RE: The Meet Market (Full Version)

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mutinywxgirl -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 9:28:48 PM)

Yes, it's faith based, and not strictly Christian. Just be careful.



azroadrunner -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 10:34:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada
Keep it light and fun and take it with a grain of salt, if someone doesn't reply right away, give them the benefit of the doubt (like they broke their leg and are in hospital,) instead of assuming they hate your guts and the world is unfair and now you are depressed and disillusioned about the opposite gender.

This is very true. In fact, I also signed up for the free communication weekend on e-harmony and wasn't really getting anywhere when all of a sudden today I got the most amazing match! He wrote me and said that we had been matched several months ago but I had never responded to his request for communication so he closed me out. I didn't realize that after my membership expired I would continue to receive matches, so I wasn't even aware that he had contacted me since I had stopped visiting the site. I'm so impressed that he had the courage to take another chance with me in spite of this misunderstanding (and pleased that I get another chance to get to know this apparently amazing guy!).

I've tried e-harmony and Christian Cafe and to be honest, I think the quality of the people on e-harmony is much better. At least on that site I didn't run into anyone who was openly perverted, which is more than I can say for CC.

BTW, I've heard that BigChurch is supported by the porn industry - Link



BugLady -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 10:42:37 PM)

quote:

Ladies: if a guy is too eager to talk "lewd"-ly, then you have your answer as to his interest and motivation. Tell that immature guy your standards are higher and throw him to the curb.


... and the lewdness doesn't necessarily have to be blatant, it can be pretty subtle. So if something he says/writes makes you wonder what he meant by that, listen to your gut.

Watch for other clues, like vague responses to serious/specific questions or inconsistent responses. OR avoiding a question entirely while at the same time trying to speed up the pace of communication...



gaylel1 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 10:52:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

They do advertise as a Christian dating service with half a million christian members. I think it's a faith base dating service and not just for christians. As I said, both sites that I visited has a lot of men who claimed to be Christians but are seeking intimate encounters. So, I guess since they are free, they'll attract all sorts of characters.



Prairiehiker and all, just because a service says that is a "christian service" does not mean that the people there are Christians, or even saved for that matter. Big Church is owned by a service which operate several sites that deal with porn. E-harmony is not a Christian dating service neither.

People need to be wise as serphants when they go online and be in prayer because you never know who you are talking to. He may be saved, but he also may be not what people think he is.


This is one of the areas weak christian ladies especially fall for until it is too late.


All I am trying to say is to use wisdom and diserernment when using online dating and I'm posting it in love and concern.



BugLady -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 11:01:16 PM)

Also be careful of a quid pro quo approach to communication... someone who shares something personal and expects you to share something equally personal in return. Never share more than you are comfortable sharing. Always remember once you share something you can't "unshare" it. [;)]


While eHarmony may not be a strictly Christian site, it definitely has solid Christians using their services.



skreyola -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 11:15:25 PM)

BugLady: Agreed on all counts.



Prairiehiker -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 11:21:01 PM)

quote:

lewdness doesn't necessarily have to be blatant, it can be pretty subtle. So if something he says/writes makes you wonder what he meant by that, listen to your gut.

Watch for other clues, like vague responses to serious/specific questions or inconsistent responses. OR avoiding a question entirely while at the same time trying to speed up the pace of communication...



The way I see it, whether we're trying to meet people online, or in a supermarket or through matchmaking by friends, we always have to use wisdom and discernment. If we're in it to really screen out people that doesn't fit the profile of the person we would like to marry, then online dating services are good for that. They provide so much clues as to the level of commitment they have with God. For example, one site asked the members about their faith and their favourite bible verses. The ones that are new christians or just pretending to be christians would give such vague answers. Look for those clues.

And also, don't stay online too long. If possible, meet in person within a few weeks since the person you're writing too can be, and most often, will be different from the man in person. Don't fall into the trap of falling for the image presented online then feel completely let down in person.

