Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (Full Version)

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SweetLittleErin -> Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 2:53:18 PM)

This is a thread for support of working wives/moms.
We are not discrediting SAHW/M, but for whatever reason we work outside the home. But we are still wives/moms. We still have those struggles as well as the struggles of a workplace. This is a place to share your troubles. Share your tips on how you cope with things like dinnertime, housework, family time, etc. You dont have to be just a working mom to post here, but please use this thread for support. This is not a place to debate or put down another family's decision.



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 2:59:58 PM)

Yay for the working wives/ moms....i'm just a working wife, but someday, I hope to be a working mom.
Thanks for starting the thread Erin![:D]



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:04:51 PM)

I'll kick it off by introducing myself.

I'm Erin.
I'm an insurance agent. I really am blessed to have an awesome job and awesome bosses. There are three (sometimes 4) of us here. My boss, his mom, and his wife (she's home with their son right now but will be coming back soon, he's getting ready to start fulltime daycare). I've been here 5 years, so I'm pretty much family. Boss' daughters were even in my wedding.
We dont have any kids, yet. But, as it is very apparent on this forum, we are trying, and are currently in the process of treating my fertility disorder so hopefully children are in our near future.
Yes, I'll probably continue working after children. Daycare costs here are very low ($75/week for a good preschool) that we cant justify losing my paycheck. We feel thats the best we can provide for our family. We neither one work long hours, so we will have plenty of family time, it comes down to what you make of the time you have.



LaurainAL -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:05:07 PM)

Hi girls!

Thanks for starting the thread Erin.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:08:12 PM)

Do you ladies every feel like people think you are a bad mom/wife because you work?

What is your social circle like? Working moms/wives? Stay at home moms/wives?



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:25:16 PM)

i think the only people who think ill of me because i work are probably some other posters on this board[8D]...i don't know anyone IRL who thinks poorly of working women. Of course, I live in NYC so pretty much everyone has to work to be able to stay here, but even back home in the south nobody thinks i'm weird for working.

I did go to college and while I'm not using my degree in this particular field, it has come in handy. If i were planning on staying home, I wouldn't have bothered to go to school past high school.

as for my social circle, well it's a teensy weensy bit difficult to really have one of those here. I mostly associate with a few people from my gym, and there are a couple of friends that are NOT church people in any way that I socialize with from time to time. I also have a great gym buddy who is an Atheist/ Jew, but we keep each other motivated to work out. We've been friends for about 4 years now.

My husband sort of has his circle of friends and I have mine. We only have a couple of people that we consider to be "our friends" together, and these are mostly people that he knew before I moved here, but they have graciously taken me in and I'm part of the family. We eat out and do things with them frequently.

I am hoping that another poster on this board and her husband move here in the near future. she knows who she is, but I don't know if she has changed her mind about moving or not. I hope she does! it would be great to have another church going/ working couple (most of my church friends are singles)....sooooo....

regardless of their religious status, all of my friends work.

eta....Hi Laura! Hope you had a great christmas and new year![sm=wave.gif]



stellaluna -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:28:14 PM)

I'm a working wife...it has yet to be determined whether I'll be a working mother.

My job is awesome, too...good pay, lots of time off, good benefits. Still, I'd rather be independently wealthy and not have to do a darn thing. [;)]

I don't cook. My husband does all the grocery shopping and cooking. My husband works about four days a week, in two-day spurts. Any time he's at work, he's out of town. If he's at work, there's no one to cook for but myself. So I don't do it. [8D] Any time he's not at work, he's at home. So he runs errands and does the cooking. I clean and do laundry. It works for us.

My social circle at the moment is made up mostly of working moms/wives. I have one friend who recently quit her job to stay home and a couple more who are SAHMs. I don't feel like a bad wife at all; I might if I had kids and was still working. Right now we have the luxury of living with two incomes and saving all the money we can. (For the purpose just mentioned in the post above mine. [:D])



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 3:31:00 PM)

I guess I could answer my own questions...


The only place I see negative judgement on working is on this board. Although, I dont harbor any hard feeling towards anyone. Just the very nature of this board usually points to more SAHM/W than working outside the home.

