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RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper.

 
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RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 12:50:39 PM   
stellaluna


Posts: 4292
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ps103

Use Scott toilet paper like God intended.

It's when you get into that fancy pagan stuff that trouble starts, as you have already discovered.

I would get all of that Charmin stuff out of my house immediately!

Yes, Charmin sounds kind of...magical. We all have learned through the Harry Potter thread than any semblance of magic is sinful, so you must rid your home of the offending toilet paper at once. The fact that it "fell" off the role is a sure sign it has been bewitched. You can't put bewitched things near your nether regions, as I'm sure you understand.

Also, Charmin is two-ply, which is clearly indulgent. Perhaps Charmin's magical qualities can be overcome by donating one ply to charity.
Post #: 26
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 12:57:03 PM   
.Pammy


Posts: 3950
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: PA, USA
Status: offline 		I'm still not understanding the "tther". What does it stand for?

_____________________________

Pam

"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
Post #: 27
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 1:08:32 PM   
Kat_D


Posts: 3130
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
quote:

You can't put bewitched things near your nether regions, as I'm sure you understand.




_____________________________

~Kat

"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
Post #: 28
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 2:49:56 PM   
crankius


Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		Oh poor Kerrlaw.

Here is what you should do about your problem: replace the toilet paper roll with a stack of newspapers.

One, you'll save costs

Two, it's a law office, and attorneys (except you, of course ) specialize in handling the English language with such eloquence

Three, attorneys (except you, of course ) don't suffer from the same delicate skin as the rest of the human race

Four, anyone who's picked up a paper recently knows that's where journalistic standards are today anyway





Edit for silly error

< Message edited by crankius -- 11/29/2007 2:57:56 PM >

_____________________________

Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16

SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
Post #: 29
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:20:07 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline 		Don't think I haven't tried it cranky.

The newspapers are better than the Sears catalogue (too slick), but tend to stop up the plumbing.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 30
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:26:48 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
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quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

When my cats were younger and prone to play with the TP, I did not have to buy some fancy-smancy TP guard. I used a rubber band.


I just can't imagine how this works Gary. Just one?



I'll stay with toilet paper.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 31
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:27:43 PM   
Kat_D


Posts: 3130
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw1

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

When my cats were younger and prone to play with the TP, I did not have to buy some fancy-smancy TP guard. I used a rubber band.


I just can't imagine how this works Gary. Just one?



I'll stay with toilet paper.





_____________________________

~Kat

"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
Post #: 32
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:32:50 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

I think we should keep taking swipes at this until we get to the bottom of it.




quote:

It isn't the brand. TP in and of itself is not sinful. However, the condition of your heart when you place the TP on the holder is of the utmost importance. Man sees the brand but God sees the heart. If you'd change your evil ways and put it on the right way (which would be the opposite of the way you have it now) you would not have these manifestations occurring and you could sleep the sleep of the Righteous.


Lion: You must be sippin' some really good coffee to wax eloquent like that.

quote:

5. Is the paper safe to use?

You mean after you've futilely tried to roll it back on, with all the dust and hair that is on the bathroom floor? No, I'd not use it. Just thinking about it gives me the heeby jeebies.


Kath: Isn't there a 5 second rule with TP like there is with food?

And remind me to stop at a McDonalds rest room first if I ever visit your dusty, hairy house.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 33
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:40:09 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

Heck, if I was a roll TP and realized what my lot in life was, I'd try to commit suicide by throwing myself on the floor too. It's just trying to escape a fate worse than death...can you blame it?


Interesting theory. Toilet paper consciousness.

quote:

This very thing is why the TP must come off the top of the roll instead of the bottom!!!!!


Of course. I've always been an over the top person.

The scary thing is that the Charmin is coming over the top.

IT DID IT AGAIN TODAY!

Thankfully at home we don't have a TP roller. When we put in central heat, we took out the built in space heater in the bathroom and had three little shelves built in that space. They hold three big rolls. I may have to stay at home until the Charmin demon is exorcised from my office.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 34
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 10:50:03 PM   
zoebob


Posts: 8798
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online 		Now Now I happen to know another very nice lawyer who actually cares about his clients. Not ALL lawyers are bad. Of course my friend will actually sometimes tell the lawyer jokes in SS.

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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
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Post #: 35
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 11:21:37 PM   
Kath


Posts: 17141
Joined: 2/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

And remind me to stop at a McDonalds rest room first if I ever visit your dusty, hairy house.




We have 4 cats and a dog, no matter how much I swiffer there is always pet hair.
Post #: 36
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 11:44:45 PM   
Memaw.


Posts: 2353
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline 		Kerrlaw,

I would like to offer this question for scrutiny.

Have you perchance been working out lately to where your muscles are larger than they were before?

You see, I have an idea that you may be "tugging" on the roll a bit too hard and IF you have been working out lately, that would explain why.

Now, according to the Bears on TV, you only need 4 squares to take care of business, so if you are using more than that, you are being wasteful and we cannot (in good conscience) allow a brother to sin in such a way.

So I say to you:

BE HEALED!

Now, go and sin no more.

Go on...really...go on.

_____________________________

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
Post #: 37
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/29/2007 11:59:44 PM   
utilityfielder


Posts: 12202
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw1

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

When my cats were younger and prone to play with the TP, I did not have to buy some fancy-smancy TP guard. I used a rubber band.