Pray for wisdom, discernment, and use the moral will of God that's given through His words!



hogpharmer -> RE: The Meet Market (2/20/2008 11:34:39 PM)

I am currently a member of Christian Cafe. I have had very little luck finding someone locally. I am sure that it has to do with what I am looking for and the location I am currently. I want someone who hasn't been married, has no kids, and has at least a Bachelor's, preferably higher. Maybe I'm a snob, but I expect that the person I date have at least as much education as I do. I am currently in a professional program. Lots of guys in AR stopped at high school.
However, there is this pilot from South Dakota who interests me. I am trying to meet ASAP so I don't get carried away.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 6:29:32 AM)

Another site is ChristianMingle. It does seem to be full of pretty solid Christians - and one of my friends met his wife through it!



broyce1981 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 6:50:37 AM)

What's with these websites that divide people up by these predetrmined age brackets? Why can't I just set my own age parameters? Arrrgggghhh



mutinywxgirl -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 6:51:54 AM)

I think when you do searches, you *should* be able to adjust your age range yourself.



broyce1981 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 6:55:36 AM)

Yes, I think you should be able to as well. As it is, I have to go do two separate searches and then have to sift through a bunch of people who are just too far out of my age range. Not a huge deal really, just an annoyance.



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 7:30:34 AM)

Thanks for all the tips everyone!

I like being able to adjust the age range. Some sites would like to match me up with men as much as 5 years younger than I...I think that's too young. Of course, one thing that bothers me about doing the online dating thing is just that: it's like a meat market!

Let's see...nope, too young *delete key*

nope, too old *delete key*

nope, looks too funky *delete key*

nope, doesn't capitalize sentences. *delete key*

In the Lord, this feels WAAAYYYY too insensitive and uncaring. On the other hand why should I try to talk to every match? Some just don't sound or look interesting to me. I know who I am, and I can tell quite often that I wouldn't be the person that guy is looking for.

Sheesh.

Anybody got thoughts on this? Maybe backed up with scripture?

Next topic: I'm finding that I like the profiles where the fellow has obviously spent some time writing it...these profiles are more wordy (but not TOO wordy). But I also know that a lot of perfectly wonderful men just aren't that articulate--it's not part of their personality. So this question is for both guys and gals: What should the opposite gender be looking for in a profile? Guys, should we make a decision based on the vagueness of your responses? Ladies, should the guys assume you're too talkative if you have written reams of info in your profile?

Last topic: If a lady is the one who first pushes the "communicate" button...does that communicate that she is too forward or pushy?

besiderself



broyce1981 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 8:04:02 AM)

besiderself,

I'll address the last topic first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady pushing the communicate button first. I mean, that's all you're doing is communicating with another person and not asking them for a date or anything. Surely there's nothing too forward or pushy about simply communicating with another person!

I think the key to writing profiles is to make sure you stand out from the rest. Talk about things that make you unique. Too many people say things that seem really generic to me, especially amongst Christians. I read profiles that say things like "I am a Christian and Jesus is the most person in my life" OK, great. But I would like to hear more specific things. Things like who are your favorite Christian authors, describe your church and what you like about it, etc. I would find that kind of stuff interesting and it would give me lots to want to talk about! So please put in the effort people!

You bring up a good point about closing matches quickly. I suppose I should not be so ready to dismiss someone because of how old they are or where they live, etc. I could be missing out on a great blessing!



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 8:32:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: broyce1981

besiderself,

I'll address the last topic first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady pushing the communicate button first. I mean, that's all you're doing is communicating with another person and not asking them for a date or anything. Surely there's nothing too forward or pushy about simply communicating with another person!

I think the key to writing profiles is to make sure you stand out from the rest. Talk about things that make you unique. Too many people say things that seem really generic to me, especially amongst Christians. I read profiles that say things like "I am a Christian and Jesus is the most person in my life" OK, great. But I would like to hear more specific things. Things like who are your favorite Christian authors, describe your church and what you like about it, etc. I would find that kind of stuff interesting and it would give me lots to want to talk about! So please put in the effort people!

You bring up a good point about closing matches quickly. I suppose I should not be so ready to dismiss someone because of how old they are or where they live, etc. I could be missing out on a great blessing!

I always say age is just a number. *grin* The last two guys I dated were ten years younger than me and had I discounted them for their age I would have missed out on some great friendships. Praise God we are able to still be friends because I still learn from them and they from me.

One has recently met someone and is very happy and I love when he comes to me asking for advice or gift ideas.

When I did eHarmony I did it all prim and proper and neatly written so it wasn't too...meh. After very little response I changed it up and wrote it just like I do everything else; like I talk.

