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danas_mom -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (2/3/2008 11:46:30 PM)
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Well it took me a while to decide to come in and read this thread.
how many births have you had? Three.
how many would you categorize as "hard" whether emotionally or physically because of medical reasons? Three.
do you plan on/did you decide to stop having babies because of a traumatic experience with a birth? No, we knew three kids was our number, but I had to really, really talk myself into knowingly going through another c-section.
quote:
for those with medical issues, how many babies do you (at this time) think you would be up for having before you decided to stop (because of medical reasons....let's not get into the whole "children are a blessing" thing...we all know they are...I am just asking about medical issues, not your moral beliefs)? As above, three was our number, but my body handled pregnancy worse and worse with each one so even if we hadn't known beforehand, I can't imagine we'd have another.
My story...
First baby, I went in for an induction at 41 weeks, 3 days. It was commonplace where I was from to have an induction so I never thought to question it. Started pitocin around 8 am, contractions hit SUDDEN and HARD about three hours later, had an epidural shortly after that. Nurse never bothered to explain that I had a button to push that would administer more meds if I started feeling pain again, so about four hours later I was hurting very bad again. They administered more meds, then about 8 pm the doctor on call decided that I needed a c-section because I wasn't progressing enough. I was 9 cm. She had me push, I remember this part very clearly, she had me push one time for about six seconds (I was counting to ten in my head, I had watched A Baby Story religiously for months, and was surprised when she cut me off early) and said, and I quote, "Well, that's not getting you anywhere. We need to go ahead with the section."
My daughter was born at 8:36 pm. They never even bothered to hold her down where I could see her, much less touch her, I barely got a glimpse of her black hair as they walked by and told my husband to come with them while they cleaned her up. So I figured they would get her cleaned up while the doctor was stitching me up, and that I would get to see her and hold her shortly. I was having a reaction to the meds at that point and was shaking violently. Someone finally gave me some heated blankets after I got into the common recovery room and that helped a little. I was alone in the recovery room, I really don't remember how long I was in there. I was in and out of consciousness - not like what Sarah describes, but I would fall deeply asleep and have a very hard time waking up when someone was talking around me.
Hubby and I got to my regular room probably around 10 pm. I think my sister and my mom brought him something to eat, and then everyone but us left. They all told me how beautiful the baby was, how she had a head full of thick black hair. Still I laid there and waited to have her brought to me, I knew they would want me to try to nurse her soon.
Finally at about 11:30 I had my husband call and ask them if they were going to bring her down, or what. They acted surprised that I didn't want them to just keep her in the nursery that first night. Which is fine, because I needed the rest, but I had not even SEEN her yet, much less been able to hold her and try to feed her. So finally about ten minutes later, I got to see my baby.
Things after that are kind of a big blur. I was very, very disappointed and depressed that I had ended up with a c-section, which surprised me greatly because going into it I really didn't care, I was just happy that I was going to get to see my baby soon. Nobody understood my disappointment so I learned to just stop bringing it up and figured something was wrong with me.
Second baby, I was determined to have a VBAC. Actually up until I went in for my first prenatal appt I thought a VBAC was out of the question because I had a vertical scar. What I didn't know was that my outer scar is vertical, but the inner scar is horizontal. So once I learned that they would be ok with me attempting a VBAC, that was all she wrote. I was determined. I read everything I could about VBAC's, about what was best as far as being induced, blah blee blah blah. Read and posted on message boards about VBAC's. Had dreams almost nightly at the end of my pregnancy about going into labor and feeling myself push the baby out.
Went in for a regular doctor's appointment at 41 weeks, 1 day. Doctor had been wanting to induce but I kept refusing, based on what I had read. I was terrified that an induction would automatically equal another c-section. Doctor wanted to do a non-stress test since I was over a week past due, with no real progress (I think I was 1 cm dilated, if that, and had been for a few weeks). I called my hubby from the hospital room and told him what was going on and laid there watching the news while they had the monitor going. The doctor came in and I turned the TV off, she looked over the monitor results and very gently told me that there was an indication of distress, and I thought she was going to say they were going to go ahead and induce. I was kind of relieved because I thought well, now the decision about inducing has been taken out of my hands. Then she went on to say that they were going to start prepping me for a c-section, and I needed to call my husband and have him get down there ASAP. I stared at her in shock for about three seconds and burst into hysterical tears. She didn't know how to react to that (if ya'll knew me IRL, you would understand - I never break down in front of anyone other than my husband, NEVER) and jumped up and grabbed a bunch of tissues while I wailed.
Honestly, I don't remember very much at all after that except that it took them at least twenty minutes to get the spinal in place because I kept shaking and jerking myself away from the needle when they would try to put it in. They were getting very angry with me but it was an involuntary response, I was really trying to hold still. I still shudder when I think about the feeling of that needle scraping against my spine. Hubby had to scramble to get my daughter somewhere and get to the hospital, he barely got there in time for the birth.
My son was born at 8:32 pm. I don't remember....well, I really don't remember anything else about my hospital stay except that my daughter was iced in at my parents' with no electricity, so she couldn't come to the hospital to see me, and the one time I got to talk to her on the phone she didn't say anything other than "I want you!" and sobbed. And, total opposite of how things went with my daughter, they would leave the baby in the room with me for hours on end and would get very annoyed with me when I needed help (I was alone in there most of the time and couldn't easily get to him).
Third baby, I knew would have to be an elective c-section. That whole pregnancy and delivery is a blur for me, because I just flat out blocked a lot of it out. FIL was in the hospital at the same time dying - literally - so everthing about that time was just really messed up.
I do remember the anasthesiologist was very, very nice - he stayed with me during the entire procedure so he could monitor my reactions closely, and he rubbed my hair and held a bucket for me to throw up in and kept me calmed down. I druggedly told him "Thank you for being so nice" when it was over. I'm sure I sounded like a dork but I was trying to be really sincere so he would know how much that meant to me. He was the only person in three surgeries that made me feel like anyone cared about me and what I was feeling.
Dadgum. Crying again. Someday I will be able to think about my birth stories without this feeling.
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