|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 7:55:13 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 1063
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PamelaSue
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Alright ladies and gentlemen:
This post has been formatted to protect...something. Me, from TOS violations. 'Nuff said.
What would you think if you read the following?
"If you have already read this far, then maybe it’s worth it for you to keep reading. Most guys your age are looking for a woman who is a traffic-stopper in Calvin Kleins and looks 20 years younger than she is. You won’t find that here: if that’s what you’re looking for, move on— you’re not going to find what you’re looking for because you’re still living in dreamland.
But if you are a gentleman who realizes that God can package wonderful things in large body-types, that the physical evidence of maturity and child-bearing and good cooking means you’re looking at a REAL woman, already knowledgeable about how to be an excellent wife, mother to your kids, and friend, then…"
Is this too, uhm, snarky?
besiderself
Not "snarky" at all! It's perfect! Go with it!
I think you should get the opinion of men, if this is your online profile. They would be your target audience, so they are the ones who can give you more of their critical opinion. I personally don't like it. It shows a woman who's given up on life, and just wanting to settle down and be a wife. It shows an attitude, but maybe not the excited about life type of attitude, but almost cynical and negative. If you're big, your picture would show that, so you don't need to over emphasize that. Focus on the positive. Talk about what would make you a good wife, and a good life partner other than just cooking and cleaning for your husband and children. If you're unhappy about your weight, talk about how you're trying to be active. Talk about what makes your life good. You want to attract someone who's positive, not someone who wants a mom.
Just my humble opinion. But like I said, it would be better to ask the men.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 7:57:13 AM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Thanks everyone! I have to make sure to give credit where credit is due: John_O will find most of that very familiar. I took a lot of his words and ideas and just made them mine.
I wrote it because I got the feeling that a lot of guys on online dating sites just look at the picture, and they are still dreaming about the 20 year old they dreamed of 20 years ago, so if the picture doesn't look like that they never read on. Of course, if that's the kind of guy that is looking at my profile, I WANT him to move on.
But if some fellow does actually read my profile, maybe those paragraphs will give some insight into my character, and give them pause to think, if nothing else.
Thanks, in particular to Gary, who is a guy and likes it. I'll be interested to see what the other fellows say, too. John_O, Robb, Derek-in-Canada...and any others I'm not thinking of...hey ladies, if you see them round the forum, send 'em over here to take a look at it.
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 8:24:54 AM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12810
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
Will do!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 9:07:15 AM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I personally don't like it. It shows a woman who's given up on life, and just wanting to settle down and be a wife. It shows an attitude, but maybe not the excited about life type of attitude, but almost cynical and negative. If you're big, your picture would show that, so you don't need to over emphasize that. Focus on the positive. Talk about what would make you a good wife, and a good life partner other than just cooking and cleaning for your husband and children. If you're unhappy about your weight, talk about how you're trying to be active. Talk about what makes your life good. You want to attract someone who's positive, not someone who wants a mom.
Just my humble opinion. But like I said, it would be better to ask the men.
Hey Prairie;
I think that if the fellow read the rest of the profile they would realize all the things that you said: that I'm excited about life, the things that make my life good and that I'm not just wanting to "settle down and be a wife" in a negative way. Realize that what I posted is not the sum total of what they would see.
Further, I think it communicates that I'm fairly comfortable in my skin in spite of my size, and also that I'm a confident person: this is good as it protects me somewhat from the predator looking for a mark...they don't usually go for a person who demonstrates self-confidence.
Another thing I think it does is reassure a guy that I myself am being realistic. I'm not expecting him to be without some physical evidence of maturity. So hopefully this would help if a fellow is worried that he is not as attractive as he used to be.
We'll see what the guys have to say, eh? 
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 9:14:11 AM
|
|
|
900MHZ
Posts: 300
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
Disagree with you here, because God in his wisdom protects people from making bad decisions in life. And he saves people the trouble from ending up in situations which may be ungodly or dangerous.
Well, Gayle....perhaps it depends on the situation.
I am sure there are some decisions that can be left up to by God...and then there's other decisions that rely soley on just logic and common sense....like this for instance....
Like If I see a hot, glowing red rod iron, I won't touch it because God told me that it's not a good idea not to touch it, but because the friggin thing is 500 Degrees F, and it would burn the living day lights out of me.