In my social circle...church...all of the moms there are working moms. They all have beautiful, intelligent, well behaved (somedays) children. So I feel like I will be well supported when the time comes.



doinkdom -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 4:05:31 PM)

Was a working single mom for about 13-14 years and now am a working wife and grandma. [;)]

I work for a market/research company focusing on consumer opinions, etc.

My greatest blessing is that I don't have to be into work until 9:30 am, so that leaves me with a couple hours in the morning to take care of a lot of things.

Anyway, with just the two of us, we pretty much wing it nearly everyday for dinner. Whatever we are in the mood for, I stop and pick up to cook. We pretty much share everything else. Whatever needs to be done, one of us does it and that changes weekly.

Our friends are very diverse in age, marital and children status so we are around it all. However, there is a small group of women that I do avoid because there is just this real sense of an "I'm better than you" attitude. These are the local home-schoolers and it's not all of them and it's not necessarily a Christian thing - it's just kinda strange I suppose.



artemis -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 4:05:42 PM)

I'm currently a working wife and may or may not work when we have kids. I'm a junior high Spanish teacher... a title that usually evokes applause and awe everywhere except for church where it is unacceptable for me to (a) be working and (b) to be working in a public school (*shock*) It's like I've committed some double-sin that will never be forgiven [;)]

My husband will be graduating in May and should find out around that time if he will be moved from part-time to full time at his current job. Then we will decide what I will do. A lot will also depend on if I'm pregnant by that time.

How do I cope and get everything done? Well, I'm required to get to school at 8:00, but I get there at 6:30 [sm=icon_smile_boggled.gif] That way I'm able to leave between 4:00 and 4:30. My husband is sleeping at 6:30 anyhow, so it's not like I'm really missing anything by being at work then. I usually don't have to bring much work home when I get there that early. I'm home before 5:00 and have time to cook. I get my cleaning done when I can and I go grocery shopping on Wednesday nights when my husband has meetings until late.



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 4:13:52 PM)

quote:

My husband will be graduating in May and should find out around that time if he will be moved from part-time to full time at his current job.

Congratulations! My DH will be graduating in May as well. He already works full time though, however, once he has that piece of paper in his hand, he'll move on to greener pastures...hopefully. the place he works at now knows he wants to leave, so they've been veeerrrrry good to him in order to keep him...they gave him a raise and a wonderful christmas bonus, but.....he thinks he still might see what else is out there.



moon_mouse -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 4:51:40 PM)

Moon Mouse here...I work as a videographer and editor at a TV station. Married, no kids, no intention to have any.

quote:


Do you ladies every feel like people think you are a bad mom/wife because you work?


Actually, I take much more flack for being childless by choice than I do for being a married working woman. I think most people that have a "thing" against mothers working don't have quite the same level of objection to a wife working, because it's seen as a temporary thing. Lots of times, people assume I don't have kids because of my career. Frankly, even if "they" passed a law that said married women whose husbands were capable of working could not be in the workforce, I still wouldn't have kids. I can do more in my career, but it isn't the reason I don't have kids, and I'm pretty insulted that some people would think I'm that shallow and limited.

quote:

What is your social circle like? Working moms/wives? Stay at home moms/wives?


I have more male friends than female. I would say it's about 70/30 as far as married/single. I'm not quite 40, and most of my friends are 50+ empty nesters, because they have more freedom with their time, and tend to be more outwardly oriented, whereas most parents with kids at home are centered around the children's activites.



i_am_just_me -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 4:56:27 PM)

YAY! for this thread!
I am a working mother of three! I got divorced 2 years ago so that makes me a single mother of three (kinda) I am engaged but we do not live together (I think that I was already pushing it with the divorce, I didnt want to add living together in the mix too!)

I have a DS 10, DD 9, and DS 7. As far as my work, I am in the military. (Navy)

Now, I am going to read the previous posts so that I can catch up with everyone...[:D]



i_am_just_me -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 5:00:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin

Do you ladies every feel like people think you are a bad mom/wife because you work?

What is your social circle like? Working moms/wives? Stay at home moms/wives?