After I did that I had more responses and was able to communicate with more people. A few guys told me they just loved what I had to say and couldn't wait to hear more. That was a major pick me up. [:D]



broyce1981 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 8:40:35 AM)

It's true that the number representing a person's age shouldn't mean that much. Perhaps on these dating sites they should replace age with maturity level. Would be so much more helpful. I can imagine seeing someone on there that says they're 23 and I might think OK, this might be good. But if it listed maturity as "maturity of a 12 year old" I would know to stop looking and keep browsing! [:)]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 8:49:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: broyce1981

It's true that the number representing a person's age shouldn't mean that much. Perhaps on these dating sites they should replace age with maturity level. Would be so much more helpful. I can imagine seeing someone on there that says they're 23 and I might think OK, this might be good. But if it listed maturity as "maturity of a 12 year old" I would know to stop looking and keep browsing! [:)]

[sm=Llol.gif][sm=Llol.gif][sm=Llol.gif][sm=Llol.gif][sm=Llol.gif]
*wiping orange juice off screen*

Thanks a lot broyce! But you are so right! My ex husband is 11.5 years older than me and was very immature. Mind you I'm not as mature for my age either, but still...*grin*



John_O -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 9:50:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

In the Lord, this feels WAAAYYYY too insensitive and uncaring. On the other hand why should I try to talk to every match? Some just don't sound or look interesting to me. I know who I am, and I can tell quite often that I wouldn't be the person that guy is looking for.


I don't see it as insensitive at all (with the understanding that I respond back to everyone that writes me and gently let them know that we are incompatible if that is the case). It's just doing the pre-filtering on-line that we normally do in person. When you're out and about if you see someone who looks interesting otherwise but has a stogey hanging out of their mouth you eliminate them (assuming you're looking for non-smokers). You're doing the same thing here. Eliminate those who don't fit.


quote:

So this question is for both guys and gals: What should the opposite gender be looking for in a profile?


The person who can answer this (and find a way to market it) would be rich beyond their dreams. I always thought that what a woman should be looking for is what I have in my profile. (but from my results so far that may not be correct[:D] )

quote:

Last topic: If a lady is the one who first pushes the "communicate" button...does that communicate that she is too forward or pushy?



The first communication is the exact same thing as a smile in the grocery store. Not pushy or forward, just nice and friendly.



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 10:21:51 AM)

quote:

I'll address the last topic first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady pushing the communicate button first. I mean, that's all you're doing is communicating with another person and not asking them for a date or anything. Surely there's nothing too forward or pushy about simply communicating with another person!


Whew! Ok, good. Since this is the consensus among you fellows, I'll quit worrying about it.

quote:

I always say age is just a number. *grin* The last two guys I dated were ten years younger than me and had I discounted them for their age I would have missed out on some great friendships. Praise God we are able to still be friends because I still learn from them and they from me.


I'll second what Broyce said...it would be nice if the maturity level was indicated! (Except I kinda wonder what mine would say...[:o]) However, as far as age goes: I agree that it's not the best indicator. But I have a good friend who had to end a marriage because they decided that age didn't matter--but it did. She married a fellow 15 years younger than herself. She had kids, he had never been married before. Her kids were coming into their teenage years when they married. She said that it was so overwhelming for him that eventually he took to hiding in the study--just came home from work and went to the study, and didn't come out until after everyone was in bed. So in some cases age really does matter. I'm not saying that I wouldn't look at someone younger than myself, but I'm definitely taking a clue from the heartache my friend went through and I will be very careful in this area.

quote:

The person who can answer this (and find a way to market it) would be rich beyond their dreams.


John, let's get to work on this right away! Is there a lawyer in the house? John_O and I need to negotiate a contract so we can answer this and become rich beyond our dreams[;)][;)][;)]

Seriously, though, I guess what I was trying to say was: when YOU look at someone's profile, if you're a guy, what do you like to see? If you're a lady, what do YOU like to see?

quote:

After I did that I had more responses and was able to communicate with more people. A few guys told me they just loved what I had to say and couldn't wait to hear more. That was a major pick me up.


So, Tink: we're not allowed to post our "ads" in here, but privately we can exchange them for critique. I'd like to read yours...you can just copy/paste it to a PM and send it to me, if you're willing.

Anybody willing to read mine and critique it? Let me know and I'll PM it to you.

besiderself



.Pammy -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 10:49:11 AM)

quote:

Anybody willing to read mine and critique it? Let me know and I'll PM it to you.

You know, you might just have something there! I'm PM'ing you.



derek_from_canada -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 3:09:45 PM)

Use words to draw a picture of the interesting portions of your life.

Make it funny.

Don't just say you like fireplaces, long walks and movies and blah-bidi-blah-blah. Everyone likes those things.

Try to express what jazzes you up. You into horses?, then express that. If you are into dirt biking, then say that and be honest about your interests. Make it clear that you know this dating stuff is not to be taken too seriously and you would be fun to get to know.