See ,there's no need to pray for that decision making process.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 9:53:27 AM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
I think what we may be dealing with here is not a disagreement about how much someone should rely on God or whether using our intellects is a good idea:
I think we're talking about a simple difference of opinion of the perceived importance of joining an online dating service.
For 900mhz, it isn't a big deal, and he doesn't feel the need to pray.
For others, it IS a big deal, and they need to and SHOULD pray about it.
It's all good.
I personally don't feel the need to pray about whether my grocery sacks are plastic or paper. But I did feel the need to pray about joining an online dating service. So I did. Can't say I necessarily had a "leading" to join, I just did it--but I had prayed about it.
Yes, there are some people who use prayer as an excuse. That's between them and God. If they are truly seeking God, He's going to grow them up in that area. If they aren't, they are going to a lot of trouble for nothing. It's ok, we can let them grow in their own way while we grow in ours.
Agreed?
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 11:35:21 AM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 2732
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Alright ladies and gentlemen:
This post has been formatted to protect...something. Me, from TOS violations. 'Nuff said.
What would you think if you read the following?
"If you have already read this far, then maybe it’s worth it for you to keep reading. Most guys your age are looking for a woman who is a traffic-stopper in Calvin Kleins and looks 20 years younger than she is. You won’t find that here: if that’s what you’re looking for, move on— you’re not going to find what you’re looking for because you’re still living in dreamland.
But if you are a gentleman who realizes that God can package wonderful things in large body-types, that the physical evidence of maturity and child-bearing and good cooking means you’re looking at a REAL woman, already knowledgeable about how to be an excellent wife, mother to your kids, and friend, then…"
Is this too, uhm, snarky?
besiderself
I will perhaps painfully honest.
I wouldn't reply to this profile and would stop reading it and skip it b/c of part of one sentence "you're not going to find what you're looking for because you're still living in dreamland".
The rest of it actually sounds fine.
That sentence to me sounds like somewhat of a veiled putdown. You are assuming what guys reading this are thinking w/o ever meeting them or knowing anything about them and then putting them down based on that assumption. That sentence sounds to me like you are someone with an attitude about how you think people perceive you, you don't know for sure how people perceive you but you think you do and so you're going to strike out at them first by telling them they live in dreamland.
One of the biggest things that attacts me is attitude. If I were in a group and I saw a number of women who were attactive to me and I would try to observe how they acted, what their attitudes were like and very importantly how they treated others. If I heard one of them say what you said in your profile about a guy in the group or even something along that line about another woman in the group. I would turn on my heels and walk away.
Edited for another typo.
< Message edited by trainfan -- 2/29/2008 12:12:02 PM >
_____________________________
Buy local, support local retailers.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 12:03:41 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I personally don't like it. It shows a woman who's given up on life, and just wanting to settle down and be a wife.
Had to reply to this. In my opinion there is no higher calling for a woman than to "settle down and be a wife" and mother. (Likewise for a man his number one highest calling is to be a husband and father).
So a man who wants a wife will look at this and see that she wants to be a wife.
If I were looking for a wife, and I am, I would be turned off by those profiles that go on and on about her job. If I wanted a business partner I'd form a company. I want a wife, not a business partner. Who cares what she does career wise.
If she is looking to be a wife she'd want to find someone who is looking for a wife. KWIM
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 12:08:33 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
I wouldn't reply to this profile and would stop reading it and skip it b/c of part of one sentence "you're not going to find what you're looking for because you're still living in dreamland".
I agree with trainfan here. Even if the guy is living in a dream land that is no reason to insult him about it. Just trust that he will read the profile and move on and leave you alone.
Otherwise it looks good to me. Honest, up front, and slightly humorous.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 12:38:58 PM
|
|
|
.Pammy
Posts: 4051
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
|
Wow, I'm so glad Craig and John chimed in. Looking at that line of Esther's profile again, yep, that line could be "snarky". But I know what you're trying to say. Maybe you could modify it so it doesn't come across as insulting?
_____________________________
Pam
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 12:55:48 PM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 2732
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PamelaSue
Wow, I'm so glad Craig and John chimed in. Looking at that line of Esther's profile again, yep, that line could be "snarky". But I know what you're trying to say. Maybe you could modify it so it doesn't come across as insulting?