I think that sometimes I get a bad rap because people think that being in the military means that I am overseas all of the time and I am ready for war right now. Its not like that at all. It's tough sometimes but it's not like that. (Take a look at some of my postings - I am online all day!! [:D])

My social circle pretty much revolves around my kids schedules with the exception of church. Someone always needs to go to some sort of practice.



nicole6598 -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 5:14:54 PM)

Here in Australia I think if you *don't * work you get odd looks. I think every woman I know young and old works either while they have kids at home, before kids and after kids start school. Once my kids go to school I will be returning to teaching
1. I enjoy working
2. I would go stir crazy sitting at home all day
3. i want to help my husband contribute to the finances



42servehymn -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 9:13:52 PM)

I have two grown sons (18 & 19). The 19 year old is away at college most of the year. The 18 year old is a senior in high school. I have a part time job as a receptionist at a law firm. I work there on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-5. I also own a residential cleaning business that I started in 1999. Hubby and I operate the business together. He works in it daily cleaning along side the crew and I only clean occasionally when they need my help. We split the other duties involved with running the business like scheduling, interviewing, marketing, bidding jobs, making sure we have supplies and lots of other stuff. It is much easier now that the boys are grown and mostly self sufficient. I like both of my jobs. The law firm is a new job for me. I started on November 1st. I had no previous experience doing that type of work so it has been a huge learning experience. I feel pretty pampered because I have a husband who shares in the household responsibilities (he does most of the cooking) and every two weeks our house gets cleaned by the crew. I remember the earlier days when the boys were in elementary and middle school. Hubby was working about 60-70 hours a week at an office job and I was building the business and often working a part time job of some sort to supplement income. Those days were quite chaotic. I feel blessed to have the life that I have right now.



not_the_first -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/8/2008 11:24:52 PM)

I am 32. I am an associate director/advisor at a local, private college. I have been married for 2.5 years, no kids yet. I live in a big, working class city so it is pretty expected for everyone to work, women included. Since I got married in my late 20's, most of my friends were also single or got married later in life, so they all have careers too. My husband and I also have a lot of single friends (of all ages 20's, 30's and 40's) so lots of friends who work (both male and female). Working is just an expected part of life, I guess, or at least that's the attitude from these parts.

Our biggest struggle is dinner. My DH gets home around 3:30 - 4:00, I get home at 6:30. Sometimes we wing it, sometimes I am good and plan and make things ahead. It's one thing I want to improve on and be more consistant with. Tonight we actually put dinner together for tomorrow at 9:00 pm. I am fortunate to have a hubby who cooks, cleans, etc., we really do share most responsibilities.



_Cinderella_ -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 5:03:01 AM)

I am a working wife. I do not feel bad for being one because I never expected to get married and just stay home. Whenever someone hears I am 21 and have been married for two years already their next question is, "So, do you have any kids?" Kids are probably a long way off for us, and my husband wants me to keep working until we have one.

I don't have a social circle because I am not a very social person. I have never had that many friends.

We sort of split the housework here. We both cook sometimes, and we both do our own laundry. I do most the grocery shopping (especially the big shopping trips) and make sure the bills get paid and track where money is going and help care for the dogs and do the detail cleaning. He gets the mail, takes down the garbage can once a week, does the dishes, and occassionally cleans the floors.



artemis -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 8:12:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PCtheGreat

Whenever someone hears I am 21 and have been married for two years already their next question is, "So, do you have any kids?"


Imagine being 27 and married for 7 years [8D] Most people assume that we just don't want kids and then try to convince us of why we should have kids [sm=icon_smile_roll.gif]

When I lived in a small town, everyone was horrified that I would even consider working once we have kids. Now that I live in the big city, most people are supportive but surprised of women who stay home full time with their kids, especially if their kids are in school. We still go to church in a small town, so that's where I get most of the unwanted comments.



LaurainAL -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 8:31:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin

Do you ladies every feel like people think you are a bad mom/wife because you work?

What is your social circle like? Working moms/wives? Stay at home moms/wives?


Everyday when I go to work, I know I am providing for my family. Why would anyone feel bad about that? Because of my work, my family has top notch health care and my kids will get a fantastic education. I am very proud to be a working Momma!

All of my friends work outside of the home. We provide great support to one another. I hope this thread will do the same thing.

quote:

eta....Hi Laura! Hope you had a great christmas and new year!


