Where are the Single Christian men? (Full Version)

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jaimestarcross -> Where are the Single Christian men? (11/26/2007 1:32:40 PM)

I have wondered about this since responding to the
Christian dating question.

When I was a single Christian woman - I attended church faithfully
and watched so many Christian men pass over us girls who worked
hard to maintain our purity and behave like a lady.
Many of us would sit and talk about where are the Christian guys who want
to date a Christian girl who maintains her Christian walk.
We usually wound up dating a somewhat nice guy for a bit of time because we didn't have any Christian guys who would ask us out. We had friendships with Christian guys but they weren't interested in us unless their parents got on to them about not asking out a nice Christian girl and then every once in awhile we'd get asked out - and yes many of us went on these sympathy dates... but the guys weren't really interested in us and these type of dates weren't fun. So back to square one - we, the single girls got together and
talked about where the Christian guys are that wanted a Christian girl for dating... many of the girls in my circle ended up marrying guys who weren't Christians.

I'm very fortunate to have found a Christian man to marry - this happened when I was nearly 38.

How did you handle being A single Christian ?



rcamejo01 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 1:44:15 PM)

I often wonder myself where are all the Christian (single) women?



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 2:03:34 PM)

WOW! I guess I'm not an expert since I'm still single. I wonder the same thing. Not only where are the Christian guys but where are the Saved, sanctified men of God who are excited about the Lord and are looking for a woman who is excited about the Lord as well. A woman who is not only "pretty" but a woman who is smart and God centered.

I own my own business offering cooking lessons and meal planning and once in a while I will cater for friends. One of my friend's husband suggested that I cook for their men's night. He said that I would surely find a husband once they tasted my cooking. I was so offended. I believe I have so much more to offer than just cooking.

All that said - I wait patiently for the Lord. He knows my needs and He will provide in His time. I just have to be patient and open to the move of His Spirit. If not, I may end up even worse off - in a bad marriage!

Stay encouraged.

Robin[sm=chef.gif]



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 4:06:34 PM)

My response is twofold-
1) How are you engaging these non-existent Christian men? I run into a lot of Christian women who come off as snooty, self-righteous, or generally uninteresting.. Are you sharing your passions with them, and finding out about their passions, or are you looking at them with a jugemental eye and not showing interest?

2) Do you show confidence around these men? Most of us aren't attracted to the shrinking- violet type.. You may have Scripture memorized, and be a prayer warrior, but if you can't hold a conversation with a man in a group or one- on- one setting and show that you are comfortable in your own skin, we will pass you by.

Remember, we guys generally pine for the girl who stands out. We think we are in control of the situation, but in reality, we respond to what the ladies are projecting.. Not that it's a manipulation thing, but that's how it works. [8|] Also, don't be afraid to expand your circle of friends- you never know who you will meet!



savedbylove112 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 4:23:28 PM)

You should rephrase it as "Where are all the SINGLE Christian men"--at my church, it seems "all of the good ones are taken." And if there ARE any unattached godly men, they sure ain't lookin' my way. [:o]



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 4:38:05 PM)

i believe finding a spouse is a two- part thing (at least for guys)- Cast a wide net, but God guides where we cast it. I know my wife won't 'fall out of the sky', as it were, but I believe she'll pop up when I least expect it. Patience is important.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 4:40:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
We had friendships with Christian guys but they weren't interested in us unless their parents got on to them about not asking out a nice Christian girl and then every once in awhile we'd get asked out - and yes many of us went on these sympathy dates... but the guys weren't really interested in us and these type of dates weren't fun.


Now here's a problem... if a guy wants to honor Christ and is seeking Him and planning his life around godly pursuits, he might not even want to date but just wait for God's wife for his life. That makes him pretty boring to a gal who just wants a nice Christian guy to go out to dinner with, and he might not even want to do that because it could be leading her on.

quote:


So back to square one - we, the single girls got together and
talked about where the Christian guys are that wanted a Christian girl for dating... many of the girls in my circle ended up marrying guys who weren't Christians.


Forgive my bluntness; those girls were not serious about their faith, and maybe that's why the Christian guys weren't interested in them. If the guys were pursuing carnal gals then I take this back; they weren't serious about their faith, either, and weren't worthy of any decent Christian gal's attention. Yes I am black and white LOL But what else could a serious believer think? To know we aren't to be unequally yoked and to do that anyway is rank disobedience, and to a person who is steadfast in their faith that's simply unacceptable. Better to remain single for life than go the opposite way God says.

quote:

I'm very fortunate to have found a Christian man to marry - this happened when I was nearly 38.