It actually reads well if the line is taken out completely. I'm not sure how it could be reworded to not come across as kind of insulting.
_____________________________
Buy local, support local retailers.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 1:47:57 PM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2970
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
|
i'm with train, i believe you made your point and that removing it doesn't change your core message. you still get to say move on. overdoing it could also imply that you've really let yourself go and don't care about your appearance at all and want a guy who doesn't care. i am not sure if that is just a snippet of your profile or the entire thing, but you spent more than half trying to justify yourself leaving only the 2nd paragraph to tout your awesomeness.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 5:21:33 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 1063
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I personally don't like it. It shows a woman who's given up on life, and just wanting to settle down and be a wife.
Had to reply to this. In my opinion there is no higher calling for a woman than to "settle down and be a wife" and mother. (Likewise for a man his number one highest calling is to be a husband and father).
So a man who wants a wife will look at this and see that she wants to be a wife.
If I were looking for a wife, and I am, I would be turned off by those profiles that go on and on about her job. If I wanted a business partner I'd form a company. I want a wife, not a business partner. Who cares what she does career wise.
If she is looking to be a wife she'd want to find someone who is looking for a wife. KWIM
Oh, I agree with you. There’s nothing I would want more than to be a wife to and a mother to my child. And I do believe that I will be a good wife....but only to the right person. So, when you’re posting a profile where you’re trying to make an impression, those details are very important. As Besideherself already mentioned, she only posted part of the profile, so no doubt that there’s other details that I didn’t know about when I made my comment. I believe we all can be a good partner, but only to the right person. So, focus on who you are, with the right person in mind. In an online world, you’re trying to weed out the ones that are not a good match. So, the more details we can offer to give more than just a glimpsed of who we are, the easier it would be to weed out the ones that don’t fit our matching criteria.
For example. Let’s say I met someone who’s a really good guy, who has a decent job, likes my child, but is a complete homebody. For sure, he’d make a good husband, but not for me, not because he’s not a good guy. It simply means that we’re not compatible as I’m very active and adventurous, and it would be a very frustrating partnership. So, two good people who wants nothing more than to be married doesn’t necessarily equate to good marriage partners
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 7:59:37 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Hey! Thanks to everyone for chiming in:
Actually the line that seems to be judged most snarky is one that was removed from the actual profile because the length of the paragraphs was too much! I had to make choices about what to leave in, and that one went. Ha! God took care of that beforehand.
Alright--give me 5! A guy finally decided to communicate with me on eHarmony.
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 8:01:58 PM
|
|
|
WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3344
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: offline
|
Cool!
So now your getting to know 2 guys right?
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like everything good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 2/29/2008 8:14:36 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: cherishhim
Cool!
So now your getting to know 2 guys right?
Not.
Haven't heard a thing from the guy the dean introduced me to. I sent pics and info, but haven't heard back. I'm TRYING to wait patiently.
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/1/2008 10:21:56 PM
|
|
|
trinigirl722
Posts: 360
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Here, you may come to ask your questions concerning online dating. You may confess that yes, you have finally registered on an online dating site. You may come to vent about your rejection statistics. You may encourage your brothers and sisters in the Lord who are struggling with online dating. You may review your favorite (or least favorite) dating site for the edification of the sistern and brethren.
Thanks for starting this thread, Besiderself. My post is in answer to the "review dating sites" part of your intro. I registered with eHarmony over a year ago. Got several matches who seemed like really great people, but for personal reasons I did not end up meeting any of them. (Decided I needed to move out of state, so I wasn't available to meet people in Texas, and no viable matches from the state I want to move to.)
Anyway, recently eH Customer Care suggested that I retake the questionnaire since I last took it in 2006. They said it would ensure I was getting compatible matches, since people's goals change, etc. Well, I retook the questionnaire tonight, and ... their system now says they can longer match me!   Eeek!   I'm guessing it's because one section asked about different levels of feelings I'd had in the last month, and the last month has been really rough because of work, so I responded more negatively than I normally would have.
So, there's my input as far as eH goes. To anyone considering retaking the questionnaire, beware! 