Better to have a few big items that start some curiosity (I went to a Missions Conference in Brazil last year. I've been published. I can say the alphabet backwards. I like green eggs and ham.. ) Than to have a long list of likes and dislikes that everyone else has.

Entertain the reader! Capture their imagination first.

(I remember writing a profile for myself that said when I was young I was the shy type of kid that threw snowballs at girls instead of talking to them! and it gives people a picture right away)



Elena1030 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 3:59:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada

Use words to draw a picture of the interesting portions of your life.

Make it funny.

Don't just say you like fireplaces, long walks and movies and blah-bidi-blah-blah. Everyone likes those things.

Try to express what jazzes you up. You into horses?, then express that. If you are into dirt biking, then say that and be honest about your interests. Make it clear that you know this dating stuff is not to be taken too seriously and you would be fun to get to know.

Better to have a few big items that start some curiosity (I went to a Missions Conference in Brazil last year. I've been published. I can say the alphabet backwards. I like green eggs and ham.. ) Than to have a long list of likes and dislikes that everyone else has.

Entertain the reader! Capture their imagination first.

(I remember writing a profile for myself that said when I was young I was the shy type of kid that threw snowballs at girls instead of talking to them! and it gives people a picture right away)



[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]




John_O, I don't think any man can capture ALL ladies, or even most, with the "perfect" profile...b/c that profile doesn't exist!

But one can improve one's presentation.

1. Use capital letters as well as lowercase letters.
2. Check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Fix any errors.
3. Try to fill out as much of the profile as is available to you. The more you do so, the better an idea a woman get can of who you are and what you're like.
4. In your top 5 or top 10 lists, be both serious and funny about how you word your responses. For example, I listed chocolate and then I said for another one, Did I mention chocolate? But I also took advantage of the allowed character count and put a series of things on one line... like writing, crafting, and baking.
5. DO NOT MISREPRESENT YOURSELF. Don't think that trying to concoct a version of yourself that a woman is more likely to like, but really isn't who you are right now, is the way to go. I'd rather have a man be honest about who he is, what he's looking for, what he likes, and what his vision for life is, than a man who's trying to twist himself into a pretzel to be accepted by someone who's willing to take pity upon him.

Make sense?



One thing I paid close attention to was the answer to "What was the last book you read?"
If the answer was "I don't read much, except for the Bible," I closed the match.
If the answer was "I don't like to read," I closed the match.
If there was a book title but no comments on the book, I wasn't as interested...but at least he put something other than the Bible.

That's me, though. I was looking (on eHarmony) for someone who genuinely loves to read (not one who purports to read but in fact really doesn't like to), who is well read, and who is very intelligent. (I still want a man like that. I'm just no longer looking on eHarmony...and not really via online either. Though I am keeping my antennae up!)


Another woman might be keeping an eye out for a man who enjoys active things and the outdoors and who has a "Life is an adventure" sort of worldview.


Yet another woman might be looking for a man who'd rather stay close to home most of the week and be part of smalltown life.


Really does differ from person to person.



Hope this helps!
=D



.Pammy -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 4:03:56 PM)

Great post, Elena! If I were doing this, this is the way I'd be doing it.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 4:35:40 PM)

quote:

That's me, though. I was looking (on eHarmony) for someone who genuinely loves to read (not one who purports to read but in fact really doesn't like to), who is well read, and who is very intelligent.

Get away! He's mine, I tell you. MINE![8D]



WalkingwithHim2 -> RE: The Meet Market (2/21/2008 4:39:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada

Use words to draw a picture of the interesting portions of your life.

Make it funny.

Don't just say you like fireplaces, long walks and movies and blah-bidi-blah-blah. Everyone likes those things.

Try to express what jazzes you up. You into horses?, then express that. If you are into dirt biking, then say that and be honest about your interests. Make it clear that you know this dating stuff is not to be taken too seriously and you would be fun to get to know.

Better to have a few big items that start some curiosity (I went to a Missions Conference in Brazil last year. I've been published. I can say the alphabet backwards. I like green eggs and ham.. ) Than to have a long list of likes and dislikes that everyone else has.

Entertain the reader! Capture their imagination first.

(I remember writing a profile for myself that said when I was young I was the shy type of kid that threw snowballs at girls instead of talking to them! and it gives people a picture right away)


So, where were you when I was throwing snowballs at the men in another thread trying to get their attention!



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