Hi elastic! It's good to see you again. Did you get to come home for the holidays?



lexie -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 8:42:00 AM)

While I am mostly home with my daughter, I do work outside of the home teaching skating. My schedule changes so some weeks I can be working 2 hours, others I can be working 9 or 10. I know it's not a lot compared to what you all work (or probably what was meant for the thread). I also do a little freelance writing but that is from the home.

The reason why I work this way is it brings in extra income which we need right now, but because we can't afford daycare. My parents watch my daughter while I'm working. I was offered a 4 month contract job but did not take it (though I wanted to) because the wait lists for daycare are too long, and the logistics of it would be hard (long, unstable hours).

Anyways, I wanted to say that in my social circle, I am the only one who is a stay at home mom. All of my friends (though they don't have children yet) are planning on working when they have children.

I do take my daughter to a play group and associate with many other sahm's but a lot of them are new to the country and weren't working here before they had children, and as well are from a culture where the woman usually stays in the home.

I don't know many women who are choosing to be SAHM's and I agree that the group here on CW seems to go against what is the norm in my area of the world. Any mom I knew who stayed home did so because the husband brought home a large enough income to suit that lifestyle. I did not know of anyone who had to do the budgetary things that I do that allow myself to stay at home.



lexie -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 8:46:54 AM)

quote:

Share your tips on how you cope with things like dinnertime, housework, family time, etc.


Though I don't work a lot of hours, I group them into two days, so I don't have to do a lot of driving (1/2 hour drive from my house to get to work) or take advantage of my babysitters.

My biggest lifesaver, silly as it may sound, has been my crockpot! It is so nice to be able to come home and have dinner ready for me without having to do a thing after walking through the door. It's also nice because it has food ready no matter who walks through the door (if Dh and I get home at different times, he doesn't have to wait for me to come home to have dinner ready).

I also find on the days I do work that housework is thrown out the window. Because my job is physical I am tired by the time I get home (but my daughter isn't!).



Sideways -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:09:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin

Do you ladies every feel like people think you are a bad mom/wife because you work?


Back before I had a kid, I would've felt like a bad wife if I didn't work. Why would I put the full financial burden on my husband like that? A spotless house and home cooked meal is nice, but I am not a great cook or housekeeper. I am however, a decent engineer. [;)] My income allowed us to pay off our cars, a lot of our debt and go on two nice vacations (Alaska and Europe) before we had a baby.

I know this isn't PC on this forum, but I have a hard time swallowing why a woman without a child could justify not working, at least part time or something. Even with the so-called "cost of working".... I know, I know... I should not judge others.

Some say "We wanted to get used to being on one income". Well fine, then pour the wife's income into a savings account and don't touch it. Oh well, someone else's life, someone else's choice.



PrudentWife -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:36:07 AM)

quote:

I know this isn't PC on this forum, but I have a hard time swallowing why a woman without a child could justify not working, at least part time or something. Even with the so-called "cost of working".... I know, I know... I should not judge others.


Because the same way you love engineering and I love financial analysis, those women love homemaking.

I don't work outside the home now, but I eagerly look forward to the day I will return to work. I won't be returning for financial reasons because we'll be putting our children in private school, and we will be netting no gain. But I'll be so happy to rejoin the workforce and use my brain and skills in that way again.

My social circle is mostly working mothers. I think there are some or many who would like to stay home, but it's a pretty expensive cost of living around here and two incomes are almost mandatory.



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:40:18 AM)

quote:

Hi elastic! It's good to see you again. Did you get to come home for the holidays?


nope, not this year. i hope that maybe next year i'll get to be home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, that would be lovely.

quote:

I know this isn't PC on this forum, but I have a hard time swallowing why a woman without a child could justify not working, at least part time or something. Even with the so-called "cost of working".... I know, I know... I should not judge others.


well, just so you know you are not alone, I agree with you 100%. I think even if I didn't have to work that I would still have some sort of job. I would go crazy at home all day, even if I were cleaning/ cooking / making the house spotless....i mean come on, if you areTHAT good at cleaning and making the house spotless, why would you need to do it every day? I somehow managed to clean our place once a week and it looks just fine.

cooking, well, that's something we share. my dh actually does the majority of the cooking because he loves to cook and that's how his parents did it, so who am i to keep him from his precious kitchen? tee hee....

anyways, i agree with you.



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