Now I'm going to tick off everybody here. :D It wasn't "fortunate" - God picked the man and you waited for God's time. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't a coincidence, it wasn't lucky. God does all things well, and you didn't drive off the cliff of disobedience but waited and didn't take the easy way out. Maybe that's what you meant and I salute you for it, but for the older single gals reading this: God isn't a cringing, whimpering, powerless deity but the powerful, sovereign Lord of the universe who does all things well and can be trusted with every issue of your life. And with the timing. God rocks!!! So do you if you are counting on that. :)

To answer your question about where are all the good Christian guys? They are in churches, and you'll find them in churches that preach God's Word like it was true. True Christianity is radical and flies in the face of secular culture. At my church we excommunicate unrepentant sinners. It's not easy and it's not done in impulse but according to what the Bible says. It hurts like crazy; I've seen my entire congregation weeping. Some of those people got the message about what it's like to be outside God's relationships, repented and came back. They were recommunicated, to great rejoicing, and are honored members of our fellowship. Others are still trying to make life work when they're headed away from God and receiving the consequences.

Here's another answer: the serious guys are found in great numbers in missionary organizations. I used to live near the headquarters of a large parachurch organization, and the Bible-teaching churches were swamped with serious, godly guys.

Another answer (I'm sorry I'm being so obnoxious; it's the only way I know. I'm open to suggestions) is Christian colleges. Not the "let's play badmitten for Jesus" ones but "let's take on the culture for Jesus/let's take on ministry for Jesus/let's take on something important and turn it on its ear for Jesus" ones. I've been on campus at New St. Andrews college, and those guys are sharp, sharp, sharp. Sold out and turning their intelligent minds to learning God's ways and training to take on the culture. Their motto is "Laughter is warfare." I love it. Really neat gals there, too. They aren't playing badmitten. Well, maybe on weekends, but you get my meaning.

Last answer: the guys are in ones and twos whereever God has led them - in the colleges, in the office, in the work place or the military. God knows where he is and where you are, and can make the introduction even if long plane trips are required. God will move things so that it happens at the right point. The right point is perfect timing when the guy is sold out to God and following and confessing/repenting and being sanctified daily, and so is the woman. Not perfect, but serious enough about their faith to apply the Bible to their lives daily. Serious enough that their pastors and elders know of their godly behavior and good handle on what the Bible says.

I married at 38, also. I was determined that I'd rather be single than marry the wrong guy, and actually had given up on marriage because I wasn't getting any younger and my fertility was now in doubt anyway (we have one kid - she's terrific and waiting for God's man as she gets on with her active life. She doesn't date). I met my husband-to-be through a guy at church who was his roommate. God has a sense of humor. :D



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 4:52:12 PM)

umm.. let me also add humility to my previous post..



sliceofgrace -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 5:00:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

for the older single gals reading this: God isn't a cringing, whimpering, powerless deity but the powerful, sovereign Lord of the universe who does all things well and can be trusted with every issue of your life. And with the timing. God rocks!!! So do you if you are counting on that. :)



I'm not really sure why you thought this would make people angry? Just wanted to say "amen" and wholeheartedly agree with this statement. So this is at least one person that is encouraged not angered by this statement!



emmkay2 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 5:26:43 PM)

quote:

I own my own business offering cooking lessons and meal planning and once in a while I will cater for friends. One of my friend's husband suggested that I cook for their men's night. He said that I would surely find a husband once they tasted my cooking. I was so offended. I believe I have so much more to offer than just cooking.


i may not be well received for this but, here goes:

thin-skinned, humourless and hyper-sensitive will assuredly not result in finding a good mate. at the very least, it is never a good idea to take offense @ a compliment -- even if the compliment might be a bit 'clunky' or not well thought out. the Lord cautions us to be slow to anger, and not easily offended.

dismissing such an opportunity to
quote:

wait patiently for the Lord [who] knows my needs and will provide in His time. . . to be patient and open to the move of His Spirit.
is like the story about the christian man whose town flooded and he found himself on top of his roof praying to God for rescue.

A neighbor comes by in a row boat, and says, "Get in!" and the man replies, "No, no! God will save me!" a short time later another boat comes by and the people beckoned him, "Get in!" and he again replied, "No, no! God will save me!" just before nightfall with the water still rising a helicopter hovers above and drops a rope ladder. the man waves the helicopter off crying, "No, no! God will save me!" sure enough the flood waters rise above the man's rooftop, he is swept away and drowns. then, in heaven, standing before God, the man asks, "Father, I trusted you! Why didn't you save me?" God replies, "What do you mean? I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter!"

