint, MauCulley, etc). It carried men to the stake, rejoicing that they could suffer for their Lord. It carried men to other countries to continue translating the Bible into English while the organized church was hunting them down to kill them (Wycliffe, Luther, etc.). It burned men's lives up living for others. This is only a small sample.
Are passionate men scary? You bet they are, especially to the people who hate God and are living to remove God from the public arena. They can't understand the holy fire in a man's breast, and they feel helpless before it. It can't be controlled by people because it comes from God. Very scary. Knock yourself out.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 4:31:29 PM
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RubySparkles
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From: United Kingdom
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I live in the UK which is such an anti Christian place it's incredible. Even if a guy is a Christian he'll be out playing football on Sunday morning and dating non Christian women because he can just lie about what being a Christian is. She'll never know, it's easier, more socially acceptable etc etc. Even if the guy does turn up for church he'll smile at the single sisters and be texting all the non Christian women he knows as soon as he gets out of church. One thing that these guys are thinking about is sex and that they'll get it from the non Christians. They may well get it from the Christian sisters too, but they assume they won't and go looking elsewhere. What I'm saying is that the chances of finding a genuine Christian husband in this country are slim to none. They don't exist because the weakness of the men giving in to social pressure and the abundance of quick and easy encounters. I have met men in their early-mid 30s still wanting to play around and be boys. It's all because of the 'it's just sex' culture. They have no reason to wait for a Christian woman, even if they do want a real relationship, it's easier with a non Christian.
_____________________________
Lord, all our success is because of what you have done, so give us peace.
Is 26:12
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 5:25:51 PM
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dinomax55
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if it's that bad over there come on over to the states.. You'll probably find a guy within minutes of landing..
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We can never achieve perfection.. but if we chase perfection we will catch excellence.
-Vince Lombardi
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 6:15:16 PM
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HesallIneed
Posts: 437
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In my circle, they appear to be dating women outside of the church.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 6:34:28 PM
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HesallIneed
Posts: 437
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This is what I was about to say but had to go for a moment. But in my circle the christian guys are dating women who aren't christian. Some are saying they are not ready for marriage. Some are too busy doing things they arent suppose to to even think of marriage. A lot of them are immature and don't know what the word marriage is. They are much like the men who aren't christians. At the wedding receptions they are running away from catching the garter belt(spelling?) just like the men who aren't christian.
The question needs to be asked are they really christian men. This is in my circle so I can't speak for what others have esperienced. Many men I know these days don't want to marry because they are already getting the goods. At a wide range of churches I see men in the choir, music dept. and even some ministers who are single, have girlfriends (or boyfriends), children out of wedlock. It seems the family and being married are not good topics for some ministers to preach on. I'm sure they see what's going on but don't say much as long as the duties in the church are taken care of. I've been attending a new church for over a year and it's different there though. I see a lot of married couples and we are getting good teaching on marriage and family.
These days it seems that many young men who aren't saved have no reason to marry. So I feel many of these young men who come to know Christ have the same mentality still. Maybe they don't know they should marry and have a family if no one told them. Maybe they need to see more examples of successful marriages. At my old church my husband and I were the only married couple there besides the Pastor. The Pastor never taught on marriage.
< Message edited by HesallIneed -- 11/27/2007 6:40:43 PM >
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 7:07:50 PM
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draexo
Posts: 774
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From: Saratoga County, New York
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
The male populace of most churches seems to be always less than the female...there is one answer.
Yes... but what does that say for the church????
quote:
Secondly, its been my experience that "nice guys" do indeed finish last with women. Many women, and I have no idea if this is true in the christian woman, though I would hope not, want an "exciting" man.
I am afraid mosy christian men don't fall into that "exciting" catagory.
I am not sure that is the fault of women...or the fault of men.
How can a christian man be exciting to a christian woman? Should he be? Can he be?
By the way this is an intellectual pursuit. I am married... lol
Gee, I am glad I am so boring!
A man can be exciting without having to be a rogue! The fault squarely lies at the feet of the church as it exists today... because the church holds men to that "high standard" of being a "nice guy". Do you think the Sanhedrin thought Jesus was nice? What about the Pharisees? Nice men get themselves executed all the time! King David was certainly a nice guy, just ask the Philistines! Christianity is about your relationship with God and then your relationship with those around you. It is not about rules. Men stay away from the church because the church offers nothing but some loose moral guidelines to follow. Men crave excitement, but the church does not offer it.
Whoa! Did I get off topic?
_____________________________
The truth will set you free!