I just can't imagine how this works Gary. Just one?



I'll stay with toilet paper.




Perhaps you read my post in haste. It was clear that the third sentence in it was referring to the second sentence in which the adjective was toilet paper guard.


quote:

Now, according to the Bears on TV, you only need 4 squares to take care of business, so if you are using more than that, you are being wasteful and we cannot (in good conscience) allow a brother to sin in such a way.


Wasn't this a Sienfeld episode?

_____________________________

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
Post #: 38
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 12:03:51 AM   
Memaw.


Posts: 2353
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
quote:

Wasn't this a Sienfeld episode?


GASP!
I would never allow that to be shown in my house!

We go to the neighbors and watch the reruns.

_____________________________

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
Post #: 39
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 8:30:44 AM   
monamie


Posts: 1083
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: OK
Status: offline 		.....and I still don't know what a tther is. This thread just won't make any sense to me until I have that piece of the puzzle.

Kerr, you don't have a toilet paper holder because you put in central heat? I'm sure if I knew what a tther was, that line of reasoning would make perfect sense to me.

_____________________________

Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping others will die.
Post #: 40
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 8:38:58 AM   
.Pammy


Posts: 3950
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: PA, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monamie

.....and I still don't know what a tther is. This thread just won't make any sense to me until I have that piece of the puzzle.

Kerr, you don't have a toilet paper holder because you put in central heat? I'm sure if I knew what a tther was, that line of reasoning would make perfect sense to me.

And for some reason, Mona, they don't want to tell us. We keep asking and asking and asking. Wonder why it's such a big secret.

_____________________________

Pam

"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
Post #: 41
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 8:47:28 AM   
monamie


Posts: 1083
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PamelaSue

quote:

ORIGINAL: monamie

.....and I still don't know what a tther is. This thread just won't make any sense to me until I have that piece of the puzzle.

Kerr, you don't have a toilet paper holder because you put in central heat? I'm sure if I knew what a tther was, that line of reasoning would make perfect sense to me.

And for some reason, Mona, they don't want to tell us. We keep asking and asking and asking. Wonder why it's such a big secret.


It's probably a cult, or some type of secret society of which some of these people may be members. Maybe if we knew the secret handshake, they'd tell us the meaning.

_____________________________

Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping others will die.
Post #: 42
[Deleted] - 11/30/2007 9:18:55 AM   
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  Post #: 43
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 9:22:05 AM   
JimboFletch


Posts: 6608
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deadhead

Kerr, your office could probably install bidets and then you would not have to worry about paper again...

What makes you think that eliminates paper? Maybe not Chramin quality, but you definitely need something absorbant.
Post #: 44
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 9:32:40 AM   
.Pammy


Posts: 3950
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: PA, USA
Status: offline 		Okay, seriously now, is there a real reason we're being ignored? I'm getting a complex.

_____________________________

Pam

"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
Post #: 45
[Deleted] - 11/30/2007 10:55:37 AM   
Deleted User
 [Deleted by Admins]
  Post #: 46
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 12:15:39 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deadhead

Kerr, your office could probably install bidets and then you would not have to worry about paper again. Then again you might learn why the french are always crankius. Either that or it could double as a water fountain.


I've got a squeeze water bottle that came with my exercise bike.

Reckon that would work?

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 47
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 12:17:26 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monamie

quote:

ORIGINAL: PamelaSue

quote:

ORIGINAL: monamie

.....and I still don't know what a tther is. This thread just won't make any sense to me until I have that piece of the puzzle.

Kerr, you don't have a toilet paper holder because you put in central heat? I'm sure if I knew what a tther was, that line of reasoning would make perfect sense to me.

And for some reason, Mona, they don't want to tell us. We keep asking and asking and asking. Wonder why it's such a big secret.


It's probably a cult, or some type of secret society of which some of these people may be members. Maybe if we knew the secret handshake, they'd tell us the meaning.


Gary (the guy who substituted a rubber band for toilet paper) is in charge of demonstrating the handshake.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 48
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 12:26:30 PM   
Kerrlaw


Posts: 9165
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Memaw.

Kerrlaw,

I would like to offer this question for scrutiny.

Have you perchance been working out lately to where your muscles are larger than they were before?

You see, I have an idea that you may be "tugging" on the roll a bit too hard and IF you have been working out lately, that would explain why.


My only additional workouts were abdominal stretches during the Thanksgiving holiday (getting in shape for Christmas).

quote:

Now, according to the Bears on TV, you only need 4 squares to take care of business, so if you are using more than that, you are being wasteful and we cannot (in good conscience) allow a brother to sin in such a way.


I use that much to blow my nose, so I must be in a consistent state of backsliddedness (so to speak).

quote:

So I say to you:

BE HEALED!

Now, go and sin no more.


Since you weren't here, I slapped my own forehead.

_____________________________

<<< Sharon Marie in a few years.

That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Post #: 49
RE: HELP - rogue toilet paper. - 11/30/2007 1:18:47 PM   
utilityfielder


Posts: 12202
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
quote:

Gary (the guy who substituted a rubber band for toilet paper) is in charge of demonstrating the handshake.





OK this is the handshake.

_____________________________

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
Post #: 50
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