God works thru people. He's not going to send "Mr. Right" down on a cloud like an angel. you have a business where most of your clients, i presume, are female. you're handed this business opportunity with several potential male clients, which could lead to more male clients; football games, bachelor parties, who knows? yet you (apparently) turned your back on what, at the very least, could have been a great business opportunity, never mind the potential of meeting many men.

does this not strike you the same way it strikes me? didn't you just send away the boats and the helicopter?

is your perception of how
quote:

He will provide
perhaps so narrow as to misunderstand Him when He's doing just that?

think about it.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 5:27:35 PM)

to the OP-
How big is your church? I have friends who go to smaller churches, and there is a similar complaint among them.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 6:57:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sliceofgrace

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

for the older single gals reading this: God isn't a cringing, whimpering, powerless deity but the powerful, sovereign Lord of the universe who does all things well and can be trusted with every issue of your life. And with the timing. God rocks!!! So do you if you are counting on that. :)



I'm not really sure why you thought this would make people angry? Just wanted to say "amen" and wholeheartedly agree with this statement. So this is at least one person that is encouraged not angered by this statement!


I just didn't want to look like I was dissing people who were already trusting God big time; many do, and God's timing is "not now" or there'd be a guy knocking on the door. :)

Glad you agree. God is so awesome and has plans for great good for our lives; I know for so long I didn't think He was up to dealing with my life and I had to do it for Him. Hilarity and waste ensued. I am an idiot, saved by God, and slowly learning that the Bible *does* have the instructions and the Holy Spirit is up to the job of teaching me about Jesus and leading me in righteousness. I'm sorry I wasted so much of my life pushing God away, but He gives back what the locusts have eaten, and I am blessed beyong measure! It's such a delight to see my daughter doing it right, and I am so satisfied.



buckifn -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 7:21:01 PM)

Right where God wants him to be- if it is the one God wants you to be with He will make sure your paths cross.

As far as that goes, who knows, maybe he isn't even a Christian yet, so both of you are still in the "preparation stage"

Do you trust God enough to believe that?



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 10:58:48 PM)

emmkay,

I do understand what you are saying but let me explain why I felt the way I do.

quote:

thin-skinned, humourless and hyper-sensitive will assuredly not result in finding a good mate. at the very least, it is never a good idea to take offense @ a compliment -- even if the compliment might be a bit 'clunky' or not well thought out. the Lord cautions us to be slow to anger, and not easily offended.


I don't consider myself thin-skinned, humourless and hyper-sensitive. The person who made this comment is like that all the time. He makes ugly comments to people. He also doesn't think very highly of women, especially women in the ministry. To say to me that if I cook for the men then one of them would want to marry me is down-right rude. It's not a compliment, even a clunky one. Not knowing me I'm sure it's hard for you to know who I am. I let many things blow over, even this comment. I just mentioned it to point out that I would like a man who wants me for much more than my ability to cook. I preach, teach and mentor at my church. I am a single mother and I own my own business. There is so much more to me and I want someone who I can share all of that with, and who can share with me.

quote:

God works thru people. He's not going to send "Mr. Right" down on a cloud like an angel. you have a business where most of your clients, i presume, are female. you're handed this business opportunity with several potential male clients, which could lead to more male clients; football games, bachelor parties, who knows? yet you (apparently) turned your back on what, at the very least, could have been a great business opportunity, never mind the potential of meeting many men.


I probably also should have explained that when this was asked I just started the business and I only offer cooking lessons. I don't cater for the business. I "occasionally" cater for close friends. It was not a business opportunity and I don't believe it was handed down by God. I think the guy wanted me to cook for them for free. So, no I don't see it as a business opportunity, it didn't go along with the business. I have heard the story that you wrote but I don't think it's applicable to my situation. I'm not turning my back on doors God is opening. I just expect my God to do exceedingly and abundently above all I can ask or think. His Word promises that. I will not lessen myself or make myself feel like I can only offer a man my cooking skills to get a husband.

quote:

is your perception of how He will provide perhaps so narrow as to misunderstand Him when He's doing just that?


I must disagree. I am outgoing and friendly. I have a wide variety of friends. I'm active in my church and outside events. So far I have not found/been found by my husband. I believe with everything that is within me that I must actively "wait on the Lord." I would rather be single than with the wrong man. My view is not narrow - it's Biblical.

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.



emmkay2 -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 11:35:14 PM)

it was not my intent to offend, as apparently, i have. i apologize. my response was based solely upon your comments and the info provided within them.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 11:40:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

Right where God wants him to be- if it is the one God wants you to be with He will make sure your paths cross.