TRUTH
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 9:56:20 PM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3544
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My premise was more about what women seem to want from a man and how that isn't neccesarily a christian attribute, not what christian men are.
How can a member of a church have a live in gf/bf and still serve the church? I don't think any church I have been in that would allow this.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 10:27:21 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1553
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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Your question should be where are those christian men who are my age (40+)?
Well, unfortnatly, those who are my age are not wanted because (And yes, this includes Christian men also) want someone younger between the ages of 20-30 because us older Christian women are not suitable for marriage.
Unfortnatly, that is the way it is in society because older Christian women are like "damaged goods" and especially when you have a past or have an imperfect family, or even trying to having a child. (My parents did divorce, and my family do have a lot of issues and I'm trying my best to live the christian life)forget about being a potential spouse because I came to the conculsion no Christian man do not want to touch you with a ten foot pole.
The reason why I am saying this is because I looked in dating services. I was dating someone who said he was a Christian and led me on, but that was not meant to be. Then potential suitors wanted me for one thing--sex. And these men said they were Christian.
It seems like non-christians want us because they are not so judgemental about body image (this is big thing w/ Christian men), race or past. And this is why Christian women turn to those who are not in the faith because Christian men have too many expectations
I just wish the older Christian men who are 40 and above give us women who are 40+ a chance and not have these unrealistic expectations.
Please do not think I'm posting this out of bitterness, but I wish everyone see where I'm coming from too.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 11:05:09 PM
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deermousie
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Oh, wow. So many verses are flooding my brain as I read these posts: Friendship with the world is emnity with God. Don't defraud your Christian brother or sister. Pursue God and righteousness. Fornication is a mark of a person's unsaved state. Fear God not men. How can darkness and light be in agreement? Run from youthful lusts. Elders should be the husband of one wife.
God condemns popular culture because it rejects God and rejects other-centered living. HesallIneed asks the excellent question are they really Christians who act like this? Gal. 5 divides behavior into that characturized by people going to hell (they don't inherit the Kingdom of Heaven) and people who belong to Christ (Gal. 5:19-25). They could be carnal Christians whom God will lead closer to Him or they could be non-Christians who are enjoying the fruits of their lies. Only God knows hearts. But we can fruit inspect, and people who are Gal. 5:19-21 people all their lives, it's pretty obvious where they stand.
In the early Church there were people who hung around for whatever reason. Even Jesus had people who'd follow Him... for a while. It is good for us to examine ourselves and make sure we aren't harboring sin that could lead us away from God or trip us up somehow. We can pray for these other church-goers, but I wouldn't pick my friends from that crowd. Sometimes no friends is better than bad friends.
The fact that these people bother us is good, because it shows we have different (higher) standards and have a conscience that isnt' dulled by sin. We want something better because God made us for Heaven and we're homesick. There is no sin in Heaven. What a relief that will be. We aren't better than these people we've been talking about, we're just better off. Thank God He has called us His own and leads us. We're just poor, stumbling would-be-failures who got a Hand up. Pray for these others that they'll get one, too.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/27/2007 11:52:52 PM
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benelchi
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This is the third such thread I have seen on these forums over the last few months. All of them started by women who make the claim that some Christian women must marry non-Christian men because the Christian men won't date them. Speaking from a single Christian man's perspective, here are some of my thoughts. I want to honor God in my dating choices, and I simply do not date non-Christian women, but neither do I date Christian women who will date non-Christian men. I believe that my Christian faith should invade every area of my life including my dating life, and I want to see how the faith of someone I might date is reflected in their life in their life, including their dating life. If a Christian woman wants to be asked out by me, she needs to be committed enough to her faith in God to wait for a Godly man. I can't tell you how many times I have heard Christian women tell me that they have learned from their bad experiences to wait on God for a Godly relationship and then watch those same women jump into the next relationship that violates God's standards all over again because God was not quick enough for them. I think that many Christian men who are committed to having a Godly relationship (including myself) wait to see if the Christian women they know are really serious about waiting on God, and sadly most of the time they are not. Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.
As far as the OP goes, I really do believe that most of the Christian men are dating non-Christian women because it something I have addressed with other Christian men who were choosing to do so, and their excuse is that there are no committed Christian women, or the Christian women are only dating non-Christian men; sadly, this problem truly goes equally both ways. Finding single Christian men and women in the church who are willing to keep themselves pure, and wait for Godly relationships is unfortunately equally difficult for both men and women; however, just because it is difficult is not an excuse to abandon God's standards. Just think, if all of the single Christians (men and women) would stop making excuses for abandoning God's standards in dating, then everyone would have an easier time finding Christian single men and women who were committed to their faith in God. Some of the best advice I have heard was to stop looking for the right person, and instead be the right person.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/28/2007 8:24:10 AM
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SonInMe1
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Maybe...many christian men and women were not "born christians" and cannot live up to the standard some set. They have pasts and come to the plate with divorce or children, promiscuity, and hurt feelings.