I was reading about God's sovereignty earlier in this thread, so I must trust that and believe God had a reason for this to happen, but it's a little disheartening to know this avenue is closed to me if I were able to use it.  (But I'm not now, so I guess it doesn't really matter.)
Anyway, that's my two cents worth as far as eH goes. I think it's a wonderful site based on wonderful principles; it's just too bad not everyone can use it.
I'm glad one of your matches contacted you. Hope it goes well!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/1/2008 11:07:34 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Thanks for the review, Trinigirl!
I've been a paying member of eHarmony for a few weeks now, though I had worked through my profile and all a couple years ago.
The match I was communicating with: well, I cut off the communication. It just felt weird for one thing. The fellow seemed ok, but not wonderful, but the more I heard the more it seemed he was way too ambitious for me, and kinda focused on making big money. I know it was early in the game to cut off communication after sending "must haves/can't stands", but my hyperactive creep radar was flashing and I just decided it wasn't worth it. If he really is the guy, then God will have to introduce us another way. 
But there are other sites, Trinigirl! Have you tried ChristianCafe? Not as fancy as eHarmony (and not as expensive either)...but I like the profile format better. I won't become a paying member on ChristianCafe until I run out of my eHarmony subscription, but my profile is up there.
Anybody else got a review of a site?
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/1/2008 11:58:25 PM
|
|
|
trinigirl722
Posts: 360
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
|
Thanks, besiderself! Sorry you didn't have a good feeling about the eH guy. I guess one cannot ignore the hyperactive creep radar, can one?  I remember I met one of those on eH too.
I haven't tried ChristianCafe. I'll have to check it out. I guess the thing I really liked about eHarmony was that it was based on an indepth psychological profile. I have a history of not being selective enough about whom I choose to date, so I just felt a lot better knowing that Dr. Warren and his team were helping to point me in the right direction and showing me who would be a good match. I was really impressed with a lot of what I saw in my matches on the eHarmony site. So, I guess I'm a little scared to go somewhere like Christian Cafe, where I have to rely totally on my own faulty judgment.
I'm on Christian Mingle as a nonpaying guest member, and the few people who've contacted me there really weren't suited to me at all. For instance, one was much older than what I clearly specified as my ideal match. So, I guess I've kind of been spoiled by eHarmony in that respect too, in that they sent me only people who fell within the parameters I specified.
However, I did buy Dr. Warren's book Date or Soulmate? that gives principles for evaluating a date, so I'll have to dust that off and go through it again.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/2/2008 8:46:32 AM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Trinigirl; I wonder if there's a way to appeal the decision by eH?
I have written to them before--I really only wanted to point out to them how ridiculous it looked for them to consistently put out the advertisement "3 months for the price of 1! Get it while it lasts" sent to my inbox over and over and over. In other words, they were saying it was a short-term deal, but they kept extending it. When you looked at it, it seemed they were pretty desperate for members, and on top of that it wasn't honest: if they were going to have a cut-off date for the deal, they should just cut it off--then offer a different deal if they wanted to.
Anyway, I wrote them. They didn't understand my message, but they quit sending the emails.
So maybe you could write them and appeal the decision? Explain the situation and that you feel their decision was based on a temporary circumstance in your life rather than the deep, unchanging personality evaluation they claim for their tests. Then ask if you can take it again or be reinstated according to the former evaluation.
Eh....it'd be something to do while waiting for God to bring you either contentment or a mate.
It's worth a try.
*************************
As far as creep radar goes: I don't know what to do about mine. It works when I don't need it to, and doesn't work when I need it to. I'm not saying this guy was a creep, I'm just saying it looked like we wouldn't really jive--and that maybe he might have had some imbalance in his lifestyle that I couldn't live with.
I wonder if I'll feel that way about all of them? Or feel that way about all of them except the real creep?
Geez.
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/3/2008 8:39:54 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Hey Ebony: I think all of us here on this thread feel that God can use technology among other things to orchestrate our meeting with our future mate.
Are you registered on any online dating sites? If so, which ones? What has been your experience?
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
RE: The Meet Market - 3/3/2008 9:52:15 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
Alright...
So, it's been a week or so since I sent the picture and info to the dean to be sent on to the fellow.
Nothing.
The dean sent me his email address with his request for pictures.
Do I use it, or let the thing drop?
Help me out here...
besiderself
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