As far as that goes, who knows, maybe he isn't even a Christian yet, so both of you are still in the "preparation stage"

Do you trust God enough to believe that?


Amen!



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/26/2007 11:43:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Robin1b I believe with everything that is within me that I must actively "wait on the Lord." I would rather be single than with the wrong man. My view is not narrow - it's Biblical.


Whoo-woo! Great quote, Robin!

I'm going to remember that: My view is not narrow - it's Biblical."



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Christian men? (11/27/2007 8:39:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmkay2

it was not my intent to offend, as apparently, i have. i apologize. my response was based solely upon your comments and the info provided within them.


I'm sorry if my response came off hostile. I should have probably waited until morning to respond. No, I wasn't offended but I was concerned that you felt a comment like that was a compliment. I was more so trying to give more illumination to my original statements. I'm not offended. [sm=cool.gif]

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie
Whoo-woo! Great quote, Robin! I'm going to remember that: My view is not narrow - it's Biblical."


Thanks! I just wanted to make it clear that what I am doing is based upon scripture. One of my issues was learning how to wait on the Lord. Many times we try to open doors that the Lord doesn't want opened. Now, I don't mean to say wait at home until "Mr./Mrs. Right" knocks but I'm not running out with a sign on my chest that says "I want a husband!" It's about waiting patiently and actively for the Lord. [:D]



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 9:05:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
.

How did you handle being A single Christian ?


I went and found a single Christian woman and married her!



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 9:47:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross

How did you handle being A single Christian ?


I won't hijack your post anymore. [:D]

One thing that helps me is staying busy. I don't mean running around every moment but keeping active so that I don't have as much time to worry about being single.

Second, I have started to look for the good parts of singleness. The fact that I can do what I want when I want without having to consult with a spouse is nice. I can hang out in my pj's if I want. All those things are nice. I enjoy my Sunday evening alone time (my son is usually with his dad after church). I try to appreciate all of that now. I hope this helps!

Robin[sm=chef.gif]



SonInMe1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:01:35 AM)

The male populace of most churches seems to be always less than the female...there is one answer.

Secondly, its been my experience that "nice guys" do indeed finish last with women. Many women, and I have no idea if this is true in the christian woman, though I would hope not, want an "exciting" man.

I am afraid mosy christian men don't fall into that "exciting" catagory.

I am not sure that is the fault of women...or the fault of men.
How can a christian man be exciting to a christian woman? Should he be? Can he be?

By the way this is an intellectual pursuit. I am married... lol



preserved -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:06:56 AM)

I as a christian single women stay active in various ministries within the church. I notice that some christian males are so holy that they tend to run females away in oppose to drawing them. Then some christian males are indicating that they are waiting for God to send them the right person...what that means I am clueless[&:]



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:48:13 AM)

Staying busy is good, either through your work or service in a ministry..
If you think about things too much, it becomes a depressing situation.. Strive to see God in every situation, and work on your own spiritual growth. Also, avoid being judgemental of others, and avoid the trap of jealousy, which is easy to fall into during wedding season..



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:52:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved
I notice that some christian males are so holy that they tend to run females away in oppose to drawing them. Then some christian males are indicating that they are waiting for God to send them the right person...what that means I am clueless[&:]

I couldn't agree with your points more!!! I have met many Christian men who will barely say anything to a woman for fear of . . . I don't know what!!! I must say that we all have to be careful concerning how we come off. I have had people say that my 'biblical knowledge" can be intimidating. I don't want a guy to be afraid that he won't meet my "spiritual standard". I don't mean to say that he should be a lazy Christian but he doesn't have to know Greek and Hebrew to date me. :-)

Secondly: When someone says I'm waiting to meet the person God has for me do people think that God will put a neon sign over a person's head that says, "THIS IS THE ONE! GOD" [sm=halo.gif] You have to get to know people and talk to people and pray to find out if this person could be your spouse. I just spoke to a male friend about this the other day. He said the same thing and I said "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???" I have known him for 10 years and he never dates/courts (whatever word you want to use) anyone. How will you find "her" if you don't get out there. Sorry I had to get all that off of my chest. [:D]

Robin [sm=chef.gif]



Robin1b -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/27/2007 10:55:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55
and avoid the trap of jealousy, which is easy to fall into during wedding season..


This may sound like a silly question but I am serious: How do you suggest avoiding the trap of jealousy? I don't become "jealous" per se but it can get disheartening when you have to go to 4 weddings in a summer and once again none of them are yours. Thank you.



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