Would you consider dating these people if their lives are now turned around....knowing it could possibly slip back?
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/28/2007 8:50:32 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1553
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From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
This is the third such thread I have seen on these forums over the last few months. All of them started by women who make the claim that some Christian women must marry non-Christian men because the Christian men won't date them. Speaking from a single Christian man's perspective, here are some of my thoughts. I want to honor God in my dating choices, and I simply do not date non-Christian women, but neither do I date Christian women who will date non-Christian men. I believe that my Christian faith should invade every area of my life including my dating life, and I want to see how the faith of someone I might date is reflected in their life in their life, including their dating life. If a Christian woman wants to be asked out by me, she needs to be committed enough to her faith in God to wait for a Godly man. I can't tell you how many times I have heard Christian women tell me that they have learned from their bad experiences to wait on God for a Godly relationship and then watch those same women jump into the next relationship that violates God's standards all over again because God was not quick enough for them. I think that many Christian men who are committed to having a Godly relationship (including myself) wait to see if the Christian women they know are really serious about waiting on God, and sadly most of the time they are not. Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.
As far as the OP goes, I really do believe that most of the Christian men are dating non-Christian women because it something I have addressed with other Christian men who were choosing to do so, and their excuse is that there are no committed Christian women, or the Christian women are only dating non-Christian men; sadly, this problem truly goes equally both ways. Finding single Christian men and women in the church who are willing to keep themselves pure, and wait for Godly relationships is unfortunately equally difficult for both men and women; however, just because it is difficult is not an excuse to abandon God's standards. Just think, if all of the single Christians (men and women) would stop making excuses for abandoning God's standards in dating, then everyone would have an easier time finding Christian single men and women who were committed to their faith in God. Some of the best advice I have heard was to stop looking for the right person, and instead be the right person.
We as Christian women too are trying to wait for "God's best", however (and this is not a slam on you becuase you are one of the few men who think that God's way is the best way) men who say they of the faith have too many unrealistic requirements in order to date and have a relationship with them. I just wish christian men and women both throw out the looks (this includes physical) and pre-judging of people. The only requirement should be first and foremost is the person is a godly person who is involved in a local church and live his/her life by bibical standards, not because you get your cues from the world, which many are doing and this includes online dating sites.
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Come visit me at http://www.myspace.com/Gaylel121
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/28/2007 9:26:07 AM
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draexo
Posts: 774
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From: Saratoga County, New York
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
My premise was more about what women seem to want from a man and how that isn't neccesarily a christian attribute, not what christian men are.
How can a member of a church have a live in gf/bf and still serve the church? I don't think any church I have been in that would allow this.
I do not know what a woman wants from a man that is not a Christian attribute. Maybe I am overlooking the obvious here - help me out with some examples???
Live-in's certainly would face "church discipline" in the churches I attend... yet I know of people at other churches who "think" they are Christians, spew out foul -"You are going to hell" fire and brimstone, and yet have lived with their gf/bf for years.
What I am saying is that there is nothing a Christian man can not offer a Christian woman that she would want outside the scope of Christianity. Now if she WANTS a badboy/rogue, I have to genuinely question her "brand" of Christianity. The problem, as I see it, is that the Christian men have not been taught what is and what is not acceptable. Christian men do not need to be boring!
_____________________________
The truth will set you free!
TRUTH
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/28/2007 9:51:57 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 1331
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
Typically the ones who are committed to Godly relationships are snatched up pretty quickly, and are married.
spot on. and why shouldn't they be snatched up as Godly women are a prize! also keep in mind those saved for a long time say from childhood or teens may have went to bible school. one of my female friends told me a lot of girls at her bible college went with the purpose of finding a Godly husband. they wanted to be a pastor's wife, etc.
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RE: Where are the Single Christian men? - 11/28/2007 11:02:23 AM
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deermousie
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You have to get to know people and talk to people and pray to find out if this person could be your spouse. I just spoke to a male friend about this the other day. He said the same thing and I said "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???" I have known him for 10 years and he never dates/courts (whatever word you want to use) anyone. How will you find "her" if you don't get out there. Sorry I had to get all that off of my chest. 
